


You Need a Teacher--(2017 expanded version)

by blueenvelopes935



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Ahch-To, F/M, I heart the Finalizer, Jedi Master Luke Skywalker, Jedi Rey, Kylo is a little crazy, Let's all hate Hux, Profanity, Reylo - Freeform, Reylo Baby, Reylo wedding, Sith Kylo, Skywalker Drama, Tragedy, finn - Freeform, lady ren, yellow eyes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-13 08:41:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 28
Words: 105,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9115405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueenvelopes935/pseuds/blueenvelopes935
Summary: AU  Rey is in over her head and having doubts.  But Kylo has no doubts that there is only one woman in the galaxy for him.  She is sent to him by the Force.  Their love is destiny and he's a Skywalker--what could go wrong??





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Тебе нужен учитель](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13735758) by [Tersie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tersie/pseuds/Tersie)



> This story is a complete revision/rewriting of a fic originally published Feb-March 2016. The original tale was my first attempt at fan fic since I was student and, well, I'm not very happy with it in retrospect. Writing has a learning curve and I have wanted to revisit this story for a long time now to improve it. The basic story will remain the same but the characters and drama will hopefully be more fleshed out and the story will be longer, better, deeper and more adult in tone. (see M rating). 
> 
> The original story was inspired by Wuthering Heights.
> 
> The original story will remain posted until this rewrite is fully online.

The weather is always wet and cool here. The exact opposite of Jakku.  Who knew that she would miss the dry desert heat so much?  For years, Rey had dreamt of two things: finding her family and leaving Jakku.   And on a random unexpected day, one of those dreams had come true. 

It had all happened so fast.  Rey had been at the Niima trading post selling scrap with the foundling BB8 unit trailing along when Finn had appeared with the First Order hot on his heels.   Then Rey had stolen a ship out of desperation and it had led them to the notorious smuggler Han Solo with his sidekick wookiee.  Altogether, they had ended up at a dive bar on Takodana, and that's when things had really taken a turn for the worse. 

Rey had touched a long dead Jedi’s lightsaber and it had triggered a chain of events she still doesn't quite understand.  Within minutes after her terrifying Force vision, she had been hunted in the woods by the monstrous creature in a mask she had just hallucinated.  And that's when things had sped up even faster, spiraling fast out of control once she was captured.  There had been a contest of wills with the monster himself but she had escaped.  And then everywhere she turned, Rey again saw the monster.  At the oscillator killing Han Solo, who in a weird coincidence turns out to be the monster's estranged father.  And again, in the woods hurting Finn and throwing her hard into a tree.  Rey had beaten the monster and escaped.  But just barely.  

And then she had ended up here.  On a desolate island on a cold, damp planet with an old man who mutters to himself and talks to birds like they are his friends.  Luke Skywalker once was a great hero and the galaxy's new hope.  But now he is focused within and not without, hidden in self-imposed exile while war rages in his absence.  The Jedi is still everyone's hope only this time he has refused to answer the call to arms.   And that makes Rey wonder whether he is still a hero.

Rey knows that Master Luke had argued repeatedly with the General when Rey had returned to the Resistance with news of his refusal.  In the end, the Jedi had been persuaded to train Rey in the ways of the Force.  But the Jedi had not been persuaded to return to the fight.  But it was something at least, and so General Organa had wished Rey luck and sent her back. 

It is now many months later and Rey can feel the Force but not control it.  She is a lackluster student and her Master is a reluctant teacher.  His heart isn't in it and Rey too has doubts.   And so, little progress has been made.   Master Luke wants to focus on knowledge of the Force and the wisdom of why and how to use it.  But Rey would prefer to expand her repertoire of skills.  And besides, she knows when to use the Force--the next time she sees the monster.   For there will be a next time.

Yes, Rey has doubts.  Nagging, persistent doubts.  Especially on days like today when Rey is tired of being cold and wet.  Impatient with her exercises and befuddled by her distant, quiet Master.  Grown bored of walking the small island as he lectures and she listens.

"Why do you live here alone?" Rey had asked Master Luke that first week.

“Here there are no distractions from the Force.  I can focus.”

“Oh.” 

Life for the Jedi Master on Ahch-To seems far lonelier than life had been for Rey on Jakku.  She cannot fathom how anyone would voluntarily seclude themselves in this manner.  Loneliness hurts, Rey knows from long experience.  So she asks, "Don't you miss the company of other people?" 

"No." 

And that had been the first indication that she and Master Luke would have a very arm’s length relationship.  While the Jedi is unfailingly kind and patient, he and Rey have no natural rapport.  The belonging she seeks is still ahead of her, Rey supposes, for it is not here on Ahch-To.  And Rey sometimes catches her Master looking askance at her.  It makes her feel watched and judged and found wanting.   Which makes her wonder again why she is here.   And what this all means—the Force, the monster, Master Luke and her. 

“Is it true that General Organa is your sister?”  Rey had simply come out with it one day earlier on.  For this has long been rumored around the Resistance.

“Yes.  She is my twin.”

“Your twin?  Don't you miss her?”

Master Luke is silent a long moment.  He’s silent a lot, actually.  “I do not miss war,” he says finally.   “You are young, Rey, and you do not understand.  In time, you will understand.”

“You’re not ever coming back, are you?” Rey says and her words come out like an accusation.  Maybe because they are.    

“No,” the Jedi says simply.  “That's why I am training you.  I have fought this fight.  It's someone else's turn.” 

“Oh.” 

And that was the part no one had clearly explained to Rey when they had sent her here with a lightsaber to summon a hero.  When General Organa had urged Rey to be trained in the ways of the Force, no one had told her that the goal was that she would become the hero Luke Skywalker declines to be.  On its face, it's a heady vote of confidence.  But it's also a terrifying prospect for hers is a dangerous responsibility.   And the thought has crossed her mind that perhaps the reason Master Luke keeps his distance is because he fully expects her to fail.  And failure in this situation means death.  All but one of Skywalker’s other students are dead, she knows.   

And so the stubborn survivor of Jakku asks herself now and then, do I really want this?   If this isn’t Luke Skywalker’s fight any more, then why should it be mine?  Once she had even ventured to ask her Master this, and his reply had not been comforting.  “The Force has chosen you and this is your destiny.  You may try and run from it, but you will not succeed.”   And that had been her Master’s way of telling Rey that it doesn’t matter whether she wants to be a Jedi.  This is her future whether she likes it or not.  For once more, the Force has plucked an anonymous desert dweller from obscurity and thrust them onto the galactic stage.  

But Rey is no secret Skywalker scion, she is a humble scavenger.  Orphaned and uneducated, with no Ben Kenobi protector figure watching over from afar.  No, it has always just been Rey by herself.  Alone, but determined.  She’s more pragmatic than idealistic.  More survivor than hero.  Perhaps, she muses one day during meditation, this time the Force has made a mistake. 

So today as Rey climbs into Skywalker's rusty old X-wing, she is happy to be leaving for the day on a supply run.  Grateful for the change in scenery and grateful too for the change in faces.   Happy for respite from talk of the Force and the unrelenting harsh salt air that chaps her skin and rusts everything.  Maybe, Rey thinks as the old ion engines chug to life, she should just leave and never come back. 

But she would not do that to old Master Luke.   She’s not that sort of person.  Because long ago others left Rey without explanation, abandoned and alone to spend years wondering why and blaming herself.  And so Rey will never do that to anyone else.   

But today, she is tempted.

 

* * *

 

 

Kylo Ren had foreseen this day months before it happened.  At first, the Force had revealed only his former Master's X-wing, tumbling as it was abruptly thrown out of hyperspace. Was this Luke Skywalker finally come to kill him now that the Jedi's promise to his parents had died with Han Solo?  Kylo had meditated for hours on this possibility and stepped up his training, preparing himself for the long deferred confrontation. He had consulted Snoke.  Force visions are often clouded by your fears, his Sith Master had advised. Put aside your fears to find the true meaning.

And so he did. The Force then revealed that the X-wing pilot was in fact a young woman. The sandy scavenger girl from Jakku.  Now Skywalker's new Jedi padawan.  The girl had turned to him as she removed her pilot's helmet and long brown waves spilled about her shoulders.  She has such lovely hair, he remembers.  Soft, beautiful hair that a man wants to bury his face in.  Is she a Jedi come to kill him?  No. In the vision, the girl had locked eyes with him and smiled as she told him to call her Padme. The details of the vision had shifted slightly over time, but the core element remained the same: The Force will bring the scavenger to him.  Kylo need only wait.

The anticipation has been killing him. 

And today, the day has finally arrived.   Skywalker's now ancient X-wing had indeed been tumbled out of hyperspace by a First Order Interdictor and hauled aboard ship by the tractor beam.  Knowing in advance of the pilot's identity, it had been simple for Kylo to find her mind in the Force and to blank her consciousness.  Rey had not been expecting him and had raised no defenses.  It had been all too easy.

This is Kylo Ren's natural talent in the Force: the ability to permeate minds and influence their thoughts. Even as a Jedi Padawan, without effort he could recognize the Force imprint of his friends and family across great distances.   Snoke's teachings together with adult maturity have further sharpened his skills and made his techniques more subtle.  Non-Force users cannot hide their thoughts from Kylo Ren. And only those Force-users who intentionally erect layers of mental barriers can resist him.   And the more Kylo knows someone, the easier it is for him to penetrate their mind unaware.  He might be clumsy at saber skills and only average with a blaster, but he is a prodigy when it comes to mental influence and manipulation.  Two skills long disfavored by the Jedi and prized by the devious Sith.

She is here.  Kylo feels his heart quicken as his anticipation was builds.  His destiny has finally arrived.

Kylo stomps quickly through his star destroyer as underlings scurry from his path.  It is a long walk from the bridge to the hangar bay.  So when Kylo Ren arrives, Skywalker’s Rebellion-era X-wing has landed, the hangar crew has shut down the ship, and two men are yanking its pilot roughly from the cockpit.

He watches from afar as the scavenger is unceremoniously dumped to the floor and frisked.  They confiscate a small blaster pistol.  And then, searching for more weapons, her orange flightsuit is peeled off to reveal a basic brown Resistance uniform with frayed seams where the shoulders are cut out.   It’s a tantalizing glimpse of skin, he thinks.  She is frisked again and the men pause to argue over her lightsaber, uncertain whether it is a weapon or a tool. Caution prevails and the lightsaber is seized.  Her helmet is unbuckled and tossed back into the ship with the flightsuit. 

A deck officer is consulted as to whether they should request a medic for the unconscious woman. The officer shrugs. "As long as she's not dead, Ren can extract information from her. Just dump her in a cell for now."

And that is Kylo’s cue to stride forward.  All activity ceases as the assembled crewmen turn respectfully to him.  The deck officer steps forward to salute and make his report. "Sir, this is a Resistance craft we intercepted out of hyperspace. The pilot is—"

A wave of his hand silences the officer.  "I know who she is."

"Very well, sir."  The officer motions the waiting troopers towards the woman.

But Kylo waves the troopers away.  "I will handle this personally."

“Yes, sir.”

As Kylo crouches next to Rey, he feels a rush of Dark satisfaction.  He has been looking forward to this day for a long time.  To the girl with the marvelous power that the Force has brought him not once but twice.  His.  She is his.   This is destiny at work, he knows. 

Briefly, he rests a black gloved hand on her forehead.  Satisfied, he busies himself undoing the pins from Rey's hair.  Her hair is the same shade as his mother's hair had been before time had streaked it with grey.  And Kylo wants it loose and flowing, like in his vision. He wants Rey exactly like in his vision.  Smiling at him and calling herself Padme as she looks to him with trusting eyes and slightly parted lips that just beg for his kiss.  His.  She is his.  And one day, she will be his in every way.

He gathers Rey’s slight but strong body to him, pausing momentarily to collect her confiscated lightsaber.   He leaves the pistol.  "Recharge and refuel this ship. And fit it with a homing beacon,” he orders.  “No, two beacons." Then he rises and strides from the hangar to his private quarters.

It is an odd sight—the tall masked man robed in black and carrying a limp woman. Her head fallen back and her long hair streaming down. A few crew members openly gape, but most shrug and turn away. Everyone onboard knows of the eccentricities of Kylo Ren, and none dare to remark upon it.


	2. Chapter 2

Her vision is hazy and her mind confused as semi-awake Rey slowly becomes aware of her surroundings. She is lying someplace soft and comfortable, staring out into deep space.  This isn’t her cot in her hut on Ahch-To and it isn’t her makeshift hammock in her AT-AT on Jakku.  This place is dry and the air is a comfortable temperature and Rey feels rather than hears the low humming of faraway ion engines.  Where is she?  She must have fallen asleep in hyperspace in Master Luke’s X-wing again.  Yes, that’s it.  The ship will wake her before it’s time to exit the jump.  So Rey closes her eyes to return to sleep.

“Rey.”

But she just snuggles down deeper into her cockpit seat, giving into her fatigue.  Marching up and down those winding steep steps has her perpetually tired.  It’s a workout to do anything or go anywhere on her Master’s tiny island.

“Lady Rey, wake up.”

Is that her hand brushing her hair back from her cheek?   It must be.

“Rey.”

And suddenly, Rey remembers that her hair is pulled back and she’s wearing a helmet and something is wrong.  Very wrong.  Because there is no reason she should be brushing hair back from her cheek. With a start, Rey's eyes snap open and her mental focus comes flooding back.

She looks up and the first thing she sees is the monster.  Kylo Ren.

She’s lying looking out on an enormous viewport that showcases a deep space star field.   The monster sits at her side, leaning over her.  His gloved hand rests on her arm.  Instantly, Rey flinches and pulls back.  Scrambling to sit up. 

“Y-You’re not real!”  Rey says this aloud to calm herself.  “This is n-not real.  This is like the vision at the castle.  It only seems real.”

The monster shakes his head no as he looks down his long nose at her.  “This is real, my lady.  Welcome aboard the _Finalizer_. You are my guest."

Rey has been a 'guest' of the First Order once before. She knows what is coming next.  Rey heaves herself to the side to roll away from Kylo Ren and gracefully leaps to her feet.  He too stands now and Rey realizes that she had been lying on the bed that is between them.  Frantically looking around, Rey still does not recognize her surroundings.  It’s a living space furnished complete with bed, a couch, chairs and tables.   But it is completely impersonal.  Whoever lives here has left no mark on their abode.

Her nemesis repeats himself softly.  “Welcome aboard.  You are my guest.”  His dark eyes are staring intensely into hers.  Rey reflexively blinks and looks away. 

Where is her lightsaber?  It’s gone from her waist.  Missing too is the small blaster Chewie had given her.  The wookiee had presented the pistol to her before she left for Ahch-To, telling her that lightsabers are fine but they are no match for a good blaster at your side.   But now Rey has neither her sword nor her pistol and she’s defenseless against the monster.

No, not defenseless.  Rey has the Force.  She steels her mind and buries her fear. Give your opponent no advantage, Master Luke has taught her. Master your emotions, cloak your thoughts and never let them see your fear.  And oddly enough, Kylo Ren seems to agree with this strategy.  For her encourages her her, “Don’t be afraid.”

But that’s easier said than done.  When Rey had first encountered Kylo Ren, she had been ignorant of who he was, of what he could do, of who he had killed. Now possessed of that knowledge, it is hard to suppress her distress.  For this is the wayward son who killed his father in cold blood before her very eyes.  This is the mass murderer who as a teen lay in wait to butcher each and every student at the New Republic’s ill-fated Jedi Academy.  This is the prince of a lost world, the son of Rebellion heroes, and the best hope for a new generation of Jedi Knights.  The gifted boy who had every advantage but fell from grace all the same.  Devolving into the Dark Side henchman to an age-old Sith.  The Apprentice-enforcer of the First Order who has left a trail of blood clear across the galaxy.  His casual brutality notable even among the commonplace atrocities of wartime.

Rey swallows hard, wondering how she will escape this time.

“How did I get here?” she demands.  Maybe some information will help her form a strategy.

“Destiny brought you to me,” the monster answers solemnly. And she has no idea what he’s talking about.  But he’s smiling at her now.  It’s a creepy, smug smile.  He’s enjoying her nervousness, she sees.  For unquestionably he has the upper hand.

"What do you want from me?" Rey demands, hoping for a straight answer this time. 

But her captor keeps his silence.  Is he considering his response? Or merely being obtuse.  She can’t tell and the seconds drag on with no reply. And really, that was a stupid question anyway.  Kylo Ren knows that Rey is in the Resistance and helped to blow up the Starkiller. He knows that she has seen the map to where Luke Skywalker hides.   And many long months ago, she had beaten this man to the ground and marked his face before fleeing into the woods.  It is obvious what Kylo Ren wants from her:  revenge.  Against her, against the Resistance, and against her Master.

But again, he tells her softly, “Don’t be afraid.”

But Rey will not be lulled into comfort by this man.  The survivor of Jakku knows a threat when she sees one.  "Tell me why I am here," Rey fairly growls at him as her eyes dart around the room to find the door.  And, of course, it’s on his side of the bed.  "What do you want from me?"

This time he answers.  But yet again, he is cryptic.  "I want everything."

What is this—a guessing game now?  Rey's eyes narrow with suspicion. "I am not afraid of you," she announces boldly as she squares her shoulders.  She has bested this man twice before.  Once in interrogation and again in the snowy forest outside the Starkiller Base.  And she has learned much from Master Luke since then.  She’s full of surprises where Kylo Ren is concerned.  Whatever happens today, Rey isn’t going down without a fight. 

"I am not afraid of you," she repeats.

"Yes." The Sith Apprentice agrees.  "It makes you worthy of me."

Rey doesn’t know what to say to this.  She just eyes him, taking in his starkly handsome black uniform that is a cross between a priest’s cassock and a knight’s surcoat.  It suits him, she thinks.  For Master Luke has told her that Kylo Ren is one part zealot, one part warrior, and one part crazy.  The crazy part is the dangerous part, the old Jedi had confided.  You can ignore the extremist politics and you’ve already beaten him with a saber.  But beware the crazy.  You can’t predict the crazy.

"Did your stormtrooper live?" the monster asks abruptly.

What?  "Who?"

"FN 2187. . . the traitor . . . your friend in the woods."  It might be small talk, so casual is his tone. But somehow Rey senses that her answer matters very much to him. She should say nothing or give him back her own cryptic response, but Rey can’t resist goading him.

"Finn? Yes, he’s alive. Alive and well actually."

Kylo Ren just nods and from the set of his jaw and the grim line of his lips, Rey can tell that the news displeases him greatly.  Of course, Kylo Ren would want Finn dead.  Finn is a traitor to the First Order.

"And do you still want to kill me?" the Sith asks, sounding truly curious.

"It's tempting,” she answers flippantly.  “Because I still miss Han Solo.”  Rey knows her Jedi Master would never approve of revenge, but the fierce Jakku survivor in her wants to make Kylo Ren suffer for Han Solo's death. She still grieves the loss of her brief mentor and father figure.  Master Luke might be right that through death you become one with the Force, but Rey still has her doubts. 

Kylo Ren doesn’t take the bait.  He ignores the mention of his dead father.  Instead, the Sith goes straight to his uncle.  "Skywalker is teaching you now." These words are a statement, not a question. "Has he taught you about the Darkness? Has the Jedi told you of its power?"

Rey keeps her silence this time. She refuses to tell this man anything about Luke Skywalker. 

Kylo Ren skirts the edge of the bed to step closer now. His words are slow and deliberate. "Skywalker knows all about Darkness. Don't be fooled. He knows the Dark Side is more powerful. That's why he fears it in himself and in others." Rey can hear in Kylo Ren’s voice his seething contempt for her Jedi Master. "Darth Sideous would easily have killed the Last Jedi if Darth Vader had not intervened.  It took a Sith to kill a Sith. Luke Skywalker could not do it himself."

Rey makes no reply to these bitter words as she backs up a step or two.  And then a few more because he keeps advancing on her. 

“Luke Skywalker is no hero.   He’s a liar and a fanatic.  And these days, he’s also a coward.”  The Sith comes to a stop right in front of her.  Close to her, crowding her space.  She has forgotten how tall he is.  And now the Sith’s shoulders seem to shrug slightly. "Learn what you can from Skywalker. It will give you a start in the Force." He reaches a black gloved hand up to toy with her hair. Somehow, her hair has come lose from its fastenings and it now falls wildly about her shoulders. "But then I will show you Darkness. I can complete your training."

He had made this offer before, Rey remembers. On that snowy ridge, his saber locked hard with hers even while blood dripped from his many wounds. _You need a teacher._ Well, she has found a teacher, and it will not be Kylo Ren.

"No," Rey shakes her head as she reels back from his touch, stumbling back again further.  She’s wondering if this is where the fight begins.  Because there is certain to be a fight today, she knows.  She had noticed the new lightsaber bouncing on his hip straight away.  "I will not be a foolish pawn to Snoke like you are."

He says nothing but keeps advancing.  And suddenly, Rey is pressed up firmly against the viewport and there’s nowhere left to retreat.  He leans in closer still, resting one gloved hand on the window on either side of her, pinning her in place.  His face is mere inches from hers. Their eyes met, and she cannot look away. Unfiltered by his mask, Kylo Ren's words are soft as a whisper. She can feel his breath warm on her cheek.

"You would not belong to Snoke. You would belong to me."

The severity of his face is almost hypnotic up close.   His features are more angular than traditionally handsome.  And they are marred by the slashing scar that bisects one eyebrow and continues down his cheek. Bacta had tempered the once angry wound, but the scar will always remain. Rey had given him that scar. She stares transfixed for a long moment before turning away and closing her eyes to shut out the moment. 

And he takes full advantage of this aversion.  He moves closer still and now his cheek brushes her own as he speaks directly into her ear.   "You would belong to me," he whispers. Through the Force, Rey feels the intensity of his conviction.  His words are like a promise.  "Come to me and be mine."

"Whaaat?"

And sensing her dismay, the Sith again grabs the advantage. He jumps effortlessly and deeply into Rey’s mind now that she is thoroughly distracted.  

“No! Get out!  G-Get out!” she cries, grabbing her hands to her temples. 

But he is too far in, too fast.  Probing around in her consciousness, sifting through her memories. He sees the quiet nights on Jakku when Rey had despaired about her future.  He knows her melancholy as she mourned the parents she could no longer remember.  He sees the filthy downed Imperial AT-AT walker that she had once called home.  He knows that even on backwater Jakku Rey had been ashamed of her lack of education and her poverty.

"Still so lonely . . . still so lost," he croons in her ear. "Skywalker cannot help with that. The Jedi disdain emotion and they reject attachment."

_“_ G-Get out! Now!” It is almost physically painful, this mental intrusion.

But Kylo Ren is unmoved.  "It only hurts if you fight me.  Don't be afraid.  I have no wish to hurt you."

And now he is pulling her mind towards the present.  Towards Luke Skywalker. Of course, Kylo Ren would want to know about his former master, his once beloved uncle, now his forever enemy.   The expert nature of the Sith’s mental push overwhelms what is left of Rey’s meager defenses.  This time, there is no contest of wills.  The Sith dominates. 

Now he sees Master Luke instructing her in the Force.  He watches as together they commune with long gone Jedi masters for guidance.  He hears Master Luke praise her mechanical skills as she builds her first lightsaber.  He sees the oldest Jedi Temple high on a windswept island.  And he see Rey lonely still even with Luke Skywalker as company.

"Skywalker will hide more about the Force than he will teach you." The Sith confides this like a shared secret just between them.  "Don't trust him. I can show you sides to the Force that he will not."

“N-No!  Please, no!”  Rey is begging now as she feels him fishing around again.  “Stop!”

But she cannot resist him. And then Kylo Ren hears her Master warning her of his lost Padawan, whom he still calls Ben.  He sees the guilt and self-loathing reflected in her Master's eyes and the deep rift between the Jedi and his sister made worse by Han Solo's death.  He listens to Master Luke’s version of the Skywalker family history.  Then he hears the Jedi's ultimate fear that the Dark Side has not only made his sullen nephew more powerful, but it finally has made him happy.

"Do you dare to be happy?"  Rey feels Kylo Ren caress her cheek.  "I can give you what you need to be happy, Rey, to make you powerful, to help you forget the past." She is only vaguely aware that Kylo Ren is cupping her face in his hands. But she hears his words clearly in her mind and in her ears. "Skywalker can never be all that I can be for you."  And confused as she is, Rey can’t tell if that is his thumb that brushes against her mouth or his lips. 

Rey is sweating now, and gasping for breath. She can feel a tear spill down one cheek. But he keeps pushing deeper into her memories with Master Luke.   And Rey will not consciously betray her wise old Master.  And so she rallies, summoning the Force to her in a raw and desperate defense. She did this once before, she can do it again.  But with Kylo Ren inside her head, she cannot take him by surprise the way he had her.  Still, a determined Rey pushes back hard into the Sith’s mind.

There is no resistance.  He simply lets her in.

The sudden tide of emotions and images overwhelms her _._ How does he do this, she wonders. How can he make sense of all this?  Rey concentrates harder and clarity takes shape _._ _Is he helping her?_ It feels like he is helping her. The dull pain evaporates.  Rey feels an odd sense of wonderment and peace.

Luke, he's remembering time with Master Luke, she realizes. Rey sees the introverted boy who was a reluctant student of the Force.  You have a responsibility to the galaxy and to your family, he is told incessantly.  But all Ben Solo hears is that what he himself wants doesn’t matter.  It only adds to his frustration that he—the only Skywalker Padawan--is the worst student of all.   She hears Master Luke argue repeatedly with his sister against training him.  He has too much of our father in him, Master Luke contends time and again.  And young Ben Solo is perplexed when he overhears.  Because his grandfather is Anakin Skywalker, the Jedi hero of the Clone Wars.  Right?

Rey sees his years long boyhood obsession with Clone War history that had ultimately formed the basis for all his current political views.  From a tender age, Ben Solo had immersed himself in the minutiae of the political maneuvering that had led to the great conflict.  As so even as a teen, he had a jaded view of the Old Republic and a dismissive attitude towards democracy in general.  His family had at first encouraged his interest in his Jedi grandfather’s Clone Wars heroics.  But that had just compounded the significance of the lie.  And in the end, once the truth came out, Kylo Ren found even more to admire about Darth Vader than he had ever thought possible.   It's a personal legacy that drives the Apprentice still to this day. 

She should stop.  Rey knows that she must stop. This will only anger him and Master Luke would not approve.  But Rey feels powerful in the moment and presses further.  She’s curious.  Who is this man who hides his face from the galaxy and makes war on his family?

Rey feels now how estranged young Ben Solo had been from his busy mother slavishly committed to her causes.  Rey knows how needy he had felt for the absent father whose wanderlust kept him mostly away.   And she feels his urge to rebel against the crushing expectations of others.  He’s the only son of heroes, the prince of Alderaan, and the next Skywalker Jedi.  But again and again, he runs away, only to be dragged back.

Until one day he accidentally runs to Snoke.  _Darth Vader betrayed and murdered my grandfather.  No.  Darth Vader is your grandfather._   Rey feels firsthand how betrayed he had felt when his uncle’s words were first exposed by Snoke to be lies.  That revelation had rocked the already disgruntled world of fifteen-year-old Ben Solo.  For it turned out to be the Jedi who had lied to him, and not the Sith. 

Rey sees how one lesson from the mysterious Muun Sith had given him a taste of his Dark potential.  Teenage Kylo had been hooked.  More, he wanted more.  More of the forbidden power that feels so good. More of the secret truth of his family's past.  And before long Ben Solo was slashing his classmates to pieces as tears dripped down his pimply teenaged face. Not yet old enough to shave but plenty old enough to kill.  It had been everyone's worst fears come true. 

And Rey sees Kylo Ren as he is today.  A man fully committed in his mind but still maturing in his power.  He is in awe of his Master, in contempt of most of his colleagues, and enraptured by Darkness.   There is no redeeming this man, Rey understands.  He has two great quests: to kill his uncle and to rule the galaxy.  And he will let nothing stand in his way.

But Rey sees doubt now.  Not like her own doubts of commitment to her chosen path.  These are doubts about his ability. Will he ever be as powerful as Darth Vader?  And if he is, will he be as unhappy and alone as his revered grandfather?  For this young man would like to emulate his grandfather in all things but that.  He worries that happiness will be the price for power.   For the Dark Side promises many things, but contentment is not one of them.

Rey can feel Kylo Ren guiding her again. Ren wants to show her his Sith Master.  But Master Luke has warned Rey repeatedly about the temptation of Darkness. About how quickly Snoke had taken shy teenaged Ben Solo and made a monster out of him.   Even idle curiosity can lead a Jedi to the Dark Side, for the Sith are beguiling and relentless.  Once you start down the Dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.

_“Stop!”_ Rey is panicking now. “Stop--stop!” she yelps aloud.

"No, don't!" the monster too voices his thoughts. "Don't stop!" he hisses.  “More!”

But Rey's mind is slipping away fast. She blinks her eyes open to find Kylo Ren still bent over her, mere inches from her face.  He’s staring blankly through half closed eyes. His lips are parted and his breath is rhythmic and heavy.  Intense pleasure is written all over his face.   Yes, she sees that he had wanted this connection.  He had shown no resistance and he had reveled in its intimacy.

And in that instant, Rey breaks it.

Kylo Ren spins away from her, as if caught.  He reaches out and his helmet flies into his hand from across the room.  The Sith jams it on with trembling fingers.

And Rey too is equally flustered. Blinking fast, she struggles to recover her presence of mind. What just happened?

Insight flashes up at her through the Force: Kylo Ren wears the helmet not to honor Darth Vader, not to hide his connection to the Resistance, but mostly to hide himself. The mask emboldens the shy boy beneath and provides the distance he so craves. Everyone now fears the unknown man behind the mask.  No one had feared Ben Solo.  But the mask, like the rank, the reputation and the Force, keeps him alone.   Very, very alone. 

Like Rey is alone. 

There is a long, uncomfortable silence between them.   And Rey wonders what this is all about.  She can’t tell if she is being manipulated or not.  For as unwelcome as this encounter had been, somehow it felt very honest. Maybe too honest, given his reaction.  And it had been frightening.  Very, very frightening.

Rey doesn’t want to understand this man. They are enemies.   The last she wants to do is to empathize with Kylo Ren.

“W-What??” she stammers out her confusion.  “W-Why?”

But he doesn’t answer.  He’s a different man with his mask back on.  Gruff and impersonal.  “Come!” he orders as he grabs her upper arm.  She makes to shrug him off but he only tightens his grip.  He’s moving so fast that her feet barely touch the ground as he marches her back to the hangar bay.

Master Luke's old X-wing awaits her still stuffed full of supplies. It is an incongruous sight in a modern First Order star destroyer, a relic of a prior era and a different war.   The last thing Rey remembers before awaking in the bed is hurtling through hyperspace in this ship.  Rey still has no idea how she had been captured.  But she’s relieved to see that the X-wing shows no outward signs of damage.  

"Your ship is refueled and recharged. You are free to go."

Free to go? Rey blinks in disbelief.  This is too much to have hoped for. Rey is more confused now than ever by this man.  The First Order Sith Apprentice is letting the Jedi Padawan for the Resistance go free?

"Yes," her captor replies aloud, sounding annoyed. "I am letting you go.  You cannot hide from me, Rey. Not any longer. When I want you, I will find you."

Rey nods slowly, pretending to understand. She is so close to freedom now.

"Your destiny lies with me, Rey. Think on what we have shared today.  And when you are ready, come to me." These words are quieter, as if he fears being overheard. He gestures to the waiting ship. "Now go, before I change my mind."

Rey scurries up the ladder and into the cockpit. She begins running the pre-flight checks, hoping the tractor beam has not done damage. It hasn't. She exhales.

"Rey," this time Kylo Ren’s voice is a whisper in her head. "Rey, I will be waiting for you." She looks down blankly at the masked man standing below. He nods to her.

Just as X-wing's canopy begins to lower, he tosses something heavy and metal upward. Guided by the Force, it lands expertly and harmlessly in her lap.

It’s her lightsaber.

 


	3. Chapter 3

His Padme's hair had smelled like the sea.  Like the moist, salt air of the island he had glimpsed many months before in her mind.  The scent had been unexpected and distinctive.  So perfectly Rey.  

Her skin is a fresh pink now that it is no longer scoured coarse and brown by desert sun and sand. And his uncle must be feeding her regular meals since the pinched and hungry air Kylo remembers is gone.  Altogether, the scavenger had looked much improved since their last meeting.  Not that it matters much, for Rey is in a class by herself among women.  In all of the galaxy, she alone is his peer.  

And she has been sent to him, for him, by the Force.   

Seeing her lying asleep in the Force on his bed had arrested him.  With her expression relaxed and her lips slightly parted, the fierce scavenger had looked so very different from their last meeting.  Her fresh beauty so unadorned and simple.  Very wholesome.  A perfect match for the Light that shines out from her in the Force and dazzles his mind's eye.  Beckoning him to her.  For always, Kylo Ren feels the call to the Light.  And now that call is also to Rey.  

Kylo had sat there for long minutes just memorizing her.  And fighting his baser temptations too.    

Does he have a rival in the traitor?  Kylo isn't sure. Rey had been smug and defiant when she delivered the news that FN-2187 lives.   Instantly, she had angered him. With someone else, Kylo might have lashed out at this disrespect. But with Rey, he had forced himself to master his temper. Reckless emotions are a weakness, his Master has reminded him repeatedly. Besides, at worst this is a temporary setback. Her stormtrooper may be alive for now, but that situation can be remedied. FN-2187 is a traitor, and none in the First Order will second guess Kylo Ren’s motives for hunting and killing him.  

Rey had pushed back like he had hoped.  This intimacy is what he has been longing for ever since that day on Starkiller Base.   So this time, Kylo Ren had opened his mind and let her in.  It had been intoxicating pleasure to feel Rey in his mind. All shyness and inhibitions fell away in the moment, and he felt liberated by the openness.  Now he could show her what he cannot easily put into words.  It's a shorthand way to explain who he is, why he is.   For who knows what his mother and uncle have told Rey about him. 

Plus, Rey has only seen the worst of him.  The Sith Apprentice knows he is so much more than killing Han Solo and stumbling through two duels while he bleeds out from the wookiee's revenge.   Rey thinks him a monster.  And perhaps he is by the standards of conventional morality.  But that's not all he is.  And there is so much that he alone can give Rey—through the Force and through himself—that the Jedi cannot.  

Kylo reminds himself yet again to be patient.  That in time Rey will be his and they will be bound forever together in Darkness.  He will be her Sith and she will be his Lady.  He only needs to wait for destiny to take its course.

Initially, he had been disappointed at their meeting.  For Kylo had taken the risk to make himself vulnerable to Rey and he had been uncertain of her reaction.  That had made him feel at once sheepish and very uncomfortable. And that had made him angry.  So in the immediate aftermath, Kylo Ren had lit his sword and stomped off to vent his frustration on an unlucky prisoner. 

But upon further reflection, he thinks perhaps today has been a good start.  His task now is to woo and to lure.   And since he's been deep in her mind twice now, he knows just how to find his Rey in the Force.  

But first, he needs his Master’s permission.  So Kylo Ren stands before the giant hologram figure of Leader Snoke for what may well be one of the most important conversations of his life.

His Master too must sense how much is at stake.  For change, with all its tantalizing risks and possibilities, now swirls around the First Order. The long cold war had suddenly flared hot when the same day destruction of the New Republic and the Starkiller Base had brought near chaos to the galaxy.  So too, the discovery of the Last Jedi by Rey had shaken up the long settled status of the Force.  For years Luke Skywalker has been content to remain in exile. Will he be drawn back into the fight by his new Padawan?  Only time would tell.  But for the first time in fifteen years, the Light Side is more than a passive enigma.

And Kylo Ren wants his Master to see not only a threat, but an opportunity.

As usual, the old Muun Sith dispenses with the pleasantries.  He gets right to the point.  "You have met with Skywalker's girl. What did you learn from the girl?"

"She grows strong in the Force, Master.  But her psyche is weak."

Kylo Ren has prepared for this discussion, and he chooses his words with care.  If he portrays Rey as faltering, then Snoke might deem her to be an unworthy distraction.  But if he portrays Rey as too advanced, Snoke could sense a threat to be neutralized.  Kylo Ren is determined to lead his Master to his own preferred outcome. So that in the end, together he and Rey together will be Sith.

"Strong but weak?" Snoke considers this assessment. "How very female.  Is she vulnerable to us?"

"She fears us. Skywalker has taught her to fear us."

His Master's reproof is swift. "No. It is Darkness that she fears. And perhaps me. But not you, Kylo Ren. For why should she fear a man she bested in battle while still untrained?"

It takes all of Kylo’s control not to bristle at this comment.  Snoke knows of the events leading up to the battle, of the severe wound he had already incurred at that point. No, Snoke's harsh words are merely a test. Control, you must learn control, his Sith Master has complained time and again. Today, he will demonstrate control over his ragged emotions.

"The longer she trains, the more powerful she grows,” his Master observes.  “Skywalker will one day soon be sending her to kill you, since the Jedi cannot bring himself to do the deed."

Kylo nods, but remains silent.

"And will you kill her?” Yet again, his Master is goading him.  “Twice you have had that opportunity and failed. You were not even Sith enough to interrogate her properly."

There—that is his opening. "I have not failed, Master," Kylo counters. "I have other plans for the girl."

"Yes, yes . . . I know that you want the girl." His Master waves a hand to forestall his objection. "Do not deny it. I have seen it."

Kylo Ren has long since given up attempting to hide anything from Snoke. But it still unnerves him how often his Sith Master sees right through him.

"I want her power, Master. A true Sith craves only power, you have taught me." And in this, his words are true, just not the whole truth.

"And how would you use her power?" his Master wants to know.  “What will you do with all that Light which you crave so much?”

Kylo ignores the gibe at his weakness.  He stays focused on his goal.  "I will corrupt it.  Capturing the girl will end the Jedi.  It will cripple Skywalker to lose another student, his only student.  He is old and will not live forever. He may never find another Padawan after her. "

"And?"

Of course, his Master would know there was more to his ambitions. Complexity is a hallmark of the Sith, after all.  Now is the moment for Kylo to declare his full vision. For old Snoke has taught him that to be a Sith is more than wielding the Force and swinging a saber.  It means to be a master of plots and a manipulator of destinies.   So today he will plot his own destiny and Rey's.

"And?" Snoke prompts again.

Kylo inhales deeply and tries to imbue his words with as much confidence as he can muster. A Sith dares anything, he reminds himself.  And today he needs to impress his Master with his daring.  "Her power will ensure my legacy. Our . . . our children would be very strong in the Force. None could challenge them."

Master Snoke sits back in his chair and gives a look of faint amusement. "Children in our family have not always followed in their father’s footsteps, Apprentice. You know this to be true. You could be creating an enemy and not a legacy."  But despite these words of warning, the wily Sith appears to consider the matter further. "Do you think she could be turned?  Is she not more inclined to kill you than kiss you?"

Ren briefly looks away, and he does not volunteer any details of his meeting with Rey. "It will take some effort," he confesses softly.

"Anything of value usually does, Apprentice." Again, the Supreme Leader appears amused. The ancient Dark Lord cups his chin in his hand and sits forward on his chair as he considers his apprentice anew. "How you remind me of your grandfather in this matter. Lord Vader too would not be denied his choice of woman.  Only death could separate that pair, not the Jedi." His Master raises a skeptical eyebrow now. "Lord Vader chose a queen and a senator for himself, a woman older and in many ways at the time more sophisticated than himself. Not an uneducated junkyard mechanic from the Outer Rim. Are you certain, my boy, that this girl is what you want?  For now, at least?"

"Yes, my Master," Kylo’s voice is firm. "Her background is of no consequence to me. Her power is what matters most." This answer seems to please his master, so Kylo presses further. "Let me finish what Lord Vader started.  Let me end the Jedi Order and create the Sith dynasty that Kenobi and Yoda denied my grandfather when they stole his children."

A long moment of consideration passes.  Silently, Kylo watches the giant hologram flicker, dissolve and reform again. Finally, his Master issues his decision: "I will not restrain your passion for this girl or for her power, Kylo Ren. But beware that your passion does not lead you to sentiment unbecoming a Sith." Master Snoke speaks his words softly and slowly. "Do not allow her to cloud your judgement."

"Yes, my Master." Ren exhales at once, relieved.

"You say the girl is weak emotionally? Push on her fear, Kylo Ren, and see what she does."

“Yes, Master.”

“And get her into bed, Apprentice.”   A slow, sly grin appears across the features of the Quasimodo Sith.  “Women believe anything you tell them in bed.”

* * *

 

_I am waiting for you._

The voice comes to Rey in the night. His voice. Kylo Ren unmasked.

_Come to me. It is the only way. I am your destiny._

She blinks awake, and the words evaporated as the haze of sleep recedes. It is only a dream.   But it’s the same fleeting dream most every night.

Roused from sleep, Rey rises from her bed to gaze out the window. The light of three moons reflects below on the water that surrounds the first Jedi Temple. The sight and sound of the undulating waves makes Rey even more pensive, so she turns away. Not for the first time, Rey misses the quiet stillness of the nights on Jakku.

Surely these dreams are her subconscious mind speaking her fears? Or perhaps revealing her guilt? The strange encounter weeks ago with Kylo Ren has continued to occupy Rey's thoughts. She has no satisfying explanation for her capture. Or for her release.  On Takodana and then again on the Starkiller Base, Kylo Ren had been hunting her down intent on finding the map to Skywalker.   This time he had not even bothered to ask about the map.  Or the Resistance, for that matter.  What had changed?  Rey doesn’t know.  So much about the Sith is a mystery to her.

It weighs heavily on her mind that she has yet to tell Master Luke of the meeting. Rey knows that she should consult her Master for answers. But the old Jedi had been reluctant to train her in the ways of the Force.  Master Luke's deepest fear, expressed time and again, is that he will once again inadvertently train a Sith.  Her Master's wariness of the Dark Side borders on paranoia.  Rey can’t decide which will displease Skywalker more--that she has met with Kylo Ren or that she has hidden the meeting.   And at this point, coming clean might cause him to dismiss her as his Padawan.

But really, what is there to tell?  She had rejected Kylo Ren’s vague overture, and he had let her go. Nothing Kylo Ren could ever say will convince her to join the Sith _._  Truly, Master Luke has nothing to fear from her.

Rey sighs and rubs at her eyes.  This would be a lot easier if she were closer to her Master.  If they had more natural rapport and trust.  But getting to know Master Luke has been a far harder task than she had hoped.  Naively, Rey had expected the Jedi to welcome her company after the long years of solitude.  But that had turned out not be the case.  Other than her training and daily tasks, Rey has only managed to draw him out with talk of mechanics.   For like her, Luke Skywalker loves to tinker.  Mostly, Rey and Master Luke live side by side, each still very much alone.  And that is disappointing.  For Rey is so very tired of feeling alone. 

And if loneliness is her ultimate future as a Jedi, then Rey isn’t so sure she wants this life.

Frustrated, Rey sits back down heavily on her bed.   Wondering whether Kylo Ren thinks of her as often as she thinks of him.   Perhaps that was his real motive for their encounter—to distract Rey from her training.  If so, then he has succeeded.

She wonders what Kylo Ren is doing just now.  _T_ orturing some poor prisoner?  Or maybe practicing Force lightning or whatever else Dark Siders do for fun in their spare time?  Rey smirks. Was that a chuckle? Had she laughed aloud? Rey doesn’t think so.  Great, she thinks, now she is hearing voices when she is asleep and awake.

She should go back to sleep. It’s late. Tomorrow will surely be another hard day of training. Followed by another long night alone with her thoughts just like back on Jakku.   She lays back down and stares at the ceiling.  And, after a time, Rey falls into a restless slumber.  Disturbed again by the voice of Kylo Ren.  

But this night, something changes. 

Now sinewy arms embrace her from behind and she feels the heat of another pressed closely to her back.  A gentle hand smooths her hair aside, and Kylo Ren speaks words of longing for her ears alone. "Come to me, Rey." He kisses her neck as he begs, "Let me make you happy."

The dreams of the Sith keep coming most every night and they escalate over time.  At first, the fantasy is confined to Kylo Ren holding her tight and kissing her.  It’s not exactly chaste, but Rey dismisses it as harmless, even if it leaves her wanting more.   Clearly, she’s read too many romance tales on the holonet, Rey thinks.

But the dreams slowly become more passionate.  Rey is melting into submission as Kylo Ren’s mouth plunders hers.  His hands roam everywhere, undressing her in a hurry.  And then his mouth wanders where his hands have been.   Rey wakes in a sweat.  She’s pink-cheeked with humiliation to find herself thoroughly aroused.   

And then the dreams shift again to become frankly carnal.   This isn’t just seductive words interspersed between hot kisses.  This is sex.  He is naked, so is she.  And he is grunting as he thrusts deeply into her.   Over and over.  Harder and harder.  Rey simply opens her legs, throws back her head and passively abandons herself to the Sith’s pleasure.   The virgin girl from Jakku who has never been kissed has no firsthand experience in this.   She only knows what she has gleaned from the holonet. 

And she would never actually do this in person.  Not with Kylo Ren.  Well, not with any man.  Because she’s going to be a Jedi and the Jedi tradition transcends pleasures of the flesh.  To be honest, Rey had never even given that restriction of Jedi life much thought.  Well, not until now.  Because you don’t miss what you have never had.   And, well, she still hasn’t had it.  Not really.  Because dreams don’t count, right? 

Soon, another month rolls around.  It’s time for another supply run.

"Maybe you should do the run this month," Rey suggests to Master Luke, trying to keep her tone light.   "You could drop in on the General for a visit while you’re gone," Rey says with a smile. 

"Leia's busy."

Rey tries again.  For she has seen firsthand how much Leia Organa misses her brother.  And, for the life of her, Rey can’t understand how anyone lucky enough to have a family would willfully turn their back on them.  "The General would love to see you."

And now Master Luke gives her a quelling look.  "I am not going back to the Resistance, Rey."

"Yes, Master."   Rey takes the hint.  "But are you sure you don't want to do the run just to get off the island for a bit?" 

The Jedi Master glances over at her now.  "I think you are the one who needs the break, Rey.  Am I right?"

He is right.  So Rey nods.  And with much trepidation, she zips into his old orange flightsuit, climbs into the patched together X-wing and takes off.   

Normally, Rey goes to different locations each month to avoid her ship being recognized or raising questions.  The goal is to be as anonymous as possible for a one-time transaction that raises no eyebrows and won't be repeated.  Rey knows to be careful not to compromise Master Luke's hiding place.  

She's taking no chances this time.  This month Rey is going to a trading post on the closest inhabited world.  It's a short jump of barely an hour.  So Rey should have no difficulty staying awake.  She still doesn’t know how she ended up at the First Order last time.  But she refuses to be taken by surprise by Kylo Ren again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

She's asleep again.  Three strong cups of caf today and a good night's sleep last night and Rey still falls asleep.  It must be the hypnotic monotony of hyperspace.  But at least Rey gets this familiar dream to spice up the flight.  For, once again, she's back in bed with Kylo Ren.  Lying on her side facing him.

This time he is fully dressed.  Like he might have dropped whatever he was doing on the bridge of his great ship and strode here just to see her.   His mask is off, but there is no muscled bare chest for her hands to explore.    No late night dark shadow of stubble to scratch at her face.  No pale long fingered hands to stroke at her body.  He lies on his side next to her.   Watching her closely as one gloved hand possessively lays claim to her hip.

"Lady Rey," his voice has an intimate, husky character.  "I have missed you."  And Jakku trash that she is, Rey loves it when he calls her Lady Rey.  As if she were someone with an important family, and not an orphan without a last name.

Rey smiles back at him.  She can't help it.  She loves the attention.  The male attention she received back home was usually derogatory or threatening in nature.  In real life, Kylo Ren might be a scary Sith, but in her languid sleep state he is unfailingly gentle.  

His hand shifts now to brush hair back from her face.  Her hair is always loose in these dreams.   Dream Kylo Ren likes long hair, she has realized.  So, of course, now she’s never going to cut it.

This is a short jump and any moment now the ship will wake her up and this fantasy will fade from her memory.  So Rey is going to enjoy herself while she can.  "Kiss me," she tells him, feeling rather daring.  For if dream Kylo can look at her with worship in his eyes, then dream Rey can lose her insecurities when it comes to men and be unabashedly bold.  "Kiss me."

He needs no further invitation.  He nudges her closer and she scoots over and his lips find hers.  And here again is the spark of passion that is missing from her life that Rey only finds in dreams.  She's a young woman who has lived life alone for so long and even now still on Ahch-To she is very much alone.  A student to a sad, old and introverted Master whose experiences she cannot relate to and has given up trying.  And all this zen Jedi meditation does nothing to calm the natural desires of a young woman who has known very little affection in her life.  And even less physical touch. 

And, oh Gods, kissing dream Kylo Ren is everything.  If this were real, she would ditch Jedi training immediately and run away to join the First Order. Because that's how good this feels.  Dream Kylo Ren has soft lips and an amazing tongue and hands that just now are grabbing her ass in a way that excites her.

This is forbidden on multiple levels.  He is Sith, she will be Jedi.  He commands the First Order and she fights for the Resistance.  Her taboo flights of fancy surely do not rise to the level of an attachment—this is more like a secret celebrity crush.  But even so, this mental pleasure of the flesh does not seem like noble Jedi behavior.  For a Jedi must have the most serious mind, she has been taught.  But even so, Master Luke says that ultimately in life you must face your fears.  And Kylo Ren is definitely one of Rey’s fears.  So maybe these fantasies are just one way she is preparing herself for their inevitable confrontation. 

But whatever it is, Rey loves it.

He rolls over atop her now and she feels his weight press her into the mattress.  It's so male and so dominant, but in a good way.  In a way that makes her feel feminine and desirable.  Dream Kylo is raining kisses down her neck now and his hands are buried in her hair.  "Yes, Rey, yes," he exhales.   "Oh, how I want you.  Be mine, Rey, be mine."   And this is the true crux of the fantasy.  For the throwaway orphan from Jakku has never been wanted.  There are no sweeter words for her ears. 

Rey feels the slight shudder as the ship exits hyperspace.  And that's funny because normally the X-wing beeps a warning a few minutes in advance.  But anyway, it’s time to wake up, she knows.  "Goodbye, Kylo," Rey whispers.  “Time to wake up.”  And then she wills herself awake.

Only she's awake.  She's already awake and this is real. 

"You're--  You're--"  Rey is horrified.  Instantly, she starts to struggle.  And that is a mistake because he just grabs her arms and pins her beneath him. 

"Easy, baby," he tells her.  "Don't be afraid.  I won’t hurt you."

But of course, she is afraid.  And the Force never fails Rey when she is cornered by this man.  Reflexively, she summons a mighty Force push that Master Luke would be proud of.  The push hurls the Sith clear across the room.  Rey simultaneously skitters off the bed and runs for the door.

It's locked.  Desperate, Rey yanks off the instrument panel to do a quick hotwire but there is no time.  The Sith bounds across the room and looms over her. He doesn't bother stopping her.  Instead, he informs her, "It's locked with the Force.  An old Sith trick.  You can't undo it mechanically."

But Rey keeps trying.  The words of Master Luke echoing in her head to never trust a Sith.

Kylo Ren looks exasperated as he sighs and repeats himself.  "It’s locked with the Force, Rey.  You can try, but it won’t work.  Don't bother."

Rey feels the truth behind his words this time.  She drops the door panel in disgust and it hangs by wires. Then she whirls to survey the room.  Yes, she's been here before.  She's on his star destroyer in that same room again.   His room, she is beginning to suspect. 

And now Rey is starting to feel trapped.  More trapped then when she was strapped to that torture rig on the Starkiller.  Because she was just in bed with the real Kylo Ren and now she’s locked in his room and there’s no way Jedi mind tricks are going to get her out of this jam.  She’s trembling now with a mixture of fear, outrage and disbelief.   Don’t cry, she tells herself sternly.  Jedi do not cry. 

"Rey--"

"How do you do this??" she demands hotly.  Once more, the last thing Rey recalls is tumbling through hyperspace in Master Luke's X-wing.  "That was a short jump back and--"

"If I told you that would ruin the surprise."  Kylo gives her an annoying smirk and it’s entirely too smug for her taste right now.   It’s very irritating to see how amused he seems by this whole situation.  How could she have been so foolish as to believe herself asleep.

"I don't like waking up in strange rooms with you!" she snaps.  Rey is indignant to find herself in this position yet again.  And if she doesn’t know why or how this happens, there’s no way to prevent it from happening again.  "How do you do this??" Rey demands once more.

"I knocked you out with the Force."

Okay.  That’s sort of an explanation.  But how did he find her in the first place.  “How?”

“I located your mind.  You’re easy for me to find, Rey.”

Huh?  “Why?”

He smiles broadly at this question and something about his look makes her blush.  "You know why.  I wanted to see you again.”  He’s acting unnervingly casual about this whole situation.  Probably because he’s in control.  “Relax, Rey.  I'm not going to hurt you."

“Don’t you dare do this again!” she rails at him.

And this just makes him flash a cocky grin and drawl, “We Sith dare anything, Rey.  Remember that.”  In the moment, his swagger reminds her eerily of Han Solo.

“Well, I’d like to leave now,” she informs him coldly.

“We’re not done yet,” he fires back. 

And Rey openly scowls at him now.  “How come I can’t sense you in the Force?” she complains.  She has been wondering this for some time.  How come she can never sense this man’s presence the way she can other people, especially Force-users like General Organa and Master Luke.

“Sith cloak their Force imprint,” he explains.  “It’s the first lesson of being a Sith.”

“But Master Luke could sense Vader in the Force,” she objects.

“Then Darth Vader didn’t cloak his imprint.  He probably didn’t need to.  He’d already killed all the Jedi.  And he was Darth Vader,” Kylo adds, as if that explains everything.

Rey eyes him suspiciously. "Don't even think about getting in my head. It won't work—not this time."

The Sith does not dispute the point. He just stands there looking almost . . . friendly? Like this is a social visit and they are friends and not enemies.   Like she truly is his guest and not his prisoner.   And he’s happy she’s here and what’s the big deal?

"I wanted to see you, Rey. And I could hardly go visiting you and Uncle Luke, now could I?"  Kylo is giving her that same teasing smile again. It is lopsided, and again Rey sees a resemblance to his father. "Was this another supply run, or are you visiting friends in the Resistance to plot more treason?"

Rey doesn’t answer.  She’s too busy trying to decide if Kylo Ren is flirting with her.  Because he doesn’t seem like the flirtatious type.   And, well, aren’t Sith supposed to be evil guys who try and kill you?  Not men who try to flirt with you?  But then again, Rey has very little experience with these type social interactions so she probably has this all wrong.

"You don't go off-world much, Rey," he tries again.

"I've been busy," Rey shoots back. 

"Levitating rocks and swinging sabers around? Listening to endless lectures on the Living Force?" He is teasing her again. No, he's definitely flirting with her.  She thinks.

Nevertheless, she bristles at his words. "Master Luke is a great teacher."

"Evidently. See how well he did with me." Rey glares at him and he chuckles. Kylo Ren's laugh is so utterly unexpected that it startles her. Clearly, there are many moods to this man.  Right now, he seems very pleased with himself.  And with her.

"So, are you going to tell me where you are off to?" he prods again.

Rey considers how to reply and settles on the truth.  “Supplies.”  She doesn’t want to give him any reason to start messing with her head.  Because despite her earlier bravado, Rey’s experience last time makes her very wary. 

“So this is a recurring thing?” he asks.  “Does this mean I have to wait another month to see you?”

“This is the last time you are doing this to me!” Rey practically growls at him.

“Does that mean kidnapping you or kissing you?”

“Both!”

And incredibly, he looks genuinely hurt.  “Don’t be like that, Rey.”

Rey just gives him a look.  Just what exactly does this Sith stalker think this is?  “We are enemies, remember?”

“We don’t have to be,” he retorts softly. 

And that response is slightly disarming.  It takes some of the wind from her sails.  “Yes, yes we do,” Rey mutters. 

“Why?” he challenges and now she’s on the defensive.

“Because you are a Sith.  You’re a selfish killer obsessed with power.”

“That’s my uncle talking.  Give me a real reason.  Look past his dogma.”

“Because you’re in the fascist First Order.”

Again, he is unimpressed.  “You’re a girl from the Rim.  You probably understand better than most at the Resistance where the First Order gets its appeal.”  He shrugs now.  “That’s just politics.  There is room for debate on politics.”

Rey blinks at the unexpected response.  Normally, the First Order isn’t exactly tolerant of dissenting viewpoints.

“Go on.  Give me a real reason.”

So she does.  “Because you killed Han Solo.”  Her voice drops to a whisper, but accusation is clear in her tone. "You killed your own father."  And this is something she will never understand.  If Rey were lucky enough to have a family—even just one person to call family—she would be loyal to them until the end. 

Kylo Ren averts his eyes.  Now it’s his turn to mutter.  "Han Solo meant nothing to me."

And that's not an satisfactory explanation as far as Rey is concerned. Watching Kylo’s face now, Rey can’t be sure if she detects anger or sadness or both. "Then why kill him?" she demands.  She isn’t letting up.

Ren crosses his arms over his chest and levels her a warning look.  For the first time, he looks hostile.  "You mean why other than that he was setting charges to blow up the oscillator? Other than that he was a traitor and a Resistance fighter?"

"Yes." It is a deliberate provocation, but Rey wants to hear him say the words. If she doesn’t press this issue, there will be no one else to call this man to account for his patricide.  And she owes this to Han Solo.  "Why?"

Abruptly he whirls away from her, running a hand through his hair. "Because he was weak! You didn't know the real Han Solo—you were blinded by his lines, just like everyone else.  Women never could see through that guy . . . "  Kylo is pacing now with clenched fists and stiff arms.   His words pour forth in a torrent of pent-up decades old rage. "Han Solo was little more than a criminal!   My father conned his way around the galaxy for years. He could lie, cheat and steal better than anyone, but those aren't skills I admire. He was a Rebellion General only when it suited him, when it made him credits or impressed my mother. Otherwise, he was unreliable. Don't be fooled," Kylo stops to wave a gloved finger before her face, his voice hoarse with emotion. "Han Solo didn't believe in any cause other than himself."

Rey says nothing to this defensive outburst. After a long moment, his shoulders slump and his posture relaxes. Kylo Ren's rage has crested and is now spent.

Sudden insight flares up at Rey through the Force. "Killing him didn't make things better for you, did it?"

"It had some benefits," he mutters, unwilling to meet her eyes.

Rey is blinking away tears now. Are these tears for Han Solo or tears for his petulant son?  Rey knows now that that it was sadness that she had seen in Kylo’s face earlier.   Kylo Ren is remorseful, of that she is certain.  And he appears utterly confused by the emotion. Could General Leia be right?   Rey remembers Kylo’s mother crying bitter tears over Han Solo while still maintaining her hope for her lost son.  At the time, it had confounded Rey. But now she understands.

Here, then, is the legacy of the bitter family conflict she had glimpsed before in his mind.  The little boy who had felt rejected time and again grew into a man who had the satisfaction of rejecting his father once and for all.  By killing him.

"Your mother would forgive you,” Rey dares to whisper.  “She would welcome you home in an instant. She believes—"

"Believes what?" Kylo’s tone is harsh, but at odds with the glittering wetness about his eyes. 

"That there is still Light in you," Rey finishes softly.

"I am immune to the Light." Kylo Ren steps forward to grasp her shoulders and shake her roughly. His hands are trembling, and she rears back to pull away from his unwelcome touch. She could swear that his dark eyes flash pure yellow for a moment as he holds her gaze.  She hears his words in her ears and through the Force. "I am Sith and I am immune to the Light.  Never forget that, Rey." It is a declaration of sorts, a commitment to Darkness, and it is chilling.  This wild-eyed man is the unstable, crazy Kylo Ren her Master has warned her about. 

Then abruptly the Sith drops his hands and steps back. 

“But you’re not all Dark.  Are you?” Rey asks.  And she can’t help but notice the hopeful tone to her voice. 

He shakes his head.  “No one is, Rey.  Not even Snoke.  Each of us is a mix of Light and Dark, Good and Bad.  Nothing is as clear cut as the Jedi would like it to be.” 

And now Kylo Ren recovers some of his equilibrium and he seems more in control.  He slants a resentful glance her way.  “Do you want to save my soul, Rey?  Is that how you will complete your training one day?  Will you be sent to wheedle me back to the Light?  Because that sounds very Uncle Luke to me.”

“I don’t know,” she admits.  For she and Master Luke have never spoken about how and when she will complete her training. 

“That will only get you killed, Rey,” he warns.  “And it won’t work.  I know all of my uncle’s best lines.  I’ve heard them all before.  He always leads with ‘Let go of your hate.’  Next, you’ll tell me that you feel the good in me, the conflict.  It sort of devolves from there.”  He waves his hand in frustration.   “You can’t have a disagreement with my uncle about the Force or with my mother about politics without being accused of hating.  They are very dogmatic in their liberal orthodoxy.  If you’re not with them, you’re their enemy.” 

“So you don’t hate people?” Rey asks softly, more to understand this Sith than to challenge him.

He looks annoyed by her perception.  “The only people I truly hate are my uncle and my father.  I killed my father.  And one day I will kill my uncle.”  Beneath those words, Rey hears the unspoken subtext that violence is the only solution Kylo Ren knows for his own hurt.   And maybe that helps to explain some of what happened at the New Republic Jedi Academy years ago. 

Master Luke might be surprised to learn it, but Rey understands violence somewhat.  She grew up on harsh Jakku where violence was an everyday occurrence.   It was the habitual solution to any conflict—personal, business or otherwise.  And that’s how it is on most of the underdeveloped Rim Worlds.  Which is why the law and order fascist First Order resonates so strongly in that part of the galaxy.  For these are people who respect a strong-man leader who is willing to resort to violence.  Because in the absence of decent government and economic opportunity, they themselves are willing to resort to violence.  It’s something the elite of the Core Worlds with their blaster control laws and civil rights initiatives will never understand.    

And looking at Kylo Ren just now, Rey isn’t surprised that he and her Master never understood one another either.  “Master Luke told me that he tried twice with you,” she whispers.

“He did.”  Kylo Ren confirms.  Bitterness coats his words.  “Tell me, Rey, when does one small sliver of humanity save your soul from Darkness?”  Kylo Ren rolls his eyes.  “My uncle probably swears to this day that he redeemed Darth Vader in the end.   He didn’t.  Vader got himself killed for trying to save his son.  Because Vader needed Luke Skywalker to overthrow the Emperor.  And because Vader had plotted with Snoke to put our family back together.  Vader was Sith to the end.  If his interests were aligned with saving his son, that’s why he did it.  It wasn’t some deathbed repudiation of his accomplishments.”

Rey is confused.  “But Master Luke saw his father in the Force—“

“No, he didn’t.  Luke Skywalker was drunk from partying on Endor with the rest of the Rebels.  He could have seen womp rats and called them a Force ghost.”

Rey finds it hard to imagine Master Luke drunk.  She finds it even harder to imagine Master Luke partying.

“Hasn’t the Jedi told you the ugly truth yet?”

“The t-truth?  What truth?”

“That we’re all Skywalkers.  Myself, my uncle, Darth Vader and Snoke.  We are a family of Sith.  Created in the Force out of Darkness.   Uncle Luke is the prodigal son who went rogue and ended up Jedi.”  Kylo Ren looks her squarely in the eye now.  “Rey, I am who I am supposed to be.  I am Sith.”

“But—“

“Rey, don’t be a pawn of my uncle.  He will use you and you will end up dead.”

“But—“

“Rey,” Kylo steps closer now.  “You didn’t struggle to survive all those years on Jakku only to end up sacrificing yourself for the Jedi.  For someone else’s vendetta.”

And again, Rey struggles to get a word in edgewise.  “I-I—“

But Kylo’s eyes are searching hers and Rey sees genuine concern reflected there.  “You don’t have to be Jedi, Rey.  Regardless of what my uncle and my mother tell you.  You don’t have to be Jedi to learn the ways of the Force.  And you don’t have to be Jedi to live in the Light.”  And then Kylo repeats his earlier confounding statement, “We don’t have to be enemies, Rey.  We should not be enemies.”

And she is so confused now.  “What??  I don’t understand.”

But Kylo has turned away.  He’s pulled a beeping commlink out of his pocket and he reads a text.  “It’s Hux,” he tells her, and Rey recognizes the dismissal in his tone.   “I’ve been summoned.”

“Oh.” 

“This is bad timing, but I’ve got to go, Rey.  I have been summoned.”

He must be referring to the Supreme Leader, Rey thinks.  She just nods.

“I’ll walk you back to your ship.  It’s not safe for you here on your own in that uniform.  If Hux finds you, he’ll kill you.  Here,” he produces her missing lightsaber from somewhere in his robes.  Then he places his hands on her shoulders and looks down at her.  “Come back to me. There are things you need to know. Things you will want to know.  Contact me and I'll find you."

"Contact you? How?" She is genuinely confused.

"Search your feelings. You already know how.”  His eyes break from hers and wander down to her lips.  He’s not going to--  Yes, he is.  Kylo Ren steps forward and she gasps as he crushes her to his chest and his lips come down on hers.  This is an open-mouthed, searing kiss.  As passionate as it is unexpected.  And just when she can’t breathe, he wrenches himself back.  “Until tonight, Lady Rey,” he nods at her.  And then grabs her hand to tug her forward.  “Now, let’s go.  You need to get off this ship."

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

The _Finalizer_ had jumped while Rey was there and so it's late when she gets back home.  Rey unloads the supplies from the ship and trudges back to her hut.  Lost in her confusing thoughts. 

 

She falls asleep and, of course, Kylo Ren is there.  And now that Rey knows that these dreams are more than fanciful figments of her imagination, she feels very manipulated.   Angry.  Used, even.

 

_Go away!_

_You don't mean that._

_Yes, I do!_

_I miss you already, Rey._

 

She rebuffs him but he persists. And Rey doesn't know how to make him go away.  Master Luke doesn’t teach her these sorts of mental tricks.  But the Sith takes the hint and this dream is just Rey wrapped in the protective cocoon of Kylo Ren's strong arms.   It's perversely comforting and that just has Rey more confused than ever.   For she’s angry with this man.  But still, she enjoys his attention.  What does that say about her?  Or maybe about him?

 

_I'm telling Master Luke about you tomorrow.   About this.  About the Finalizer._

_You must do what you feel is right, of course._

_I really am going to tell him._

_When he throws you out, come to me.   Come and be mine, Rey._

_No.  I'm going back to the Resistance._

 

_My mother won't be foolish enough to let you stay. Not after my uncle talks to her.  You'll be on your own again, Rey._

_I'm fine with that._

_Wherever you hide, I will find you.  You will never be alone again, Rey.  I promise you that._

 

The next morning, Rey wakes early and heads for the temple.  She desperately needs meditation time to clear her head.   Master Luke always says that the answers to life’s questions are in the Force.  Well, today, Rey is seeking answers.  Or at the very least, some direction. 

 

She knows that she is being manipulated by Kylo Ren.  But everything about that man keeps confounding her.  For he never does what Rey expects.  He’s the one who wants to cry peace and Rey is the one declaring them enemies.  He ought to be out for revenge for the Starkiller, but he seems not to want to hurt her.  And while he keeps making his pitch for her to join him, at least for now he hasn’t tried to recruit her for the First Order or the Dark Side.  Could it really be as simple as that he likes her?   That the stalker Sith has no agenda other than making her his girlfriend? 

 

And is Kylo Ren correct that she is being manipulated by Master Luke?  Is she truly a pawn in someone else’s conflict?  Is her Master hiding secrets of the Force from her?    And is there a way to use the Force without being a Jedi?  There must be, Rey thinks.  For Maz Kanata had said that she knew the Force and she was not a Jedi.  That has appeal, because more and more Rey doubts whether she is cut out for this Jedi thing.

 

From the beginning, Master Luke had warned her:  the Jedi life is not for everyone.  It is sacrifice and denial for the good of others.  The Jedi are selfless and they think only of the greater good.  And that purpose is a lonely one, full of restrictions.   Never again will I encourage anyone into this life, Luke Skywalker had told her with sad eyes.  I will not teach anyone I have to convince.   For to be Jedi is a calling that you must discern for yourself. 

 

There have even been days when her Master seems to be trying to talk her out of training.  I was young once, Master Luke had said offhand one day.  I remember what it was like to crave excitement and adventure.   And that was a very telling comment, really.  For her Master can't truly know Rey well if he thinks she wants adventure. 

 

Rey has only ever wanted two things:  to find her family and to escape Jakku.  She's off Jakku now and she has given up on her family.   But she hasn't given up on belonging.  And that's what tempts her most about going back to the camaraderie of the Resistance.  To Finn and his friend Poe and to wise General Organa and friendly Jessika and all the rest of those likeminded friends and mentors.   Because back at the Resistance people like Rey--some of them even admire her--and that acceptance and approval feels good.  As kind and patient as old Master Luke is, he doesn't give many warm fuzzies.  And, well, the old hermit is not much fun. 

 

Rey’s mind is spinning with these thoughts as Master Luke finds her in the temple.   Quietly, he sits down beside her.  They meditate in silence side by side for a bit before the Jedi speaks.

 

“You came in late last night.”

 

“Yes, the travel time took longer than I had expected,” Rey answers.  And this is technically the truth.  “I did find those power converters you wanted.  We got a good deal on them.”  Rey reaches in her pocket to find a credit card.   She hands it over to her Master.  “Here’s the change,” she tells him.  Real credits are still somewhat new to Rey, who spent years bartering on Jakku and being paid in-kind.  Credit cards make her a little nervous, to be honest.   Putting that much money on one datacard seems risky.

 

“The birds tell me that it’s going to rain again today.  In the afternoon.”

 

“Then saber practice this morning?” Rey asks hopefully.  Some exercise might relieve some of the stress she’s feeling right now.   

 

“Maybe later,” her Master is noncommittal.  “Your mind is loud this morning, Padawan,” he tells her.  “Will you share what is troubling you?”

 

This is Rey’s cue to come clean about twice meeting Kylo Ren.  And about kissing Kylo Ren.  But the first part is confusing and the second part is mortifying so Rey stalls with questions. 

 

“Master Luke, who is Snoke?  Who is he really?”

 

The old Jedi sits back and strokes his beard absently for a moment before he responds.  “Darth Plagueis calls himself 'the Wise.'   That tells you all you need to know about his hubris.  He's a three or four-hundred-year-old Muun who thinks he's wise just because he has seen a lot.” 

 

Three or four hundred years old?  Wow.  “So where was Snoke before the First Order?” Rey asks. 

 

“Sitting on the sidelines biding his time.  Snoke was Emperor Palpatine's Sith Master, Rey.  He and Darth Sidious plotted the Clone Wars and the Empire but Sidious nearly killed him at one point.   Snoke just stepped aside to wait Sidious out.  Snoke spent about forty years or so in exile in the Unknown Regions before he resurfaced.” 

 

“Oh.  How long do Muuns live?”

 

“Usually, about the same as humans.  But not old Snoke.  He extends his life through the Force.”

 

Rey looks to the Jedi in surprise.  “You can do that?”

 

Master Luke sighs and shakes his head yes.  "The Dark Side is a pathway to many unnatural abilities, Rey.  Staying alive in the Force is just the beginning of the perverse powers of that Muun.  Though I'm not sure I believe he can do all that he claims."

 

"Like what?"

 

Master Luke starts listing incredible powers that belong more to a god than to a man.  "Like bringing the dead back to life.  Being immortal through the Force.  Creating life anew out of the Force.  Snoke even claims to have conceived children through the Force.”  The Jedi frowns.  “I'm especially skeptical of that last one."  

 

“Wow.”  Rey doesn’t know whether to be impressed or repulsed.  "Is Snoke a great warrior?" she asks.

 

"He's more zombie now than warrior, Rey.  Palpatine basically killed him but Snoke keeps himself alive in the Force."  Master Luke flashes a rare smile over at Rey. "He's uglier than a Hutt.   He looks nothing like he used to look.   Sidious thoroughly rearranged his face.”  Master Luke muses a bit.  “He’s not a natural warrior, I think.  Snoke prefers to gain power through manipulation and control rather than violence.  He’s a bit different from Vader and Sidious in that respect.  Snoke is a Wall Street type at his core.  He was once the richest man in the galaxy.  Maybe he still is.  Who knows?"

 

"All Muuns are supposed to be rich, right?"  Rey spouts the conventional wisdom about Snoke’s species. 

 

"Not like this guy.  Snoke singlehandedly started the Clone Wars with his arms deals and manufactured financial crises.  He bankrolled both sides, making money hand over fist.  When it was all over, the Republic lost, the Separatists lost, and the Sith won.   All these years later, he bankrolls the First Order now."  Master Luke glances over at Rey. "Blowing up his Starkiller hit Snoke where it hurts, Rey.  Think of all the credits you helped to destroy that day.  No doubt he was sorrier over the money than over the lives of his own men."

 

"I had no idea that the Sith were rich."  It has never occurred to Rey how the First Order is financed. 

 

"In most of the galaxy, money is power, Rey.  And in this case, money truly is the root of all evil."

 

She nods at this wisdom.  Then there is a long and comfortable silence between them.  Rey goes back to her meditation.  She assumes Master Luke has done the same so he surprises her when he next speaks.

 

It’s a confession of sorts, and an apology.  "I can't kill that Muun, Rey.  I've tried.  He is too powerful."

 

And Rey has pretty much assumed this all along because why else would Master Luke be in hiding while Snoke is out taking over the galaxy systematically.  But to hear her Master admit this aloud, and to hear the sorrow and defeat in his voice as he says it, is disheartening.  "Then we can't win," Rey voices her thoughts aloud.

 

"Evil never dies, Rey.  Darkness is eternal and it will always exist in one form or the other.  But we can drive it back.  That Muun has sat on the sidelines before.   The goal is to force him to do it again.  And to do that, we must kill his Apprentice."

 

"Kylo Ren," Rey whispers.

 

Her Master nods.  "Snoke depends heavily on Ben.  That's where he is most vulnerable.  Snoke is too old and decrepit to run the First Order on his own.  He likes to have an Apprentice be his front man to the galaxy—that was the plan for Palpatine all along.  Sidious was to be the Emperor and Darth Plagueis would remain behind the scenes pulling his strings."

 

"You’re going to send me to kill Kylo Ren."  Rey says the words aloud.  Now this conversation with Master Luke about dreams and supply trips just got that much harder. 

 

"Yes,” the Jedi confirms solemnly.  “When you are ready."

 

Rey looks sharply at her Master and there is an edge to her tone.  "But you won't do it yourself?"

 

The Jedi makes a face.  "He's my nephew, Rey.  Long ago, I promised Han I wouldn't hurt Ben.  And my sister would never forgive me.  She still thinks Ben will have a change of heart someday.  Like our father did."

 

"And you don't?"

 

Master Luke shakes his head no.  "Darth Vader was a rational man, Rey.   You could reason with him and he thought things through.  Ben isn't rational.  Ben is mostly ruled by emotion and he always has been."   The old man sighs out his heavy regrets.  "Even as a child, something was off with that kid.  He was obsessive in a way that wasn't normal.  He never grew out of tantrums either.  He was ten and still kicking and screaming to get his own way.  Very immature for his age.  Completely impatient and unfocused for everything but what he wanted to do.  Full of a lot of misplaced anger and angst.  That kid never knew hardship a day in his life, Rey.  But you would think that he had grown up in the worst of circumstances to listen to him tell it.  Looking back, the warning signs for his instability were all there."

 

Rey has never heard Master Luke be this candid.  For during the handful of times that they have discussed Kylo Ren, the Jedi has mostly focused on blaming himself for the Sith.  On his shortcomings as a teacher and as a surrogate parent figure.  This is the first Rey has heard Master Luke’s opinion of the young Ben Solo.  And it is a fascinating counterpoint to the memories Rey has seen in Kylo Ren’s own head. 

 

"Leia, Han and I all kept looking past Ben’s problems because he truly is brilliant.  Ben was a terrific academic student, far outpacing his peers.  He was ten and doing college level math.  And he had encyclopedic knowledge of military history.  Battles, strategies, generals . . . you name it, he knew it cold.  So we thought we were doing something right and the rest would correct itself in time.”  Master Luke is frowning now and looking away.  “We made excuses for him for too many years until it was too late.  And Leia never found an adequate way to discipline Ben, which was a mistake.  No doubt Ben had a rude awakening when he found old Snoke."

 

"Why?"  Rey can’t get enough of this private family history that has so shaped the galaxy’s political history. 

 

"Sith are into discipline, Rey.  They are controlling like that.  And knowing both Snoke and Ben, I don't doubt that Kylo Ren gets lots of discipline.  Ben always needed a firmer hand than any of us gave him.  He was indulged, Rey."

 

Now Master Luke reverts to the mea culpas that Rey has heard before. "Leia and I created Kylo Ren.  My sister was adamant that he be trained in the Force even though Ben didn't want it.  Ben wanted to study."   The Jedi shakes his head ruefully.  "We should have let him study.  He'd be some Clone Wars historian at a university somewhere, completely irrelevant and lost in the romance of the past like he always wanted.  Not rampaging across the galaxy trying to put the Empire back together." 

 

And once again, she and Master Luke once again fall into companionable silence.   While the Jedi is lost in his regrets, Rey is struggling to find the words to confess her strange relationship to Kylo Ren.  For this is the moment to do it.  This the most open Master Luke has ever been with Rey about his family and his fallen Padawan.  And this is by far the most open, honest and meaningful conversation Rey has ever had with Luke Skywalker on a topic other than the Force.   And if her old Master can be brave enough to open up to admit his mistakes, then she should be brave enough to confess her issues too.

 

Tentatively, Rey begins.  She leads not with the details of her history with Kylo Ren, but with the meaning of it all.  For this, she knows, is the true crux of the problem:  "What if I don't want to kill him?"

 

And Master Luke surprises her when he doesn’t ask why.  Instead, the old Jedi smooths his hands over his robes and takes a deep breath.  "Then Snoke has already won.  You are our hope, Rey.  The task falls to you now.  I'm getting too old for this sort of thing."

 

"But what's the point if we can't ever really win?" she asks, remembering how Master Luke comment that Darkness is eternal.  That the most he is hoping for is a temporary victory. 

 

"I used to think that you could win.  I was foolishly naive, Rey.  This is a struggle that doesn't end.  Every generation faces this test in one way or another.   You don't win forever, you just win for now.  And then you stay vigilant for the future and you hope for the best.”

 

Rey nods and now she has lost the urge to confess.  She needs to process all that they have discussed today.  Because there is no point in confessing—and maybe even no point in continuing her training—if Rey is not prepared to one day kill Kylo Ren.  Or die trying.

 

"I didn't ask for this," she whispers softly.  

 

Master Luke shoots her a look.  "Neither did I, Rey."


	6. Chapter 6

Today would be his lucky day except Kylo Ren knows there's no such thing as luck.  There is only the Force.  And today the Force has unexpectedly brought him Rey.  Once again, destiny is his friend. 

Kylo quickly makes his way through the crowded corridors of his flagship to the hangar bay to collect Rey. He strides up just as a stormtrooper has yanked her unconscious from the cockpit.  The trooper is about to begin frisking her when Kylo freezes him in the Force.  No man is going to touch his Rey like that but him. 

Kylo steps forward, releases the frozen man and the crew falls back. He kneels beside Rey.  Her old Rebellion flightsuit says Skywalker on the name badge, a significant detail that his clueless crew apparently has overlooked in the past.  But it makes him smile behind his mask because someday this girl will be a Skywalker.  Kylo Ren will make certain of that.

Do any of his flunkies recognize this old X-wing with the call sign 'Red Five' bleeding through to show where it long ago had been painted over to read 'Rogue Leader'?  This is the fighter that had made the one in a million shot that had turned the first Death Star to dust. It probably belongs in a museum somewhere.  But instead his girl is flying it around stuffing it full with desalination tablets and his uncle's favorite snacks. 

Though, all in all, he thinks, it is weirdly comforting that Rey knows all the people from his past. There's less to explain.  Rey might not agree with his opinions but at least she understands the context. 

Kylo takes his time stripping down Rey’s flightsuit for this is by far the closest he has come to undressing her in real life.  Then he gently tugs off her helmet, enjoying the cascade of brown waves it releases.  For once, his Rey has not arrived with tightly knotted hair.  He gazes down at his Padme for a long moment of satisfaction.  Yes, he is a lucky man.  Thank you, Force. 

Then he gathers Rey in his arms and sweeps her off to his quarters.   Kylo knows Rey will not like that he has nabbed her again.  But, well, that's what you get when you date a Sith lord. 

He's ignoring the strange looks from the crew when he rounds a corner and comes upon Hux.  As usual, the general has his full entourage in tow.  Kylo supposes that the pompous general can't go to the men's room unaccompanied.  For a fighting man, Hux is ridiculously helpless without his staff.  Normally, Kylo would just stride right past.  He doesn't have to explain himself to Hux. But he's here to wait for the elevator.  And so apparently are Hux and his band of inveterate suck-ups. 

The annoying general stands with his hands on his hips as he gives Rey a once over.   His appraisal is downright impertinent, Kylo thinks.  And he turns slightly away to shield his girl from the general's scrutiny.  Rey would hate this, he knows.

"New girlfriend?"  Hux gibes.

He ignores Hux.  Nothing annoys this self-important man more than being ignored. 

"We have a senior staff meeting in ten minutes," the general reminds him. The taskmaster general is his usually killjoy self.  As if a Sith cares about a routine _Finalizer_ staff meeting.   This is the work of destiny blessed by the Force itself.  So screw that meeting, Kylo thinks.  He plans to spend the next hour with Rey doing as much as she will allow. 

"And here I thought Ren liked them blonde," Hux sneers as he turns back to his crowd of grinning underlings.   Then the general turns up his nose at Rey.  "Ren, this one is definitely not blonde."

"At least my woman is willing."  This time Kylo can't keep back a rejoinder.  So what if that statement might be a stretch given Rey is not exactly here voluntarily.  His point still stands.  The general is notorious for conscripting his female companionship from among the lower level officer ranks.  Snarky Hux has to order women to welcome his attentions. 

The unflappable general raises an eyebrow at Rey.  "This one looks unconscious,” Hux observes as he steps closer for his inspection.  "Is that a Resistance uniform?"  The general makes a face.   "My, you are slumming. Does the Leader know you romance the enemy?"

Just then the elevator opens and Kylo sweeps inside and closes the door immediately with the Force.  He's had enough of Hux for one day. 

Five turns and three corridors later, Kylo lays Rey gently upon his bed.   He rips off his mask and tears off his gloves.  Then he stands back a moment to contemplate his sleeping beauty.  For here lies his future, his Jedi princess, his lady of the Light, his Padme.  Sent to him, for him, by the Force.

They have so little actual time together.  While Kylo savors their imaginary late night rendezvous, it’s not the same as Rey in the flesh with all her force of personality and intrinsic Light.   And now that she is here, Kylo doesn't want to waste a moment.  So he climbs into bed, reaches for her and kisses her awake in the Force. 

Rey's eyes pop open with her sudden rush of consciousness.  She gasps against his mouth.  Kylo draws back. 

"You are awake, my lady. I am real.  You are real.  We are real," Kylo tells her. "Welcome home, Rey." 

And then he drowns her with his kiss.  He can't get enough of this woman.  His hands are in her hair, his tongue is in her mouth and his body covers hers.  Each night's lurid fantasy is just more foreplay leading up to this.  He is hot and hard for his Rey. 

She lays passive for a moment.  But then her hands reach up and they are clutching at his hair and she’s kissing him back with gusto.  And that just eggs him on.

"Rey, oh, Rey," he groans.  "Stay with me.  Don't go back.”

“I can’t,” she whispers even as she arches to press closer against him and winds her hands around his neck.  It’s a mixed message if ever there was one.

“Stay and be mine," Kylo growls as he grinds into her.  Oh, the things he wants to do to this girl, with this girl.  They won’t come out of his quarters for days.

Rey moans low in her throat and the sound brings a rush of satisfaction to him.  Yes, she wants him.  She wants this.  He grinds into her again, a pantomime of what is to come.  Can she feel him through his uniform?  Does she know what she does to him?  She’s wearing a tank top beneath her jacket.  Kylo is pushing it up to reveal her breasts and take this to the next level when his commlink goes off. 

He breaks their kiss and swears softly under his breath.  Only two people have that commlink frequency and one of them is his Master.  So dutifully, Kylo releases Rey, sits back and grabs for the commlink at his waist.

It’s General Hux.  Reminding him of the staff meeting that he is late to.  Ostensibly, it’s a page but Kylo has no doubts that it is intended to be an intentional interruption.  Swearing softly again, Kylo heaves the commlink across the room and turns back to Rey.

She is sitting up now too and the moment is broken.  And from the look in her eye, here comes the expected confrontation with Rey about her arrival.

“I told you not to do this again!” she huffs at him.

“Yes, I remember,” he smirks.  He’s not supposed to kidnap or kiss her again.   But those were her rules, not his.  “What’s done is done, Rey.”  Kylo reaches for her again, anxious to resume where they had left off.

But Rey is having none of it.  She skitters out of the way and leaps to her feet.  And from the irked look on her face and her lifted chin, it looks like the kissing will have to wait for now.

So Kylo starts cajoling her.  “Rey, I wanted to see you.  There are things you need to know.  And when I found you off-world today, I took the chance to bring you here.  This is for your own good, Rey.   Hear me out.”

She cocks her head and looks at him expectantly now.  “Okay, I’m listening.”

“Are you really going to become a Jedi?” he asks point blank.  Rey doesn’t automatically answer and it’s gratifying to see her hesitation.  Yes, she has doubts.  That’s welcome news to Kylo Ren.   He needs Rey to understand the danger she is in. 

“You need to get away from my uncle, Rey.  You need to stop training with him.  It will only get you killed.”

Rey raises an eyebrow at him now.  “Or maybe perhaps my Jedi training will get you killed, Kylo Ren.  Is that it?  Is that what this is all about?”

“Do you still want to kill me?” Kylo squints at Rey in disbelief.  She had just been moaning beneath him, after all.  “You don’t want to kill me,“ he scoffs.

“It’s tempting,” Rey fires back. 

And Kylo just gives her a frank look.  “We both know that you are tempted, Rey.  And you’re not being tempted to kill me.  I tempt you for very different reasons.”

She blushes to the roots of her hair now and it’s so innocently embarrassed that it endears her to him.  Rey looks away and says nothing.  Her absence of a denial confirms everything he thinks.

“Rey, the Jedi are a lost cause.  Their Order died out about the time my uncle was born.  More than sixty years later it's still just one man."

“That’s because you killed the rest, Kylo Ren,” Rey accuses.  And he doesn’t deny it.  Nor does he regret it.  But he will regret killing Rey if it comes to that.  He needs Rey to understand the risks because he doesn’t want it to come to that.

"Rey, there is no place in today's galaxy for the Jedi.  When the Jedi were at the height of their power, they meddled ceaselessly in everything. In the military, in commerce and in government. They called themselves 'Keepers of the Peace,' but all they really did was intervene to choose their preferred winner for every conflict.”  Kylo looks at Rey thoughtfully now, wondering aloud, “Do you know this history, Rey?" Does his scavenger girl truly know what she has gotten herself into?  Or did she take this opportunity because it was offered, because Luke Skywalker is a mythical hero to the Resistance, and because she wanted to know more about the Force?   Or maybe because Leia Organa had pushed her into it?  Because Kylo can definitely see his overbearing mother pushing Rey into this.

“Do you know that the old Jedi Order disdained the courts and bypassed judicial solutions at every opportunity?  That they held the Senate in contempt because they viewed politics as inefficient and corrupt?  Together, the Senate and the courts were the backbone of the Old Republic, Rey.  Over the years, the actions of the Jedi Order served to weaken them both.  And so at the crucial moment when the galaxy needed strong, unified leadership, its institutions failed to resolve the Separatist Crisis.  And the ensuing war destroyed much of the galaxy for years."

“Master Luke said you liked history--“

“I know everything there is to know about the Clone Wars, Rey.  The Jedi Order was largely responsible for the Clone Wars and the fall of the Old Republic.”

“The Sith were responsible,” Rey protests.  “Darth Sidious and Snoke acted on their own.”

“That’s my uncle talking,” Kylo summarily dismisses her view.  “Two men alone cannot corrupt a democracy of trillions, Rey.  The Sith seized an opportunity that the Jedi had provided.  Just like now when the First Order is seizing the opportunity that the New Republic’s failed leadership has provided.   There are never power vacuums for long in history, Rey.  Someone always rises to the occasion to fill it.  Usually, the Sith.”

And now his Rey looks uncomfortable as she shifts her weight and wrinkles her brow.  “I never went to school.  Not formally,” she reveals and her embarrassment is painfully evident.  “I don’t know much about history, Kylo.”  Yes, he knows this and he doesn’t care.  His Rey has many skills but no education.  But in time that can be remedied if she wants.

"Have you ever wondered why it was so easy to destroy the Jedi Order?  All 10,000 of them in less than a few years?"

Rey knows this answer, courtesy of his uncle probably. "Darth Vader and the Emperor hunted the Jedi  down and murdered them."

He nods. "The Jedi were declared enemies of the state after the Jedi Council attempted to assassinate Chancellor Palpatine."

"Palpatine was a Sith Lord," she reminds him.

"Yes,” Kylo acknowledges.  “But Sheev Palpatine was still the duly elected Senate Chancellor and a Senator from Naboo. The Jedi had no lawful grounds to attempt his murder. There was not an investigation, let alone a trial, before the Jedi Council showed up at his office to assassinate him.  It was a blatant coup attempt, Rey.   I don’t care what the Jedi claimed they were doing, you don’t support democracy by assassinating democratically elected leaders.”

Rey says nothing. 

“When all the dust settled, no one spoke in defense of the Jedi.  Over the years, the Jedi had earned many enemies. The galaxy at large was glad to see them go, Rey.  No one wants them back."

“What’s your point?” she challenges him.

“My point is that the Jedi Order my uncle wants to recreate was a failure in the first place.   And it was hardly the tool of democracy that he and my mother portray it to be.  It was a cult, Rey.  A tradition of sacrosanct rules and dogma about the Force that are unnecessary.”  He looks Rey in the eye now.  “You need to see through the lies of the Jedi, Rey.  My uncle will teach you a lot of unnecessary restrictions.  The Force is much simpler than he will lead you to believe.  And you don’t need to be a celibate nun to use the Force.”

“There’s no one else to teach me,” Rey mutters.

“There is me,” he offers.

But Rey just looks away, telling him resolutely, “I will not be Sith.  I will not join the First Order.”

"Rey, the First Order wants to bring stability and peace. There can be no progress where there is persistent conflict. Where crime flourishes, not commerce.  And there are many Rim worlds like Jakku that were completely ignored by the New Republic. Where beings eke out an existence with no government, no schools, no courts."  He looks at his Padme with true pity now.  “And where orphaned girls starve and scavenge to survive.”

He has scored a hit.  Rey makes a face.  But still, she dutifully defends the Resistance.  "The New Republic was going to fix all that," she reminds him.

"When did the New Republic ever help Jakku, Rey?  When did it ever help you?  My mother and her cronies had their chance.   The New Republic was a failure and now it is gone."

"It didn't fail!”  Rey objects. “It was destroyed by the First Order."

"And in turn the Resistance destroyed our base,” he counters.  “This is a war and everyone has blood on their hands.  The Resistance and the New Republic have no moral authority in this conflict.  Don't be fooled by my mother’s high-minded rhetoric of peace and justice."

Rey looks troubled. "Well, maybe I want to be fooled," she confesses. Her voice grows soft. "You mother fools me, Kylo Ren."

"She fools a lot of people,” he has to admit.  Kylo sighs and his shoulders slump with the effort.  “My mother is a terrorist, Rey. It's all she will ever be." The sad truth of his family bungling their leadership is a sore point for Kylo.   But he wants Rey to know the truth.  "After Endor, my mother and the Rebellion leadership had a chance to begin anew. And they floundered. All they knew was the underdog role, how to foster discontent and disorder. None of them had the vision or the skills to build something new.”  Kylo scowls in bitter frustration.   “They were not prepared to lead then or now."

Rey says nothing so Kylo keeps talking.  He wants Rey to understand that she has been roped into a fool’s errand and she will pay for it with her life.  “Rey, both my mother and my uncle live in the past.  They are each desperate to bring back an idyllic history that never existed. It's a grand illusion." He gives her a long, measuring look. "You’re a smart girl, Rey.  Live in today. The galaxy that is now, with the solutions that work now."

"Is this what you wanted to tell me?” she complains.  “A recruitment speech for the First Order?" He sees Rey glance at the door.  "Look, Kylo, even if everything you say is true, I will not join the First Order.  I just . . . can’t."

Can’t?  More like won’t, Kylo thinks.  But he’s not giving up.  "The First Order is rising.  We are the future.  One day we will rule the galaxy."

"And that’s what you Sith want, right?" she asks plainly. "To have all the power and control you can?  To rule the galaxy?"

He nods. "I'm a Skywalker. It's what we do."

"Not Master Luke," she reminds him.

Kylo scoffs at this.  "That’s only because Luke Skywalker wasn't brave enough to take up the challenge. Darth Vader offered it to him—did my uncle tell you that, Rey?  Vader offered to rule with his son by his side and my uncle turned him down flat." Kylo can’t keep the contempt from his tone now, for this is one of his uncle’s more inexplicable decisions.  "Over thirty years later, Luke Skywalker still runs from his responsibilities and hides from the galaxy. It falls to me and to Snoke to put our family back in power."

“The First Order will prevail,” he vows.  “Once more, the Sith will rule the galaxy and we will have peace.”  Kylo steps forward and now stares deeply into her eyes.  Rey needs to understand this next point very clearly.  “We will not let anything or anyone stand in our way.  Not Luke Skywalker.  And not you, Rey.”    

Kylo watches as she visibly swallows.  Yes, she has understood him.

“Rey, you can stay with Skywalker and become a Jedi and die, or you can come with me and live."

She opens her mouth to object, but he overrides her.

"If you become Jedi, my Master and I will hunt you down and kill you. That's what happens to most Jedi: they die. Your best case scenario is to end up in exile alone. Skywalker has spent fifteen years alone on an island. Kenobi waited twenty years in a desert. Yoda died after twenty-five years alone in a swamp. Is that what you want? To go back to a life alone where you mark time by making scratches on the wall? Where you slowly go mad from isolation?"

Again, Kylo sees that he has scored a hit.  He knows how lonely his Padme’s life has been.  How needy all those years of neglect have made her for attention.  And how frightened she is to be alone again. 

Rey looks miserable now as she confides, “Master Luke told me that I will have to kill you.”

“Is that what you want?” he demands.  “And don’t tell me it’s tempting, tell me the truth.  Do you really want to kill me, Rey?  Is that how you want us to end?”

Rey doesn’t hesitate:  “No.”

He didn’t think so. 

“I don’t want to kill you either, Rey.  I never want to hurt you.”  He’s searching her face now, willing her to see his view on this.  “You need to leave Skywalker now.  Because if you stay with him to become Jedi, then we are on a path to kill one another.”

“I—I” she stutters for a moment, at a loss for words.

So he presses his case.  “Leave Skywalker. Leave the Resistance. Be with me."

But while she looks torn, she also looks wary.  "I could never trust you, Kylo Ren.  You can’t trust the Sith.”

Again, his girl is parroting the platitudes she has learned from his uncle.  “Rey, in my life it has been the Jedi who have lied to me and not the Sith.  I trust the Sith.  The Sith do not lie.  They don’t need to.”

Rey looks like she’s about to cry.  "You would just use me to get to Skywalker.  You’re just using me now, aren’t you?  You don’t care about me--"

"Rey, I have known where Luke Skywalker hides for months now," Kylo reveals.  He needs to convince Rey to trust him.  "You yourself led me to Skywalker when you returned from here the first time."

"What??  No, I found that homing beacon," she protests.

"There were two, Rey. You didn't find the second."

"There were two," she echoes, a look of horror on her face. "You and the First Order are going to kill Master Luke," she whispers.  Then her eyes grow wide.  “And I am responsible . . . “

"We don't need to kill Skywalker so long as he stays in hiding. He can wait awhile longer on that rock he calls a temple."

"But you could kill him at any time," Rey states the obvious.  She’s trembling now at the thought.

“Yes,” Kylo confirms. "Yes, at any time these past several months, I could have ordered a strike on the Jedi Temple on Ahch-To.  But I didn't, Rey.  Because of you.   Because you were there, and you might have been killed too."  He gazes on her lovely face now, wishing for the umpteenth time that the politics and war that divide them would simply fade away.  But he’s a Skywalker, so things are never simple. 

A sudden realization comes to Rey. "But you knew when I was off-world. When I was here with you."

"Yes, and still I did not order a strike."  Kylo steps even closer now.  "Rey, I wanted you to train with my uncle. I wanted him to give you a start in the ways of the Force, the way he did for me. I wanted us to share that experience.  But the time has come for you to break with Skywalker and move on.  I don’t want to force that to happen by killing him and capturing you.  I want to be your free choice, Rey."  After all, Darkness is a choice, his Master always says.  Kylo lifts a hand now to stroke at the curve of Rey’s cheek.  It’s so hard to keep his hands off this woman when she is finally here in person and not a shadow in a dream.  “I don’t want you as my prisoner, Rey.  I want you to want me.  Like I want you.”

The look she’s giving him now is heartbreaking.  And insight rushes up to remind Kylo that this young woman has had very few true choices in her life.  Life on Jakku was full of many small everyday choices, but never big ones like this.  She’s utterly unprepared to make this sort of decision, he realizes. 

"You have amazing potential Rey. Has my uncle told you that?  In time and with proper training, you will become very powerful in the Force. I see it and Snoke sees it too. But the longer you stay with Skywalker, the more danger you are in.  You need to leave, Rey, before it's too late."

“I need to think—“

“You need to stay with me.  Here.  Now.  I will keep you safe and I will make you happy.”

"But I've only just begun my training--"

"I can complete your training.  I will teach you whatever you want to learn about the Force."

"How do I know that you're not just going to kill me?" Rey wails.  For still, she does not trust him.  And he’s not surprised.  His Rey didn’t survive all those years on Jakku by trusting easily.

So Kylo tries to reassure.  "I'm not going to hurt you. I wish you would believe me. I am not your enemy, Rey."

And now she blurts out more of her fears.  "How do I know that you're not going to turn me over to Snoke?  And then he will be the one to hurt me?"

"Snoke will tolerate you, if you are with me." 

Rey doesn’t understand. "Why?"

"Because Snoke needs me. He'd never admit it, but he does. If you want to live, Rey, then you need to be with me.  This is the only way."

Rey shakes her head. "I’m no fascist, Kylo.  I will not join the First Order."

"You don't have to."

"I won't join Snoke. I won't fall to the Dark Side."

"You don't have to. But you do have to leave Skywalker and be with me."

“I need to think--”

“No,” he keeps pressing.  Kylo sees her wavering and he pushes hard.  “You need to decide.  Now.”

“I need to think.  I need time,” she stalls.  “I need time to think through this, Kylo.”

“There isn’t time—“

“Give me a week,” she bargains, her words tumbling out fast.  “I’m going back to the Resistance next week.  They’re having a memorial service for the anniversary of the Hosnia System.  I’m supposed to attend.  Find me on my way back, Kylo.  I will have an answer for you then.”

Kylo doesn’t like this plan at all.  If Rey spends a day listening to eulogies about First Order genocide, she will run from him.  Not to him.

"You are putting yourself in great danger the longer you stay with your Jedi," he warns.

“I understand.  Give me a week.”

Kylo considers now whether to just keep Rey here by force.  But he dispenses with the idea.  It’s too soon to resort to that, he thinks, and it will forever destroy her trust.  But pushing further today will not be fruitful.  So Kylo will trust in the Force to bring her back to him.  For Rey is his destiny, he knows.  Rey is his Padme.

And so he counters.  “I will give you a week, if you give me a goodbye kiss, Rey.  Leave me something to remember you by.”

And that makes her smile.  Rey has a beautiful smile.  “Deal.”

Five minutes later, his mask and gloves are back on and he’s walking Rey back to the hangar bay to her ship.  The X-wing is refueled and recharged and ready to go, as Kylo had ordered.  But unfortunately, it’s also flanked by a waiting General Hux.  He’s holding Rey’s borrowed flightsuit and the name badge ‘Skywalker’ is showing face up.  No doubt that clue did not escape the careful general’s notice.

“We missed you at the meeting.”  Hux’s words are for Kylo but his eyes rake over Rey.

“I’m sure you handled it well,” Kylo bites back.  “I know how good you are at micromanaging petty little tasks.”

Hux ignores the gibe.  “So you cannot find the map to Skywalker, Ren, but you can find a girl who knows the Jedi well enough to borrow his clothes.”  Hux lobs the wadded up flightsuit straight at Rey.  She catches it and darts wary eyes Kylo’s way.

“Stay out of this, Hux,” Kylo warns.  “This is none of your affair.”

“Shall I arrest her now or will you?”  Hux pauses, then motions over to a pair of waiting stormtroopers.  “Okay, I’ll do it.”

Kylo freezes the advancing troopers with the Force.  And now his tone is pure menace, pure Sith.  “She is not a prisoner.  She is free to go.  She has my protection and the protection of the Supreme Leader.  Neither you nor anyone else on this ship may arrest or harm her.  Is that clear, General Hux?”

“This is my ship, Ren—“

“That you share with me,” Kylo overrides him.  “She is a matter for the Sith, General Hux.  Do not interfere.”

Hux glances over at the frozen troopers and scowls.  The Force thoroughly intimidates Hux, Kylo knows.  “Never bring your Resistance slut aboard my ship again, Ren,” Hux barks.  Then he gives Rey a glare and stalks off in a huff.

Rey follows his retreat with her eyes.  “He’s the guy who makes the speeches, right?  I don’t like him.”

“No one does,” Kylo informs her.  “Ignore him.”

Rey looks troubled a moment, then she nods.  He sees that she’s in a nervous hurry to leave now thanks to Hux.  In seconds, she’s back in the flightsuit and warming up the ship.  And then she is gone. 


	7. Chapter 7

Rey’s heart wants very much to trust Kylo Ren.  But her head warns her sternly not to do so.   And Rey listens to her head.  She did not survive scavenging all those years on Jakku by taking foolish risks.  Because then, as now, she has too much to lose. 

 

But a loud and vocal part of Rey wants nothing more than to flee to the _Finalizer_ and melt into the arms of the Sith.  Because Kylo Ren promises to make her happy and to take care of her.  Because Kylo Ren is a powerful, famous man who has his pick of women but still he wants Rey.  Because Kylo Ren gives her rapturous kisses and he has great hair and that sexy, lopsided smile.  Because learning the Force from Kylo Ren might actually be fun.  And because the ugly mask that used to scare Rey is kind of hot now that she knows the intense and intriguing man who lurks beneath.

 

And then, like Luke Skywalker, Rey would simply ignore the war that rages around her and let someone else be the hero.  On Jakku, Rey had watched from afar the galaxy's conflicts.   Why not do that again?  Kylo has told her she doesn’t need to join the First Order or the Dark Side.  Rey would go back to being a bystander once again, just an ordinary citizen.  And that's all Rey has ever been.  She's not a Skywalker after all.  She's a nobody. 

 

It's a girlish fantasy of happily ever after.  Self-deceptive in its optimism.  Amusing to contemplate but not realistic.  Rey knows that when you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas. And if you lie down with a Sith?  Well, Rey suspects that the consequences will be far worse.

 

And so even with the taste of Kylo Ren's final kiss lingering on her lips, Rey knows what her decision will be in a week’s time:   she will decline Kylo's offer to join him. 

 

But she will heed his warnings about her training.  Maybe the Sith’s scenarios are valid, but even if they are not, they are certainly a convenient excuse.  And truth be told, Rey has been looking for an excuse to abandon her training.  For months now, she has been lonely and unhappy as a Padawan.  And the appeal of being a Jedi hero has tarnished now that Rey better understands how little contentment the Jedi life has brought Master Luke.  Plus, the solitary, celibate Jedi life holds far less appeal now that Rey has felt strong desire in the arms of a man. 

 

Yes, Rey has lots of reasons to abandon her training.  But there is one overriding reason that clinches it.  And, really, the rest are just justifications.  Because it all boils down to the fact that Rey does not want to kill Kylo Ren.   

 

General Leia will be very disappointed in her.  Rey dreads telling her.  Somehow telling the General is far more daunting than telling her Jedi Master.   Frankly, Rey is not certain that Luke Skywalker will even care much if she leaves.  Or whether he will even be surprised.  Master Luke will go back to talking to his birds and communing with long dead Jedi heroes.   Probably resigned to sit and wait at his temple for the next young person with the Force to show up and seek his knowledge.

 

Yes, Rey is decided:   she will leave her training. 

 

But what then?

 

More and more, Rey is realizing that going back to fight with the Resistance is not a viable option.  For if Kylo can find her in the Force in hyperspace, then surely he can find her with the Resistance.  And that will only end up endangering their cause.   For every Resistance mission she is on, every base she is at, is potentially compromised to the First Order by Rey’s very presence. 

 

Rey has the same problem if she returns to Takodana to seek Maz Kanata's advice.  Rey would love to hear old Maz explain how she ended up with Luke Skywalker's lightsaber and how she knows of the Force without being a Jedi.  But Rey had unwittingly been the cause of the First Order descending on Maz once before and she does not want to yet again bring war with her.  For as long as Kylo Ren can find her in the Force, there are no safe havens for Rey.  Anywhere she goes, Rey will risk summoning the Sith. 

 

And that means Rey needs to convince Kylo to let her go.  Rey plans to propose a compromise.  She will abandon her Jedi training and sit out this war.  And in exchange, she will live an ordinary life on her own. Rey will settle in a neutral system and get a job as a mechanic.  And who knows?   Maybe with enough time and distance, her crush on the First Order's Sith Apprentice will fade into memory. 

 

And then perhaps when the time is right, another man will come along and Rey will have a second chance at happiness.  And if all goes well, maybe even a family of her own one day.  Then the ghosts of the past will finally be forgotten and Rey will have achieved everything she has ever wanted:   To get off Jakku and to belong with and to somebody.  

 

Oddly enough, deciding what to do turns out to be the easy part for Rey.  For it's a relief to finally acknowledge her unhappiness and to plot a new future for herself.  Deciding how and when to break the news to everyone is far more daunting. 

 

After much consideration, Rey decides to wait to tell General Organa after the upcoming memorial service.  Rey knows that the General will be very busy and she won't need any distractions from her focus on the tasks at hand.  Plus, Rey thinks it appropriate to speak first to Master Luke in person.  So she plans to break the news to Kylo on the way back to Ahch-To after the memorial.  Then she will speak first with her Master and then with General Organa.  And after that, her new life will begin.

 

Is it risky to tell Kylo first? Maybe.  But convincing Kylo is key to the ultimate outcome, so she might as well get it over with.  How will he react?  Rey doesn't know.  If this has all been a ploy to get Rey to abandon her training, then he should be satisfied.  And if Kylo does truly care about Rey herself then he should respect her wishes.  He should want her to be happy, right?   And as tempted as she is by Kylo Ren, it’s hard for Rey to see how she could ever be happy with the Sith amid the First Order.

 

A week later when Rey arrives back at the Resistance, preparations are already underway for the Hosnia memorial.  It is to be a far larger spectacle than Rey had realized.  It won't be held at the main Resistance base, of course.  It will be held on a Republic World with a longtime pro-Resistance government.  There will be dignitaries and honored guests, eulogies and testimonials, invocations and poetry.  All in all, there will be much pomp and circumstance. 

 

Leia Organa, the Resistance general, Rebellion heroine and New Republic matriarch, will preside.  And that is especially fitting, as the Princess of Alderaan is herself one of the few survivors of a lost world.  No one in the galaxy comes close to the gravitas of Leia Organa when it comes to honoring the victims of genocide.  For no matter what her Sith son might think, Rey knows that Leia Organa has all the moral authority on this point. 

 

What Rey didn't know was that she, the late Han Solo, Chewbacca and Finn are to be specially honored for their roles in destroying the Starkiller oscillator.  For without their extreme bravery, General Organa tells Rey, the Resistance pilots would never have succeeded in destroying the Starkiller.  Rey protests that she was along by accident as an escaping prisoner.   Chewie, Finn and Han did the bulk of the effort, Rey contends.  But the General will hear none of it.  Leia Organa herself once escaped the Death Star as a prisoner and tagged along with her rescuers, and she knows that these missions are a team effort.  I might have been the damsel in distress that time, the General says with a twinkle in her eye, but I did as much saving of others as they did saving of me.  And that ends that discussion.  

 

The General is a longtime leader who appreciates the benefits of symbolism and good political theatre.  The Resistance is determined to put on a good show that will win the hearts and minds of the galaxy. Let the First Order have their show-of-force military parades with fascist salutes and shouting manifestos, the General tells Rey.   The Resistance stands for peace and justice.  And to represent this commitment, everyone is requested to wear white. 

 

Leia Organa loans Rey a gown for the occasion.  It is white, long sleeved and high necked in the demure style associated with the General’s home world of Alderaan.  We will be broadcast live over the holonet so you need to be camera ready, Leia Organa says with a wink.  Then she insists that Rey submit to the ministrations of her own personal grooming droid.  An hour later, Rey has glossy waves of dark hair, pink lips and even a spritz of the General's own perfume.  Rey sits meekly through all the beautifying.  Partly because she is curious.  But mostly because she basks in the motherly attention of Leia Organa fussing over her. 

 

You look beautiful, Rey, the General tells her when they are finished.  And looking at her unfamiliar reflection in the mirror, Rey has to agree.  Some small traitorous part of her wishes that Kylo could see her looking this pretty. 

 

Finally, the memorial begins.  It is fittingly poignant.  Many in attendance wipe away tears more than once, including Rey.  But the cameras are on, so she keeps up her smile.  Inwardly, though, Rey is in turmoil.  For standing there honored for her bravery and introduced as a future Jedi, Rey starts to have second thoughts.  For everyone in this room and many watching from afar on the holonet are depending on her.   They believe in her.  And Rey is about to let them all down. 

 

* * *

 

 

Kylo happens to glance over at the chief intelligence officer's display as the Sith stalks onto the bridge.  It's the holonet video feed from the Resistance cry fest they are calling a memorial service for Hosnia.   Not to be outdone, the First Order has its own spectacle planned for tomorrow to honor its martyrs at Starkiller Base.  But today at least, the PR win is for the enemy.

 

Kylo stomps behind the officer. "Put that on the main screen but kill the sound.  I don't want to hear that woman talk."   And now the video feed is magnified large and Kylo can see what he's looking for.  It's not General Leia Organa standing front and center at the podium.  It's the crowded dais full of supporters who amass in solidarity behind her.  And up front just behind his mother, Kylo sees Rey. 

 

"Know thy enemy?"  Captain Phelps, Hux's second-in-command, walks up. 

 

Hux is right behind his subordinate.  The general snorts.  "Ren knows the enemy better than most."

 

Kylo ignores the dig.  He’s focused on Rey. 

 

His Padme looks serene and lovely in her formal white dress and flowing hair.  She has a medal hanging around her neck, as do the traitor and the wookiee.  Chewie finally got a medal, Kylo smirks.  His father would be laughing his ass off right now if he knew.   But Kylo spent hours in a bacta tank thanks to that wookiee's crossbow and he himself is not amused.   Then Kylo watches as the traitor leans over to whisper in Rey's ear.  Whatever he says brings a smile to her face and Kylo is instantly jealous.  Next, he sees the traitor move to link hands with her and now FN-2187 just earned himself a top spot on Kylo's

‘must kill’ list behind his uncle. 

 

"Which one is Skywalker?" Hux interrupts Kylo’s reverie.

 

"The Jedi isn't there," Kylo informs him. 

 

"Skywalker's trainee is," pipes up the chief intel officer.  "I've been listening in to the audio, Sir.   The trainee is the girl in front with the medal.  She was introduced as the next Jedi earlier."

 

The Resistance made that public??  Kylo stalks forward towards the screen.  Hux and Phelps follow at his heels. 

 

"Is that your girl, Ren?" Hux squints at the videofeed.  "It is!  A Jedi, no less. Oh, the irony,” he smirks.

 

Again, the chief intel officer pipes up with inconvenient news.  "The Jedi girl was honored with the other two for planting explosives on the Starkiller oscillator.  She’s in our system, Sir.  Our face recognition software identifies her as a detainee picked up on Takodana.”

 

“She was at the Starkiller?”   Hux is turning purple now.  Starkiller Base had been his command and his pride and joy.   “Your Resistance girl destroyed my Starkiller?”  The general is livid as he stalks over to Kylo.  “If I see her onboard my ship again, I will kill her myself, Ren,” he warns.

 

“No, you will not,” Kylo responds calmly.  “She has the protection of the Supreme Leader—“

 

“She is Resistance!”

 

“That’s what you are meant to believe,” Kylo responds with deliberate vagueness.  “She may not be harmed.  By you or by anyone else.”

 

“We’ll see about that!”  The redheaded general storms off from the bridge.

 

Kylo ignores him, preferring to focus back on Rey.  He watches as again she exchanges glances and smiles with the traitor at her side.  And it’s all too much for Kylo to witness.  His Padme holding the handsome traitor’s hand with a medal to commemorate the First Order’s most bitter defeat encircling her neck.   His Padme standing behind his mother and near the chair left empty in homage to his fallen father, displaying for all to see her allegiance to those who had hurt him most.   His Padme announced publicly as Jedi and thereby made a celebrity enemy of his cause and the ancient foe of his Sith tradition.   Yes, today his Padme is everything in opposition to him.

 

Seeing her now, beautiful and happy as she embraces all that Kylo Ren has disdained, his heart sinks.  Because he knows now that Rey won’t be coming here today to join him.   And that is a disappointing and grave mistake, he knows.  For whether Rey likes it or not, she is his destiny.  And history has not dealt kindly with fools who attempt to subvert the destiny of a Skywalker. 


	8. Chapter 8

 

The landing cycle is complete. The X-wing canopy opens and Rey glances off to see Kylo Ren striding from the far side of the hangar bay towards her ship. As always, he moves quickly with his arms tensed and fists clenched.  Kylo Ren does not walk his star destroyer, so much as stalk it.  Rey is relieved to see that there are no stormtroopers trailing in his wake.   The Sith is alone.

Kylo knows that she has come for he had passed the _Finalizer_ 's coordinates to her himself. In her mind through the Force from lightyears away. It had taken only a moment of intense concentration to make the mental connection. The knowledge of how easily Kylo Ren can penetrate even her waking thoughts makes Rey wonder what she may already have unconsciously revealed to him.  Part of her feels like a fool to have even come back here.  Kylo Ren is a very dangerous man.  But she had promised him an answer and, unlike her faithless family, Rey keeps her promises to return. 

She stands in the cockpit to remove her helmet and brush hair from her eyes. General Leia had remarked on Rey's hair and then reminisced about how her late husband had loved her own long hair. And so Rey had been persuaded to wear her hair down for the memorial ceremony.   Afterwards, she had not taken the time to pin it back up.  Rey now busies herself stripping off her flightsuit. It is bulky and is not designed to be worn over a dress.  Once it’s finally off, she scrambles down the ladder.

"Hello, miss."

The voice is friendly but unexpected, and Rey whirls around.   A young man in a grease stained First Order jumpsuit stands holding a fuel hose.   Evidently, he recognizes her.  "Nice to see you arrive here awake this time. I'll get you topped off and ready to go back out. These old T-65s really suck fuel, I've heard."

"Yes. Yes, they do." Rey smiles absently at the tech.  Her mind and her senses are focused on the approaching Kylo Ren.  And on the awful conversation she has been dreading.  "The hyperdrive is not very efficient," she mumbles.

"Great to see one of these old ones still flying though." The tech hooks the fuel hose up beneath the fuselage and glances over at her. "Nice dress. I knew that uniform from before had to be a fake.  I bet my supervisor five credits that you weren't really Resistance."

"Really?"  The irony of that comment makes Rey smile again.   For now that she has been all over the holonet with a medal around her neck, people are bound to start recognizing her as Resistance.  "Er . . . what gave me away?"

"He did." The tech nods in the direction of the fast-approaching figure in black. "Ren likes to carry you out of here in his arms. That's not normal procedure for prisoners."

Rey blinks at this reveal.  Kylo Ren carries her in his arms?  Really?  She had never given any thought to how she had ended up on Kylo’s bed. 

"Guess he likes you."  The tech winks and gives her another easy smile.  Rey smiles back, watching as he abruptly stands to attention.  “Sir.”

Kylo Ren is standing directly behind her now. When she turns to face his mask, Rey is still smiling.

"Come."

They walk together side by side across the hangar bay.   The _Finalizer_ is crowded and busy and she and Kylo are getting some curious looks.  But Rey does not notice the attention for her mind is on other things.  Together, she and Kylo sweep past a scowling General Hux who is waiting to board a shuttle.

“Nice dress," Kylo remarks from her side.

"It's your mother's. She wanted me to stand next to her at the memorial ceremony. She insisted that I look the part." The graceful long white dress is by far the nicest thing Rey has ever worn. Truth be told, she hadn't wanted to take it off.   When afterwards General Leia had pressed Rey to keep it, Rey had not argued.

"Yes, I saw on the holonet,” Kylo replies.  “It's still a nice dress. This way." He ushers her into a waiting elevator, stepping past several queued officers. The officers nearly leap out of their way to show deference to Kylo Ren, and the Sith never breaks stride as he moves her through and past them.

When the door slides shut and they are alone Rey asks, "Is everyone onboard afraid of you?"

"Most," he replies.

Together, they exit the elevator.  As they make their way through the remaining corridors, the crowd parts automatically to let them pass.   Seeing this reaction repeated over and over, Rey is starting to understand what it means to be Kylo Ren, the feared commander of the First Order’s flagship of 50,000. 

Soon they are at his quarters.  Kylo rips off his mask as soon as the door whooshes shut. How handsome he seems to Rey now.  Even with the faint scar she had given him. Watching him now, Rey regrets giving him that scar.  In her shadowy dreams, Kylo doesn't have that scar.

"You look beautiful," Kylo tells her abruptly.  She can feel his sincerity. "Very beautiful, Rey.  More beautiful than on the holonet.”

She nods but does not smile.   For the time has come for the conversation that she has been dreading.

“So . . . have you reached a decision?” he prompts her, crossing his arms over his chest.  He looks especially intimidating like that, she thinks, and it’s worrisome.

"Kylo--" she begins and then falters.  Rey had rehearsed her speech in her mind the entire flight here.  But now the carefully worded rejection she had memorized deserts her.  Rey has never been much for verbal posturing. Life on Jakku was conducted directly.  You said what you wanted and you said what you meant.  And consequently, smooth social niceties do not roll easily off Rey's tongue. 

Kylo stands looking at her expectantly.

So Rey tries again. "Kylo, I can't--I mean I have decided that--what I mean is--"

"You’re turning me down."  He gets right to the point. 

Rey nods.

There is a flash of hurt, she thinks, across his angular features.  But Kylo recovers fast.  The hurt is replaced with anger. 

"You are turning me down." Kylo says it again.  And his voice has an ugly, dangerous edge to it.  She sees his chest rise and fall now and it’s almost like Rey can see him losing control. 

Rey finds her tongue and now the words rush out.  "We can't be together, Kylo.  We just can't.  I could never be happy with you here at the First Order."

"So should I just kill you now, Jedi?  Will that make it easier??"  Kylo’s chest is truly heaving now as his temper visibly rises.  His dark eyes bore into hers and for a moment, Rey thinks she sees them flash yellow. The Sith looks ready to kill her on the spot.  But strangely enough, Rey isn't frightened.  It's been a long time now since Kylo Ren has frightened Rey.  Not since the Starkiller.

"Should I kill you now?" he roars again and his sword hilt flies into his right hand.  "Is that what you want??"

But Rey stands her ground.  "I am leaving Master Luke.  I don't want to be a Jedi.  I have known that for a while now, but you helped me to recognize it, Kylo.  Thank you for that.  I am not the right person for the Jedi life."

Kylo says nothing.   He just stands there sucking in deep breaths with his unlit sword at the ready.  His brow is lowered and his face is dark.

Rey keeps spilling out words, wanting to get it all out before Kylo explodes on her.  For it’s very clear that this conversation is heading fast for a confrontation.  "I'm not going back to the Resistance. I'm through with war.  I'm going to start a new life someplace quiet and safe.   I found a droid in the desert and I got caught up with the Resistance and then with you.  It has all been a mistake."

"It was the Force," he growls.

"This is over, Kylo.  We could never make each other happy.  There is too much conflict surrounding us.  Too much conflict between us.  So whatever this is--whatever we are--it is a mistake."

"It is the Force!" he hisses.

Rey keeps trying to reason with him.  Her voice cracks now from the stress of the moment.  "I wish things could be different for us.  Or maybe I wish that we were different people, Kylo.  But we're not.  And this attraction--this connection--it is a dangerous mistake for both of us."

"It is the Force!" he roars at her.

"This is not the Force!” Rey wails back her rejoinder.  “This is two lonely people with nothing in common who have no hope for a future!"

"We have the Force!" he shouts again, as if this is everything--or maybe the only thing--necessary for happiness.

"No!  All we have is war, Kylo!” she retorts.  “And that's not enough for me!” 

"I'm going from here to tell your uncle and then your mother that I'm leaving.  I'm going to let them down.”  Rey’s composure starts to crumble as she confesses, “I'm going to let everyone at the Resistance down, Kylo.  Do you know how many people died searching for the map to your uncle?  A lot!  Every single one of those deaths will now be in vain because first your uncle and now I am walking away.  And letting them down.”  Rey feels a tear leak down her cheek now.  This has been such a hard personal decision so many months in the making.  It is difficult for Rey to put it all into words.   “But that's why I am not cut out to be a Jedi.  Because I would rather live for myself than die for their cause.  Because I am Rey from Jakku and whatever happens, no matter how hard things are, I survive!"  She is emphatic now, waving a finger at him.  “I survive, Kylo, I survive!”

"Rey--"  Kylo takes a step forward now.

But she stumbles back and raises her hands.  Shaking her head, she warns him, "You need to let me go and live my life. That's the deal, Kylo.  I won't become a Jedi and I won't fight in this war. I won't kill you, you won't kill me.  And I get to move on without you in my dreams and you in my life.  You leave me alone from now on!  That’s the deal."

And now Rey has said her peace.  She wipes furiously at her tears.  “I know it’s not what you wanted, but it’s the best I can offer, Kylo,” she mutters.

He stares at her in silence a long moment.  And then another long moment.  Rey begins nervously shifting her weight side to side.    

"No."

"No?  No??"  And now Rey is glancing towards the door as she mentally plots out a quick escape.  Stupidly, she had left her saber in the X-wing.  She’s alone on an enemy star destroyer without a weapon.  Yes, clearly she is not cut out to be a Jedi.

"This is the Force, Rey,” Kylo informs her in a tone that will tolerate no dissent.  His eyes have a zealot’s gleam.   “This is destiny!  You and I are meant to be together."

Destiny?  Rey wrinkles her nose.  Only the megalomaniacal Kylo Ren would think that his actions are the work of destiny.  "This is not destiny, this is you!  Stalking me, kidnapping me, haunting my dreams--"

And now Rey is the one who sounds out of control, for Kylo’s voice is calm and measured.  That’s how certain he is of the truth of his words.  "Your future lies with me, Rey.  Search your feelings.  You know it to be true."

His comments frustrate Rey, for she has been thinking of nothing but this issue and this conversation for days now.  And she is done searching her feelings and second guessing herself. Her mind is made up.  And neither the Resistance memorial service tugging at her heartstrings nor tonight's grandiose Kylo is going to change her mind.

"I’m leaving now," Rey tells him as she eyes the door.  For this conversation is only going to get worse, she fears.  She may have to make a run for it.

But Kylo is having none of it.  "We're not done yet," he warns her sternly.

"Yes, we are," Rey corrects him.  Then she whispers unhappily, “I’m sorry, Kylo."

The Sith just lights his sword.   Rey flinches at the sound.  "I'm sorry too."

Rey takes a step back and then another as Kylo advances. She attempts to dart to the side but expertly his glowing blade hems her in.  He keeps marching her back.  And soon her back hits the wall. There's nowhere left to run and the saber keeps coming closer.  

"There is only one deal, Rey,” the Sith says softly.  “And it's that you are with me."

"I can't--"

"You want to--"

"But I won't--"

"Yes, you will.” 

Rey shakes her head and finally he explodes, “You will, or you will die!" 

His blade flashes up to her throat now.   Rey’s eyes dart between the sword tip and his face, silently beseeching him.  But Kylo doesn’t even seem to notice.  For he looks utterly miserable.  And Rey realizes that Kylo is about to deal with his anger and rejection the same way he dealt with his Padawan classmates and his estranged father.  With violence.   

"Oh, Kylo,” she whispers.  “This won't make things any better for you."  Hurting her won’t take Kylo’s hurt away.

He lowers his chin and steels his resolve.  His words are part pep talk for himself and warning to her. "I have the strength to do his!  I can do this!"

She sees his strange yellowish eyes again.  Rey is reminded now of the furious Kylo who had yelled the challenge ‘Traitor!’ at Finn in the Starkiller woods.  For before Rey stands a man convinced of his opinion and lusting for violence to prove himself right.  You cannot disagree with him and he cannot be rejected.  Not if he kills you first. 

“Killing me won't make you less lonely,” Rey says softly.

“I killed Han Solo,” he breathes out and again Kylo’s words sound like a pep talk.  This is crazy, unhinged Kylo Ren.  A man dangerously unpredictable and prone to violence.  Rey suddenly thinks of old Master Luke talking to birds and ghosts of long dead Jedi Masters.  Maybe all the Skywalker men are a little crazy, she thinks. 

“You don’t want to kill me,” Rey tries again to reason with him.   She sees him wavering and takes a chance now.  That saber is awfully close.  “Kylo, if I am truly your destiny, then let me go.  Fate will help me find my way back to you, right?  If you are right, then you have nothing to lose . . . ”

He nods at this.  Speaking his thoughts aloud.  “Destiny . . . you are my destiny, Rey.”

“You said that you wouldn’t hurt me,” Rey babbles.  “And if what you say is true then I think—“

“You think?  You think??” Kylo sneers impatiently.  “Stop thinking, Rey, and feel!”  Abruptly, he deactivates his sword and then jabs the hilt deep into her side.   Kylo has her pinned up against the wall now with his saber ready to ignite into her torso with a flick of his thumb.  And all Rey can think of in the moment is watching Han Solo die.

“Feel!” Kylo growls as his lips descend hard and fast on hers.  “Feel like a Sith feels.”

He buries his free hand into the roots of her hair, dragging her head back roughly as he deepens the kiss.  At first, his lips are harsh and angry on hers.  Dominant and punishing.  But as Rey yields her mouth up to his, he softens and suddenly his kiss is hungry and needy.   And this is the crux of the matter, Rey senses.  For she has hurt him and desperately he needs reassurance.   

Rey understands the hurt of rejection.  For she spent years on Jakku struggling with the aftermath of her own rejection.  And so where another woman—a prouder, polished, more socially self-confident woman--might be indignant at Kylo’s reflexive violence, Rey’s instinct is to placate and to soothe.   For she is the little girl grown who had never had anyone to dry her tears, hold her tight and kiss it better.   She is the lowly scavenger who knows the bitter taste of others’ offhand scorn.  Rey has never wanted to hurt Kylo.  But hurt is unavoidable in a situation like this.   And nothing brings out empathy in Rey like another's hurt. 

And doesn’t Kylo know that this is hurting Rey too?  That she is sacrificing too?  For Kylo Ren is such a temptation to her.   As seductive as Kylo’s kiss may be, it’s his promises to keep her safe and make her happy that are like a siren’s call to Rey’s long neglected heart.  For the Sith offers Rey the care and the belonging that no one else ever has.  To be desired by this fearsome man makes her feel powerful. Makes her feel valued after a lifetime of neglect. 

Her arms creep up around his neck and Rey is clinging to him, her body stretched the length of his as she responds to his kiss.  And when he kisses her like this, Rey loses her head in the moment.  It is a heady rush of desire that consumes her.  Rey wants more.  His mouth is on her neck now and she moans out his name softly.  “Yes,” the Sith hisses.  “Embrace your passions.  Feel their power.”      

Rey senses the saber hilt between them tumble to the floor.   And now both his hands roam her body freely in a dance of passion.  She’s not wearing her rough Resistance jacket this time.  She’s garbed in thin silk that provides very scant barrier between them.   So as Kylo thumbs at her nipples and strokes at her breasts, Rey sighs out her pleasure.  If she could, Rey would stay forever in the arms of Kylo Ren.

He pulls back from Rey now.  His eyes are confused and searching hers.  “You want this—you want me—“  It’s both a question and a statement.

“Oh, Kylo.” Rey blinks up at him.  “I wish things were different for us.  In a different life—in a different time, I might . . . ”  Rey stops before she says too much.

“You might what?” he demands hoarsely.  When she hesitates, her face growing hot and flushed, Kylo shakes her.  “Tell me!” he demands.  “Tell me!”

“I might have grown to love you,” she whispers, cringing with embarrassment at this awkward admission.  For what pathetic girl would love a Sith who just had a sword to her face?

“L-Love me?  You could love me?”  Kylo steps back now.  No longer is she smashed hard into the wall.  Kylo reaches for her, tugging her forward to clasp her tightly in his arms.  All his rage and aggression seem to evaporate.  Kylo is holding her now as if she were the most precious thing in the universe.  And the whiplash seesaw of this unstable Sith’s emotions has her reeling. 

“Then, love me, Rey.  Please, I want you to love me.”  Rey hears the weight of his fervent whispered words through the Force.  He means this.   He truly means this.  "Love me, marry me and you will never be alone again.”

“W-What??”

“Marry me.  Be my family, Rey, not my enemy.  Give in to destiny."

“We barely know each other,” Rey sputters.  “And you want me to marry you?”  Has this Sith heard nothing that Rey has said?  She wouldn’t agree to be with him, so why would she agree to marry him?  This is impossible.

“Yes.  Marry me, Rey.  Be my lady.”

It is a strange corruption of a fairy tale: a handsome prince has arrived to sweep Rey off her feet and give her all she could desire.  Only her prince is a violent Sith Apprentice who holds a sword to her face and warns that to spurn him means death.   Her prince is a fascist who fights for the First Order and murders his father.  Yet still, her prince promises the same happy ending from the storybooks: safety, security, family, marriage.  Her head tells Rey that Kylo Ren will break those promises.  But her heart wants them all the same.  In the moment, Rey is tempted.  So tempted.

And he senses it. He raises a finger to her lips to forestall her objections.

“You don’t have to say yes, Rey.  Just don’t say no.  Please . . . don’t say no . . .”

It is a raw moment of weakness.  He still needs the hope of a future together and maybe, Rey thinks, she wants this too.  Could there be a way for her and Kylo to forge a life together?  Rey is skeptical but suddenly willing to leave the possibility open.  Especially if it means she gets to live.

“Leave Skywalker and leave the Resistance.  Start your new life.  But leave room for me, Rey.  Don’t fight our destiny.”

“O-Okay,” the word comes out before Rey even considers the consequences.  She doesn’t precisely leap at the chance but . . . well, maybe she does.  But it feels right.  So, Rey repeats herself with more conviction.  “Okay, Kylo.”

He strokes at her cheek as he nods his own agreement.  “Nothing ends today between us, Rey.  Things change, but nothing ends.”

“Yes,” she agrees.  But then suddenly frowns.   Something flashes up to Rey’s mind through the Force.  Pain.  There it is again--urgent and sharp.  Rey has felt another's pain and it hurts.  Terribly.

“W-What?” Kylo asks warily at her expression.

Rey steps back in Kylo’s arms and then abruptly breaks free of him. The pain is acute and strong.   Rey concentrates a long moment.  Then she walks past Kylo to stare out the viewport windows into the depths of empty space. "Master Luke," she whispers. "Master Luke is in pain."

Whirling around, Rey faces Kylo with accusing eyes. "What have you done?" she demands.  “What have you done to Master Luke?”

Kylo frowns at her.  "Nothing."

His denial rings true in her ears.   Kylo looks as perplexed as she feels. Had he too felt the ripple in the Force?  Rey concentrates and there it is again. Pain.  And anger.  Rising, pulsing anger.  Dark anger.

Rey looks to the Sith.  "Kylo, I must go to him.  Master Luke needs my help.  He’s in trouble.  He’s . . . hurt.”


	9. Chapter 9

Once again, Rey had burst into his life and then left.  Seeing his Padme in person is like a rush.  For their separate lives mean that there are no casual interactions between he and Rey.  There is an intensity to their connection and to their conflicts that makes each encounter meaningful.  Kylo Ren spends hours afterwards in meditation reliving their fleeting moments.  Today is no exception.

From across the hangar bay, Kylo had a clear line of vision to Skywalker's battered old X-wing as it landed.  He had watched as Rey removed her pilot's helmet. Long brown waves had tumbled down and she had tipped her head back to shake out her curls. It was a simple gesture, but it seduced him.  Instantly, Kylo had been reminded of his Force vision from months earlier.   Then, Rey had been speaking to a hangar tech when Kylo had walked up.  And when she had turned to face him, she was smiling.  A broad, genuine smile.  Kylo had stared for a moment, reminded once again of his Force vision from months earlier. This was no coincidence. The future had been foretold to him nearly a year ago, and today it was playing out before his very eyes.  Kylo Ren had felt an instant surge of Dark power.

The Force was with him.

But still, Rey had turned him down. 

His Padme would agree to leave Skywalker but she would not agree to be with him.   And while Rey’s decision was not unexpected, it still had disappointed him.  Angered him.  Frustrated him.  For you cannot fight destiny.  And woe to those fools who try.

He will begrudgingly admit that it was brave of Rey to turn him down in person.  His valiant girl had looked him in the eye as she had rejected him.   That had taken courage.   Thousands of faceless underlings skitter from his path on his star destroyer, desperate to avoid his notice.  Even some First Order senior officers have difficulty looking him in the eye.   But Rey?  Rey had stood her ground.  Yes, his Padme is worthy of him.

Her rejection, however, had not been worthy of her.

But, truth be told, rejection is a familiar sentiment for Kylo Ren.  Growing up, everyone had rejected him.  His father had done it over and over again each time Han Solo had disappeared with Chewie.  Sometimes for a year or more at a time.  His overscheduled mother had been too busy to be bothered to do it herself.   Leia Organa had dispatched personal assistants and nannies to ferry him away.  First off to a string of elite boarding schools.  Then, once he had finally managed to get himself expelled, young Ben Solo had been packed off to his Uncle Luke.  

Ironically, his Jedi Master uncle had spent far more time him than either of his parents had.  But the infinite patience the Jedi showed to the other Padawans seemed to desert him with his own nephew.  Ten minutes of instruction had been his uncle's limit before Luke Skywalker would throw up his hands and walk away, always muttering ‘I cannot teach him.’  And it was true.  So while all the other Padawans progressed in the Force, Ben Solo sullenly looked on from afar.  Jealous of his classmates’ achievements and also of the personal attention they received.   He began retreating for hours and then days at a time into the wars of the past that so captured his imagination.   His mind consumed by Clone War-era lore and tales of his long dead hero grandfather.   Ben Solo had never wanted to be a Jedi in the first place.  But now, he sincerely doubted that he had requisite talent anyway.

And then, finally, like a breath of fresh air into his misery had come Snoke.  Old Darth Plagueis had told young Ben Solo the truth.  Unfiltered through points of view, Snoke had stated the facts of the past simply and cleanly.  And for that, he earned his Apprentice's forever trust.  For the truth had explained so much.  His uncle’s frustration and reluctance to teach, his mother’s irrational insistence that he become a Jedi, and his father’s willingness to wash his hands of the whole affair early on.  For Han Solo had seen in his petulant, angry adolescent son the inherent Darkness that no one else would openly acknowledge. 

The wily old Sith Master had taught his new Apprentice a simpler, more pure version of the Force.  Without limitations or conditions.  Without ancient dogma or confusing platitudes.  It had been a revelation when his new Master had encouraged Kylo to use his emotions rather than to bury them.  To embrace his desires and harness his feelings.  Power came effortlessly now and it was sharper and more potent. 

His renewed confidence had rekindled his long dormant interest in the Force.  His teenaged self now found the purpose in life that he had been lacking.  His talent in the Force would combine with his knowledge of military strategy and political history.  He would be Sith, like his grandfather and his great-grandfather in the Force before him.  And in doing so, he would leave behind his family and his failings.  A Sith lord will not be denied and cannot be rejected.  For the Dark Side feels no pain and knows no emotional hurt.  After all, you need to care in order to be hurt.  Otherwise, you are indifferent.

And so, it has been many long years since the Sith Kylo Ren has cared about anything enough to feel rejected.  But today, he had been rejected.  And by his Padme, no less.

Rey will not be Jedi.  That decision alone is a victory.  But it is not enough.  He is Sith and he wants more.  He wants it all.  It’s not enough for Rey to no longer be his sworn enemy.  Kylo wants Rey to be an ally.  His very personal ally.  His lady.

It had taken his sword, his kiss and her tears, but Rey had relented to temper her decision.  Kylo has faith that, in the end, he will get his wish.  Because in time the Force will return Rey to him one way or another.  Kylo Ren is not a patient man, but he can be patient for things worth waiting for.  And his Padme is definitely worth waiting for. 

Plus, when it comes to Rey, the Force is with him.

But for now, she is running home to Skywalker.  Walking Rey back to her ship, Kylo could feel her consciousness stretching out through the Force, her senses on alert for any signal from the old Jedi.  Kylo himself had felt the ripple in the Force that had alerted Rey to trouble.  That had surprised him.  It has been many long years since Kylo Ren has perceived any connection in the Force to Luke Skywalker.  Somehow, he himself must be connected to whatever is happening now.  Not that Kylo is particularly concerned.  For the only real danger to Luke Skywalker is Snoke, and Kylo knows that his Master is not involved in whatever is happening today.   Knowing his uncle, no doubt the old Jedi is needlessly fretting and it’s all just a false alarm.

Uncle Luke always liked to fret.  And mostly, he had worried over the Dark Side.  Concerned that the Skywalker legacy is Sith and not Jedi, that it is Darkness and not Light.  For there is much Darkness in old Luke Skywalker.  Snoke contends that the Skywalkers are born to be Sith, that they are Dark princes one and all.  But Kylo himself is not so sure.  Mostly, he thinks, the Skywalker heritage is a legacy of mastery. Whether in the Light or in Darkness, Skywalkers are born to rule.  His grandfather had ruled the Empire with Darth Sidious, his mother now leads the Resistance and what is left of the New Republic, and his uncle is the sole surviving heir to the Jedi tradition.  Each generation has chosen its side and risen to lead.   One day soon, Kylo too will rule.  And he wants a fitting partner at his side. The Skywalker line must continue.  And the Force has sent him Rey for that purpose.

But his Rey is the Light.  And so how can the Skywalker legacy be limited to Darkness?

Admittedly, Rey's Force powers had been her initial attraction.  He’s a Sith and he lusts for power, after all.  But from their first meeting, Kylo secretly had liked Rey and admired her.  Plus, there is a spark between them.  A chemistry that draws them to one another that is separate and apart from physical allure.  It had taken until today for Kylo to even notice that Rey’s beauty is considerable.  So taken had he been by everything else about Rey.

Before, he had thought Rey to be pretty in a youthful, simple fashion.  But today his Padme was something different entirely. It had been a visual jolt to see his Jakku scavenger girl looking so expensive and utterly alluring.  Plenty of his crewmen too had fallen under Rey's spell, judging by the number of second looks she garnered as they strode through the _Finalizer_ 's crowded hallways. When Rey finally is his, Kylo will dress her up in the red and black of the First Order and she will be the queen of his flagship.   And he will kill any man who dares give Rey a second look, though Kylo wants them all to be tempted to try.

Beauty, brains, valor and the Force.  Altogether it is a heady combination in one woman, he thinks.  When Rey had stood before him saying words of rejection with her hair tumbling over her shoulders and her lips glossy and pink, she had looked every inch a Jedi princess.  In the moment, Kylo had never wanted her more.  And so the Sith had decided not to take no for an answer.

How ironic that a woman this beautiful and accomplished is still so lonely.  So ripe for the picking.  Has the reclusive old Jedi been afraid to care for Rey, fearing to lose her like his other Padawans?  Well, the Jedi is losing Rey.  Just not in the way he had expected.  His uncle had probably worried that Kylo would kill her.  But the old eunuch Jedi had missed the real risk--that Kylo might seduce her instead.  His uncle might have prevented this by showing Rey some attention beyond her training, but now it is too late.   And for whatever reason, FN-2187 appears not to be a rival for Rey’s heart.  The traitor must be in the friend zone, Kylo thinks.  FN-2187 might get to publicly hold Rey’s hand and whisper in her ear, but it is Kylo Ren who feels her up and kisses her breathless up against the wall of his star destroyer.

And so now, all he has to do is wait.  Once Rey has broken with the Resistance and with Skywalker, Kylo will set her up in a private love nest on some world of her choosing.  And then things will progress slowly and naturally between them.  There will be no artificial urgency from stolen moments and no risk from clandestine meetings between lovers on opposite sides of a war.  There will be time for her to grow to trust him and, perhaps as she has promised, even to love him.  Rey will be his respite from the unrelenting stress of war and he will be the Sith protector and provider Rey that won’t admit that she needs.  Rey can work as a mechanic or do whatever she desires so long as she is there when he visits.  And he plans to visit often.  And then, when the time is right, he and Rey will slash hands and pledge forever in the moonlight.  She will be his Padme, he will be her Vader.  A Sith and his lady, joined together forever in the Force, til death do they part.

Kylo is standing on the busy bridge of the _Finalizer_ , lost in this delicious fantasy of their future, when suddenly the Force vision comes to him.

Amid darkness Rey's face appears, terrified.  She is on her knees, pleading with someone standing over her. Somewhere close by a lightsaber ignites, and then another.  Betrayal.   A man's voice is speaking harshly of betrayal.

Is this the future? Will Kylo himself one day be threatening Rey again with a lightsaber?  Will Snoke? Who will Rey betray?  Kylo has to know.  Is the saber red?  Is it mine?  He concentrates hard and the vision shifts. This must be the future.  For the future is always in motion.

Kylo’s mental vision blurs, then refocuses, and he recognizes Rey's own weapon.  Where is the other sword?  He had heard two swords ignite. There it is.  It is his grandfather's Jedi lightsaber.  It is gripped firmly in the mechanical hand of Luke Skywalker and it is swinging unchecked for Rey's throat.  Her eyes are squeezed closed in anticipation of the killing blow.

"NO!"

He must have spoken aloud, for the background buzz of voices immediately quiets.   Kylo ignores the crew, giving all of his focus to the rapidly dissolving vision.  But it is gone.  Slipping fast from his mental grasp.  And with it, all the clues Kylo needs to understand what will happen.

Rey had left less than an hour ago headed back to Skywalker.  Thinking that she is coming to her Master’s rescue when in fact she is coming to her death.  For Luke Skywalker is waiting for Rey with his lightsaber.  And now Kylo Ren understands why he had felt the tremor in the Force from Luke Skywalker.  It had been anger he had felt directed at him from his old Jedi Master.  Anger at him and anger at Rey.  

And that can only mean one thing:  that the old Jedi knows about he and Rey.  But what does he know?  And how?

"Ready my shuttle!" Kylo barks at the nearest officer. "NOW!"

His mind is churning, doing the mental math on transit times.  The hyperdrive on Rey’s X-wing is decades old and far slower than his command shuttle.  There is still time to catch her if he leaves now.  Right now.  Kylo begins striding purposely from the bridge now, brushing impatiently past Hux and his entourage who crowd the entrance.

Hux.  Kylo pauses, wasting precious seconds as insight rushes up to him through the Force.  Memories of the general not once but twice threatening Rey.  As recently as this morning.  Hux who had threatened to arrest Rey.  Hux who knows that Rey helped to blow up the Starkiller.  Hux who hates him and has for years.  The young general fancies himself a rival but he is too much a coward to strike directly against him.  Instead, Kylo suspects, Hux has struck against Rey.  Indirectly, of course.

Kylo suddenly has his suspicions about how Skywalker had learned about he and Rey.  But there is no time to deal with this now.  The reasons don’t matter, only the outcome does.  Kylo Ren has to get to his shuttle.  Now.

At least the Force had warned him. Once again, the Force is with him.


	10. Chapter 10

Master Luke must have sensed her approach, for the Jedi is waiting for Rey as the X-wing touches down on the grassy field beside the Jedi Temple.  He is not alone.  Master Luke and General Leia Organa stand together outdoors in the rapidly fading Ahch-To twilight. Two of three moons have already arisen, casting a bright silver glow on their matching hard expressions. They have never looked more like siblings to her.

Like Rey, the General is still wearing her formal dress from the Hosnia memorial ceremony.  She too must have come to Luke’s aid in a hurry.  Had the General sensed her brother’s pain in the Force like Rey did? 

Now, the sense of pain is gone.  Danger.  Rey senses danger.   But there is no sign of the First Order and Master Luke and the General seem at least outwardly calm.  Whatever this danger is, it is not readily apparent.

Still, Rey is out of the ship fast. "What is it? What's wrong?" Rey calls as she flings off her helmet and quickly steps out of her borrowed flightsuit.  The flightsuit is so bulky over her dress that Rey can’t move in it.    And she knows that she needs to be able to defend herself and the Skywalker twins.  This time, Rey makes sure to grab for her lightsaber.   “Something’s wrong . . . I know something’s wrong,” Rey says as she rushes up to her Master.  “I felt it in the Force.”

The pair exchange glances. The General speaks first. "Come inside, Rey, we need to talk."  Her tone is kind but her demeanor is grave. This is not the same woman who had brushed Rey's hair earlier this morning.  And all that Rey can think is that somebody’s dead.  Somebody important to them is dead or hurt or captured or something equally awful has happened.  Because the General is acting in that strange, careful way people do when they are about to deliver very bad, lifechanging news. 

"No," her Jedi Master objects. "We will talk here. Now."

It is uncharacteristic of Master Luke to be impatient. But she senses her Master's Force imprint is blazing hot with anger and disappointment.  Yes, something is very, very wrong.

Rey nods.  She’s worried now that they are both so worried. "Yes, of course. What's wrong?" she asks again.  No one answers her.

"We were expecting you earlier, Rey. Where have you been?" Leia Organa is looking at her strangely and there is a crease between her brows.

Rey has been expecting to hear bad news of the Resistance, not questions for herself.  "At the Hosnia memorial with you, ma'am."

“You left as soon as it was over, Rey.”

"Yes,” Master Luke interrupts. “My sister left after you, Rey, and yet she arrived here hours ago." Rey has never heard this sharp tone from Master Luke. "We will ask you again, Padawan. Where have you been?"

And now Rey knows that her quick stop at the _Finalizer_ that deviated her hours off course has been discovered.  She looks from the General to her Master and back again.   Then Rey swallows hard.

As if sensing her guilty thoughts, her Master produces a datapad from the folds of his Jedi robes. He thrusts it at her silently.

Rey steps forward to accept it and begins swiping though the files. They are a series of pictures that all reveal the same thing:  Kylo Ren and herself standing beside Luke Skywalker's X-wing in the hangar bay of a First Order star destroyer.  The earlier pictures have the grainy quality of standard surveillance footage.  But the most recent shots are very clear and taken from close range.  Sometimes, she’s wearing the flightsuit in the pictures.  Sometimes, she’s in her Resistance uniform.  And the pictures that must be from today show Rey in the dress she’s wearing right now.

Altogether, it’s very incriminating.

"The Resistance received those today, Rey.”  General Leia sounds weary.  She crosses her arms over her chest and looks at Rey closely.  “We received the first batch during the memorial service, as a matter of fact.  The rest—the pictures from today--came about an hour ago.  The time and date stamps on the older pictures go back several months.  And Luke here tells me that they correspond to days you were off-world on errands.  Our best guy at intel checked these out, Rey.  He is of the opinion that these pictures are not faked.  That they are indeed you and Kylo Ren."

Again, Rey swallows hard.  Master Luke will not even look at her, so she hands the datapad back to his sister. "They are not fake," Rey admits quietly.  There’s no point in lying about it.

"So you won’t deny this?" the General asks, a tinge of hope in her voice.

“No."

"But can you explain it?" the General asks again, gesturing with the datapad.

Can she explain this?  She can try. "I was not there voluntarily. I was dumped out of hyperspace somehow and brought onboard. I never learned precisely how the First Order located me.  Kylo Ren just said that he found me in the Force.  Afterwards, I was released.  Kylo Ren just wanted to talk, nothing more. I did not reveal anything."  It is a quasi-truth, but not the whole truth, and her omission sings out in the Force to the Skywalker twins.

Leia Organa Solo is quick to follow-up. "And what about today?  We know that you were there today." She punches at the datapad a moment and then hands it back to Rey.  This latest picture is from mere hours ago.  Like the rest, it shows Rey standing with Kylo Ren and the X-wing.  Except in this picture, Rey is smiling.

"Yes. I was there today," Rey admits with a sigh.  “I came from there just now.”

Master Luke is becoming visibly upset, and his sister lays a hand on his arm in warning. "Were you captured again?" the General wants to know.

"No." Rey meets the General's eyes to keep from looking at Master Luke. Suddenly, she feels so ashamed of her actions. She should have told Master Luke about Kylo Ren months ago.  She had wanted to, she had even tried to a few times, but she had never actually done it.  Instead, she had kept compounding the transgression.  Meeting Kylo and dreaming of Kylo and even kissing Kylo. 

And so Rey is shameful as she admits, "Today I was there voluntarily.  He sent me the coordinates this time.  Through the Force."

The General and her brother exchange worried glances. "What were you doing there, Rey?  Tell us." Leia Organa is striving to be fair, but it is clear that she is deeply troubled by what she is hearing.

"He only wants to speak with me," Rey says softly.  And again, it’s a sort of half-truth. 

"You're lying!" Luke Skywalker hisses at her. His arms are crossed and Rey sees little flashes of blue fire run up and down his sleeves.  It reveals to her just how close Master Skywalker is to losing control through the Force. He is very, very angry with her. "Tell me what Ben has promised you."

"He has offered to train me," Rey confesses. "It is the same offer he made before in the woods on the Starkiller.  It is nothing new.  I refused.  He is persistent."

"There is more to this, I know it!" Luke Skywalker accuses.  And again, his sister lays a steadying hand on his arm.

“Does Ben want you to join the First Order?” General Organa asks.

“No.”

And this answer perplexes her.  “Then what does his offer to train you mean?  Doesn’t he want to train you in the Dark Side? To join Snoke?”

“No.”

“Then what is he after?” General Organa wants to know.

Master Luke has heard enough. "You know what Ben is and you know what he's done. And yet you would hide this from me?  You agree to meet with Snoke's Sith Apprentice and he is offering to train you.  And yet you would hide this from me?”  Luke Skywalker’s face is livid and his voice has risen to a near shout.   “Why, Rey?"

“I don’t see handcuffs or stormtroopers in these pictures.  You’re even holding your lightsaber in a few of them,” General Leia observes quietly.  "You look at ease, Rey."

"No!" Skywalker corrects his sister sharply. "She looks happy!  In the last one, she looks happy to see Ben.  Happy to see the kid who murdered even the youngling.  Happy to see the kid who murdered his own father.  Happy to see the worst enemy of the Republic and the Resistance.”  The Jedi flashes her a hard look.  “You look like you’re meeting a friend and not an enemy, Rey.”

Rey says nothing.

“Just how well do you know my nephew, Padawan?” her Master demands.  “For how long has this been going on?"

"I have only been there four times, Master Luke."

Luke Skywalker steps forward to look coldly into her eyes. He studies her for a long moment. Then his lip curls with disgust. "Ben's been in your head, hasn't he?" Rey hesitates to answer and her Master commands her, "Answer me!"

"Yes, Master." Rey looks away, thoroughly ashamed now. "He has. I couldn't—I couldn't stop him like I did on the Starkiller."

Master Luke steps back and lowers his chin to peer at her. Through the Force she feels his deep disappointment and surging anger. "I trusted another Padawan once, and he betrayed me. He betrayed us all into Darkness.  And the result has been death and destruction for fifteen years.  Answer me, Rey! Have you betrayed us too?" Rey's lightsaber flies from her grip now and into Luke Skywalker's outstretched hand and ignites. Suddenly, she is staring at its lethal blue blade held steady at her own throat. "You’re not telling us the whole truth, Rey. Have you betrayed secrets of the Resistance to the First Order?  Have you betrayed me to Snoke?"

"No—no, Master Luke. I have not—"  Not intentionally, that is.  For Kylo now knows where his uncle hides thanks to Rey.

"Have you agreed to join them?  To let Ben train you?"

"No—no!"

With a flick of his wrist, the Old Jedi swings the saber forward with a lunge, testing her. She rears back, stumbles over her long dress in the darkness and goes down hard on her knees.  Rey hears the immediate snap-hiss of another saber igniting.  She lifts her head to view two blue blades crossed before her at eye level. The tip of a sword hovers just above each of her shoulders.  Rey is cornered.

"You fool! If Ben has been in your head, then he knows everything!" She hears Luke Skywalker's words in her ears and through the Force. This is not her patient, kindly teacher. This is a bitter man enraged at feeling betrayed. "I will never train another Sith. Never! I renounce you, Padawan. Forever."

"Luke—"

"No, Leia. This has to end now." Looking down at Rey, his voice is cold and unforgiving. "For so many reasons, I did not want to train you, Rey.  But I was persuaded and I trusted you.  And you have betrayed me.  Do not think that I will let you live to join Snoke, Rey.  I will not make the same mistake twice." He stops speaking abruptly, suddenly looking up above her head. Once again, blue fire crackles along his hands as the old Jedi struggles to remain in control. "You have brought him here!" Skywalker accuses.

The landscape before Rey flickers now with artificial light, and Rey hears the sound of a spacecraft landing close by behind her. From the low whine of its cycling ion engines, it is large and heavy. And it has been set down hard and fast.   She hears a landing ramp deploy.

Without turning around, Rey is absolutely certain that Kylo Ren is on that ship.  And from the look on their faces, Master Luke and his sister know it too.

"Ben," Leia Organa breathes out her son's name aloud. She shoots Rey a look of horror and then turns panicked to her brother. "Luke, don't do this! You promised us—you promised Han--"

But the Jedi is focused only on Rey. "You have brought him here." Luke Skywalker's shoulders slump and suddenly he seems to be a very old man. But still he expertly holds steady a pair of lightsabers to her neck. "You have betrayed both my teaching and my sanctuary.  And you kneel before me and lie to my face about it!"

"No, Master Luke, no—" A tear runs down her cheek. Behind her, Rey hears fast, heavy footfalls down a metal ramp. 

"This ends now, Padawan." Master Skywalker repositions the two sabers slightly. The old Jedi is breathing heavily now and he has death in his eyes.  Rey knows what is coming next.  And so does his sister who now averts her head and covers her eyes.  I'm sorry, Master, Rey thinks. I never meant to betray you.  She never even got a chance to tell Master Luke that she was leaving her training.  But all in all, that’s just as well.  And it doesn’t matter now anyway.  Nothing matters.

At least it will be instant and she will feel no pain.  This is a clean, easy death, not like starving in the desert.  Not like dying of thirst because she has run out of hydration tablets.  And there is no death, there is only the Force, Rey reminds herself.  I will be one with the Force and the Force is with me. 

Resigned, Rey blanks her mind and closes her eyes.

"NO!  STOP!" The footsteps from behind come to a halt, and she hears a third lightsaber ignite. It is the dual snap-hiss ignition of Kylo Ren's crossguard lightsaber. "DO NOT HURT HER!"

Master Luke pauses to hold back the killing stroke.   All around Rey, the air fairly crackles with tension.  For here are four of the galaxy’s remaining Force-users, three of them from the reigning first family of Chosen Ones.  Dark and Light have come together once more in deadly conflict.  And Rey herself hangs in the balance. 

Rey feels the Force swirling about her now in the frenetic fashion that always signals change.  Master Luke has taught her that Force-users are agents of change in the universe.  And when they meet in opposition, the consequences are inevitably far larger than the superficial struggle reveals.  There is always a winner and a loser, the Jedi has warned, even if everyone walks away unscathed.   Dark and Light might each be eternal, but the balance of power continually shifts.  And with it, the fate of the galaxy. 

So too, Rey’s fate.

"STOP!"  Kylo Ren commands again. "You will not take her from me!" His voice rings out clear and loud. Rey realizes that he must be unmasked.

The blades of two lightsabers keep her from turning around to see him.  Rey can only watch the faces of Master Luke and his sister. Leia Organa is staring behind Rey as if she is seeing a ghost.  Master Luke's face is pure rage as he faces down his former pupil.

"You should not have come back, Ben." Luke Skywalker is no longer focused on her.

"I haven't come for you, Jedi.  I came for her.  Only for her.  Now let her go!"

"I could kill you where you stand, Ben Solo," Luke Skywalker warns. "Without lifting a finger."

Rey sees the General's eyes widen with fear and she turns to her brother. "Luke, no!" she hisses. "You promised!"

"Let her go, Jedi!" It is Kylo's voice again, and it sounds closer.

"Don't take another step, Ben, or she dies."

"Mother," Kylo tries another tactic. "Mother, don't let him hurt her.  Rey is blameless."

Rey can see that the General is trembling. She is staring transfixed over Rey's head at her long-lost son. Rey has only known Leia Organa as a steely, resolute leader. A woman cool in a crisis and efficient amid chaos.  But in this moment, she looks paralyzed with fear.  In this moment, Leia Organa is more bereft wife and sad mother than general and leader.

"Mother, please." The General says nothing. She just stands there blinking.  Rey knows that she has not seen her son in almost fifteen years.  The General must be seeing him now as a man for the first time. 

Luke Skywalker looks thoroughly unimpressed by Kylo’s dramatic entrance.  "Tell me, Ben," the old Jedi demands. "Why should I show her the mercy you would not show your own father?"

It is the ultimate question.  And for a long moment, Rey hears only the hum of the lightsabers poised at her neck.

"Tell me, Ben!" orders Master Luke.  Beside him, his sister flinches.

When Kylo finally speaks, his words are a sneer. "Because you're supposed to be better than I, Jedi.  Isn't that what you've always taught? That the Light is good. The Light is patient. The Light forgives."  Incredibly, Rey hears Kylo extinguish his lightsaber. "I'm asking for mercy and you want to kill. Which of us, Uncle, is in Darkness now?  Who is the one seeking revenge?  The one consumed by anger?"  Kylo’s voice is acid mixed with contempt.  “Tell me, Luke Skywalker, who is the Sith tonight?”

This confrontation has been years in the making, and the conflict is no longer about Rey.  And maybe it was never about Rey.  For the hurt her Jedi Master has nursed for fifteen years in solitude is laid bare in all its awful rawness.  And it is the clear predicate for his reaction tonight to condemn her.

"I could forgive a confused teenage boy who was manipulated into killing my Padawans, Ben." Luke Skywalker's voice is calmer now, but absolutely cold. "But I can never forgive a grown son killing the father who had come in peace to save him. I can never forgive a fanatical butcher who is complicit in the destruction of entire worlds."

"Really, Uncle?" Now it’s Kylo’s turn to be unimpressed. "Darth Vader had more blood on his hands than I do. Much more Jedi blood on his hands.  And yet supposedly you forgave him."

"That was different."

"Is it? There is Darkness in every Skywalker, and you know it.  We are born for Darkness!  But you, Uncle, you learned to rise above it. To control it.  Wanted me to learn the same. Then show me, Master Jedi, show me now how you defeat the Darkness within.  Live your sanctimony, Jedi.  Be the example and let her go.  Let her go now."

The argument hits home. Master Luke stares hard down at Rey for a long moment, wavering.  Seeing this, Rey remembers Kylo warning that Luke Skywalker knows all about Darkness because he fears it in himself.  Kylo is right, Rey realizes.  And she seizes on this point.

"Please," Rey begs softly. "Don't do this, Master.  You don’t really want to do this--"

And now Kylo is the pressing her case too.  "Do not blame her, Jedi. This was my doing, not hers. She never wanted to betray you."

"Please," Rey begs again.  “Show mercy—“

"Let her go!  Your fight is with me, not her.  She’s on your side, Jedi."

Skywalker says nothing. He just stands there, staring down at her.

"Do not blame her, Jedi.  She could not resist me. You did not teach her enough to resist me."

"Padawan," her Master won’t even use her name now. "Ben says that he has come for you. Are you certain that he what you want?"

Rey hesitates.  She’s confused.  Is Master Luke truly offering her a choice? 

“There is no turning back from this . . . no turning back from him,” Master Luke warns.  “Once you start down the Dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.”

And again, Rey hesitates.  But now a familiar whisper is in her head, loud and urgent. It is Kylo Ren's voice for her alone: ‘Say yes. This is the only way, Rey.’

"Well, Padawan?  Is Ben what you want?"

Once more, Rey hears Kylo’s voice in her mind.  ‘This is destiny tonight.  Come with me. I am your future.’

The hum of two lightsabers poised at Rey’s neck fills her ears.  It’s the second time in hours that Rey has had a lightsaber at her neck.  And she wonders now if Luke Skywalker is the more dangerous choice for her than Kylo Ren.  Master Luke surely would have killed her already, had Kylo not come for her. And neither he nor his sister will ever trust her again.

They lose faith in her, but the Sith keeps his.   For Kylo has come for her.  He’s taking an awful risk to come for her.  Rey’s own family had never come back for her, but this Sith who says he wants to be her family did come back.  She’s the throwaway kid from Jakku but the feared Sith Kylo Ren wants her.  He wants her like no one else has ever wanted her.  And he wants her enough to stare down a Jedi Master to get her.

The survival instincts that had sustained Rey on Jakku kick in now and Rey is decided.   "Yes. Yes, Master Luke. This . . . he is what I want."  Rey takes a deep breath now.  “I do not choose Darkness, but I choose him.”

With this answer, the old Jedi extinguishes his lightsabers and steps back. His anger seems to dissipate completely. Rey scrambles up, holding his gaze as she backs away quickly. She thinks that she recognizes pity in Luke Skywalker's faded blue eyes.   For Master Luke looks so sad, so terribly sad.

Kylo reaches to pull her close with his left arm. His right arm is still extended with lightsaber in hand, ready to ignite in a split second. They stand together for a moment in a half embrace. The night wind whips her white dress and his black robes around them. They wait in silence.

Then Kylo speaks in a low voice to her, his eyes never leaving Luke Skywalker. "Get on the ship and prime it for takeoff. However this ends, Rey, make sure you get away.  Leave me here if you must.  Find my Master and he will protect you." Then he thrusts her behind him. "Go!"

Partway up the shuttle ramp, Rey pauses to turn around. Master Luke and his sister are standing side by side now, holding hands and watching Kylo.  Rey thinks she sees the shine of tears on the face of Leia Organa. The lightsabers the Jedi had held to her throat lay deactivated on the ground before them.  Kylo is still standing firm, tensed for a fight.  But his saber too remains off.

The breeze plays with the robes of the Jedi and his sister and it lifts the flowing black hair of Kylo Ren.  But no one moves.  No one speaks. 

This was once a family, Rey realizes. But now it is a stalemate.  And it is a microcosm of the larger conflict, for this family is as fractured and dug in as the broken galaxy they compete to rule.  And in this private, personal war there too is no chance of compromise, no hope for peace.   For these are the Skywalkers.  Four generations of men and women gifted with the Force, burdened by ideals, and torn apart by ambition.  Family, power, love and the Force intersect differently each time, but the result is always the same.  Lost dreams.  Lost love.  Lost children.  And billions dead on the sidelines of all this hubris, dysfunction and pathos.  

Watching them now and knowing them each, Rey wonders if their differences are really the source of the conflict.  Maybe the problem is that the Skywalkers are too alike to get along.  Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa are both as uncompromising as Kylo Ren is dismissive.  But all three are deadset on the same damned fool's idealistic crusade that their father or grandfather was.  Trying against daunting odds to make things the way they want them to be.  Yes, they are Dark or Light, Jedi or Sith _._  But while they come at life from different perspectives, their dogged determination, romance for the past, and zealotry are oddly the same.   Because, in their own way, each wants their ideas to rule the galaxy.

Finally, Master Luke speaks. "I have foreseen this.  A year ago.  It was one of many options the future could take, and now it has come to pass.  I know where this leads." The old Jedi exhales a sigh and seems to shrink with it.  "Take her. Take her and leave, Ben. Never come back. Promise or no promise, next time I will kill you on sight for what you have done to the Jedi and for what you plan to do to that poor foolish girl."

Then the Last Jedi puts his arm around his sister and the pair turn and walk away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was the original impetus to write this fic a year ago. I loved the idea of our would-be lovers getting found out and then Luke Skywalker being shamed by Kylo into letting Rey go. 
> 
> I also love a good Skywalker family brawl. There is at least one (sometimes several!) in every one of my stories. The outcomes and the participants change but the drama is all the same. These chapters also are always pivotal plot moments in my stories. I think my favorite Skywalker fight is in Fulcrum Part Two when Kylo loses it watching Snoke resurrect his dead wife. And, well, the consequences of that blow-up are ugly. But by far the most intense Skywalker brawl is Kylo versus Leia towards the end of Fulcrum. I wrote that chapter from Kylo's perspective of the fight initially but then decided to only show it in memories/flashbacks minutes later when Kylo meets with Rey. It was just too vicious and harsh for readers to see that unfold real-time. It was too dark, even for Fulcrum. (But still, Fulcrum Chapter 31 Kylo versus Leia as told to Rey is my favorite writing of that story; I love my anti-heroes achingly vulnerable in the arms of their beloved)
> 
> I also love it when hero Kylo gets to make a dashing entrance to save our girl. This scene actually became the origin of the Kylo-Luke showdown towards the end of Fulcrum with Kylo leaping down from his shuttle to freeze an entire battlefield worth of blaster bolts around Rey. I feel as though we see a lot of pissed off, bumbling Kylo in Force Awakens. So I like to write a commanding badass Kylo now and then who swoops in to save the day. I mean, wouldn't you go running headlong into this guy's arms at the end?


	11. Chapter 11

The silence that had characterized the end of the confrontation with his mother and his uncle continues now between Kylo and Rey.  For even though they are both safely aboard his shuttle and away, Rey still says nothing.  When Kylo had smiled encouragingly at her, she had nodded absently and then looked away, lost in her thoughts.   Staring silently into space.  No doubt processing the enormity of what had just occurred.

Kylo is in the pilot’s seat now and Rey is huddled at the back of the cockpit.  Her arms hugging her shoulders and her face blank.  Glancing back at Rey again with concern, Kylo decides that when he has sufficient proof he is going to kill General Hux.   And he is going to do it slowly.  For nearly getting his Padme killed.  And for hurting her so deeply. 

Sith that he is, Kylo fully recognizes the strategic advantage of what has occurred.  For General Hux has inadvertently driven Rey straight into his arms.  But this is not how Kylo wanted to convince her.  Not with the threat of losing her head.  Darkness is a choice, his Master always says.  And today, General Hux had de facto robbed his Rey of her choice.  But Kylo can’t change that now, so he plans to exploit the opportunity that Hux has created.

He hears a whimper and glances over his shoulder again to see Rey’s shoulders heaving slightly as she sobs.  And seeing Rey reeling like this brings back memories for Kylo.  Memories of being fifteen and bloodstained as he appeared unannounced and ashen faced before old Darth Plagueis.  His wise old Master had known just what to do.  Before he had even confessed to killing his classmates, his Master had addressed Kylo as ‘Apprentice.’  Within hours, young Ben Solo had a new place to live, a new uniform, a new sword and a new name.  That’s how fast it had all occurred.   In half a day, he had gone from Jedi Padawan to Sith Apprentice.  And only then had his Master given him the time and space to work through all that had transpired.  

There is a momentum to change, Kylo sees now.  When it starts happening, it keeps happening.  And then there is a lull to comprehend it all.  That’s how it will be with Rey, he decides.    Kylo grabs his datapad and starts typing a message.  He knows just the person to help him pull off this fait accompli with aplomb.   Rey is about to go from Starkiller heroine of the Resistance to First Lady of the First Order in record time.  There will be no turning back but there will be time to adjust.  And seeing her now, Kylo is certain that Rey will need lots of time to adjust.

Finally, Rey speaks up.  “Drop me on Corellia.”

Huh?  “What?”  Kylo turns around.  He has not been expecting this.

Rey shrugs slightly.  “Corellia is fine.  It’s still neutral, right?  And it’s industrial.  They’ll have factory jobs for mechanics,” she reasons.  “Yeah,” Rey decides without enthusiasm.  “Corellia will be fine.  And it’s not far out of your way.  Any major city will do.”

And now, Kylo realizes that this might be even harder than he had thought.  “Rey,” he says her name softly and waits until she looks up.  “We aren’t going to Corellia.  We’re going back to the _Finalizer_.”

Rey shoots him a look now.  “Kylo, I told you that I wasn’t going to be with you.  Nothing has changed.  We had a deal, remember?”

What does she mean that nothing has changed?  “That deal was before Luke Skywalker nearly took your head off, Rey.  You just went from being the number one hero of the Resistance to being its number one enemy.”

“They let us go,” Rey objects.

“Skywalker declined to kill you.  But that doesn’t mean he’ll feel the same way next time.  And you have as much as admitted to them that you are switching sides when you fled with me.”

“But you said I didn’t need to join the First Order—“

“They don’t know that, Rey.  And they would never believe it if they did.” 

“So what are you saying?” Rey demands.  The set of her jaw and the lift in her chin tells Kylo he may have his work cut out for him.

“I’m saying that you can’t be neutral in this war any longer now.  Your face and name were all over the holonet today so it won’t be as easy to hide as you think it will be.  My mother and her officers are going to realize that you are a threat to the Resistance.  I’m sure that you know plenty of information that they want to keep secret.  Plus, you are half-trained by Luke Skywalker himself.  That makes you a very dangerous enemy, Rey.  The Resistance is not going to let you pull a Yoda and just hunker down somewhere to hang out.    They will be looking for you.  Hunting you.”

Rey covers her face with her hands a moment.  When after a moment she looks up, her forlorn expression reveals to him just how much of a surprise his words are.  His Padme is still in shock.  Still lost in the emotion of it all and not yet thinking through the ramifications.  And those ramifications are considerable, Kylo knows.  Now there will be no love nest on Corellia or anywhere else and no time to romance his girl.  First and foremost, he needs to keep Rey safe.  And that means he is going to have to keep her with him. 

“We’re going to the _Finalizer_ ,” Kylo tells her again.  “You will be safe there, Rey.  I will keep you safe.”

“I won’t join the—“

“I know.  That part of the deal still stands, Rey.  I won’t expect you to join the First Order.  And I won’t expect you to be Sith.  But you’re going to have to come with me back to the _Finalizer_ and we should probably—“ Kylo stops and now it’s his turn to sigh heavily.  Because Rey is not going to like this either.

“Probably what?” Rey wants to know. 

“We should probably get married.”

“What??”  Rey blinks at him.  Then scowls at him.  “No!”

And, ouch, that kind of hurt.  Well, not really. But sort of.  But his girl isn’t thinking straight, so he forgives her.  And he refuses to get angry because at least one of them needs to be rational just now.

“Rey, you were all over the holonet today with a medal around your neck for blowing up the Starkiller.  That’s not going to make you popular at the First Order.  There’s a risk that someone will just take matters into their own hands where you are concerned, Rey.”

“So what you’re saying is that you can’t keep me safe, right?”  Rey’s eyes narrow.  “Then, no thanks, Kylo.  I’ll take my chances on my own watching my back for the Resistance.”

Kylo has to work now at keeping his tone measured and even.  Willing himself to keep control and to not lose his temper.  “Rey, everyone is terrified of me.  If you are my wife, they will think twice before they attempt anything.  But if you are just some random woman on the _Finalizer_ , you are vulnerable.”

Rey leaps to her feet now.  “I’m not going to marry you!  How do I even know that you weren’t the person who sent those pictures of us to the Resistance?   Because that seems like a very Sith thing to do, Kylo!”

She’s right, it is.  So Kylo looks her in the eye.  “Rey, I had no part in those pictures.”

He can’t tell if she believes him.  And dammit, she needs to believe him. 

“Rey, I had no part in those pictures.  I would never jeopardize your safety like that—“

“Really?” She has a hand on her hip now.  “Because I remember your sword at my throat a few hours ago, Kylo!  Was I safe then?”

“I was never going to kill you,” he grumbles.  Maybe she has a point there.  He was pretty ticked.  But well . . . no harm, no foul.  And come on, yes, he occasionally gets in those moods.  But he’s Sith and rage sort of comes with the territory.  Rey will figure that out in time.  She’ll get used to it.  “I didn’t hurt you,” he reminds her, hating how unusually defensive he sounds.

“You sure looked like you were going to!”  Rey retorts.  “I’m not signing up to be your battered wife, Kylo.  No thanks!”  She’s getting angrier by the minute and Kylo knows that it’s anger at the situation more so than anger at him.  But it’s counterproductive.  So, being the tactician that his is, Kylo switches strategies.  He starts being conciliatory.

“Rey, I know this isn’t what we agreed upon.  And I know that this is all happening very fast.  But it’s the right thing to do.  Destiny happens fast and it isn’t subtle.  But there’s no point in fighting it.”

“Stop with this destiny business, Kylo—“

“You are safest with me now, Rey.  On my ship, as my wife.” 

“Maybe you should just put me in a cell,” Rey gripes.

Kylo levels with her, again looking her squarely in the eye.  “Because then you will definitely end up dead, Rey.”   Prisoners are fair game in the First Order after they are interrogated.  Although, female prisoners rarely end up dead.  They get a different sort of treatment.  And Kylo is not about to let that happen.

He sees Rey open her mouth to renew her objections when he raises a hand to forestall her.  “Just think about it, Rey.  We’ve got about an hour of travel time.  You don’t have to decide until we land.  And if you come up with another solution in the meantime, we can talk about it.”

And that punt seems to mollify Rey.  She goes back to sobbing quietly between long periods of staring into space.

Geez, he thinks, they are haggling over marriage like it’s an arm’s deal.  This has to be the least romantic marriage proposal ever.  But marriage is the logical solution in this circumstance.  For beyond just her safety, Kylo wants to give Rey the other benefits of his status in the First Order. The crew might sneer openly at his Resistance lover, but they will show respect for his First Order wife.   Kylo will make sure of it, for he will tolerate no disrespect for his Padme.  And one day, there may even be children.  If so, Kylo wants them to be legitimate in the eyes of all throughout the galaxy.  Because on many worlds with traditional kinship structures and conservative family values, things like marriage and legitimacy matter.   He wants his kids to be Skywalkers in name as well as blood.

And, damn!  His Padme is still crying.  He should do something.  When Kylo himself is upset, he either solves the problem or vents his emotions in violence.  But Rey doesn’t seem to appreciate Kylo’s solution.  So maybe, Kylo thinks, he should just loan her his saber and she can go destroy something in the back of the ship.   But knowing Rey, she might just turn the sword on him. So that’s not a good idea. 

He sighs.  He wishes she would stop crying.  He’s tired of listening to her crying.

Kylo Ren has seen more than his share of tears thanks to his role in interrogations and executions.  He just ignores tears from nameless, faceless nobodies.  But this is Rey, so it's different.  And this uncomfortably reminds him of how his mother used to cry in her room after his father would leave once again.  Young Ben Solo hadn't known what to do back then, so he had just ignored it as best he could.  And that's what adult Kylo Ren is trying to do now.  But it isn't working.

So with a grimace and a sigh, Kylo hauls himself to his feet, stomps over to Rey and reaches for her.  And now she's in his arms and her head is on his shoulder and she's crying harder than ever. With big gulping, gasping ugly cry sobs as she reaches her arms up to hold him close.  He still doesn't know what to do, so awkwardly he pats her back.  And she keeps crying.  Only now, she’s crying all over him.

They stay like that until the ship's hyperspace reversion alarm starts beeping.  Then slowly, he untangles himself and returns to the pilot's seat to land the ship.  It's late and his shuttle has the highest priority so they land almost immediately.  Then Kylo takes Rey's hand to raise her to her feet and to lead her to the exit.  They stand there together just inside his shuttle at the top of the ramp.  Hand in hand.  Kylo turns to Rey. 

"Well?" he asks softly. "Rey, will you marry me?"

Rey wipes at her eyes with her free hand and sniffs a little.  She's mostly regained her composure now.  And that is heartening, for the Rey he knows is strong and resilient.  She survives through it all.  And Kylo wants the heartbreak of tonight with his uncle to be no different than the other harsh travails of her past.  Luke Skywalker is just one more unpleasant experience to be endured and put behind her.

Rey hesitates briefly.  Then nods quickly, nervously.  He must look unconvinced because now Rey nods again and clearly states, "Yes."

Kylo releases the breath he didn't realize he was holding.  Then he jams on his helmet and leads her into her future.

And her future starts afterhours in a First Order conference room. 

Hux strides through the door, looking annoyed. "It's late. What is this Ren?"

The general's cold blue eyes flit over the scene, taking in the two crewmen and Rey standing next to him, gripping his hand. Hux's eyes linger on Rey, observing her disheveled appearance.   From her runny makeup to her red eyes, it is obvious that she has been crying.  Her pristine white dress is now stained from knees down with grass and dirt. Her hair is wild and partially singed on one side from where the wind had lifted it into the blade of Skywalker's lightsaber.

Hux makes no comment on Rey’s appearance.  He just raises an eyebrow.

Kylo turns to the elder of the two crewmen in attendance. "Good, now we have a second witness. You may proceed."

"What is going on?" General Hux demands again.

"We are getting married. I need you as a witness."

"Married?" Hux gapes at him. It is gratifying to have caught the ever cool general off guard. "To her? Now?" The general's tone is incredulous. But, as usual, he is quick with his criticism. "Ren, this is folly."

"No, this is destiny." Kylo Ren's tone is sharp _,_ for he does not need to explain himself to Hux.  Today he has stolen his Jedi princess from Skywalker. Tonight he will marry Rey in this purely for show civil ceremony for the benefit of his crew.  And, well, it’s also to piss off Hux.  But then later in private, he will do things properly and marry Rey as Sith.  And then, finally, he will make her his.  Kylo has waited a long time for this day.

Hux is not deterred. "Leader Snoke will not—"

"The Supreme Leader has given his blessing," Kylo cuts him off.  He turns back to the elder crewman and nods. "You may proceed."

Kylo glances warily over at his bride.  Rey will only need to hold her composure a few minutes longer and then they would be alone again.   As compliant as she is standing next to him now, her inner turmoil screams out to him through the Force.   Kylo knows that he is rushing her, knows that she would never have ended up here today were it not for Skywalker's lightsabers at her neck.   His Padme is marrying him tonight only because circumstances have now made Kylo her best option.  It’s funny how destiny works.

Hux still is not willing to be put off. He gestures to the elder crewman and looks to Kylo for an explanation. "Who is that?"

"He's the ship's chaplain."

"We have a chaplain?" Hux is surprised yet again.

"Evidently."

"And who are you?" Hux wants to know, turning to the younger man.

"Second Lieutenant Dagle, Sir." The junior officer salutes.  Somehow, Dagle manages to look simultaneously fascinated and utterly uncomfortable with the situation.

Again, Hux looks to Kylo for answers. "And he is here because--?"

"I found him in the hallway.  We need two witnesses under the law."

"You are serious about this?" General Hux still sounds incredulous.  “You know who she is, right?”

"Yes," Kylo nods. He can't resist goading Hux further. "I knew you wouldn't want to miss it. Now carry on, Chaplain." If his suspicions are correct, then Kylo mostly has General Hux to thank for setting events into motion for this wedding.  Had Hux thought that Kylo had seen the last of Rey?  Guess again, General.

The chaplain looks from Kylo to Hux and then from Hux to Kylo.  Hearing no further objections, he begins reading the customary wedding rite from his datapad. There is an acknowledgement of free will and an exchange of promises. Kylo's own voice is strong and firm. Rey's responses are barely above a whisper. Still, it is sufficient.

"Are we finished?" Hux complains.

The chaplain looks apologetic. "There are just a few formalities, sir." He hands the datapad to the general. "If you please, General sir, as the ranking military officer in attendance I need your signature and some information."

Hux glances down and scribbles at the pad. "Bride's name? Well, does she have a name, Ren?"

"I'm Rey." His bride finally speaks up. That makes Kylo smile behind his mask. His Padme will rally after all. He squeezes her hand for encouragement.

"Rey what?" Hux asks without looking up.

"Just Rey."

"Rey, then." Again, Hux scribbles on the datapad. "Bride's occupation?" He raises an eyebrow in Kylo’s direction. "Do you prefer escaped prisoner or terrorist fugitive?"

Kylo ignores the gibe. "She's a Jedi, Hux.  She has just fled from Skywalker and the Resistance." He can't keep himself from adding, "But I think you knew that, didn't you?"

But the cool headed Hux will not be baited. "I suppose that explains her appearance." The general shrugs. "Fine. Runaway Jedi, then. Perhaps we should use the same description under Groom's occupation," Hux sneers, glancing back at him.  "Are you over eighteen standard years, Rey?"

"Yes."

"Good. It's done." Hux thrusts the datapad back at the chaplain. Then he steps closer to Kylo to wave a finger under his mask. "Ren, I don't know what game you are playing, but you make sure you keep her away from anything sensitive. I don't care if she's your wife. I will blast her out the airlock if she spies for the Resistance."

Then the general turns to face Rey. His lip curls a little. "I suppose you are Lady Ren now. Take care that Ren doesn't kill you during one of his tantrums.  He is childish and prone to violence."  The general scowls as he turns to leave. "I'll be in my quarters. Don't bother me again."

The young lieutenant’s eyes are bulging at the juicy gossip he has just witnessed.  The chaplain, however, looks a bit ruffled at the indignity of it all.  He turns back to Kylo and Rey to solemnly intone, “By the power vested in me by the First Order of the Second Galactic Empire, I now pronounce you husband and wife.   Sir, you may kiss your bride.”

“Excellent,” Kylo declares.  “You are dismissed,” he tells the two men.  Then he grabs Rey’s hand and makes for the door.  “Let’s go, wife.”


	12. Chapter 12

Kylo throws back the rest of his glass and places it on the table.  He does not often indulge in alcohol, but tonight he had felt like celebrating. For today, he has achieved what he has plotted for over a year.  Rey is finally his.  And he had stared down Luke Skywalker to get her.  Just thinking of it brings a rush of Dark power to him through the Force and he feels his eyes flash yellow.  

Today has been very satisfying.

He stands alone in his quarters staring at the hypnotic blue swirl patterns of hyperspace that display through the viewports.   And now, he feels the telltale shudder of his great ship as it reverts back to normal space. Instantly, his view shifts to reveal a small blue-green moon.  Yes, this is what he has been waiting for.  Kylo had ordered the ship to jump as soon as his shuttle had landed back at the _Finalizer_.  As planned, the First Order’s flagship approaches fast to drop into the moon’s orbit.  Slowly and majestically, it circles around the satellite world that long ago had borne witness to a cataclysm.

This is the forest moon of Endor.  High above its misty atmosphere, years ago great warships had been scuttled and thousands of lives lost in a space battle that military tacticians study still today.  But Endor is best known for its long gone man-made satellite, the second Death Star.  It had been a monument to excess and hubris, like its namesake predecessor and its First Order progeny, the Starkiller.  And, rightfully, Kylo thinks, all three technological terrors had met the same dismal fate.  The second Death Star strewing down its debris on the forest moon below.  And thus began the beginning of the end for the old Empire.  Barely a year later, it would all finally end in shameful defeat on Jakku. 

Here is where a Jedi son fought his Sith father and where arrogant old Darth Sidious became one with the Force. Here is where his callous uncle had had cruelly immolated Darth Vader a second time and where a teenaged boy had dug and dug until he uncovered what little remained of his grandfather’s armor. 

Here at Endor, from the ashes of the old Empire, the phoenix of the First Order will arise.  For today, Kylo will reclaim the meaning of this place.  No longer will it be a byword for bitter defeat in the public lexicon.  No longer will it be a private testament to the worst moments of his family’s history.   Starting today, Endor is no longer an ending, it is a beginning.  For here will be forged the forever bond of the next generation of Chosen Ones.  Kylo Ren will finish what his grandfather and Darth Sidious had started.  He will make the galaxy great again.   And he will do it with his erstwhile Jedi wife at his side. 

Rey emerges now, swallowed up in his bathrobe. She has washed the tearstains and cosmetics from her face and smoothed her wild hair. She smells of soap now, and not the elegant fragrance from this morning that had reminded him of his mother's perfume.  Gone is the ingénue heroine who had so arrested him in the hangar bay.   Gone is the teary woman who had clung to his lapel as she cried her eyes out.  Rey is once more the fresh-faced girl he remembers.  A little pale and red eyed.  But much more her normal self.

She eyes him for a moment.  But quickly, she looks away.  Kylo suppresses a smile. His Padme is nervous. Kylo has removed his uniform. He is standing naked to the waist in sleep pants and barefoot.  For all Kylo knows, his very young wife has never seen a man unclothed.   Despite her hardscrabble life, Rey seems very innocent in certain respects.  His girl is an intriguing mix of contradictions. She will never bore him.

He offers her a glass. "Take a drink. You need this." Today has been a very hard day for his Padme.

She nods and accepts the glass.

"It's Corellian brandy. When I was a teen, I used to steal it from my . . ." Kylo frowns and doesn't finish the thought. He just moves on.  "Sip it.  It's strong."

She complies and then gasps a moment at the first swallow.  Kylo glances over at her. "Not much of a drinker, are you?"

"No," comes her soft reply. But she takes another sip. Rey has moved to stand next to him before the window.  “Where are we?” she asks looking out at the blue-green world they orbit.

“Endor.”

“Endor, as in the Battle of Endor?”

“Yes.”

“Oh.”

“We need moonlight, Rey.”

“Oh.”  She’s still so preoccupied that she doesn’t ask why. 

He had expected Rey to be angry. Angry at him for starting their clandestine meetings. Angry at Luke Skywalker for turning on her so completely. In truth, he had hoped that Rey would be angry.  Anger is an emotion Kylo Ren understands.  And Rey is magnificent when she is angry.  He remembers now the ferocious girl who had swung a lightsaber at him in the Starkiller woods.  Looking back, it is as if he had glimpsed Rey's future in the moment, seeing the Sith she will one day hopefully become.  But only when she is ready, of course.

Rey turns to face him and looks him squarely in the eye.  As always, Rey is direct in her approach. He likes that.  "How did you know that I was in danger with Master Luke?" she wants to know.  Rey is clearly trying to piece together the chain of events that had led her to tonight.  Plus she still doesn’t trust him, Kylo sees. 

"The Force warned me. I had a vision not long after you left. I saw Skywalker take your head with his saber. I had to try and stop him."

Rey nods and turns back to the window. When she finally speaks, her voice is full of regret. "I kept trying to find a way to tell Master Luke that I had been here. But it was hard to connect with him. I knew how angry he would be. That's why I was afraid to tell him. I knew how he felt about you. But I never thought that he would—would--" Her voice trails off.

How downcast she is.  Kylo had been prepared for her anger. But not this bleak sadness.  He moves to stand close behind her, placing his hands on her upper arms. He wants to comfort her. But his Rey feels so tense beneath his touch.  So threatened.  He hopes that the brandy will kick in soon.

"My uncle has become very hard from years on his own,” Kylo tells her.  “That's not how Luke Skywalker used to be." The unforgiving man Kylo Ren had seen today is not the Uncle Luke of his childhood.   Some of the goodness that is Luke Skywalker must have died with his original Padawans years ago, Kylo suspects.  Snoke will be very pleased to learn how Dark the Last Jedi has become. 

Rey turns to face him.  Her eyes are still faintly bloodshot from crying earlier. "Thank you for saving my life, Kylo. That was brave of you."

"Not really," he admits. "Years ago, my uncle promised my parents that he would not kill me. It was foolish of him, and I know he regrets it. But I knew my uncle would not break that promise today with my mother standing right there."

"But you didn't know that your mother would be there," Rey points out. "And you came anyway."

That is true. He hadn't known that his mother would be there. But it wouldn't have mattered. "You were worth the risk, Rey. I wasn't going to let him kill you without a fight."

“Well, thank you, Kylo.  I’d be dead now if it weren’t for you.”

Kylo nods and then says offhand, "I suppose this wasn't how you imagined you would get married."  

That comment earns him a look.  "Until today, I was a Jedi Padawan. I wasn't planning on getting married."  And now Rey relents to give him a wan smile.  “I guess I'll never be a Jedi now that I am officially attached to a Sith lord.  I think this makes me the worst Padawan ever,” she mutters.

 Kylo shrugs.  “Actually, I think I might hold that title, Rey.”  Then he crosses the room to pour her another drink because Rey still seems so nervous.  He tells her as he goes, “The Sith do not forbid attachment like the Jedi.  Sith have always had wives and families.  We are emotional beings and we tend to connect with others through emotion.”

She nods.  "Anger." 

“Yes.  But it runs the full gamut.  Pride, lust, envy, sorrow, joy.  Even love.  To be Sith is to feel, Rey.  We gain strength from the intensity of those feelings.”  He hands Rey back a full glass.  “You should know that what we promised earlier in the conference room is meaningless. That was not a real marriage ceremony.  It was for purely show.  Something the crew will recognize and understand.  That lieutenant will be telling everyone by now.  By tomorrow morning, our fake marriage will be all over the ship.”

Rey looks confused and maybe even a little relieved.  “So we are not really married?”

“Not yet.  It’s what we will do here alone in private now that counts.”   Kylo locks eyes with her, wanting Rey to understand the gravity of what they will undertake.  "These vows are real.  And they are forever.  There is no divorce for the Sith.” 

“I don't understand.”

“Marriage is a tradition for the Sith.  It is done in secret without witnesses.  Just the Sith and his lady.  In the old days, the Sith kept their families hidden to protect them from their enemies.”  Kylo reaches now to cup her cheek and lift her chin.   “But I will not hide you away, Rey.  I will be proud for the galaxy to know you as my wife.” 

Kylo keeps explaining.  He wants Rey to understand the ritual.  He gestures now to the green orb of Endor's moon.  “The Sith marry under cover of darkness in the moonlight.  We pledge the ancient promises, we slash hands to bleed, and then we come together.” 

"B-Bleed?" she asks, her eyes darting again to the knife he’s still fiddling with in his left hand. 

“Yes. The tradition is to slash our left hands and let them scar.  The scar represents our bond.  We wear it all the days of our lives.” 

"Oh."  Rey looks more nervous than ever now.  She’s positively gulping down the liquor.  And he sees her reflexively fisting her left hand in anticipation.

This should be different, he thinks looking at Rey.  She should be in a beautiful dress wearing jewels.  Not standing naked in his too big bathrobe with her eyes still puffy and her hair chopped short on one side.  They should be in his Master's temple on Naboo.  In the ritual chamber under the skylight where their bloody hands will drip to stain the floor like the countless lovers who have been there before them.  Not in the everyday humdrum of a First Order star destroyer with Hux in his quarters across the hall.  He should lay Rey down upon the candlelit altar and thrust hard to consummate their marriage with violence that befits a Sith.   But instead, he’s going to deflower her on a standard issue military bed with a lumpy mattress and scratchy sheets.  This is a shabby excuse for a wedding ceremony to a Skywalker Sith prince. He will need to make it up to Rey, Kylo decides.

"This has all happened so fast," Rey whispers and he can hear the disbelief in her voice. "When I left today, I was never coming back. Now hours later, we are getting m-married.  And it’s forever?" Her eyes are searching his for reassurance.  In the moment, she looks very young and achingly vulnerable.  “Kylo, are you sure?” she whispers.  “Because I’m not sure . . . “ 

Seeing her so lost has the effect of making Kylo more at ease with her.  For he too has known what it means to feel adrift and uncertain.  The only good solution is to find something meaningful and to grab on tightly to it.  Hopefully, he thinks, he can be that something meaningful for Rey.

Kylo pulls her into his arms now, holding her close. "Yes, I am sure.  The Force was with us today. When the Force intervenes, change is unavoidable. And it happens fast."

"This will never work," she sighs into his chest. "We barely know each other.  And I won’t join the Dark Side. I won’t join the First Order."

"I can accept that." He can be patient. It has taken a year to get this far with her and still she does not trust him.   It will take longer still to win all her loyalties. But in the end, he will prevail.  "We can make this work." He tells her as he strokes her hair.  She will wear it down for him now.  No more tight buns or braids. "Rey, this marriage is more important to me than you know. I have wanted this since the day I met you. There can be no other woman for me than you. You will not regret this day.  I promise you."

Kylo waits as these words sink in.  He means them, and she knows it.  Rey lifts her head from his chest to look up at him. "Well, this is my future now. You . . . you are my future, Kylo Ren."

Her reply makes him smile. "Does this mean I won't wake up tomorrow to find that you stole a TIE and fled to the Outer Rim?" He is teasing her, wanting to lighten the mood.

It works.  She gives him a quizzical look. "Kylo, if I flee this ship, I'll be taking your shuttle. That's a much better choice."

He laughs. "I do have a nice shuttle, don't I?"  But he frowns now and brushes back her hair from her neck. There is a faint saber burn along the right side of Rey's neck. Kylo inspects it for a moment. "Skywalker got very close. It's blistering already. Tomorrow, we will put a bacta patch on it."

"It doesn't hurt."

"It will hurt,” he tells her from experience.  “It will hurt a lot. Trust me."

"Oh." Rey must realize that he is referring to his own slashed face because she blanches as she looks up at him. She reaches up to trace the slashing scar that stretches from eyebrow to chin. And Kylo can’t help himself. He closes his eyes at the feel of her light touch. It is the first time he can remember when Rey has reached out to touch him first.  Perhaps it is the brandy, but at last she is thawing some to him. "I wish I had never given you that scar," she whispers.

He shrugs off her apology. "Now every time I look in the mirror, I think of you.  You marked me for your own, Rey." He glances down at the empty glass she is still clutching. "Do you want more?  Do you need more?  Or are you ready?"

"No," she shakes her head. "I’m as ready as I will ever be.  And any more and I will be drunk."

"Well, we can't have that," he replies easily, smiling as he takes her glass. "Because it’s bad form to slur your marriage vows.  Plus, I don’t want you arguing later that you didn’t know what you were doing.”  Then Kylo leads her by the hand to the largest viewport in his quarters.  With the Force, he dims the lights and now the room is lit solely with the green-blue glow of Endor.  The moonlight of Endor.  “Give me your left hand, Rey.” She holds it up and he matches it to his own larger version.   They stand facing, palms touching palms, fingers intertwined.  

Suddenly, Kylo senses the eddies and flows of the Force around them both.   He can feel the subtle charge in the air. The meaningful change that is about to happen.  He closes his eyes to experience the moment. To cherish and remember it forever.   Yes . . . this is destiny at work.   What they do now will matter.  

“The Force is with us, Rey,” he whispers. Kylo knows this with utter certainty.

“Yes,” Rey’s eyes are staring at him with such intensity that he dares not look away. “I feel it.” Her voice sounds small. Like it’s scaring her.

“Don’t be afraid. I feel it too.” Kylo squeezes their intertwined hands. “Trust me. This is right, Rey.”

She nods and he begins.  The arcane vows are simple--a restatement of the Code of the Sith in promises. A ritual thousands of years old spoken by countless covert Sith lovers through the ages.  Kylo’s voice is low and deliberate and his eyes never leave hers as he speaks.   “I will be your passion. I will give you strength.  And together, we will gain power and victory.”  And then he urges her, “Say it. Make your promise for me, Rey.”

She nods and echoes the words.

Kylo continues: “The Force has brought us together, the Force will bind us, and the Force will set us free.” 

And again, he commands, “Say it.”  And Rey complies.

Then before she can resist, Kylo grabs her left palm and slashes it roughly with the small knife he is holding.

“Owwww!” Rey flinches and pulls away, pressing hard against the flowing blood and the sharp pain. It’s a shallow, wide wound. It won’t need to be stitched, it’s nothing serious. But it stings and bleeds.  She grimaces from the pain but watches in rapt fascination as Kylo displays his own left palm to her before slashing it as well.   Unlike Rey, he doesn’t react to the pain.  He’s a Sith and he is used to pain.  Then Kylo clasps his bloodied palm to her bloodied palm, and their fingers intertwine again.  Blood seeps down both of their forearms to drip in slow, large droplets to the floor.

“Now,” he tells her with much satisfaction, “forever you are my lady and forever I am your Sith.   We are married, Rey, truly married under the tradition of the Sith.  I am yours and you are mine. Together forever in the Force.”

“We are really m-married?” she asks.

“Yes,” he confirms.  “And now it is time for me to kiss my bride."

Her eyes lock with his and then widen with comprehension. She blushes and looks away. And then pulls her hand away.  Fisting it to staunch the blood and the ache.  "Now?  Do we h-have to do this n-now?" she stammers softly. "Tonight?"

"Yes, we do." That comes out wrong in the tone of command that Kylo uses with his officers.  He grimaces, cursing himself inwardly for being overeager.   Then, Kylo tries again. "We are married," he reminds her. "We will live as husband and wife."

Rey does not protest. She nods, then glances nervously over at the bed and then back at him. "I don't know what to do," she confesses.

"I know." He cups her cheek with his good hand. "That pleases me, Rey.  You are mine and mine alone." She blushes beet red now and it makes him smile.  Kylo knows full well that his Rey had never even been kissed before she had met her Sith.  "Do not be afraid. I will not hurt you.  There’s no more pain, I promise." Holding her face in his hands, he begins to kiss her gently. "We will do this slowly," he assures her.  They have done this and more so many times in dreams, but never in real life.  So Kylo will let her set the pace.

She relaxes slightly and he pushes the robe off her right shoulder. "You are so beautiful," he whispers, stroking the bare flesh with his hand and leaving a faint smear of blood behind.  He bends to kiss the mark, following her shoulder’s graceful line to the base of her neck.   And he lingers there, sucking and kissing.  Kylo smiles as he feels her grab furtively for the robe that is threatening to slide completely from her.

In that moment, he jumps fully into her mind.  

She flinches and Kylo hears her sharp intake of breath. Abruptly, she steps back from him and her hands come up. "No!" she is shaking her head as if she might shake him out of her consciousness.   But, of course, she can’t.  "G-get out. Get out of my—"

He pulls her to him and silences her with a kiss. She is remembering being in the interrogation chair with him rifling through her mind. "Shhhh," he soothes between kisses. "Not like that, Rey. Never again like that. I won't steal your thoughts. I want you to share them." He keeps kissing her, holding her, willing her to relax.  He is gentle, but relentless. "This will make it easier. It will make it better." It will make it honest, too. He wants Rey to know his sincerity, to know how much tonight means to him.

And then, when she finally drops all mental resistance, he opens his mind to hers. Now it is his turn to gasp. He can't help himself—he shudders with pleasure at the feel of Rey in his mind. This is the connection he has craved for so long. He feels what she feels, she knows what he knows. Her nervous excitement is his too. His rising passion is feel by her. This is how they will come together—they will join their bodies and their minds. No other woman can give this to him.  For in all the galaxy, only Rey is his peer. 

Reaching down, he unties the robe at her waist and slides it from her other shoulder. It puddles on the floor and she is standing naked in his arms. He feels his fingers tremble as he runs them over her skin.  Luxuriating in the realness of her, for this is no fever dream through the Force.  He has wanted Rey for so long.  And tonight, he will have her. She is his wish fulfilled.

"Give yourself to me," he urges softly in her ear. "I want everything of you." And it’s true—he’s a greedy Sith and he wants it all.  Rey’s body, her mind, her trust and her heart.  Heedless of his wound, now he buries his hands in her hair and covers her mouth with his own.  Kylo cannot get enough of her kiss, so hungry is he for his bride.  Her arms come up to circle his neck and soon she is writhing against him, instinctively wanting more. 

Rey is inexperienced, but she is not shy. That delights him. He wants no inhibitions between them. He might separate himself from all others with a mask, but he wants no barriers of any kind when alone with Rey. With her, he will be himself.

They are naked and tangled in each other on the bed now. Both their skin blotched here and there with smeared blood from their slashed hands.  Her lithe body is warm and firm beneath his touch, and her hair tumbles wildly all about him.  When Rey moans with desire and urges him on, Kylo hastens to comply.  And now his hands and his mouth roam everywhere.  But still, she wants more.

“Give yourself to me,” he pants in her ear.  Then growls out, “Open your legs for your Sith.”  And she complies, offering up her virgin body to him.  It is lovely and innocent and trusting in a way that touches him.  This is the moment that the ritual requires.  Consummation.  For the Sith marry with sex and blood and moonlight.  And, oh, how he wants this.  He hears Rey’s stifled gasp as he pushes into her. He knows her momentary shock at the physical intrusion.  She knows his intense pleasure at the feel of her body enveloping his.  She is warm and tight.  Everything he knew she would be.  And now Kylo cannot hold back any longer.

"Forgive me," he hears himself plead, his voice sounding ragged to his own ears. "Please forgive me." And then he is pounding hard into her over and over again. The passion he has held in check for so long, the need that has been stoked over and over in dreams, will no longer be denied.  Lost in her mind and surging deep into her body, Kylo dominates Rey completely in this moment.  She is his.  Reveling in her surrender.  Lost in the intense pleasure of their flesh spiked hotter still by their intertwined minds.

Can she do this the first time? Yes, she can.  Kylo keeps moving until he finds the angle that she likes.  He’s grinning now as he applies himself to his task.  For he knows her rising tension and need for release.  All her sweet friction is like heaven for him.   And then her legs wrap around him to pull him closer, deeper.   And she needs to hurry soon because he can’t hold off forever.  And then they find it together—the magical fever pitch of pleasure.  Rey gives a small cry of surprise in the moment and he experiences her wonderment at the newfound sensation. Then with one last sharp thrust he spills his release into her, punctuated by his own guttural shout. This is the ultimate shared pleasure. And they will do this night after night for the rest of their lives. Rey is his now, and if Skywalker cannot take her from him, then no one can.

It is done. He is sated. Rey is overwhelmed. She lies with her head resting on his chest and one arm splayed across him. Slowly, her breathing returns to normal and he feels her consciousness drift into sleep.

Kylo does not sleep. The Sith lays there, amid the sweaty bloodstained sheets, awake and waiting. He smiles when it finally comes--the deep tremor in the Force that signals profound change.   Snoke will feel it.   Skywalker will feel it.   Perhaps even his mother will feel it. Rey senses it too, for she briefly stirs in her sleep.  Kylo had known that it would come. For the events of today have altered forever the future of the galaxy.  Destiny has unfolded as foretold and the Light has been eclipsed once more.   And it has all been done according to his own design.

This is only the beginning, he promises himself.   Kylo lays awake a long time plotting their future.


	13. Chapter 13

When Rey wakes the morning after, she is still not comfortable with what she has done.

 

Kylo is up and dressing when she opens her eyes.He’s a habitual early riser she will come to find out.But Rey has never lived with another person before.Even on Acht-To, she had the privacy of her own little hut.So from the get-go, the casual everyday intimacy of life with the Sith feels strange.And oddly way more personal than their wedding night.So when Kylo stomps over to retrieve his datapad from the bedside table and he has wet hair and is wearing only a towel, Rey feels herself blush furiously.She tucks the covers clear up to her chin, suddenly very conscious of her nakedness.Kylo doesn't seem to notice, however.His eyes are on his datapad.

 

"Milo will be here soon, Rey. You had better get dressed."

 

"Who's Milo?" she asks

 

"He's my Master's personal representative."When Rey blinks at this vague job description, Kylo adds an even more obtuse explanation."Old Milo serves the Sith."

 

"Oh."Rey still feels clueless. And now this Milo guy sounds intimidating.She had better get dressed.So Rey wraps a bedsheet tightly around herself before she marches across the room to the shower.Kylo's eyes dance with amusement at this modest little walk of shame but he says nothing.

 

When she's done washing and furtively ventures out wrapped in a towel herself, Kylo is already dressed and ready to leave.He’s wearing his sword with his helmet in hand."I left something for you to wear in the other room," Kylo tells her."Milo just landed.I'm going to meet him in the hangar bay and bring him back here."Then off stalks the Sith.

 

The something for Rey to wear turns out to be a black First Order officer’s uniform.Rey stares at it for a long moment.Then she stares at her left palm.No, she decides, as she marches back to the bathroom to retrieve yesterday's dress.The once elegant gown is now even sadder looking this morning from having lain all night on the floor. And in the bright lights of Kylo's quarters, the dirt and grass stains are lurid against the pristine white fabric.But Rey defiantly puts it on.

 

She is twisting her hair back into a low bun and tucking and re-tucking the bits chopped short on the side when she hears voices outside the bedroom.Kylo sticks his head in."Rey," he calls softly, "are you ready?" Kylo has his mask off and that's the first big clue that whoever this Milo person is, Kylo knows him well.

 

“Yes, I’m ready,” Rey answers as she walks away from the bathroom mirror into the bedroom.Kylo takes one look at the white dress and smirks.But he smiles a little too.He’s clearly not surprised.

 

Milo turns out to be an old man.Balding and slight.He's dressed in a neat black uniform with no rank or insignia showing.But as severe and nondescript as his appearance may be, the man has kind eyes.And the smile Milo gives Rey when she enters the room is genuinely warm.It’s disarming.For the impression this man gives is more pleasant grandfather than henchman for the evil Sith. 

 

Milo studies Rey for a moment, taking in the ruined dress and makeshift hair.Rey begins to fidget under the frank inspection.And perhaps seeing this unease, Milo smiles and turns back to nod approvingly at Kylo."Oh, how lovely she is.I see that congratulations are most definitely in order, my boy.You are a lucky man."

 

Then Milo steps forward to take her hand. "Lady Ren, it is an honor to meet you.My Master bids you welcome to the family.How pleased he was to learn the happy news.He looks forward to meeting you in person."

 

Rey nods at this formal speech.“Thank you,” she replies stiffly.

 

Milo glances sideways at Kylo now. "Can we not find Lady Ren something clean to wear?"

 

Kylo gestures uselessly to the rejected uniform lying across the couch.

 

"I'm not wearing that," Rey announces preemptively.

 

"It's just temporary," Kylo begins.

 

But she cuts him off and repeats her refusal. "I'm not wearing that."

 

"How right you are, my lady." Milo inserts himself smoothly."You are not crew.You will dress as befits a Sith's lady.It will take a few days, but we will commission a suitable wardrobe.For now, that dress will do once it is laundered."

 

Rey has no idea what it means to dress as a Sith’s lady, but as long as she doesn’t have to wear a First Order uniform, she’s happy.Rey has never been much for appearance.She smooths her hair self-consciously now.It keeps popping out of the bun where it is singed short.Her gesture has the consequence of drawing attention to the saber burn on her neck. What was a faint red mark last night is a blistered, oozing and raw burn this morning.

 

Milo's sharp eye catches it, of course.He steps forward to look for a moment.Then Milo raises a brow in Kylo's direction.

 

"You, Ren?"

 

"No.Skywalker."

 

"I see." Milo nods thoughtfully. "We will need to get Lady Ren a bacta patch for that.Send a message to the infirmary please, Ren.Now, have you any other injuries?" the older man asks Rey.

 

"Just the hand," she responds displaying the knife slash.It's mostly scabbed over now, but achy and itchy. It had bled quite a bit last night, but not as much as Kylo’s had.

 

"Ah, good." Milo turns back to beam at Kylo. "The Master will be pleased to know that things have been done properly.Traditions must be observed, of course.Now then, let us discuss a few instructions from the Master.Lady Ren, it is the Master's request that you be armed at all times for your own protection.There are many onboard this ship who will view you as the enemy.And there are those among the enemy who will now view you as the First Order.In truth, you are neither.But those perceptions will put you endanger.From both sides.”

 

Rey nods.Kylo had told her much the same last night.

 

“Have you a sword?” Milo asks.

 

“No,” Kylo answers for her. “Skywalker kept it.”

 

“Well, then, the Master's gift is well timed.”The old Sith servant collects a metal box laying on a nearby table.From inside he plucks a lightsaber and presents it to Rey.“With my Master’s compliments, Lady Ren.”

 

Rey accepts the sword and turns it over in her hands.Its handle is wider than hers, made for a larger hand.She runs her fingers over the smooth metal and sees that it is engraved at the base.Rey reads aloud, "Shan Merga, Temple Naboo."Then she squints what looks like a date using the Old Republic, pre-Empire, pre-Yavin dating convention.“This is very old,” she marvels, looking now to Milo.

 

“The saber is an heirloom.It is not from the Master's personal collection.It belonged to the late Lady Plagueis.She was a Jedi of the Old Republic.The only other Jedi Sith wife in recent memory.So it is fitting that it comes to you.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Kylo steps closer for a look.He too is intrigued.“Light it, Rey.”

 

She does.The blade is perfectly focused to a near opaque pale blue.And it is long.Lady Plagueis must have been at least six-foot-tall, Rey thinks.The blade is downright unwieldy for a woman of Rey’s size.She will cut her arm off with this thing as is.

 

Milo sees this too.“Lady Plagueis was a Muun so no doubt you will need to adjust the length and make other refinements.The sword is yours now, Lady Ren.Feel free to add your name and make it your own.”

 

“What else does it say?” Rey asks as she deactivates the weapon. She holds it up to Kylo, pointing to the second line of inscription.“I don't know that language.”

 

“It is Kittat,” Kylo explains.“The ancient language of the Sith.It says her married name, Rey.Shan Damask, Lady Plagueis.”

 

“What happened to her?” Rey wants to know.

 

Milo pauses a moment before he supplies the answer.“Madame was murdered in her sleep, as was the Master's young son that night.”He gives Rey a sobering look now.“My lady, to be Sith is to be marked for death, including those closest to you.So the first obligation of a Sith to his lady is to keep her safe.”

 

They are interrupted by the door chime.Kylo just waves the door open with the Force. And in steps a wary looking General Hux.

 

“Ah, General, your timing is impeccable as usual.”Milo welcomes him forward to their group. “I believe that you and Lady Ren have met, have you not?”

 

Hux’s eyes narrow on her, but he nods.“Yes.”

 

“As you too command this ship, General, you are entrusted with the safety of Lady Ren. It is the Leader's wish that Lady Ren be kept safe and treated with appropriate respect.”Milo gives the young general a meaningful look.“The Leader will be most displeased if he learns that his wishes have not been observed.”

 

“Understood.”Hux’s tone indicates that he lacks all enthusiasm for this task.

 

And Milo seems to be expecting this attitude.“General, Lady Ren is not military.She is accountable only to the Sith.Do remember that.Thank you, General.We will not detain you any further. A man of your responsibilities has much to manage, we know.”

 

With this clear dismissal, the general departs in a hurry.The door barely slides shut before Kylo growls, “Now will he let me kill him?”

 

Milo gives Kylo the same smile an indulgent parent might give a spirited child.“No, my boy, you may not kill him.”Milo turns back to Rey. “Now that unpleasantness is dealt with, we can return to discussing your new life.The Leader's first concern is your safety but his next concern is your contentment.My dear, how may we amuse you during your day?”

 

Huh.What?Rey looks at Milo blankly.

 

So the old man tries again.“What would you like to do with your time?”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Don't be shy, Rey,” Kylo encourages her.“Tell us what will make you happy.”

 

“I would like to learn,” she decides.

 

“The Force?” Milo assumes.

 

“No.”And now Rey can feel her face growing hot with embarrassment as she sputters out, “I would like to go to school.I never went to school.Not formally anyway.”

 

“Of course,” Milo nods.“The Master himself is a great devotee of learning. We will be happy to oblige this interest.”And Kylo too looks at Rey approvingly. “Anything else?”

 

“I'm a mechanic,” she tells them.

 

Kylo knows this, but Milo does not."A mechanic?”He briefly looks surprised but recovers fast. “How clever of you.”

 

Kylo jumps in.“I'm sure we have need of a mechanic somewhere onboard for a few hours a week.”

 

Milo looks rather unconvinced.But gamely, he proceeds.“Er . . . Is there some technology in particular that you enjoy working on?"

 

"I can do general maintenance work," she tells them both.And her voice and demeanor are self-assured for the first time during this conversation.Because if there's one thing Rey knows, it's mechanics.She has worked with her hands her entire life."On Jakku, I picked an old star destroyer wreck clean. I know things are updated here, but the basics are probably the same.And I'm a fast learner."

 

"No doubt you are,” Milo hedges.“But perhaps it would be more fitting if you chose something a bit farther up the hierarchy.“He pauses and looks to Kylo, who just shrugs.

 

"I'm good with starships too."Rey pipes up.She turns to tell Kylo, "The repulsor lifts on your shuttle need to be rotated and overhauled.I could hear it when you landed last night.Your ship is probably overdue for a complete overhaul soon.Usually when repulsor lifts need maintenance, all other major systems do too."

 

“Ren, in the hangar bay under a TIE is not an appropriate place for—“

 

"Let her do it, Milo.”Kylo surprises Rey when he becomes her champion on this issue.“Rey will be bored studying all day.She can be our man . . . er . . . woman of the people.It might help the crew accept her quicker."

 

"She is far too exposed in that setting," Snoke’s representative objects.

 

"She will be discreet," Kylo promises, giving Rey a rather pointed look.

 

"The Master will consider this beneath her,” Milo is blunt.

 

"Even Vader was known to tinker with starships," Kylo argues."Let her try it. If it doesn't work out, we can find something more suitable."

 

And Rey has no idea what Kylo means by that, but she promptly informs them both: "I’m not joining the First Order!"

 

And Kylo gives the old man a look. "You see?Let her study and fix a few things.She’s a trained Jedi, Milo.No one is going to jump her in the hangar bay.She’ll wear the sword and I’ll teach her to freeze blaster bolts.She will be safe."

 

"He will not approve."

 

"It's only until there is a child," Kylo counters. And now Rey turns incredulous eyes on Kylo.

 

"Child??"Who said anything about a child?

 

"Now that would please the Master exceedingly," Milo advises.

 

And before that conversation can continue, they are interrupted once again by the door chime.This time it’s a terrified looking female medic sent from the infirmary with a first aid kit and a bacta patch.Here depicted in this one poor woman, Rey sees the full impact of Kylo Ren’s fearsome and erratic reputation.The medic lady looks as if she can’t decide which is more horrifying:to be entering Kylo Ren’s quarters or to find him without his helmet.She’s so skittish that the ever smooth Milo instantly suggests that Rey disappear with the medic into the privacy of the bedroom.

 

But even behind a closed door away from Kylo Ren, the medic’s hands are trembling.Gingerly, she dabs ointment at Rey’s burn.And, like so many people, this medic artlessly rambles when she is anxious.“I heard you’re his wife.Are you really Lady Ren?”

 

“Yes.I guess so.”It feels strange for Rey to admit this out loud.

 

“But you’re so young.Is it true you married him in a conference room last night?”

 

“Yes.”Well, sort of.Word apparently travels fast, like Kylo had anticipated.So Rey might as well confirm it.

 

The medic drops the bacta patch twice as she tries to apply it.“This burn is from his sword, isn’t it?” she asks Rey.“I’ve seen him burn other prisoners like this.And worse.Did he hold the sword to your neck to get you to marry him?”

 

“No,” Rey defends her husband while trying to say as little as possible.But the medic woman clearly doesn’t believe her.And following her eyes to the bloodstained and rumpled sheets, Rey understands now why the medic lady is imagining the worst.She doesn’t know those bloodstains came from their slashed hands.Plus, Kylo Ren is the only person in the galaxy who is known to wield a lightsaber other than Luke Skywalker.So who else would the First Order rank and file assume would hold a sword to the Resistance girl’s throat?

 

“I’ll leave you some extra bacta patches, Lady,” the medic whispers.“I’ve even got the type you can use internally.You know . . . uh . . . down there.”

 

Rey blushes pink and so does the medic woman.“I hope he’s not always this rough, Lady.Look, I know you’re Resistance and Jedi and all, and I had friends on the Starkiller too.But I don’t like to see anyone hurt.I don’t like men who hurt women in this way.”

 

Rey sees sympathy in the anxious medic’s eyes.And now, Rey has an idea.Taking a deep breath, she half whispers, “Hey, can you get me some birth control?”

 

The medic blinks at her.“Uh . . . “

 

“I need some birth control,” Rey tries again.

 

“Well,” the medic looks extremely uncomfortable now, “My boss keeps a stash of morning after pills we hand out to the girls who Hux nabs.”Rey watches as the medic looks over at the bloody sheets again and frowns.“I knew Hux did this. I didn't know Ren did it too.”

 

“Okay, but what about going forward?Look, I don't want to get pregnant.I'm only twenty. I'm too young to be a mom.”

 

“Yeah and Ren is not exactly good daddy material,” the medic states the obvious.And Rey has to agree, thinking back to Han Solo.“Is Ren going to be ok with this?I mean, you're his wife.Not some girl he grabbed for the night like Hux.” And now the skittish medic is confessing her true fear."I don't want to get killed over this, Lady."

 

No, Kylo won't like this, Rey instinctively knows.But she lies anyway.“He won't care.”

 

The medic glances over at the bloodstained sheets a third time now. Her face softens.“Yeah, okay.I will drop by later today to check on the bacta patch.You might need a second one.When I drop by I’ll bring the morning after pill and one of the contraceptive shots.They work for six months. No side effects other than infertility.He . . . uh . . . will never know unless you tell him.”

 

“Thank you,” Rey says.And then she impulsively hugs the stunned medic lady.

 

Ordinary wives keep secrets from their husbands all the time, right?Rey knows this--she's seen it on the holonet shows.Maybe it’s a little white lie about credits.Because you didn't really buy the new dress he noticed on sale.Or maybe you used the grocery money to help pay for those shoes you wanted.But whatever.What the hubby doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right?And then there are the super secret things wives keep to themselves.Like how much they weigh.How many men they have slept with. And whether they fake it in bed now and then.So really, shouldn't Rey be able to keep this little secret?She refuses to feel bad about this.The last she needs right now is a baby.

 

And given how much sex she and Kylo have over the next few days, contraception is a very prudent idea.They are in each other’s arms over and over again the first few days.And, all in all, it’s completely bizarre.For never had Rey ever considered that she would marry the Sith Kylo Ren.Let alone that they would honeymoon on his star destroyer in between his trips to the bridge.

 

When Kylo stomps off to command the First Order, Rey hangs out in his quarters and cries a little every day over Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa.Kylo knows, of course, but thankfully he doesn’t pressure her to talk about it.Maybe that’s because he’s a man and even an emotion-driven Sith doesn’t like to talk about feelings.Maybe it’s because he knows that Rey is a loner at heart and he wants to give her the space she needs.Or maybe it’s because he’s happy how things worked out and they can’t be changed anyway, so what’s there to talk about?Rey knows that she needs to accept what happened and move on.But she’s not ready yet.Maybe she’ll never be ready.

 

Four days after Milo leaves, a delivery for Rey arrives from Coruscant.It's a box of clothes and a grooming droid much like the one Leia Organa had.Rey remembers Kylo's mother joking that her droid was 'instant princess' because it can do it all:hair, makeup, nails and a host of other beauty treatments.Fussy, girly stuff is not usually Rey's thing.But she does remember Kylo calling her beautiful that day she had been dressed up for the Hosnia memorial.So she decides she will give droid a try.Maybe it will have a solution to the awkward chopped bits of her hair that don't seem to want to stay in her ponytail.

 

The box of clothes Rey finds befuddling.They are all made to her scanned measurements but they too are not very Rey.Rey frowns as she pulls out three extremely expensive looking, completely impractical long dresses.One is red, one is grey and one is black.All very severely and elegantly cut. She thinks that Milo must have misunderstood her when she refused to wear the First Order uniform in favor of the dirty white dress.Did Milo think that she prefers fancy dresses and he’s trying to suit her taste?Because, yikes, she is going to look like the unofficial queen of the First Order if she wears these outfits around the ship.

 

Kylo wanders in just as Rey finishes watching the hologram message that accompanies the clothes. It's some luxury department store stylist lady apologizing profusely for not having more options but these were the only appropriate garments available on short notice.In two weeks’ time, they will have a complete wardrobe ready.And that's a relief to hear because Rey can't imagine herself wearing this sort of stuff every day.The casual clothes must be still in the works, Rey surmises.She would dearly love a comfy tunic and pants to wear.

 

"What's all this?" Kylo asks as he inspects the droid first. "My mother had one of these when I was a kid.I broke it once.Well, more than once," he confesses with an impish grin.

 

"She still has one," Rey informs him."I used it for the Hosnia memorial.Milo sent me these clothes and the droid."

 

"New clothes?Good.I'd feel better if you weren't wearing everything but your Starkiller medal of honor here at the First Order.You look far too much like the girl in the Resistance photo ops, Rey.We need people to forget that."

 

"I am the girl in the Resistance photo ops," she reminds him.

 

"Not anymore," Kylo smirks.Then he starts poking through the box of clothes and pulls out a handful of lacy underthings."Here we go."Kylo grins as he dangles a pair of black lace panties from his gloved fingers."Thank you, Milo," he lets loose a low whistle."Wear these for me tonight, Rey."

 

"I think that's part of a set," Rey says as she consults the box packing list."There's a matching bra in there somewhere."

 

Kylo lobs the sexy panties straight at her."Forget the bra.Wear these tonight.Just these."

 

And she does.She wants to give Kylo something to remember her by because he’s leaving on a mission tomorrow morning.She doesn’t ask where.Rey doesn’t want to know any details of his killing sprees.

 

"Someday you will understand this, but I need war,” Kylo tells her that night once the panties are off and they are enjoying the afterglow. “War is good for me.A Sith needs violence." He does not elaborate."You will be safe here. No one will bother you during my absence."

 

"Not even General Hux?" she asks warily.

 

"He wouldn't dare. You heard Milo.You have my protection. And Snoke's."

 

"Good,” she says, snuggling deeper into him.“I would hate to get blasted out the airlock.Am I going to be locked in your quarters the whole time you are gone? It’s boring in here, Kylo.And it’s going to be really boring without you.”

 

“It will make you miss me,” he says with a wicked grin.Then he plants a long, sloppy kiss on her.

 

After the kiss, Rey renews her objection.“It’s boring.”

 

“It's for your protection.”

 

And this excuse is getting old.“I'm a Jedi, remember?I'm the one who gave you that scar.I think I can handle myself.”

 

“I know you can.And you will get your chance. Just not yet.”

 

“Why not?” she demands, frustrated.

 

“Rey, I can read people's minds.I always know what the crew is gossiping about. And this week, it's you.Thanks to my mother and that sham wedding, everyone knows that you are the Resistance Jedi girl.Half the crew thinks I forced you to marry me by burning a hole through your neck until you said yes while Hux was there egging me on.That's why no one has seen you since you came aboard except the medics.The other half of the crew thinks you’re locked in my quarters handcuffed to the bed as my tortured sex slave.Apparently, that medic who was here said that there was blood everywhere.”

 

Rey is scandalized.“Handcuffed to the bed?”

 

But Kylo is titillated.“Will you let me tie you up, Rey?” He sounds hopeful.

 

“You’re loving this, aren’t you?” she accuses, sitting up.“Your enemy tortured to be your bride and chained to your bed?It’s like something a Hutt would do!”

 

“No, it’s like something a Sith of old would do,” he grins wickedly.“We are a vengeful bunch.And everyone thinks that I am eccentric—“

 

“Crazy—“

 

“So they are all perfectly willing to believe the worst of me.”

 

“And that’s how you like it!”

 

“The worst of me is usually the truth of me, Rey,” Kylo confesses in a moment of candor.“When I get back, we will appear in public together. It needs to be clear that we are a couple, that I will protect you, and that you are at least ostensibly loyal to the First Order.”

 

“How are you going to do that?” she asks.

 

And his answer, predictably, is violence.“Usually when I want to make a point, I kill someone.”

 

Rey squirms now.Because he’s serious.“Is that really necessary?Because I don’t like that strategy.”

 

He shrugs.“It works.If you have a better idea, I'm open to it.”


	14. Chapter 14

Kylo is gone for five days and Rey is bored and anxious.  Binge-watching holonet shows is getting old.  And, well, she needs a distraction from endlessly thinking about the messy situation she has gotten herself into with the Skywalker clan. 

 

Rey can’t stop asking herself, what have I done?

 

As it all sinks in, the consequences of forever are daunting indeed.  Because what if this marriage doesn’t work?  She and Kylo barely know each other outside of the bedroom.  And there is much fodder for conflict because they have stark differences about many important things.  Even if it does work, what if the First Order loses the war?  What if Kylo gets killed?  What happens to her then?  The more she ruminates on her situation, the more Rey understands that if she wants to be happy then she has to make this work.  And if she wants to survive, then the First Order probably needs to win.  Switching sides wasn’t what Rey had planned on, but more and more it feels like de facto what she has done.

 

Desperately looking for some diversion, first Rey tinkers with the lightsaber she has been given.  She gets the blade down to the right length but has to sacrifice some of its precision to do so.  The sword is less of an elegant slim taper now and more like a pole of plasma, but it will do.  The hilt she leaves alone.  Her own sword had a more narrow grip.  This one is more the size of the lightsaber Maz Kanata had.  But if Rey could swing that one to defeat Kylo Ren, then she can swing this one too.

 

Next, Rey starts experimenting with the grooming droid.   But first, she spends a few hours studying photographs of General Leia Organa on the holonet.  The Rebel princess-turned-Senator-turned-general has been much photographed throughout her long public career, so there are lots of shots to look at.  But the hallmarks of Leia Organa’s personal style have stayed the same through the years.  Elegant ornate hair upswept back and high off her face.  Soft makeup.  Big jewels.  Gazing wistfully now at the woman whose esteem had once meant so much, Rey decides that she will adopt Leia Organa’s signature look for her own.   She will be classic, regal and strong.  She might not have the jewels, but Rey has the wardrobe for it and the droid can do the rest.  And if Kylo is weirded out that his wife looks like his mother, then whatever. 

 

Rey finally gets around to trying on her new clothes.  They are all a perfect fit, of course.  And somehow they look appropriate to the flawlessly made up woman who stares back at Rey from the mirror.  This isn’t Rey of Jakku in her homespun, sandy tunic and arm wraps.  This isn’t Resistance Rey in her jacket with the shoulders cut out and comfortable pants and boots.   This is the Jedi trophy wife of Kylo Ren.   A woman who looks imperious and high maintenance.  Like she should be giving orders to a crowd.  It’s . . . weird.  And standing before the mirror wearing the black dress and holding the lit Lady Plagueis saber, Rey thinks she looks uncomfortably scary.  Maybe even a little Sith.   So she hurries to take that one off.  Playing dress-up is fun until it isn’t.  And then Rey scoots back into the oversized black t-shirt and sleep pants she pilfered from Kylo’s closet.

 

Clothes don’t make the man—or woman—but they certainly make an impression.  Based on the holonet images she has seen, that’s something Leia Organa clearly understands.   Rey is starting to understand it too.  Because once you are someone, what you look like matters.  Especially for a woman.  That’s why it hadn’t mattered what Rey of Jakku wore but why it did matter what Rey the Jedi wore at the Hosnia memorial.   Rey instinctively understands that it will matter too what Rey, Lady Ren wears.   

 

Every day, Kylo sends a hapless young lieutenant named Mitaka to check on her.   Rey doesn’t much like the nervous lieutenant, but he’s her only bridge to the outside world and Rey needs the crew to accept her.  So she forces herself to be pleasant and talkative.  His suspicions fall in the face of her charm offensive and by the third day, Rey knows his entire life story. 

 

On the fifth day, the lieutenant arrives late in the day.  He’s been helping to prepare for the assembly in the hangar bay, Mitaka explains.  Ren has ordered that all non-essential officers and all off-duty troopers be present when his shuttle returns in an hour’s time.  That’s a lot of people, Rey remarks.  Oh, yes, thousands, he tells her.  We only do this sort of pomp and circumstance when someone important arrives or when there is an execution.  Rey cringes but Mitaka doesn’t seem to notice.  Ren has a high value prisoner he wants to parade past everyone.  It will take half an hour for everyone to line up and then Ren will arrive to parade the prisoner for five minutes.  Then it’s all over and we go back to work.   

 

And now, an idea comes to Rey.  She turns to the lieutenant and tells him that’s she is going to attend the assembly.  Lady Ren too will publicly welcome her husband home.  Mitaka blinks in surprise, but does not say no.

 

As soon as he is gone, Rey pulls out her new dresses to consider her options.  The scary black one will blend in too much amid the sea of officer uniforms.  The grey one is too close in style and color to the white dress the galaxy saw her wear with the Resistance.  So, the red one it is.  No one will miss her wearing the red dress.  She’s counting on it.

 

The red dress has long, tight sleeves and a high and wide neckline.  Its heavy fabric molds to her figure down to the waist.  Then it flares softly from a center inverted pleat to the floor.  All in all, the dress is extremely simple.  Very feminine but powerful looking with its eye-catching color.  It's unfortunate that the dress came with matching red flat slippers to accompany it.  Today, Rey would rather a shiny pair of black boots.  Lady Ren needs to maximize her fascist cred for her debut before the First Order. 

 

Rey has the droid pile her hair up in what she hopes is a good imitation of Leia Organa's regal stylings.  And she lets the droid paint her face lightly.  Heavy on the mascara and light on the lipstick.  Then she grabs her sword.  There's no belt to hang it from, so Rey will carry it in her hand.  It's probably more menacing looking this way anyhow, she hopes.   

 

Standing for one last check before the mirror, Rey girds her resolve.  She’s going to march in and make herself known to the First Order.  And wherever Hux is standing, Rey is going to walk right up to his side.  Because she is Lady Ren, wife to the Sith Kylo Ren, and the First Order needs to respect her.  Otherwise, there’s no way she will ever escape being a virtual prisoner in her husband’s quarters.  Plus, this way, no one has to die to prove the point.  Rey really doesn’t want Kylo to kill anyone on her behalf.  The casual offhand way he had suggested that solution had been chilling. 

 

And that uncomfortable memory causes Rey to pause and ask herself again:  What have I done?

 

What’s the worst thing that can happen during this stunt?  Someone takes a shot at her.  Well, that’s one more reason to stand next to Hux, she thinks.   And maybe Kylo will be mad and make a scene.  But whatever.  She’s not about to tiptoe around Kylo Ren her whole life.  And besides, she’s not afraid of him.  If the rank and file of the First Order get to witness that, then all the better.  Rey of Jakku has never been meek and she’s not about to start now just because she’s married to space Hitler.

 

Soon, it’s time to go.  Lieutenant Mitaka appears at her door to escort her to the assembly.  With so many people amassing in the hangar bay, the _Finalizer_ ’s corridors leading that direction are especially crowded.  Many, many eyes turn her direction.  A few tactless crew members even stop, stare and point.  But Rey just lifts her chin higher and sweeps by.  It is gratifying to see the crew fall back for her like they do for Kylo.  Apparently, just the sight of the mysterious Lady Ren cuts a swath through the First Order. 

 

When they arrive at the hangar bay, Rey stands a moment on the threshold, taking it all in.  The First Order is excellent at stagecraft, and today’s spectacle is no exception.  She looks out upon a massive assembly of officers and troops standing beneath the red and black standard of the Order.  It looks like something out of a holonet video of a General Hux speech.  Up front close to where Kylo’s shuttle will land, there is a small group of pale and stern-looking senior officers.  And standing in front of that select group are General Hux and some other guy who must also be important.  That’s where she belongs, Rey decides. 

 

Someone calls the group to attention.  And now the might of the First Order is displayed in neat rows of armed men at rigid military attention.  Even Hux assumes the stance.  The shuttle must be arriving very soon, she surmises.  Rey turns to Lieutenant Mitaka and tells him to find his place and she will find hers.  He looks at her strangely.  But seeing the set of her jaw, he complies.   

 

Kylo’s shuttle appears now.  As it begins its landing cycle, Rey marches up the center aisle of the assembly.  While the men are too disciplined to break from attention to turn their heads, Rey hears the murmurs among the crowd that bear witness to her boldness.  The shuttle is down by the time she strides up to General Hux.  He does a double take. 

 

“What the Hell are you doing here?” he demands.

 

“Good evening, General Hux,” she responds.  Then Rey ignites her sword.  It is enormously satisfying to see Hux nearly jump out of his skin at the sound.  Rey stands there with her lit sword held down and to the right.  It’s ready to deflect any incoming blaster bolts.  She is surrounded by thousands of armed men, after all.  But the sword is hopefully only for show today.  For all to see that Lady Ren, like her husband, has a laser sword and the magical Force.  So don’t fuck with Lady Ren.

 

Kylo must either see her or sense her because as the shuttle ramp lowers Rey hears his voice vividly in her mind.  And now it’s a private conversation for two unbeknownst to her audience of thousands.

 

_Hello Rey.  This is a surprise._

_I told you I would get bored._

_Bored looks good on you.  The sword is a nice touch._

_This crowd is expecting a Jedi._

_Rey, you might not want to see this. You know this prisoner._

_Is it your mother?_

_No.  But you still won't want to see this._

_I think I can handle myself._

_Can you keep quiet no matter what you see?  No matter what you hear?_

_Yes._

_You have an audience, Rey.  Don't forget that.  This could get ugly._

_The audience is the whole reason I'm here._

_Fine.  I don’t care how you really feel.  Keep it to yourself.  You can yell at me in private._

_I'm planning on it._

_Rey, are you sure you don't want me to take you away from here?  Because I will if you want me to._

_I'm okay._  

 

And now down the shuttle ramp marches a squad of stormtroopers.  In their midst is a handcuffed and battered looking Finn, the erstwhile stormtrooper FN-2187. 

 

Finn!  Oh, not Finn!  Not Finn!  Rey’s heart sinks.

 

To the Resistance, he is a hero of the Starkiller.  A man who fought Kylo Ren and lived to tell of it.  A child conscript who discovered his conscience and defected to the good side.  But to the First Order, he is a traitor who betrayed and murdered his own.  Yes, Rey now understands why Kylo had wanted this assembly.  Because to man everyone here today probably knew someone on the Starkiller.   And because this is a celebrity prisoner who is more than just the enemy.  Once, he had been a friend.  This is a very satisfying moment for many who surround her.  Rey can sense the collective bloodlust through the Force.

 

Maybe this was inevitable, Rey thinks miserably, for her friend has been living on borrowed time.  Because when the First Order wants to find someone other than Luke Skywalker, it's only a matter of time.  And after the very public Hosnia memorial, no doubt Finn had moved up on the First Order enemies list.  It’s been only a week and a half since then and Finn is a goner now.

 

FN-2187 looks beleaguered until he spies Rey.  And now, he is angry and shouting. 

 

“Rey??” Finn is incredulous.  “Is that you?”  The stormtroopers keep marching, but Finn stops in front of her.  Shaming her.  “It’s true, isn’t it?  Look at you!  You really are one of them?  You really are his?”

 

Out of the corner of her eye, Rey sees Kylo stomp down the shuttle ramp behind the stormtroopers.  But she hears him again in her mind like he is standing right next to her.  _Don’t say anything.  Keep your sword lit and keep playing along.  This is good._

 

Rey complies as she struggles to keep her poker face.  General Hux has turned to stare at her now and the entire hangar bay is witnessing this confrontation.   The lead trooper gives Finn a hard shove to keep him moving, but the movement only throws him off balance and now he’s on his knees before Rey.

 

Finn is livid and undeterred.  Probably because he knows that he has nothing to lose.  Her friend is shouting up at her, his voice surely loud enough for many in the hushed hangar bay to hear.  “The General told me and I didn’t believe it!  She said you’d been with him for months!  Sneaking around behind our backs!”

 

_Don’t react.  Just hold it together a little longer._    Rey says nothing.

 

“I came back for you, Rey!  After Ren stole you, I risked my life to come back for you!”

 

Two troopers reach down to haul Finn to his feet.  As they drag him off, he keeps half-turning around to shout out his indignation.  “You betrayed Luke Skywalker for him?  How could you, Rey?  How could you??”

 

Finn is being marched down the center aisle of the assembly now and the First Order rank and file do not hide their disgust.  The air is full of hisses, jeers and catcalls at the prisoner.  Rey says nothing, but her eyes follow Finn closely.  She’s blinking very fast.

 

Kylo nods to General Hux and the other officer Rey doesn’t know.  Then he stops before Rey.  He makes a show of offering his hand.  Rey accepts it.   And then Kylo Ren and Lady Ren proceed hand and hand to follow Finn and his guards. 

 

So distracted is Rey that she completely misses the photographer.  From this experience and others to come, Rey will learn that the First Order PR machine is relentless.  And very media savvy.  So within an hour, the holonet newsfeeds run wild with a picture of Rey in profile, holding her sword at the ready while a beaten Finn kneels shouting his outrage at her feet.  Here is the Jedi heroine of the Starkiller revealed at last to be a sleeper agent of the First Order.   And none other than the young wife to Kylo Ren himself.   Finn is a traitor to his kind but Rey is a traitor too.  The irony is just plain juicy.  And so is the sex appeal of it all.  For who knew that the cruel man behind the mask had a wife?  Pictures of Rey and Kylo walking hand in hand through the troops go viral. 

 

This is when the incriminating photos someone sent to Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa come in handy.   Kylo must have tracked them down because they too quickly appear on the holonet to bolster the First Order's claims about Rey's longstanding allegiance to the First Order.   The joke is on the Resistance, for their celebrated heroine had betrayed them all along.  See her standing openly in her Resistance uniform next to an X-wing on the First Order's flagship star destroyer.  See her smiling at Kylo Ren as she comes home to her husband still wearing the dress she wore at the Resistance memorial.   It’s all very believable.  And, well, people believe anything they read on the holonet.  Even fake news they see on social media.  Because when something gets enough likes and shares, then it must be true.  That many people can’t be wrong, right?

 

It's a triple win for Kylo.  Rey's respect and position within the First Order are no longer an issue.  For her credibility and loyalty are no longer in question.  And that greatly reduces the threat to her safety onboard the _Finalizer_.  The Resistance is embarrassed by the traitor in their midst and the capture of Finn.  The destruction of the Starkiller is no longer the slam dunk victory Leia Organa had claimed.   And now the new hope of a Jedi for the Resistance is revealed to be a hoax.   And, of course, Kylo now has his would-be rival at his mercy.  The Sith will have his revenge against the traitor stormtrooper for the Starkiller and the duel in the woods. 

 

Yes, Rey’s moxy to debut herself tonight has paid large dividends for Kylo and for the First Order.  But all the confused and upset Rey can think is what have I done?

 

Kylo and Rey walk in silence from the hangar bay back to his quarters.  But the moment the door slides shut, Rey whirls on him.  She's very agitated. 

 

But Kylo tears off his helmet and beats her to it as he approves, "Good job, Rey."  And she is momentarily disarmed by his beaming grin.   It’s not often that Kylo Ren looks this genuinely happy. 

 

But Rey finds her voice.  "Don't kill him!  You can't!  Please don't kill him!"

 

"You're cute when you're excited like this--"

 

"You're not listening to me!"

 

"I don't plan to."  Kylo is blunt.  "Your friend will be executed. He's a runaway stormtrooper who helped blowup the Starkiller.  He deserves to die."

 

Rey has no rejoinder to that.  Or rather, no rejoinder that would persuade the Sith. 

 

His eyes rake over her form now.  "Gods, you look gorgeous, Rey.  I will be back to get you out of that dress."

 

Rey ignores him.  "This isn't about the Starkiller!"  she accuses.  "This about Finn fighting you and landing a blow.  I know it is!  He fought you and lived to tell of it!"

 

Kylo scoffs at this. "I beat him, remember?"

 

"Then is this because he is my friend?"

 

"He wants to be more than your friend--"

 

"No, he doesn't!"  Now it’s Rey’s turn to scoff.

 

"The traitor has lost, Rey.  And now he’s going to die for his many foolish mistakes.”  Kylo says this in a manner that is final and invites no further discussion. 

 

And Rey quiets a moment and looks troubled.  Then she crosses the distance between them and grabs at Kylo’s arm as she begs, "Please, you can’t!  Don't kill him!  Please—for me!"

 

“Rey,” Kylo silences her with a look.  “Not even for you.  This won’t take long.  Wait up for me.”  He leans in to drop a kiss on her forehead.  “I want you inside my head tonight, baby.”   Then he jams back on his helmet and turns to leave.

 

“Kylo,” Rey freezes him in the doorway with her tone and her hard expression.  “Don’t come back here tonight if you kill Finn.  Sleep somewhere else tonight.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see end notes for trigger warning for this chapter. There's nothing here that wasn't in the original version of this story, but it's amped up a bit.

Even before his ship lands, Kylo feels Rey’s presence in the Force.  He just assumes that she is locked away in his quarters awaiting him.  But no.  She's standing looking gorgeous in Milo's full Lady Ren regalia next to a very pissed off looking Hux.   And Gods bless her, she stands before his thousands of troops, head held high with a lit sword like she's about to lead them all into battle.  Like some Sith Valkyrie of myth.  Beautiful, bold and brave.   And completely unexpected.  

 

This woman is going to keep him guessing, Kylo realizes with a grin.  And for a controlling Sith, that’s refreshing.   And hot.  Really hot.

 

Kylo has been obsessed with Rey for a year now and ten days ago he had made the Jedi his forever wife.  And now he is more besotted with her than ever.  Craving her in the brief time he has been gone.  Over and over, he resists the urge to penetrate her dreams during their separation. Telling himself that he can go a few days without his Padme.  But then he arrives to find her in the hangar bay and he wants nothing more than to throw her over his shoulder and carry her off to bed.  But instead he has to settle for holding her hand. 

 

Predictably, she begs for the traitor's life.  And Kylo can't help it--he's jealous.  Wondering whether Rey would beg like this if the roles were reversed and the Resistance had him.   And now she issues him an ultimatum.   Some small part of Kylo loves it because this attitude perfectly fits with the cool eyed beauty who had shot first on Takodana and who had met his shuttle today holding a sword.   But most of him is annoyed because no one gets to dictate to him but his Master.   Certainly, not his wife.

 

So Kylo stomps off to the detention area.  Time to get this over with.  He will interrogate the prisoner and execute him promptly.  And then he can get back to Rey and smooth things over.  But of course, this interrogation becomes a confrontation.   This time it’s personal so Kylo loses his temper.  And now he's got his mask off and he's shouting back into the face of FN-2187 who is strapped to a torture rig.   They have a history and the traitor has already seen him without the helmet so whatever.  This way the traitor can see his yellow eyes before Kylo kills him.  No doubt the intel officers watching the closed-circuit camera feed from this session are getting both an eyeful and an earful, Kylo thinks.  But he doesn’t care.

 

_What the fuck did you do to Rey?_

_That's Lady Ren to you!   She is mine, trooper!  All mine!_

_You did this to her! You got in her head and messed with her brain!  She would never join you!_

 

_Oh, but she did, trooper.  Rey chose me of her own free will._

 

_Liar!   This is more of your Force magic--_

_Yes, it was the Force!  It was destiny!  She was sent to me, for me!_

 

_You're fucking crazy!  Don't you hurt her-- Don't you dare hurt her, Ren--_

_You're the one who is going to hurt, traitor._

 

Darth Plagueis always says that the Force has a perverse sense of humor.  Kylo is starting to agree.  Because it feels like the Force is fucking with him today.  First, he arrives back to the _Finalizer_ to find Rey practically reviewing his troops as he drags her only friend aboard for his execution.  Then, when he interrogates the traitor, FN-2187's head isn't full of fantasies of Rey.  It's full of fantasies of some X-wing pilot named Poe who seems vaguely familiar.  But if Kylo ever met that pilot, he certainly had more clothes on. 

 

It’s a close decision.  But in the end, after the interrogation, he decides to let FN-2187 go free.  It has to be done in secret, of course.  One of his knights will drop the now unconscious traitor on a neutral world while the rest of the ship just assumes he is dead.   It would damage Kylo’s authority and hurt morale if his men knew that the traitor had been set free.  And then some might guess that his wife had a role in the decision and then Kylo would look weak.   He can’t have that.  So Kylo has to keep it quiet.

 

_You get to live so that you can go back and tell them.    Tell the General and all the rest that she is mine!  That their war is lost and Darkness will win.  It always wins in the end._

 

_You will never defeat, hope.  You can kill me and kill others but you can’t kill hope, Ren._

 

_Hope all you want, fool.  It won't help._

_You're fucking crazy!  Everyone says you are crazy--_

_Remember this, traitor!  She did this for you.   And I do this for her._

 

This is the easiest solution, he rationalizes.  Sparing the traitor is the path of least resistance with Rey.  Kylo will look merciful and she will like that.  Kylo has extracted all the information he can from FN-2187.  And yes, no doubt the traitor will find his way back to the Resistance.  When he eventually surfaces again, Kylo will think up some lie to explain it.  But Rey is his now and the traitor is not a rival who can lure her astray.   So the risk is minimal.

 

But now he has to appease the Darkness within that goes frustrated with this uncharacteristic pardon.  The urge to kill and the lust for revenge have been building for days and have gone unfulfilled.  And they are surging in him now.  So as Kylo stalks the halls of his great ship, he stops to light his sword and slice through a random instrument panel.  He roars his frustration out as he slashes and hacks away.  But it barely even takes the edge off.

 

Rey.  He needs Rey.

 

And since her request for clemency is part of the problem then she can help accommodate him for the solution, he reasons.  She was bound to figure this out anyway. She ought to know the price of Darkness.   This is the man she married after all. 

 

When he bursts into his quarters, he finds Rey pacing back and forth.  She's worrying and it's not about him.  And that’s disappointing because he wants to be Rey’s first concern.  He is her Sith after all.

 

"What happened?"  she demands even before he has his helmet off and his sword set down.  "Did you--  Did you??"  From the look on her face, Rey can’t bring herself to say the words aloud.

 

"He's alive," Kylo gripes.  He doesn't want to waste time talking about the traitor.  He's impatient for Rey.  She's still in her red dress looking gorgeous.   And he has been pining for her for five days now.

 

"Alive?"   Rey looks dumbfounded and that too is annoying.  But Darkness always makes him especially short tempered.

 

"Yes, I let him live," Kylo sighs as he slams his helmet down on a table.  "He's being released quietly." 

 

"Your eyes!"  With his helmet off she can see his feral yellow eyes.  The telltale sign of a Sith enthralled with Dark power.  They intimidate Rey and she takes a step back.

 

Kylo advances on her now and waves a gloved finger before Rey’s nose.  "Do not ever interfere again, Rey!  Never again for anyone else.  Understand?"

 

She nods emphatically.  "Thank you," she breathes out her relief, still distracted by his feral eyes.  She keeps looking at them warily.  "Your eyes--" she stammers again.

 

"I have Sith eyes," he rasps.  “Behold my Darkness, wife.”  Kylo reaches for her and claims her mouth for his own. Damn, how he wants this woman. And right now, with his Darkness surging, he needs her  desperately.   She's his wife and he has just spared a prisoner at her request.  This is her cue to fall into his arms with gratitude. 

 

Except she's not.  She is stiff and taken by surprise.  Rey pushes him back.  "Kylo, what are you doing--  Not now--"

 

But he silences her with his kiss.  It's rough and urgent and again, she pushes him back.  "Kylo--"

 

"I need this," he hisses and he's all over her again.  Does Rey want to talk?  Because he's through talking.  The prisoner has been dealt with and he is moving on.  "I need you now.  Take that dress off," he orders between kisses.

 

"W-What?"  Again, she pulls back from him.

 

"You heard me.  Take that dress off." When Rey hesitates, he roars.  "Now!"

 

She fumbles awkwardly for the back zipper.  But he's impatient. He simply waves his hand and the zipper falls open with the help of the Force.  He pushes the dress from her shoulders to fall in a pile on the floor. She's wearing a matching pink bra and panties underneath.  And while his Rey is not a large chested woman, her little breasts look pert and perfect in that bra.  Yes, this is just what he needs right now.

 

"Look at you—“ his words are a hoarse whisper.  “Rey, you're gorgeous--"

 

"Kylo--"  She’s looking at him strangely.  Concerned.  “What do those eyes mean?”

 

"I need this."   It's the truth. His voice is part plea, part command.  For he's close to losing control.   He needs this release. Kylo reaches for her again, pulling her to him with both arms.  Burying his hands in her tight coiffure as he thrusts his tongue in her mouth.  "Now, Rey.  I need you now."  He is kissing her breathless and holding her close.  “Submit me to me.  Submit to your Sith.”

 

“W-What??”

 

He is Sith and there are times when he needs to control and to dominate.  This is one of them.  He walks her back fast to the wall and maybe she hits it a bit hard for he hears the faint grunt of pain and the exhale as he knocks some of the wind from her.  But now he has her pinned and he can grind himself into her.  And, oh, this too is not enough.   He needs more.  He wants more.

 

Is she fighting him?  Or are her arms reaching up for him?  He can’t tell and it doesn’t matter. “Rey, don’t fight me.  I don’t want to hurt you."

 

Yes, she's definitely fighting him.  Well, more like resisting.  "Kylo, stop--"

 

But she doesn't get to do this—she doesn’t get to turn him down.  Not when she's his wife and when he has been denied his chance to kill in order to indulge her.   This is her fault, after all.  Does she want to be seduced like on their wedding night?  Well, maybe later.  But first he’s going to give her the good, hard fuck that he needs.

 

He reaches down the front of her panties now to aggressively fondle her.  She squirms away but not before he feels her slickness.  Yes, she wants it.  This might not be how she wants it, but he will make it better next time.  For now, he's in a frenzy to appease the Darkness within.  It's an impulse that can only be denied so long.   And control has always been his weakness.

 

Kylo is still in his uniform but he unzips and is ready to go. He doesn't want to waste a moment taking her into the bedroom.  And she's not tall enough for him to go at it up against the wall.  So he drags her to the table and forces her down face first.  He tears at her panties and then sweeps one of her knees up and onto the tabletop.  Now she's exposed and he's in.  It's a frenzy of hard thrusts as he grunts out his primal pleasure.  He is drunk on Darkness and lost in the pleasure of her body.  “Oh, Gods, Rey,” he groans.  “You are everything.”

 

This is the physical feel of Dark power.  His violence expressing his dominance.  His body reveling in his lust.  It’s lust for Rey mixing with his lust for power.   Here is the Dark ravishing the Light as the Sith ruts over and over into his Jedi bride held immobile with the Force.   For the Dark Side is selfish.  It cares only for itself.  And so Kylo's only concern is his own near desperate drive for pleasure and release.  And he finds it with a final deep thrust that makes Rey whimper as he roars out his triumph.   Yes, he thinks as he pulls back and releases her, this sex is far more satisfying that then the traitor's death would have been. 

 

The Darkness is appeased and he is no longer in the grips of the shadow Force.  He gathers Rey to him.  She is staring at him, stunned.  Her pretty makeup smeared and her hair askew. "Thank you.  Thank you," he whispers.  He leans in to kiss her tenderly and it's completely at odds with his callous treatment of her.  He brushes back a long lock of hair that has fallen from her tumbled updo.  Swiping now with his thumb at a stray tear that streaks its way down her cheek.   She is trembling, he sees.  But still unmoving and expressionless.  So he clasps her to him.  Wanting to be the comfort to her now that she has been to him.  “My Rey,” he murmurs.  “My sweet wife.” 

 

She says nothing.

 

So he keeps talking.  He wants her to understand.  “I am a young Sith,” he tells her, confessing that “I struggle to control my power.   And the impulses that come with it.  I need violence.  Sometimes destruction.  Sometimes I need to kill.  With you . . . I will need this.”  He kisses her again softly and she doesn’t respond.  “Thank you for this, Rey.” 

 

Rey shrinks back from him.  She’s staring at him.  No, at his eyes.   They are brown again, he can feel it.  His equilibrium is back and once again he is in complete control.  "Yellow eyes," she whispers softly. 

 

"Sith eyes,” he confirms.  “I am Sith.  There are times when I need to act like one.  You will get used to it in time."

 

She closes her eyes now as if to shut him out. "What have I done?" She speaks her thoughts aloud.  Then she thrusts him back. It's part physical push and part Force push.  Then she disappears into the bedroom to sob. 

 

Kylo scowls and swears.  He does his best to ignore Rey’s distress.  He knew that one way or another today there would be tears for the traitor or because of the traitor.  It had been unavoidable.   But still, he can’t help feeling now like he is Han Solo all over again.  Returning to a wife who ends up crying within hours of his return.  At least, Kylo thinks, there isn't a confused kid watching all this wondering whose side he is supposed to be on.   And what does Rey have to be so upset about anyway?  Against his better judgement, he had spared the traitor as a favor to Rey.  A very big favor to Rey.

 

Frustrated, he stalks off to take a shower and wash this day off of him.  Somehow his public triumphal return with the captured traitor feels like it has turned into a personal defeat.

 

Rey appears in the bathroom doorway as he looks up from his toothbrush. She's wrapped in his bathrobe he has been looking for. 

 

“Don't you ever touch me with yellow eyes again, Kylo,” she warns.  Her voice is low and serious.

 

Kylo locks eyes with her in the mirror.

 

“I mean it, Kylo.  Find some other woman when you need that.”

 

“Rey,” he says softly, “You are my wife and I will be faithful to you.   You are the only woman I will sleep with.  You are the only woman who will bear my child.” 

 

“Not with yellow eyes, I won't.”

 

“I didn't hurt you.” He is defensive now.  Rejection written all over his face.  But a Sith cannot be rejected and will not be denied.  So reflexively, he lashes out. "I am Sith!  And I can take whatever I want.  Even from you, Rey."

 

"No, you can't."

 

"This is the life you chose, Rey," he reminds her.  “Someday, you will understand these urges.”  She frowns at this statement, confused.  And for the first time, Kylo wonders whether his Rey is capable of one day being Sith.   For that is his dream.  It’s not enough that she has consented to be his wife.  He wants more.  A Sith always wants more.  One day, Rey will embrace the First Order.  She will embrace the Dark Side.  And then his beautiful Jedi girl too will flash the yellow eyes of a Sith.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains some non-consent/ rape issues. This scene was in the original story, but not in this graphic sense or with much accompanying explanation. The original version of this story was my very first fan fic and I was shy about going these places in my writing. Not so anymore. But I have no wish to offend or trigger sensitive readers.
> 
> The ideas about the Dark Side and its effects are different in this story than in my other fics. I was still refining my ideas at the time this was written. Ultimately, I abandoned many of the concepts found in this fic for different ideas. But they are important to the plot and so is this chapter. Please know that this is not gratuitously written nor am I desiring to glorify this behavior. But the Dark Side is Dark.


	16. Chapter 16

The next morning, Rey awakes to a caress from Kylo.  She blinks open her eyes to find him sitting on the bed next to her.  Kylo is up, fully dressed and ready to head out to the bridge.   

His eyes are brown.  And that’s a relief.

“Good morning,” he smiles down at her. 

“What time is it?” Rey sits up.  There’s no point in looking out the window, for the inky blackness of space looks the same morning, noon and night.  Time is really a fiction on the _Finalizer_ because it’s not relative to any planetary system or sun.  As a matter of convenience, First Order starships all keep the same time and date convention no matter where they are located.  The Resistance does the same thing.

“It’s 0500.  I wanted to see you before I left.  Rey,” he begins and the First Knight of the First Order sounds uncharacteristically uncertain.  He frowns.  After a moment, he tries again.  “Rey, things have gotten off to a bad start.  It will get better,” he promises.  “I will make you happy.  I want to make you happy.”

And that little speech doesn’t exactly excuse his behavior last night.  But it goes a long way to allaying Rey’s fears that it will be a regular occurrence.   So she just nods. 

“Come,” he tells her.  Kylo has a beige mechanic’s jumpsuit waiting for her, complete with toolbelt and steel-toed boots.  He has anticipated her objection and so the coveralls are blank of any rank patches or name badge.  They do, however, have the medallion insignia of the First Order emblazoned on the back, as do all the ship’s tech uniforms.  You need to blend in, Kylo tells her.  This is the best we can do. 

Rey stares hard at the uniform.  This isn’t the black female officer uniform she was first offered.  This is the uniform of a skilled noncombatant who fixes things for the First Order.  Not the uniform of a woman who wages war and kills for the First Order.   Okay, Kylo, she agrees.  He looks relieved.

Kylo heads out for the day.  Rey showers and dons the uniform.  Then she clips her lightsaber to the toolbelt and heads for the hangar bay to report to her new supervisor.  This time when Rey walks the halls of Kylo’s flagship, Lady Ren goes completely unnoticed, lost in the crowd with everyone else.  For yes, she does blend in.

The _Finalizer_ maintenance crew is vast, working in four shifts round the clock.  Rey is surprised to discover that quite a few of the mechanics and other techs are women.  She will come to find out that most of the women of the First Order function in these combat support roles.  They tend to the wounded in the medibay, they keep things running onboard ship in the commissary and the laundry, they manage the bureaucracy in the vast array of administrative roles, and they keep the droids, weaponry and starships of the First Order up and running.   There are female stormtroopers and even some female officers, but by and large the combat roles of the First Order are filled by men.   It is oddly typical, Rey thinks.  The women are behind the scenes doing all the necessary, often menial tasks.  And the men are off doing daring deeds featured in the holonet newsfeeds and winning glory and promotions while they’re at it.   But since Rey herself has no desire to fight for the First Order, she’s not about to complain.

Figuring that life will Kylo will have her up early, Rey joins the first shift of starship mechanics who work from early morning until noon.  These hours are the height of the daily rush in the hangar bay, when shuttles and ships bearing deliveries come and go non-stop.  In many ways, the hangar bay is the crossroads of the ship, so the peoplewatching is terrific.  All ranks from General Hux down to the newest stormtroopers rub shoulders along with visitors and contractors.  Here, all disciplines from the military to diplomacy, from medicine to procurement, come and go.   The hangar bay turns out to be the nerve center of the ship and an endlessly fascinating place to work. 

Her shift crew’s projects are divided into two general categories:  general maintenance and post-combat reconditioning.  Rey begins on general maintenance.   She knows that she will need to prove her skills.  And after a week of hyperdrive maintenance on a squad of TIEs, she does.  Rey knows her stuff and she’s not afraid to get her hands dirty or break a nail.  And so, a mutual respect forms among Rey and her crew. 

Rey’s identity is an open secret that is rarely and only obliquely referred to by anyone.   At first glance, the skinny brunette with a low sideswept ponytail and grease on her cheek looks like any other junior mechanic.  And Rey acts like any other junior mechanic.  She takes orders, accepts advice and criticism, and stays late after shift end to finish projects.  She’s virtually indistinguishable from the rest except she’s wearing a lightsaber at her waist and she wears a blank uniform without credentials.  The other techs pretend not to notice that tools have a habit of flying into her outstretched hand.   And no one comments when on occasion a messenger from the bridge arrives to fetch her.  The other techs are friendly but distant.  No one asks anything about her past or her present.  Conversation is confined to the tasks at hand and everyone simply calls her Rey.

All in all, things are off to a good start.

Working with her hands has always been soothing for Rey.  There is something very therapeutic about fixing things.  Something so satisfying about solving the necessary problems to make something work.  For machines are a discrete and finite set of doable tasks.   Rey can’t solve the problems of the galaxy and she gave up trying once Luke Skywalker held two lightsabers to her neck.  But she can solve the clogged fuel line on a trooper transport.  Two weeks into her hasty marriage to Kylo, Rey is still very confused and uncertain about their relationship.  But there is no uncertainty about the broken landing strut on the officer shuttle she fixed this morning.  Rey feels productive now.  It’s positive and it feels good.

And as the days go by, she feels accepted too.  The small head nods and welcoming smiles in the morning tell Rey that she is liked.  Little by little, her colleagues open up about themselves.  The crew chief is a heavyset middle-aged woman who tends to fuss and mother everyone, Rey included.  And there is a young woman named Moriah about Rey’s age who likes to gossip and is secretly dating a stormtrooper.  The two men on the crew are both combat veterans who ended up as mechanics after surviving traumatic battlefield wounds.  One lost an arm and the other lost a leg.  But neither had lost their zeal for the First Order and so they chose mechanics as a new capacity to serve.

And that is the eye-opening thing about Rey’s job:  the window it gives her into the life of the average folk of the First Order.  Predictably, almost everyone comes from a Rim world and no one has much advanced education.  None comes from as impoverished a background as Rey, but one and all her crew members are from the working class of the galaxy.   They are people who put in a hard day’s work and pay their bills.  They are probably one or two paychecks ahead of financial disaster but that’s been a way of life forever so it’s not a source of stress.   You accept and deal with things you can’t change, after all.  And that’s a fact of life Rey can relate to.  These are resourceful people who are creative in their solutions to problems.  Because when you can’t just throw money at the situation or buy something new to replace what has broken, you tend to find work arounds for everything.  You make do.  Lemonade from lemons her crew chief likes to say.  And the stubborn independence and fundamental optimism that lies behind this attitude is infectious.  Yes, Rey of Jakku understands these people.  And, honestly, that is kind of a shock.

Somewhat surprisingly, few of Rey’s coworkers seem that politically motivated.   They perceive the First Order’s goals as common sense, rather than extremism.   What Rey thinks of as fascist threats, they welcome as refreshing straight talk.  In a galaxy full of complicated problems and shades of grey, these people welcome the simple solutions and black-or-white dichotomy of the First Order’s ideology.  None of her coworkers seems to relish violence, but they don’t shrink from it either.  It’s a necessary evil, Rey’s mild-mannered crew chief explains, but just until the war is over.  Then we will have peace and a safe and secure society.

General Hux is a hero to this crowd.  They admire the young general’s zeal and some can even quote lines from his oratory.   No one seems to hold the Starkiller against him.  They chalk up that tragedy to the ruthlessness of the terrorist Resistance.  Kylo Ren is not as popular as Hux, Rey innately understands.   No one speaks openly about Kylo to Rey, and that in and of itself is very telling.  Because when people don’t have anything nice to say, they don’t say anything at all.

Young Moriah and Rey are the most junior members of the crew, so they often get teamed together for the most tedious projects.  Moriah is chatty with everyone, and Rey is no exception.  So before long, she has told Rey her whole life story and all the details of her on-again, off-again relationship with her commitment-shy stormtrooper.  After a while, Moriah starts fishing around about Rey.  It’s rather innocently done, so Rey plays along.

_Where did you learn so much about mechanics?  My parents ran a repair shop so I grew up helping out.  I think I was four when they first put a wrench in my hand._

_I grew up a scavenger._

_A scavenger?  Really?  I would never have guessed.  You’re so . . . well, you don’t seem like a scavenger.  Where did you grow up?_

_Jakku._

_Jakku, as in the Battle of Jakku?  No wonder you joined the First Order.  Were your parents settlers there?_

_I have no parents.  I’m an orphan._

_Oh, I’m sorry._

Rey's answers get repeated and she knows it.  So she tries to frame her responses in ways Moriah and others will understand.  And little by little, the truth in all its misleading glory comes out.  This is how the First Order grapevine rumor mill fleshes out its perception of Lady Ren.  The young woman who they only know from her single dramatic appearance as Joan of Arc of the First Order turns out to be surprisingly humble.  And, as her coworkers all attest, hardworking and helpful.  ‘She’s one of us’ is how Rey gets described, and that is high praise indeed.

_Have you met Luke Skywalker?_

_Yes._

_What's he like?_

_O_ _ld.  Bitter and angry._

_What does he have to be angry about?   The rest of us are the angry ones.  He ruins the Empire, starts a galactic war, and then just walks away._

_He was angry at me.  For Kylo._

_Yeah, I'll bet.  Did he yell at you?_

_He tried to kill me._

_Really?  I thought the Jedi were supposed to be peaceful._

_They are.  But they are not weak._

_How did you get away?_

_Kylo showed up and saved me._

_Oh, that's so romantic._

Moriah is young and silly in a way that Rey cannot relate to.  Because you only get to be this girlish if you have been allowed to be a child.  Rey of Jakku never got to be a child.  She may still be very young, but she has had to fend for herself with adult responsibilities from a tender age.  You don’t have the luxury of being lighthearted and boy crazy when you are constantly keeping starvation and dehydration at bay.  And from Jakku, Rey had ended up on Ahch-To.  Training to be a Jedi with the fate of the galaxy resting on your shoulders is about as serious as you can get.   So while Rey might only be aged twenty, she might as well be aged forty.  Because that’s how she feels when she listens to Moriah artlessly prattling on about everything from how well her stormtrooper kisses to whether she looks good in a headband.  But Rey doesn’t mind, for it often puts a smile on her face.

_S_ _o where did you meet him?_

_Meet who?_

_Your . . . uh . . . husband.  You know—Ren._

_Oh.  I guess we were outside a bar._

_A bar?  Really?  Did he have his whole getup on?  I mean, did you know that you were talking to the famous Kylo Ren himself?  Or was he just some cute tall guy you wandered into?  Is he cute?  I bet he’s cute under that helmet.  Am I right?_

_He was in uniform when I met him.  With the helmet._

_So who talked first?  Did you talk first?   Did you flirt with him?_

_Actually, I shot at him._

_Wow.  But you can't shoot Kylo Ren.  He can freeze blaster bolts with his magic.  Some people say he can even deflect them with his sword._

_Yeah.  I know that now._

_So what happened?  What did he do?_

_He froze me in the Force._

_Yeah, okay.  Then what?_

_He knocked me out in the Force and carried me off in his shuttle._

_Oooooo where?_

_T_ _he Starkiller._

_Your first date was the Starkiller?  Oh, that’s so romantic.  Love at first sight._

_More like love at first shot._

Everyone likes that you want to do your part, Moriah informs Rey one day.  I mean, you could be off shopping on Coruscant acting like the Real Housewife of the First Order.  But instead, you work here with all of us in the war effort.  I guess Ren would never let you fight in combat.  But it’s good that you do this. 

That sentiment seems to carry the day.  Even Kylo gets wind of it.  He laughs one morning as he tells Rey that she’s helping to improve his image with the crew.  People think you are too good for me, Kylo grins, and they’re right. 

_You know there's a second shift fuel tech here who says he used to refuel your ship when you came to visit Ren._

_Y_ _eah?_

_He says you flew an old X-wing._

_I did.  That was Luke Skywalker's X-wing.  The one that destroyed the first Death Star._

_Wow.  The fuel tech said it looked like a piece of junk._

_Looks can be deceiving, Moriah._

_The fuel tech also said that you usually arrived here asleep._

_Yeah.  I guess I did.   Kylo would put me to sleep in the Force._

_Ooooh.  He uses his magic on you?_

_Sometimes._

_The tech said that Ren would swoop you up in his arms and carry you off._

_Yeah.  I guess he did._

_That’s so romantic._

_I didn't think so at the time._

_You two sneaking around pretending to be on opposite sides of the war.   Fooling Luke Skywalker.  It's a great story.  You should have a baby.  That’s the only thing that would make your story even better, Rey.  A cute little baby Ren._

_What??_

_Oh, sorry.  It's not my place I know.  But think of it . . . a baby!_

_Maybe someday, Moriah.  When the war is over.  Not now._

Over time, Rey and Kylo settle into a routine of sorts.   Rey sees Kylo in the morning and then they go their separate ways during the day.   He doesn’t keep regular hours, so Rey never knows when he will walk through the door at night.  Sometimes he doesn’t come home at all, for he is gone for days at a time on missions.  Rey does not ask where he is going and what he does while he is absent from his flagship.  But often that knowledge is unavoidable, for the First Order broadcasts its war dispatches in a perpetual loop over the ship's internal holonet. 

With all that time on her hands, Rey volunteers for extra shifts in the hangar bay.  And a few afternoons a week, Rey begins sitting in on the education classes offered free to crew.  As it turns out, Rey isn’t the only person among the First Order who lacks the basics of a formal education.  The classes are politics and history mostly.  Rey suspects much of it is propaganda.  When she complains that the subject matter is biased towards the First Order's version of events, Kylo gives her a datapad with access to what remains of the Imperial and Old Republic holonet databases.  Read what you want, Kylo tells her, and decide for yourself what is true. Truth is often a point of view, he warns. She comes to see the wisdom of his words.  Because from her own personal experience, the truth of Rey, Lady Ren looks very different from what the public at large thinks.  Maybe the rest of history has some of those ambiguities and outright lies built into it too, she worries.

Rey follows the Supreme Leader’s instruction to keep her lightsaber on her at all times when in public.   Kylo goes one step further and gives her a remote to use for practice to keep up her skills.   Even aboard the _Finalizer_ , Kylo is concerned that her proximity to him and her history with Luke Skywalker will make her a target for the Resistance.  Kylo spends an afternoon teaching her to freeze an opponent with the Force.  Then he commandeers the onboard firing range to teach her to stop blaster bolts. When a squad of stormtroopers arrives for target practice, they find Kylo Ren firing round after round at his wife's head.   The ship buzzes for a week debating whether or not the weapon is set to stun.   

Kylo turns out to be a very patient teacher and this surprises Rey.   He’s a different man when he’s speaking reverently of the Force than when he is stomping through his star destroyer with a crowd of underlings trailing in his wake.   This Kylo is studious, earnest and compelling.  Not at all commanding.   And Rey wonders whether this is a partial glimpse into the old Ben Solo.  If this is the professor the long ago brilliant Clone Wars obsessed student might have become had he not turned Sith.

While her days are her own, Rey's nights are his.  Kylo is young and virile, and Rey is willing.   Sometimes he surprises her, stopping very late at the _Finalizer_ ostensibly to refuel and recharge his ship before leaving early the next morning. "I have been craving you," he whispers as he slips into bed and wakes her from sleep with a kiss.  Kylo is a gentle lover these days, seducing her with his lopsided smile and adoring hands.  Not once has Rey seen those yellow eyes again.  And, in retrospect, Rey rationalizes away that whole encounter.  Telling herself that the constant through it all is his desire for her, and that is enough.  Rey basks in Kylo’s constant attention. No one has ever given her the attention that Kylo Ren does.

Afterwards, Rey lays in his arms and tells him the newest gossip from the hangar bay. Or asks him questions about the Force.  And Kylo debates with her about her education classes or asks for stories of Jakku.  Kylo is fascinated by her life on Jakku, perhaps because it is so dissimilar to his own privileged childhood.  They never discuss the politics of the Resistance or the First Order, or the agendas of Luke Skywalker or Snoke.  But they discuss everything else for hours while naked in each other's arms.

One morning, Rey is rolled under a TIE on a creeper when she looks up to see Kylo’s distinctive all black command shuttle touch down nearby.  Of course, his conspicuous shuttle has the premiere parking spot in the hangar bay.  But it’s not the sight of the shuttle that has caught her notice.  It’s the sound of the shuttle.  Those repulsor-lifts definitely need rotation and maintenance.   Han Solo’s son should not be flying a ship with repulsor-lifts that sound like that, Rey thinks to herself. 

So she walks over to the shuttle, joining the several techs who immediately approach to refuel and restock the ship.  Kylo’s command shuttle, like all five of the senior officer shuttles, is kept prepped and ready for takeoff at all times.  Likely, Rey suspects, that is the reason this maintenance has been so long deferred.  No one dares to inconvenience Kylo Ren by requesting that he fly off in an inferior ride, even if it’s only for one day. 

She is inspecting one of the lifts by a landing strut, noting all the carbon scoring that must have come from combat, when one of the fuel techs lugging a hose in front of her stops and snaps to attention.  It triggers a memory of the friendly fuel tech who had chatted with Rey that day she had arrived here from the Hosnia memorial.  Had that really been only two months ago?  It seems like forever ago that she was introduced to the galaxy as a Jedi, nearly lost her head to Luke Skywalker, and married Kylo Ren all in one day.  But that fuel tech too had snapped to attention.  And that can only mean one thing.

“Kylo!” she whirls to find her Sith.  “You’re back early.”  It’s not even noon.

“Hello, Rey.”  She sees him glance around at the three techs who stand at respectful attention well within earshot.  Kylo beckons to her.  “Come onboard with me.”

The shuttle is empty now except for them.  As soon as they reach the top of the ramp, Kylo tears off his mask.  “Can I kiss you now?”

Rey smiles at the question and he takes that for a yes.  Ever since that night with his yellow eyes, Kylo has been careful not to be overly aggressive.  Well, he’s still aggressive but he asks first.  Because now he’s got her up against the wall and his hands are wandering.  Only once Rey has been thoroughly kissed does Kylo step back.

“I brought you something.”  Kylo looks like a little boy impatient to share a secret.  He produces a small box from his pocket and plucks something from within.  “I hope it fits.  I guessed the size.”  Kylo holds out his gloved palm.  Inside is a small gold ring. 

“Oh!” Rey grins.  She’s never actually owned any jewelry.

“It’s called a wedding ring.  It’s a custom from Corellia.  You wear it on your left hand.”

“The hand with the slash,” Rey whispers and he nods.  Then she starts tugging at her work gloves.  When her left hand is bare, Kylo takes the little gold band and slides it on her fourth finger.  “Oh, it’s perfect!” Rey exclaims, admiring the ring for a long moment.  Then she looks up simultaneously with Kylo.  They lock eyes.  And then he goes in for another kiss.

“I’m here for you, Rey,” Kylo explains now.  “I came back to fetch you.”

“Fetch me?”

“Rey, you have been summoned.  By the Supreme Leader.  We need to leave in about an hour.”


	17. Chapter 17

“Do not speak unless asked a question.”

 

“Ok.”

 

An hour later, Rey is dressed to the nines for her audience with the Supreme Leader himself.  She has donned her black dress for the occasion, figuring if there ever was a time to look Sith, this is it.  Over the dress, Rey wears the heavy black velvet hooded cape that had arrived with the rest of her now very extensive, very formal wardrobe.  Kylo calls it her Vader cape and he loves it. 

 

“Always tell the truth.”

 

“Uh huh.”

 

“The complete truth, Rey.  He will know if you lie or omit something.”

 

Gradually, Rey has become accustomed to the trappings of Lady Ren.   She now sits patiently every afternoon for the grooming droid to paint her face without complaint.  And she dons a fancy dress every day as though it were a comfy tunic and slacks.  The look is a uniform of sorts in her mind.  For dutifully, whenever Rey appears in public other than in the hangar bay, she is perfectly turned out from her glossy upswept tresses to her manicured fingertips.  Truly, this is a universe away from her grubby subsistence on Jakku. 

 

“He is a very formal man.  Show him the utmost respect.”

 

“I understand.”

 

“Think old school, Old Republic formal, Rey.”

 

Rey is playing a role, and she knows it. On a military starship with a rigid chain of command, Rey exists separate from everyone else. She has no status, and yet as Lady Ren she has the highest status. The haughty feminine trappings she wears stick out amid the sea of uniforms and reinforce her otherness.  Whether in the upper deck corridors crowded with officers or in her education classes mostly populated by stormtroopers and low skilled laborers, everyone's eye is drawn to her.  Rey quickly becomes used to being conspicuous.

 

“Do not resist him.  The only answer is yes.”

 

Today, Rey is extra conspicuous for she is accompanied by her husband.  Kylo Ren and Lady Ren have not been seen in public together since the day Finn was taken prisoner.   Each in their own right is a noteworthy sighting for the crew.  But seeing them together is something like seeing a unicorn.   Kylo is oblivious to the stares because he is focused on drilling his rules for meeting Snoke into Rey.  Over and over again.

 

As they climb the ramp into Kylo’s command shuttle, Rey repeats them back to him.  For the second time in ten minutes.   “Don’t speak unless he asks a question.  Tell the truth.  Be respectful.  Say yes.  Did I miss anything?”

 

“No, that’s it,” Kylo grumbles and sighs.  They are inside now so he takes off his helmet.

 

“Kylo, you’re making me nervous.”

 

He shoots her a look.  “You should be nervous.  He’s the greatest Sith Master who has ever lived.”

 

“Yes, and I’m a fallen away Jedi Padawan.  The Jedi and the Sith are ancient enemies.  I get it, Kylo.  So stop making me more nervous.”  Because, really, Kylo is making her very anxious.  “You aren’t helping things,” she complains.  Rey slants Kylo some serious side eye.  “If he kills me, I’m warning you now that I am going to haunt you as a Force ghost, Kylo Ren.  Everywhere you look there will be an angry blue and sparkly me.”

 

“He’s not going to kill you,” Kylo is annoyed now too.  They have been feeding off each other’s nervous energy since Rey started getting dressed back in his quarters.  “He just wants to meet you.”

 

But Rey isn’t buying that explanation.  Because she can’t imagine that the Sith lord Supreme Leader of the First Order is just casually curious about Luke Skywalker’s Jedi Padawan.   The Sith always have multiple motives, she remembers Luke Skywalker warning.  Their stated reason may well be true.  But it is rarely the only reason.   Rey sighs now too.  She’s known that this meeting would come eventually.  There is no avoiding it. 

 

Rey sinks down into a seat and slumps.  Kylo does the same at her side.  They spend the entire shuttle ride in brooding mutual silence.  As they begin to land, Rey reaches over to take Kylo’s hand.  He looks over to her and nods his encouragement.  “You’ll do great, Rey.  You’ll do great.”

 

She hopes he’s right.  Because more and more it feels like there is a steep learning curve to this Lady Ren gig. 

 

The Supreme Leader of the First Order hides away in a small nondescript bunker in an undisclosed location that looks more like a large asteroid than a planet.  Rey doesn’t ask where they are.  Kylo clearly has been here many times before.  He treats it like home, she notices, not even bothering to bring his helmet in from the shuttle. 

 

She recognizes the Sith manservant Milo waiting for them on the landing pad.  The genteel old man smiles and inclines his head at Rey.  But he beams at Kylo, telling him “He’s glad you are here.  He’s been looking forward to this.”  Together they follow Milo down a series of darkened corridors until they stop on the threshold of a great room.  Here is where Milo bows and leaves them. 

 

“Ready?” Kylo asks as he squeezes her hand.

 

“Yes.”  She’s as ready for this as she will ever be.  Rey takes a deep breath and walks with Kylo into the audience chamber. 

 

A giant man in a black cloak and cowl stands waiting as they approach.  He must be seven feet tall, Rey thinks.  And this set up is altogether different than Kylo had described.  She had been expecting to find the Sith Master enthroned up high on the dais.  Not standing patiently as if to welcome them.  Like this is a social visit and they are all friends.  His greeting turns out to be the first of several surprises, for Supreme Leader Snoke turns out to be nothing like what Rey expects.

 

The room is dimly lit mostly with starlight and moonlight.  The low light gives the old Sith a nebulous, slightly ghostly appearance.   Rey can see that he is very pale and that his gaunt face is ruined from scars.   He looks like he is missing half his left ear and a good bit of his left cheek.  And a mighty scar runs down the center of his forehead where someone once split his skull.  Kylo had told her that Snoke is a Muun and that explains his tall slim form and his greyish-white complexion.  But his face suggests any number of humanoid species given how deformed his features are.  Looking at him now, Rey wonders whether Luke Skywalker was the cause of any of those scars.

 

"Welcome, Lady Ren. I have been expecting you." Snoke's voice is grave.  When he speaks his words unfold slowly, like a poem.  “Long have I waited to meet you.”  Insight rushes up to Rey and she understands that this is not a man given to hasty words or to impulse.  The impression he gives is very deliberate.  Calculating even. 

 

Kylo takes a knee in the traditional obeisance of the Apprentice.  Snoke’s gaze flits over Kylo but the Master leaves the Apprentice there on the floor.  His attention is all for Rey.  Slowly, the Muun smiles and the movement distorts his mangled features even further.  Still, there is something genuine about his expression that tempts her to smile back.  The monstrous Muun has an unexpected charisma. 

 

He honors Rey with a slight courtly bow.  Then he beckons her forward with a long, skeletal finger. "Come.  Do not be afraid."

 

Rey swallows hard. She takes a moment to quiet her mind as Master Luke has taught her.  Rey is certain that her fear is screaming out through the Force.  Then she steps forward to stand before the Sith. 

 

This is the man who even Luke Skywalker cannot defeat.  He is the Sith Master to Emperor Palpatine.  The man who plotted the Clone Wars and planned the Empire he never got to rule.  But he is back at it again as the Supreme Leader of the First Order.  He is the evil that lives forever.  The Dark lord who raises the dead.  Billions of lives have been sacrificed for his ambitions.  And he is her husband’s Sith Master.  Rey knows that this moment—this heart stopping, terrifying moment—is everything that Luke Skywalker had ever feared.  For once again the last Jedi has trained a Padawan who is welcomed by the Sith.   

 

All Rey can think is what have I done?  Because while she might not want to join the Darkness, it is a betrayal nonetheless to cease to oppose it.  For as far as the Jedi and the Sith are concerned, if you are not with me, you’re my enemy. 

 

"Oh, how lovely she is," Snoke practically purrs to Kylo. "You never told me how lovely she is.   And how closely she resembles your own mother in her youth. But that is no surprise.  A son's first love is always his mother.  And that is how it should be."

 

Behind her Kylo must react for the old Sith chuckles slightly. "See how he bristles, my lady.  Alderaan's adopted princess was a noted beauty in her day. Like you, she chose to forego the path of the Jedi to be a wife and a mother . . . among other things, of course." 

 

Rey blinks at this strange summation of Leia Organa’s career but she says nothing. 

 

Snoke reaches for Rey’s left hand now.  He turns her palm up to slowly trace a skeletal finger down her still pink marriage scar.  His gargoyle face peers down at Rey with approval.  “We Sith mark our own.    It is a time-honored tradition.”  Snoke now reveals his own deeply slashed left hand with a flourish of bony fingers.   “Marriage is a source of strength for a Sith.  Its emotions fuel our power, whether it be desire, pain or even loss.  My beloved has been gone many, many years now.  Yet I cannot look upon my hand without remembering her murder.  To this day, my Shan aides me.  Bolstering my Darkness still nearly a century later.  How exemplary a wife she was.”

 

The Sith releases her hand and Rey forces herself not to snatch it back.  She does not like this man touching her.  But if the Muun sees her reluctance, he does not comment.  Instead, he cocks his head to the side as he issues a disguised threat.  “How pleased I am that you have joined our family.  It is far preferable to killing you.  Such a waste that would be.” 

 

He’s looking at her expectantly now.  Like she should say something.  So, Rey mumbles out, “Thank you, Supreme Leader.”   And it’s bizarre to thank someone for not killing you.  But, at least he’s not killing her.

 

The Sith looks at Rey indulgently now.  “We are all Force-users here.  And we are family.  You may call me Darth Plagueis.”

 

Rey nods.    

 

And again, the Sith reaches to touch her.  This time he cups her cheek and it’s a gesture that is oddly reminiscent of Kylo reaching out his hand on Takodana and again on the Starkiller to read her mind.  Rey blinks rapidly in confusion.  Because for a moment, she could swear that old Darth Plagueis is in her head.  “Yes, I see your power,” he intones.  “I see your Light.  My Apprentice is called to the Light.  No doubt that is part of your allure.”  Is the Sith in her head?  It feels like he’s in her head.  But then Snoke drops his hand and the moment is gone.

 

Snoke addresses Kylo now.  “Arise, Apprentice, and leave us,” he orders.  As Kylo complies, the Muun offers Rey his arm in a courtly manner.  “Now, my dear, walk with me.   Let us speak as friends and family.”

 

And Rey, of course, complies.  She accepts the Sith’s arm and he walks her up the dais.  Past his throne to the large circular window behind it.  It is a beautiful vantage point, looking out upon a grey-white ringed moon with the traces of a pink and blue nebula in the background.  Wherever Snoke’s bunker is located, it has no natural atmosphere, she realizes.  Everywhere beyond the moon and the nebula Rey sees the darkness of deep space.   And that seems very fitting for a Sith’s secret lair.

 

Snoke lets her look her fill before he speaks.  “It is nice to see Shan's sword again,” he remarks casually, waving at the lightsaber still held in her right hand.  “Have you killed anyone with it yet?”

 

“N-No.”

 

Her stammering response makes him smile.  “Neither did she.  But weapons have a deterrent value only if they are known to be used, my dear.”  And Rey thinks instantly of the Starkiller destroying Hosnia.  Darth Plagueis, it seems, is on to her.  For he nods, “Yes, the Starkiller is the prime example.”  And now, Rey is again worried that this man is in her head somehow.  He merely smiles.  “You should use your sword once and awhile.  Make a strategic example, my dear.  A little violence goes a long way.”

 

Rey frowns and says nothing.  She is worried about what the Sith might see in her mind.  If he’s in her mind.  She’s not sure. 

 

Snoke is in a mood to reminisce, it seems.  Or maybe Rey reminds him of his dead Jedi wife.  But he keeps speaking of her.  “I was the only real opponent Shan ever fought with her sword.  She was not of a warring nature.  Shan did not have as much grit as you do.  She would never have survived on Jakku on her own.   She was almost wholly a creature of the Light.  My Shan did not have as much Darkness as you do.”

 

Rey looks up sharply at this troubling observation.  But mindful of Kylo’s rules, Rey still says nothing. 

 

“All of us are a mix of Dark and Light.  Each of us has a good angel and a bad angel sitting on our shoulder urging us on.  It's just that your good angel is far larger and louder than your bad one.”  Snoke slants her a look.  “Not so with me, of course.” 

 

“The Last Jedi would have it that one spark of Light can be the undoing of a Sith.  That if he feels the good in you, then you are ripe for his redemption.  It is a rather simplistic view.  Skywalker, of course, refuses to accept the inverse corollary of his theory.  That if there is one shade of Darkness in your soul then you are ripe for seduction to be Sith.   Because, of course, my grandson has plenty of Darkness.“

 

“No, my dear, the Force is far less rigid than the Last Jedi understands.   He clings to archetypes that do not truly exist and to dogma from a cult that died out when he was born.  Quite simply, Darkness is a choice.  So I am pleased that you have chosen Kylo Ren.  My Jedi wife chose me without knowing that I was Sith.  It was something of a rude awakening for her.  Fortunate are we that you knew that my son is Sith.”

 

“Your s-son?” Rey looks confused.

 

“Kylo Ren is my great-grandson.”  Rey gapes at this reveal but recovers fast.  But not before Darth Plagueis raises an eyebrow.  “Has he not told you?  His grandfather Darth Vader was my son created in the Force.”

 

“Created in the F-Force?  Can you do that?”

 

He nods proudly.  “All things are possible in the Force.  Anakin Skywalker was born of a human mother but conceived in the Force through me.” 

 

“But that means that Master Luke—“  Rey stops speaking even as she connects the dots in her mind.

 

“Yes,” the Sith confirms.   “Luke Skywalker is my grandson.  My prodigal grandson,” he adds dryly.

 

“Kylo didn’t tell me,” Rey whispers her thoughts aloud. 

 

“Skywalker did not tell you either,” the Muun concludes.  “The Jedi does not believe me.  He cannot allow himself to believe the truth because he refuses to acknowledge that Dark power is supreme.   He prefers to cling to the tradition of the Light, fighting against his true nature.  For one and all the Skywalkers are born to be Sith.  We are born to rule”

 

Born to be Sith?  Rey isn’t so sure.  She thinks of Kylo’s much admired mother.  The stalwart Rebel princess, the New Republic Senator and the Resistance general.  The Skywalker twins had been fighting their own family when the fought the Empire.  And now, once again, they fight their family as they fight the First Order.  So Rey breaks Kylo’s rules to challenge Snoke.  “Even Leia Organa?”

 

The Sith chuckles.  “Most especially that one.  She is very much like Darth Vader in ways that would make both of them squirm.  My family is all very much alike, my dear.  We may view the Force through different prisms, but our attitudes are remarkably similar.  And there is Darkness in all of us.”

 

Rey thinks now of Luke Skywalker with two swords poised at her throat.  A bitter, angry man who Kylo had shamed into standing down.  Kylo had known of his uncle’s Darkness.  And he had known how much his uncle fears that Darkness.  How much Luke Skywalker fears becoming Darth Vader.  And fears becoming Snoke.

 

And now Rey thinks of Kylo Ren sparing Finn’s life at her request.  Remembers how the murderous Sith had been moved to mercy by his Jedi wife.   Because Leia Organa is correct and there is still Light in Kylo Ren.  That’s why she had sent Han Solo to his death trying to bring him home.  And maybe that’s why Luke Skywalker too refuses to kill his nephew.   Because where there is Light, there is hope.  And now Rey wonders whether Kylo secretly fears becoming Luke Skywalker.  Or maybe becoming the redeemed Darth Vader, if the Last Jedi’s version of history is true. 

 

One is a Jedi fighting against his secret Darkness and one is Sith struggling with the call to the Light.  They are mirror images of one another, a generation apart.  But the gulf between them and their ideologies has caused a galactic civil war.  “You're too alike, all of you,” Rey whispers. “That's why you can't get along.  Because you each fear becoming the other.”

 

The Muun nods and he considers her anew.  “Yes.  Among other reasons.”   Darth Plagueis continues and his manner is patient.  It occurs to Rey that this man would be an excellent teacher.  It’s too bad he teaches Darkness.    


“It is a brave choice you have made, Rey of the Desert.  But you must see it through completely.  Here among the Sith we will help you realize all your dreams, if you let us.   You can build the family you have longed for.  You can leave behind forever the powerless deprivation of Jakku.  We will keep you safe and we will love you, Lady Rey.  Here is happiness if only you dare accept it.” 

 

Does she dare accept this?  Rey’s mind is full of the warnings of Master Luke.  How once you start down the Dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.  That fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering.  For no matter what the Dark Side promises, in the end it only delivers pain.  Never trust a Sith, her Jedi Master had said over and over again.  Never trust a Sith.

 

Darth Plagueis grunts at her confused hesitation.  “Skywalker has filled you with fear, I see.  So much that the Light teaches is fear.  Fear of using your power incorrectly, fear of emotion, fear of attachment.  All those rules and so little joy,” the Muun scoffs at the Light with a dismissive wave of his hand.  “The Jedi prohibition on attachment is unnatural.  It goes against both our baser instincts and against our more admirable need to love and be loved.”  Snoke shakes his head at her with rueful regret.  “To change that mindset can take time, I understand.  Long ago, I myself had a Jedi wife.  She too disdained attachment.  She feared to love me.  She feared to bear my child.”   And now the Sith looks pointedly at Rey.  “Like you fear to love your Sith and refuse to bear his child.”

 

Refuse to bear his child?  Rey blinks.  How does Darth Plagueis know that?    Probably because he’s in her head right now, she realizes.   She’s feeling very exposed and cornered now.  And so Rey just comes out with what she has been wondering all along:  “What do you want from me?” she demands.  Her tone is belligerent.  She knows Kylo would not approve.

 

But the Muun Sith does not react.  He keeps his habitual cool.  “I only have your best interests at heart, my dear.  I wish for you and my son to be happy.  And I wish for my family to continue.  And you, my dear, are key to both of those outcomes.”

 

“I will not turn to the Dark Side,” Rey says in as certain a voice as she can muster.  It’s a risky move, she knows, to further provoke this Sith. 

 

But once again, Darth Plagueis will not be baited.  “We shall see . . . we shall see.  In the meantime, when next you visit me, I wish to hear good news of a child.  It is time for this family to welcome a child.”

 

Rey just looks down.  Kylo’s words are ringing in her ears.  Cautioning her not to resist his Master, for the only answer is yes. 

 

And Rey is not sure what to make of his request.  For this entire interview has not gone as she has anticipated.  Rey has been expecting this man to grill her with questions of Luke Skywalker.  Or maybe to ask her to demonstrate her skills.  Maybe to rail at her about the failings of the Jedi, the New Republic and the Resistance.  But the wily Sith Master has done none of those things.  This is not an interrogation, an argument or a confrontation.  Instead, it is a conversation.  The Sith speaks fondly of his dead wife and gives Rey a soft pedal pitch to the Dark Side.  Telling her that he wants her to be happy.  He wants his son to be happy.  And he wants his family to grow and continue.  What’s so bad about all that?

 

On the shuttle ride back to the _Finalizer_ , Rey is very quiet.  Kylo keeps asking what she and Snoke talked about and Rey is vague.  Your family, she tells him.  And Kylo corrects her.  Our family, Rey.  It’s your family too now.

 

And this is one more thing that Rey had not fully considered before she entered into this hasty marriage.  How she is a Skywalker now too, for better or for worse.   The moment she had become a Jedi Padawan, Rey had put herself in the crosshairs of the warring Skywalkers.  But now she has chosen a side.  Sort of.  Has she been naïve to believe that she can live among Darkness but not succumb to it?  Is she a fool to believe that she can find happiness with a Sith and not be one?  How much of what Master Luke had taught her about Darkness is true and how much is his paranoia?   Can Snoke’s Dark Side deliver on his promises or are they merely lies to entrap her?   

 

Rey is lost in her thoughts when Kylo sits down beside her.  She leans in to lay her head on his broad shoulder, comforted by his nearness.  “You didn’t tell me that Snoke is your great-grandfather,” Rey complains softly.

 

“I figured that my uncle had told you that was a lie.”

 

“Is it?”

 

“I trust my Master, Rey.  He has never lied to me, but Luke Skywalker has.”

 

“Kylo, Snoke wants us to have a baby,” Rey confesses.

 

Kylo smirks.  “Then we should keep applying ourselves to the task.”

 

Rey pulls back now to look at him.  “Do you think we should have a baby?” she asks, her tone skeptical.

 

He shrugs. “Why not?”

 

“Why not??  Having a baby is a huge decision!  Don’t you think we should think about this?  Talk about this?  Maybe be married more than a few months before we do this?”  Rey’s voice is rising in pitch and in volume as she speaks, so agitated is she about this topic.  Because, no, Rey does not want to have a baby.  At least, not now.

 

“It’s bound to happen eventually, Rey.”  Kylo pulls her close.  “And I promised you a family, didn’t I?  I will keep my promises, Rey.  I want to make you happy.” 

 

Darth Plagueis too had said he wants to make her happy.  Both the Sith are promising to make her happy.  But all Rey can think of is Master’s Luke caution to never trust a Sith.  

They are back at the _Finalizer_ now.   Rey frowns as she hears the loud grind of the repulsor-lifts as the shuttle lands.    She turns now to Kylo who is putting his helmet back on.  “This ship badly needs a complete overhaul,” she informs him, suddenly making an executive decision on his behalf.  “We’ll put two crews on it but we will need three or four days probably.  Can you handle that?”

 

“Are you grounding me?”  Kylo asks.  “Is this your way of telling me that I am confined to quarters to go make that baby Skywalker?”

 

Rey gives him a look.  He’s not going to let this baby thing drop, is he?  “No, but this shuttle is grounded.”  Rey shrugs.  “Go commandeer Hux’s ship.   Kylo, you can’t fly into combat in a ship like this.  It’s not safe.  And it’s a needless risk.  I signed up to be a Sith’s wife.  Not a Sith’s widow.”

 

“Okay, Rey,” he easily relents as his smile disappears beneath the black metal of his mask.  “I like it when you nag me.  It’s very wifey.”


	18. Chapter 18

Things are going better between Moriah and her stormtrooper lately, so Rey's mechanic crew friend is full of exciting plans.  How she and her trooper will get married once the war is over.  They'll settle on a Mid-Rim world and start a small business together.  And then after a few years when they have saved up some credits, they will start a family. 

 

_I think I want three kids.   I grew up in a family of three kids.  Boys or girls, I don't care._

_Three sounds nice._

_Is that how many kids you and Ren are going to have?_

_I don't know.  We've never discussed it._

_Really?  Aren't you supposed to discuss all the big stuff before you get married?_

 

_The big stuff?_

_Yeah, you know--religion, politics, kids, where you will live, whether you will take his name, whether you’re going to work after kids.  Stuff like that._

_Oh.   Well, no, we never discussed any of that.  We just got married._

_Wow.  That's so romantic.  You just went right ahead and took the plunge._

 

_Yeah.  It happened fast.  Pass me that half-inch wrench, will you?_

_But you do have it all discussed and planned out now, right?_

_Uh.  No.  Not really._

_Oh._

_Uh . . . I guess our religion is the Force._

 

_Yeah.   And your politics is the First Order.  Duh._

_Yes . . ._

_Plus, you took his name.   So, that’s decided._

_Yes.  I guess I didn't even think about that._

_What about where you will live?_

 

_I suppose I will live wherever Kylo lives.  It doesn't matter where._

_Oh, I love that--you can be happy wherever your husband is.  That’s so romantic.  I guess that means all you have left to figure out is the kid stuff, Rey._

 

And, no, that's not right.  Because she and Kylo have a lot to figure out.  A lot.  But the kid stuff seems suddenly very pressing now that the Supreme Leader has basically ordered them to procreate.   And the Leader is right, she has to admit.  Because Rey is a bit scared to love Kylo.  And she is definitely scared to have his child.  But the issue is ripe, so Rey starts turning the idea of a baby over in her mind.  Asking herself:  would it really be so bad?   

 

It starts as little daydreams.  Silly little fantasies of a long nosed, big eared toddler boy with a thick head of dark hair.  His first word is Mama, his second word is Daddy, and his third word is Sith.  Or maybe it's a little girl.  She's quiet, like Rey can be sometimes, but she's no shrinking violet.  She's fair minded and strong in the tradition of the princess grandmother she will never meet.  At play, she wears her hair tied back in a trio of buns.

 

Rey thinks she will spend hours fussing over a child.  The way she had always wanted someone to fuss over her.  Maybe she will be a bit overprotective and overbearing.  And Kylo will complain and the kid will get impatient and wail "Stop it, Mom!" and that's how Rey will know that she is doing it right.  Because her child will get too much love and too much attention.  To make up for all that Rey did not. 

 

She knows that her child will grow up very differently from how she did.  Some of it will be in good ways.  Important ways.  Her child will never be hungry or thirsty.  Her child will have parents and go to school.  Very likely, her child will have every advantage credits can buy.  They will probably grow up as a little prince or princess of the First Order.  But with all the pressures and expectations that go along with it.  For this child will be the next Skywalker.  And very likely, the next Sith.  With creepy old Snoke acting as stand-in grandpa. 

 

And here's where Kylo will have to help. Because their child will grow up much like he did, Rey thinks.  Kylo will understand what it means to be everyone's new hope for the future.  And, instinctively, Rey knows that Kylo will have strong views on what to do.  They will be a team, Rey muses.   Sure, Kylo will be off running the First Order or maybe even running the galaxy by then.   Rey will be the one doing the day-to-day hands on parenting.  But it will be something for her and Kylo to share.     They will need something in common besides the Force.   Maybe it will even bring them closer together.  Yes, Rey thinks, maybe someday when the time is right, they will have a baby.  It would be fun.  Kylo will get his Skywalker Sith mini-me and she will get a child to nurture and spoil.  

 

Rey is lost in this daydream as she completes repairs on a TIE Interceptor that took heavy strafe fire and a torpedo to one wing.  The ship is on the high priority repair list, which is why Rey has been pulled off her regularly scheduled work for it.   Rey has impressed her crew chief sufficiently to get off just general maintenance projects.  Now, she also gets to assist with patching back together battle damaged ships.

 

Rey is on her back under the left wing brace of the Interceptor.  She's trying not to breathe in hydraulic fluid so she’s got a rag wrapped around her nose and mouth like the scarves she used to wear in the desert.  Rey glances over to her tool kit and notices a pair of familiar black boots marching around the ship.  From her vantage point she can only see the man from knees down but she gets a good look at a sweeping black surcoat as he paces back and forth impatiently. 

 

Rey grins.  This is unexpected.  Kylo never comes to find her in person.  He always sends Lieutenant Mitaka or some other lackey.  So, this must be important.  Rey drops her tool and quickly scoots out from under the TIE wing on her mechanic’s creeper.  

 

She calls softly as she emerges, "Hey Kylo, are you looking for me?"  But it's not Kylo.  It's another knight of Ren in a uniform that looks like Kylo's uniform.  "Oh." 

 

The knight looks at Rey.

 

Rey looks at the knight.

 

"Am I looking for you?"  The knight repeats her question as he peers down at Rey.  He is several inches shorter and far more muscularly built than Kylo. He has buzzcut blonde hair that compliments his square-jawed good looks.  "I could be, sweetheart,” he drawls.  “Stand up and let me get a look at you and I'll decide."  It's an obnoxious comment but the knight says it with an easy smile.  And that makes it flirty and not rude.  It's oddly very Han Solo.

 

"You're not Kylo.”   Rey states the obvious.

 

And the knight does too.  “No, I'm not.  And you're not Mrs. Kylo.”  

 

Rey sits up and reaches to tuck behind her ear some stray hair that has fallen out of her ponytail.  She can feel herself blushing.  "Uhm . . . actually . . ."

 

“Only his knights call Kylo by his first name,” the man observes as he raises an eyebrow.  “You must know Ren pretty well then.”

 

"Uhm . . . actually . . ."

 

The knight grins at Rey’s hesitation and jumps to conclusions.  "Look, honey, you don't have to explain to me.  I don't care if he's stepping out on that Jedi girl with you.  But if he is, then you had better watch yourself.  That bitch has a laser sword and I assume you've seen what she did to his face with it." 

 

Rey blanches at these words and the knight completely misunderstands.  "Seriously," he gives Rey a meaningful look.  "You had better watch yourself.  The Jedi girl is fierce.  I have no idea why he married a woman like that.  Must be some Force thing." And now the knight changes topics. "So when is my ship going to be ready?"  

 

"This is your ship?"  Rey is surprised.  And impressed.   "We almost totaled this TIE.  You took some heavy fire.  Look, we can pull the logs and transfer your settings to a new one, if you want.  I know we've got a few spare Interceptors in storage below decks.  It will only take a few hours."

 

“Nah,” the knight turns her down.  “I like this old ship. Patch her up for me.  I don't want a new one.  I just want this one working again.” 

 

“Okay.  But I won't have it ready for your mission tomorrow.” 

 

The knight looks at Rey blankly.  “Mission?  What mission?”

 

“Uhhh . . . Kylo told me he was leaving tomorrow with his knights for a few days on an important mission.” 

 

Something about her words makes the knight laugh out loud.  "Yes, yes we are.  But we're taking his shuttle.  And that's not a mission, honey.  It's a party.  It’s a guys’ weekend on Coruscant for the Ren."

 

"A party weekend??"  Rey’s eyes narrow.  Even on Jakku, she has heard a thing or two about the Coruscant nightlife.  Its rumored to be mostly clubs, sex and spice.

 

"Uh oh.  Forget I said that.  I guess you weren't supposed to know that."

 

"No, I guess I wasn't," Rey says stiffly as she climbs to her feet and fully unwraps the scarf from her face.

 

The knight sees that she is angry.  And he looks partly embarrassed and partly annoyed by the situation.  "Hey—look, don't be like that.  He cheats on her with you.  Of course, he's going to cheat on you too.  When will you women ever learn that?"

 

"Yeah, I guess so . . . "  If this guy is trying to leave room for ambiguity about what this guys’ weekend entails, he just failed the moment he said the word ‘cheat.’  Suddenly, Rey feels like she’s been punched in the gut.  Because the only thing worse than running away to marry a Sith you barely know so you can be pressured to have a baby and turn to the Dark Side is to do all that and have your husband cheat on you too.   And here she had been daydreaming about babies.  Suddenly, Rey feels like such a fool.  She should have listened to Master Luke’s advice to never trust a Sith.

 

"Oh, shit, don't cry."  The knight runs a hand through his nonexistent hair in a gesture that reminds her of Kylo.  "Look, uh--" His eyes search her uniform for a name badge or rank and come up empty.  "You must be new," he concludes.  "Aww . . . don't cry . . .”

 

"I'm not sad, I'm mad!" Rey retorts.   But she's blinking fast. 

 

"Sure.  Sure you are.  Look, you seem like a nice girl.  I'm sorry, um, whatever your name is--"

 

"Rey," she announces as her saber leaps from her waist to ignite under the knight's nose. "My name is Rey!" she announces.   But she takes some of the menace away from herself with an involuntary sniff.  “Rey!” she repeats again and it comes out more sob than shout. 

 

"Oh, fuck!"  The knight makes a face. "You're her, aren’t you?  Lady Ren, right?  Of course, you're her.   Fuck!"

 

Rey scowls at him.  "Yes, I am.  Who are you?"

 

"Nestor.  Nestor Flick, Second Knight of Ren."  The knight sighs and gestures to her sword. "Well, you had better kill me now because if you don't, Kylo will."

 

Rey doesn't want to kill anyone.  But she wants some information.  And, well, the Supreme Leader had told her to use her sword every once in a while.  So now she's using it.  "Tell me about this party weekend."

 

"Uh . . . “ Nestor Ren stalls and looks hopeless.  “Look, just kill me.  Nice and clean through the neck."

 

"It's tempting.   But I think I'll kill Kylo first.  Now tell me."

 

"Nope.  That's breaking the guy code, Mrs. Kylo."  Incredibly, he looks serious when he tells Rey this.  “Go ask Kylo for the details.  This is between you and him.”

 

That’s a fair point, Rey thinks.  And besides, she doesn’t want to kill this guy.  He’s oddly likeable.  So she proposes a deal.  “Okay.  I’ll let you live, Nestor Ren, if you tell me how you landed this ship.  I saw that wing when it came in.  You almost lost half of it.  How did you avoid going into a spin?”

 

Nestor Ren brightens a bit at this subject.  “Are you a pilot?” the knight asks.

 

“A little,” Rey tells him and then she deactivates her sword.

 

Nestor jumps at the chance to tell his war story.   “So we were ambushed coming out of lightspeed and I had this black X-wing on my tail . . . .”

 

* * *

 

Kylo is on the bridge trading insults with Hux when his comm beeps with a message.  It's marked urgent and it's from Nestor Ren.  Kylo starts typing back.

 

_Heads up.  I just met your old lady and she's pissed._

_Confess._

_We're busted on Coruscant._

_WTF?_

_It's a long story._

_It had better be a good story too._

 

_She lit her sword fyi.  Keep yours handy and guard your face better this time, boss._

_Fuck you.  Where is she?_

_Don't know.  We were in the hangar bay and she marched off in a huff._

 

Kylo takes this as his cue to march off the bridge.  He checks the time to see that Rey is done with her shift now.  So he heads to his quarters.  She'll be there washing up and getting dressed before heading off to her Stormtrooper U classes. 

 

Kylo stalks into his quarters and stands there a moment on the threshold.  Rey has left her mark on his private world, Kylo realizes as he glances around.  Gone is the nondescript, blandly military-issue look to his rooms.   Now, they look lived in.  It's not just the girl stuff on the bathroom counter and the dresses that crowd his uniforms in the closet.   It's the half eaten blue protein muffin that is sitting on the table with a crumpled napkin and a datapad.  It's the discarded pink bra that hangs over a chair in the bedroom and the red slipper that peeks from beneath the bed.  It's a good thing that he's not a neat freak like Hux, Kylo thinks.  The OCD general would have a coronary if he had to live with Rey's mess. But Kylo doesn't mind. It's homey and mundane.  And it's kind of nice. 

 

Rey hears the door and walks out of the bedroom.  She's barefoot and still wearing her greasy mechanic's jumpsuit.  She's brushing out her hair and looking, well, pissed. Yep, Nestor had been right.

 

“Hello, Rey,” Kylo tells her as he removes his helmet and gloves.

 

She glares at him and starts brushing more vigorously.   But she says nothing.  Yep, she's pissed. 

 

“I was hoping you would be here,” Kylo says casually.  “Have you had lunch yet?”

 

“Aren't you supposed to be in a meeting?” she fires back.  Clearly, she's not anxious for his company. 

 

He shrugs.  “Nestor will cover for me.” 

 

“Nestor.  Yeah, I met Nestor.  But I suppose you know that.  That's why you're here, right?”

 

Kylo doesn't deny it.  “He said you pulled your sword.  He didn’t say why.”

 

“He's lucky to be alive,” she boasts.

 

“I'm lucky too then. He's my second in command. And he's my friend.”

 

“He's also a jerk.”

 

“Yeah . . . that too.   So what happened?  Did he make a pass at you?”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Nestor likes the ladies.  Did he hit on you?”  Normally, that would be a death sentence for a man, but Kylo will make an exception for Nestor.  Plus, the man has good taste if he hit on Rey.

 

“No, not really.”  Rey backs down.

 

“Then why are you mad?”

 

“I'm not mad. I'm not mad at all!”  Kylo raises an eyebrow at this denial and she scowls back at him.  “What do I care if you sleep with all the girls on Coruscant.” 

 

And now he is getting somewhere.   Kylo crosses his arms over his chest and gives her his lopsided smile.  He’s playing it cool and casual.  "Surely not all of them.  That's a crowded world."

 

"Five, ten, a hundred--it doesn't matter to me at all!"  Rey informs him.  And if she brushes her hair any faster or harder, she's going to rip it out, he sees. 

 

“Does that mean you’re giving me permission to sleep with other girls?” he goads her.

 

“No!” comes her automatic reply.

 

"You're jealous!" he accuses.  And Kylo is so tickled and touched to learn this that he says it again with triumphant Sith-like glee. "You're jealous!"  He’s grinning ear to ear.

 

"No!"  Rey looks uncomfortable and defensive for a moment.  But she regroups fast. "I just don't like being lied to!"

 

Huh?  "What?  When did I lie to you?"   He's offended now. "Sith don't lie," he informs her smugly.  "We don't have to.  We don't have to explain ourselves to anyone.  And anyway, the truth is usually far more devastating than any lie."

 

"Quit with the Sith talk, Kylo!  You told me that you were going on a mission.  But I find out you're leaving to party with your Ren men--"

 

"Rey--"

 

"And then I find out that you're going to Coruscant.  Let me guess?  You're not going to tour the art museums or the go to the opera, right?   You're going to the Uscru--to the clubs!"

 

"Rey--"

 

"Don't tell me it's just booze and pretty girls dancing, Kylo.  That would be fine.  I mean, whatever.  Look but don't touch.  But Nestor was clear that there would be cheating involved!"

 

Nestor said that?  Great.  Kylo hasn’t precisely lied to Rey, but he has been trying to avoid showing her parts of his life that he knows will upset her.   Coruscant is in the same category as the Dark impulses that he indulges out of Rey’s sight.  She doesn’t need to know that he destroyed another instrument panel today in a fit of violence or that he killed two unlucky troopers on a whim yesterday.  All she needs to know is that when he appears in his quarters, his eyes are brown and everything is back under control.  It’s best, he thinks, if he doesn’t act like an authentic Sith around Rey.   What Rey doesn’t know, can’t hurt her.

 

"You told me that you would be faithful to me, Kylo!  Picking up girls in clubs isn't exactly faithful!"

 

"Rey--"

 

"Do they fall at your feet?  The great Kylo Ren shows up and their panties drop to the floor?  Do you even need to buy them drinks?  Oh, wait, it's destiny, isn't it?  That's your favorite line, I'm sure--"

 

"Rey--"

 

“Why the Hell did I marry you?”  

 

"Rey, stop.  Take a breath."

 

And she does.  Her chest is heaving because she's so worked up.  And now she's looking to him for an explanation.  Rey has her hands on her hips and she is glaring up at him in a way that reminds him of his mother.  Because Rey is projecting Leia Organa level outrage right now.  It ought to be annoying but it's not.  It's kind of cute.

 

Because she's jealous.   He loves it that she's jealous.  He absolutely loves it.

 

So he starts to explain.  "Rey, the Ren do this once a quarter.  My men need to relax and unwind.  The knights do the deadliest missions in the Order.  It's not an easy life and there aren't a lot of perks.   In ten years, we've had almost thirty knights and there are only seven of us at any one time.  That's how deadly this job is.  Nestor, Jonor and I are the only original knights who survive.”  Kylo gives a little shrug.  “So we fight hard and we play hard.  We’ve earned it."

 

"Cheating on your wives?!"

 

"I didn't have a wife the last time we did this. And if the others have wives and girlfriends, that's their business, not mine.  Look, the Ren have been doing this for years and it's a tradition now."  He looks askance at her.  "We have a reputation to uphold."   Rey doesn't know it, but these parties are legendary.  He had been a boy of twenty when Snoke had first handed him an eye-popping credit card and told him to take his knights someplace fun and go get laid.  The parties have only grown in scope since then.

 

"So what goes on during these weekends?" she wants to know.

 

"Rey, let's not get into the details--"  She won’t like the details.  Plus, the details are always a bit hazy from all of the drinking that goes on.

 

"What goes on at these parties?"   Rey is not giving up.

 

"It's mostly drinking and strip clubs." 

 

"I’ve heard what goes on at strip clubs.  And I grew up on Jakku, remember?  I've seen prostitution.  Those poor women are so exploited.  Trust me I know, because once or twice I considered it.  So, tell me straight--is this some sort of orgy?"

 

Orgy??  Well, not in recent years.  But before that . . .  "Rey--"

 

"I want to know, Kylo!  Because if you're going to bring me home a disease, I'll go ahead and make an appointment in advance at the medibay."

 

What??  She looks determined so Kylo decides to level with her. "Look, yes, there are prostitutes.  But I won't be with one, so you have nothing to worry about, Rey."

 

"But you have been with one in the past," she concludes with Jedi nun-like censure that is wholly out of place where a Sith is concerned.   It’s not like he has ever pretended to be a saint or anything.

 

"Rey, that was the past.  That was before you--"

 

"So you slept with them??  How many??"

 

Oh, yeah, she's jealous.  "Rey--"

 

"I want to know!"

 

Ugh.  This is an awkward conversation to have with your wife.  Kylo sits down heavily on the couch and starts searching for an easy answer that isn’t a lie. "It was mostly . . . uh well . . . usually uh--"

 

"What?  Tell me what these girls did for you."  Rey is looming over him now giving an Oscar-worthy performance in the part of wronged wife.

 

Just spit it out, Kylo, he tells himself.  "Blowjobs.  Mostly blowjobs.  And that's not real sex, Rey."

 

"Uh, yeah it is!"

 

"It's not the same, Rey--"

 

"I think it is!  Once you stick it in a girl--anywhere in a girl--that's sex!"

 

Good Gods, did she just say that??  And now, she takes it one step further.   "If you want that, come to me."

 

"Rey--"

 

"I'll give you a blowjob."  She looks determined, like this is lightsaber training and not recreational sex.  It's the complete opposite of a sexy come-on.  Kylo almost wants to laugh.  But he doesn't dare.  In her current mood, she'll probably pull out her sword and castrate him. 

 

So, he calls her bluff.  "Yeah, let's see it then," he challenges her. 

 

"Now??"  Rey’s eyes grow wide. 

 

He gives her a look.  "You said any time I want it."  She blinks.  "Well, guys always want that.  And you're here and you're my wife and you're offering so yeah, I want it."   Mostly, Kylo wants her to back off her high horse.  He settles back on the couch and unzips.   Take that, Rey.

 

Her eyes grow wide. His wedding night virgin bride may have seen plenty on Jakku but she's not exactly experienced with sex.  Not that he's complaining.  He loves that Rey is his and his alone.  He's a possessive, jealous Sith. 

 

And he’s learned today that he’s married to a possessive, jealous Jedi.  It makes him smile.  Because, yes, he and Rey are made for each other.  They’re destiny.

 

But oh, Gods, she is doing this.  On her knees before him, taking him in her mouth and oh, yes, that's amazing.  Oh, fuck, yeah.   And now, he's repositioning so she can finger his balls.  And, why hasn't he encouraged her to do this sooner?   Kylo’s hands are in her hair and his head is thrown back as his face contorts with pleasure.  He groans because now she is sucking his balls and it's heaven.  He's not going to last long at this rate. 

 

"Rey--Rey--I'm going to--"

 

And too late.  With one last moan, the deed is done.  And his innocent wife is swallowing and licking her lips.  Looking very satisfied and pleased with herself. 

 

And now Kylo is suspicious. "Where did you learn that?"  He feels his eyes go yellow. "Who have you done that to?" he demands.  Because he's going to hunt each and every one of those men down and kill them.  Personally. "Who??"

 

Rey just smiles innocently up at him. "I saw it on the holonet." 

 

Huh?  Wait—does this mean that Rey watches holonet porn?    

 

"Only you, Kylo.  Only you."  She climbs in his lap now for a kiss.

 

This woman is perfect, he thinks.  So he promises her, "Only you, Rey. No matter what goes on in Coruscant this weekend for the other guys, you’re the only woman for me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there are many reasons that I wanted to rewrite this story. But a big reason was that these two needed some more fluff. I love me some domestic behind closed doors Reylo.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See trigger warning in notes down below, if that concerns you.

Kylo Ren is hungover.  Like really hungover.  This is what happens when you spend the whole weekend drinking instead of drinking and having fun with the girls on Coruscant.  You come home a faithful husband who is extra hungover.

 

The bad news is that he’s got a full afternoon of strategy meetings to sit through after his shuttle lands back at the _Finalizer_.  It’s a good thing he wears a helmet, Kylo thinks, so no one can see how bored and asleep he will be for most of it.   Listening to Hux and his officers endlessly debate which path the First Order should take through the Mid-Rim worlds does not interest Kylo. He would prefer to just get on with it and move forward.  System by system, their cause will push across the galaxy and into the Core.  Aiming always for the crown jewel of the known universe, Coruscant. 

_I think I’m getting too old for this, Nestor._

_Nonsense.  I’m older than you are, remember?_

_Yeah, but I’m an old married guy now that I’ve settled down._

_Bullshit.  When you are Emperor Ren or Darth Ren or whatever, I fully expect you to be partying all night alongside me.  Responsibility means you need more fun, not less.  Trust me, I know.  I have a wife and three kids.  You only have a wife._

_Where’s the new guy?  Did we leave him?_

_Nah, the kid’s puking in the back._

_Fuck.  I hope he doesn’t make a mess.   Who’s flying?  Are they sober?  Because I don’t want to crash in the hangar bay again.   That was humiliating._

_No, that was epic, Kylo.   Plowing into Hux’s shuttle was epic.  I miss that guy who was the pilot—what was his name again?_

_Dax._

_Where did we lose him?_

_Chandrila.  The first raid, not the second._

_Yeah.  I forgot.  I liked him._

_Seriously, who’s piloting?  Because Rey will be pissed if I crash the shuttle.  She just had it overhauled._

_Are you worried she might kick your ass again?_

_I was bleeding out from a bowcaster shot, remember?   Any other man would have been dead, Nestor.  You included._

_Yeah, okay.  I like your Jedi girl, Kylo.  I feel kinda bad that I made her cry._

_You made her cry?  Nestor, you fucker--_

_Yeah, well she was pretending not to cry.  I guess Jedi don’t cry.  But she’s sweet on you, Kylo.   She must be because she looked just crushed.  Maybe that’s why I like her.  She is nothing like I expected._

 

It turns out that everyone likes Rey, or who they perceive to be Rey.  Kylo decides that it's her mix of everyday relatable and distinctive otherness that fascinates his crew.   The street-smart scavenger from the school of hard knocks dutifully attends daily education classes with the rank and file.  But she does so in a dress that costs half their yearly salary.    She's a hardworking junior mechanic who volunteers for extra shifts.  But just last week she was seen using the Force to levitate a TIE that was too broken to be moved.   Still, Force and all, apparently everyone can see something of themselves in his wife.  And that makes her accepted and admired. 

 

She’s come a long way since Kylo was worried someone would take a shot at her. 

 

The First Order at large seems to have accepted the fiction that Rey was a highly-placed spy among the Resistance.  That daring history combined with Rey's high profile marriage gives her a certain celebrity appeal.  Her role as a romantic heroine is a PR coup for the First Order and naturally people are curious about her.  So Kylo concocts a back story for Lady Ren that is a mix of truth and intentional vagueness.  She's a self-educated orphan from an impoverished Rim World, the very archetype of a First Order supporter.   She's a mechanic by trade and blue collar to the core so don’t let her fancy clothes fool you.  This woman is smart and scrappy like the once underdog First Order had been.   But you can’t keep a good woman down and neither can you resist the cause whose time has come.  Rey becomes the everywoman Cinderella of the First Order and people love it.

 

But no one loves it more than he does.  How proud he is of Rey. 

 

She keeps her misgivings about the First Order quiet, so no one suspects her true politics.   And in private, Rey rarely speaks about Skywalker or the Resistance these days.  Kylo can tell that little by little she is putting the experience behind her.  And that’s not an easy thing to do.   Kylo knows from his own life choices how jarring it can be to abruptly switch sides.  Leaving the past behind is harder than it sounds.  And he’s been doing it for almost sixteen years.  It’s only been six months for Rey.  But Kylo knows that she can do it.  Rey is a survivor.    Jakku has taught his wife to be resilient and to accept things that she cannot change.  His Rey doesn’t dig in her heels, she just stoically moves on.  He admires how well she copes with whatever life sends her way. 

 

Their hasty marriage is working.  It’s really working.  She’s making an effort and Kylo is too.   It probably helps that he is gone a lot to war.  It gives the Sith an outlet for his Darkness that Rey does not see.  Kylo knows that he is not crazy.  He's Dark, and there is a difference.   But that is a hard thing to explain even to a Force-user like Rey.  It will scare her, he knows.   And that will just make it harder to convince his Padme to embrace the Dark Side.  So, Kylo manages his rages out of sight, out of mind. 

 

His absences give her space to think and to breathe.  Kylo wonders from time to time whether Rey feels stifled living her among her enemies.  He keeps hoping that with time she will come to see the First Order differently.  A vision for the future is the best remedy for a painful past, Snoke had counseled him long ago.  And Kylo gives Rey that same advice, hoping that she too will adopt the First Order as her future.  But that probably won’t happen until there is a child, he knows.  Once there is a little Sithling to raise, no doubt Rey will see the success of the First Order as their child’s future.  The galaxy will be a legacy to be won and passed down to the next generation.  And what mother wouldn’t want to give their child everything she could?

 

Kylo starts giving little gifts to Rey.  He likes doing it.  She gets excited like a small child and on the surface it’s adorable.  But it’s also a sobering reminder of Rey’s subsistence past.  For no one had ever given Rey a gift before he had.  After the gold wedding ring, Kylo brings Rey back a chromium hydrospanner.  He can’t help but smirk as he discovers that his Rey is the only woman in the galaxy who can get as excited about a new tool as she can a new piece of jewelry.   Then he brings her an exotic potted flower that blooms without fail every seven days.  Kylo presents it to Rey with the promise that he will never be gone from her for more than two consecutive blooms.

 

And, truly, he is rarely apart from Rey for more than four or five days without making up some excuse to overnight at the _Finalizer_.  For Kylo has very quickly become accustomed to all the sex.  He gorges himself on Rey.  For desperately he needs the physical comfort of her body and the intimate closeness of their connection.  There’s nothing quite like the feeling of their minds intertwined while having sex.  So it’s one lusty coupling after another for them.  She's on top, he's on top, then he’s taking her from behind.  He's got her on the couch, bent over a table, then sitting on the bathroom counter.  He keeps just his mask on, or maybe his gloves on, or sometimes they are in a rush and he's still got everything on.  But whatever it is, Rey is up for it. 

 

It’s nice having someone to come home to after a mission.  To have someone to talk to at the end of the day.  He has Nestor to talk to but that's not the same.  You don't confess your fears that you will never be as strong as Darth Vader to a subordinate.  And you don't tell your war buddy how sometimes you wish things had gone differently with your mother who is the enemy general.   Plus, Nestor puts his foot in his mouth regularly. He's great in a fight and a master tactician, but none of that strategic thinking carries over into everyday life.  And Nestor is a knight, which means he's unlikely to live to see the end of the war.  Kylo has learned not to get too close to any of his knights.  The turnover rate is too high. 

 

And so Rey fills a void in his life that Kylo didn’t know existed.  But more and more, he can’t imagine life without her.  It’s not so much what she says, as what she doesn’t say.  For his Rey turns out to be a very good listener.  Maybe it’s because she spent so many lonely years on her own, but Rey seems to prefer to listen rather than to talk.  And she gets an earful.  The Sith are secretive by nature, so it is liberating for Kylo to reveal his thoughts.  Rey becomes his confidante for all things relating to the First Order, his Master and the war.  Rey listens without interrupting and without judgement or agenda, and that’s something no one else has ever done.

 

It becomes their unspoken agreement to ignore their differences.   He is a Sith who practices the Dark Side and she is a Jedi who wields the Light.  Her sympathies lay with the Resistance, he plots to rule the galaxy under the First Order.   But they do not confront these differences.  It is as if they have declared a private truce on these conflicts, and in the space between those divisions they build their life together.   Rey will come around eventually.   But he won’t push.  Kylo is content to wait her out.  She’s a smart girl and in time she will reach the same conclusions that he has.  And then he will have the union with Rey that he has longed for.  She will be his ally in all things, including his war and the Force.

 

Everything is going exceptionally well on his home front, Kylo wholeheartedly believes.  And that’s why he is shocked when he reports to his Master one afternoon and gets an unexpected question about Rey.

* * *

 

Rey wakes to the double snap-hiss sound of Kylo's lightsaber igniting.  She blinks in surprise to find him looming over her with yellow eyes.

 

Instantly, Rey tenses. Confused and alarmed by the crazed looking man threatening her with a sword.  She barely recognizes him as her husband.   Because Kylo never looks at her with that hateful expression.

 

His voice is acid.  "The Leader sends his regards, Rey.  He asked about you.  My Master had one question:  whether I had convinced you to stop preventing pregnancy."

 

"Oh."  Uh oh.

 

"Were you going to tell me??"  Kylo looks more hurt than angry.  "Were you?"

 

Rey's eyes keep darting between the sword tip and his disappointed looking eyes as she sits up. "No," she confesses softly. "I didn't plan to tell you.  I didn’t think it mattered anymore." 

 

"I thought you wanted a family--"

 

"I do.  Just--"

 

"Just not my kid?   Is that it?  You don't want my kid??"  He sounds so hurt.  So rejected.

 

Rey knows that she should reassure Kylo and start explaining.  But she hesitates.  Seeing Kylo's yellow eyes and flashing sword now, the answer rushes up reflexively to her mind.  No, she doesn't want his kid.  She doesn't want the child of a Sith-eyed out of control monster who threatens her.  Who once had held her down, nearly raped her and then thanked her.  The man whose first and last recourse is self-gratification through violence.   This is not the private Kylo she knows.  The dark-eyed, awkwardly handsome man who snort laughs at dumb jokes and tenderly kisses her goodnight.  The political reformer who speaks about the Force with reverence and who can be oddly shy without his fearsome mask.  

 

Yes, she hid birth control from him and, under the circumstances, that is a betrayal of sorts.  But Kylo hides much more from her.  For rarely does she see this angry Sith-eyed man whose casual destruction and murder is legendary among the First Order.  He gets that all out in his war, she has assumed.  And she is grateful that he does not bring it home to her.  But standing before her Jekyll-and-Hyde Sith husband, Rey wonders for the first time which is the real Kylo Ren.  Is he the private husband who hides the public Sith from her?   Or is he the public Sith who hides the private man from the First Order?  

 

Or maybe, she fears, he is both. 

 

“How long is it going to take for us to be honest with each other?”  Kylo looks rejected now as he swings his sword away and whirls to stalk across the room in disgust.   "You're in my head, I'm in yours--why are you keeping secrets??"  Rey hears the bitterness of the past behind these words.  For she knows that all his life growing up people had kept secrets from Kylo.  Important, big secrets.  And so, of course, he doesn't want Rey doing the same.

 

For the first time, Rey feels guilty about her deception.  She had put this topic in the category of things she and Kylo avoid discussing to avoid conflict.  And there is a lot in that category.  "I didn't tell you because I didn't want to argue with you about this." 

 

"There is no argument!" he hisses.  "There is nothing to discuss!"

 

Rey regards him steadily.  "Well, now you know why I didn't tell you."   And it's the wrong thing to say because he looks at her for a minute like he would like to take her head off.  But then he stalks over and starts destroying the wall with his sword instead.  He's slashing and hacking and growling out words to punctuate his swings. "You did this behind my back!  You deceived me!"

 

Rey is taken aback as she looks on silently at the destruction.   She’s speechless at the Sith man-child she watches explode in a tantrum.  She has been married to this man for six months now.  Living with him day in, day out.  She has met his secret family and she knows his hidden past.  She works among his army and she lives amid his war.  She has lain in his arms listening to his worries and she has screamed out her pleasure from his touch.  But Rey wonders now if, whether given all they share, she really knows Kylo Ren at all. 

 

It ends as abruptly as it began.  Kylo spins to face her. "When?  When did you do this?  And what did you do?  Come clean, Rey.  Or I will take it from your mind."

 

"I'm not having this conversation with you now.  Not like this.  You're out of control, Kylo!"  He starts to advance on her but Rey throws him back with the Force.  Her eyes dart over to the destroyed wall that smolders with an acrid smell.  "I mean it, Kylo.  You don't get to bully me like this!  Now turn that sword off!”  

 

“The Leader did not give you a request, Rey, he gave you an order.  You do not defy a Sith Master!”

 

“He's not my Master--I don't take orders from Snoke!”

 

“Oh, yes, you do!  Look down at your left hand, Lady Ren. You belong to me, and he is my Master.”  Kylo turns off his sword now and tosses it on the bed.  Some of the heat goes out of his anger and Rey too exhales.  “Now, tell me what you did,” he orders but at least his tone is more normal sounding. 

 

So, Rey confesses.  “Look, I took a contraceptive shot the first day I was here.  It was before I met Snoke.  The shot lasts six months and it wore off sometime last month probably.  So there is nothing to be angry about.  It’s over and done with.”

 

“How did you get that shot?”

 

“It doesn't matter.“

 

“The Hell it does!  Do I need to go murder some nurse?”

 

“Don't you dare!”

 

“How do I know that you’re not going to do this again?” he accuses.

 

“I have been thinking more about a baby, Kylo—“

 

“And—“

 

“Well, I was thinking it might be okay.  That’s why I didn’t go get another shot.”

 

Kylo eyes her now, as if gauging her sincerity.  He still looks angry.  Very, very angry.    “So you will have my baby?” he demands as he steps closer.  Rey nods and now he’s closer still.  “Then let’s make our Sith son now,” he rasps, lunging for her mouth. 

 

Tonight isn't the first time Kylo has pulled a sword on her since the Starkiller.  It's always when her Sith feels rejected, she realizes.  Violence is his reflexive response, she knows, his easy solution to feel better.  And the lust to hurt goes hand in hand with the lust for her.  She remembers from before when Kylo had his saber hilt thrust in her side and his tongue thrust in her mouth.  Tonight is no different. 

 

He’s all over her in a split second.  His mouth drowning her with his kiss, his hands roving the nightgown she wears.  “I need this,” he hisses when he comes up for air. 

 

But his whiplash shift from violence to sex is off putting for Rey.  There’s nothing alluring about this man who threatens her.  Plus, she remembers what happened the last time she saw Kylo with yellow eyes.  Rey squirms now beneath his touch.  “Kylo, no.  Not like this—“

 

“I need this--I need you--”

 

“No,” Rey pushes back against him physically.  “You don't get to do this.  I told you before that you don't get to do this—“  Never again does he get to take her by force while he’s enthralled with Dark power.   Rey has too much self-respect to allow herself to be used that way a second time. 

 

Perhaps sensing her resolve, Kylo changes tactics to seduction.   Now he’s raining kisses down her neck and massaging her breasts through the thin material of her nightgown.  “I’ll make it good for you, I promise.  Get in my head, Rey.  Feel what I feel.  I want you to understand why I need this.”

 

“Kylo, no—“  But he’s pinching her nipple now and the sharp sting makes her gasp out her words.  It is a moment of pleasure mixed with pain.

 

“Get in my head,” he whispers against her neck.  “Feel the power of the Dark Side.” 

 

But still, she resists.  “Kylo—“ she begins her rebuttal.  But Rey loses her train of thought when he bites down softly on her bare shoulder.  There is still a hint of violence to her Sith’s persuasion. 

 

“Do it!” he commands and this time Rey obeys.  Because she knows he craves her in his head and because she wants to understand him.   And because Rey is maybe just the smallest bit curious too.

 

“Yes . . . yes . . . “ he groans aloud.  “Behold my Darkness.”   Then he renews his passion with increased fervor, pulling up her nightgown and stripping down her panties.  But Rey knows nothing of it, so utterly enchanted is she.  

 

This, then, is the Dark Side.  Rey gasps at the potent rush of forbidden power, momentarily stunned by the sensation.  Because this overwhelming, surging, reckless feeling is hard to comprehend.  It wants control and demands compliance.  It needs to dominate and wants your surrender.   It lusts to corrupt and plots to seduce.  It is heady and disorienting. 

 

“Yes . . . lay back and enjoy it. Open your legs for your Sith.”

 

Rey feels invincible now.  Like nothing can hurt her, no one dares oppose her and this is her due.   There is no scorn, no disappointment, no shame and no rejection.  Because there are no moral standards here, no expectations of others to disappoint.  And so this is a place of strength and certainty, where absolutes reign and the self is supreme.  All that matters is how he feels, what he wants. 

 

“You are mine.  Stop fighting me.  Surrender to the Dark Side.”

 

This is a place where pain becomes power and where hurt is a strength.  For the old maxim the Jedi teach is true.   Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering.  But in Darkness that suffering leads to power.   To blind, raging, drunken power.  For that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger as a Sith.

 

“I don’t want to hurt you.  But I need this.  Now stop fighting me, Rey.“

 

She knows his desires now, and they are a heaving needy mess of lust, a raw naked clutch of ambitions.  Foremost, he craves the pleasure of her flesh and the momentary oblivion of his release.   But there are longstanding hard fought goals close behind.  He lusts for the glory of the galaxy and renown among the Sith.  Kylo too will one day get his name carved on a Sith Temple wall.  And then he will have the approval of his hard to please Master and set the standard for the Skywalker Siths to come.  For yes, this man lusts for a dynasty.  The child his Master has ordered is at Kylo's own behest.  For Kylo Ren wants it all--the family and the fame, the power and the position, the success and the satisfaction. 

 

And underneath it all, buried deep and hidden away, there lurks the ultimate desire.    For Rey sees now how desperately this man wants to be loved.  Oh, Kylo, she thinks, I understand . . . I understand.  Rey may not understand the scary allure of Darkness but she does understand this.  And instinctively she knows that this is why her Kylo is forever called to the Light.   Because he is longing for love.   For her love.

 

And then it is over.  Their minds are separate and Rey is jolted out of his Dark frenzy and back to the present.  She's on her back in bed and Kylo is collapsed and panting on top of her.  His body spent and slipping out of her.  He's naked--when did that happen?   Rey squirms beneath him, feeling the sweat of his body and the sticky wet mess she is down below.  Her pretty blue nightgown is twisted up at her waist. 

 

“Rey, I'm sorry!  I shouldn't have--I know I shouldn't have—  But I couldn’t resist.“

 

She doesn't really remember what happened.  But she knows what happened.  He has used her again.  Roughly.  Like she had told him that he could not.  As Kylo pulls back from her, only then does Rey realize that his hands have been pinning down her wrists. 

 

“You're hurt!  Oh, Rey, I hurt you.” 

 

Kylo’s eyes are dark brown now, his feral Sith eyes have finally faded away.  He makes a face at her, and his horrified expression prompts Rey to raise a hand to her mouth.   It comes away bloody. 

 

And that is the realization that spurs her to action.  "Get off!" Rey snarls.   She’s angry and confused.  She had told him not to do this again.  Why did he do this?  She knows why.  Darkness had made him do this.

 

Rey yanks down her nightgown and hauls herself to her feet.  Then staggers across the room.  The door to the bathroom is open and in the mirror she catches her reflection.  Her lower lip is split.  Her left eye is already purple and swelling up.  She must have fought him, Rey realizes.  And Kylo had fought back.

 

Rey stares at the unfamiliar battered wife looking back at her.  This is not how it is supposed to be, she knows.  Their bed is a place of safety and comfort, not violence.  These are not the marks from a man who holds her close and strokes her hair in the afterglow.  This is the aftermath of a brute who hurts her, who is heedless of all but his own pleasure.  The Kylo she knows had not done this, the Sith had. 

 

Looking at herself in the mirror, Rey wonders if maybe everything she knows about Kylo is true, both the good and the bad.   The lurid tales that her colleagues tell each other when they think she's out of earshot are all true.  And the quiet, gentle moments late at night snuggled in the safety of his strong arms are genuine too.  Her husband is all of these things.  Because he is Dark but, like Leia Organa knows, he is Light too.  Maybe, she ponders, Kylo is Light only for her.   

 

Just not tonight.  Tonight, he had been Dark for her too.

 

Rey has seen enough.  She grabs for her robe and wraps it around her.  Then, calling her saber to her hand with the Force, she heads for the door.

 

Kylo is hot on her heels.  "Where are you going?" he demands.

 

She doesn't know.  All she knows is that she wants away from him.

 

"Rey, stop!"

 

Rey whirls and ignites her saber.  "Don't you dare stop me, Kylo!" she warns.  Rey has learned plenty from Master Luke.  She knows she can best Kylo in a saber fight again if she has to.  

 

"Where are you going??"  Kylo demands again.  He looks dismayed.  "You can't leave me!  You can never leave me!"

 

And those words chill her.  Rey will never be free of this scary violent Sith with yellow eyes who hurts her.  He comes hand in hand with the shy but determined soul she alone knows.   There is no escape from this complicated man.  And Rey has the scar on her left palm to prove it.  

 

"Back off, Kylo!"  Rey swings and he falls back.  And then she is out the door. 

 

He doesn't follow. 

 

Without thinking, Rey heads to the hangar bay.  It's the middle of the sleep cycle for most onboard so the ship feels oddly empty.  But a star destroyer runs around the clock in shifts, so there are still plenty who witness Lady Ren sweeping down the hallway in a long pale blue satin peignoir set with her lightsaber lit.  Her hair streams down about her shoulders and her face is bloody.  She is barefoot. 

 

At the hangar bay, Rey doesn't know the nightshift crew chief or any of the mechanics on duty.  But they all know who she is.  No one says a word.  They all just stand and stare.  Rey quietly and calmly extinguishes her sword.  Then she grabs a spare tool belt and heads for the broken speeder bike she had left unfinished that morning.   It’s breaking every safety rule in the book to be working without her flame-retardant jumpsuit, ponytail and steel toed boots.  But there she works undisturbed all night long. 

 

Once or twice Rey looks up from the bike to stare at the row of officer shuttles kept prepped and waiting at all times.  It’s the middle of the night.  This would be the easiest time to hop aboard one and flee.  But to where?   Instinctively, Rey knows that running away might magnify her problems rather than solve them.  So, she turns back to the bike.

 

Rey knows speeder bikes inside and out.  Once, she had even built her own bike from scavenged parts.  So this work is familiar and easy.  Working with her hands has always been soothing for Rey.  She's been doing it since she was a child, and this is the one constant in her life through the years that connects Rey to who she was before the Force and before Kylo Ren.  Everything else about her life may have changed, but not this.  And so, right now, Rey desperately needs this comfort. 

 

The early morning shift is just beginning when Rey finishes up the bike.  Moriah arrives and takes one look at Rey before giving her an impromptu hug.  Then Moriah offers to take her to back to her quarters to clean up and borrow some clothes.  My roommates won't mind, she assures Rey.  They are all on duty now anyway so no one will see us.   While you shower, I'll go get some bacta gel from the medibay for that eye and your lip.  It will all be back to normal by tomorrow. 

 

Yeah, okay, a weary Rey agrees.  She's retightening a stubborn bolt as Moriah helps put her tools away. But when Rey looks up, Kylo stands before her.  He stares at her a long moment from behind his mask. 

 

Rey just looks away.  Moriah wisely disappears immediately.

 

“Are you done?” he asks.

 

Rey nods yes.

 

“Then come.”  He holds out his gloved hand to her. 

 

Rey hesitates. 

 

“I will learn to control it better in time.  I did not mean to hurt you.”

 

His words ring true and they are an apology of sorts.  As much of an apology as Rey will get in this public setting.  “You’ll never fully be the man I want you to be, will you?” she says softly.

 

“No,” he agrees.  “Not right now, at least.  But what you want may change.”

 

Rey shakes her head.  “I will never be Sith, Kylo.”

 

“I don’t need you to be Sith.  But I do need you to be my wife.  Now, come.”  Again, he offers his hand.

 

But Rey stands her ground.   Uncertain how to proceed, but unwilling to be led meekly back to his quarters.  "If you ever do this again-- I will--I will--"

 

"Kill me?"

 

"Leave you."

 

"I'd prefer that you killed me, Rey," he tells her honestly.  "But you can't leave me.  Wherever you go, I will find you."  Kylo steps closer now and drops his hand.  His voice too lowers as he tells her, “Rey, you are everything that I have ever wanted.  I will make this up to you.  I promise.” 

 

That’s the last thing Rey hears, for with a wave of his hand Kylo blanks her consciousness with the Force.    He catches her slumping form, calls her fallen saber to his hand, and strides away with Rey in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has more non-consent stuff and some violence. As usual, my stories are not for everyone. But, there is always a reason for the ugliness in my stories:
> 
> The concepts of Dark and Light in this fic are different than in my other stories--this was my first fic and in later stories I sort of evolved past these ideas. But they remain in this rewrite or the plot won't work. A lot of what motivated the depiction of Darkness here was my desire to explain why Kylo has his tantrums and rages. I wanted to give a reason for his irrational behavior. I had this idea that when you are consumed in Darkness, you lose a lot of awareness of anything other than yourself and your feelings. All your inhibitions fall away because in the end the Dark Side is selfish. That’s why Kylo goes berserk now and then. It also helps to explain how Anakin in Ep.3 might end up choking his beloved Padme. Anakin, like Kylo, gets lost in his dark rage and deeply hurts the woman he loves the most. Kylo, like his grandfather, acts similarly in the throes of a Dark rage and hurts Rey. Both men are truly remorseful in the aftermath, I think. That overall theme--that Darkness can lead a Sith to hurt those closest to them--does show up in other stories. But, of course, it is the main theme of this fic.


	20. Chapter 20

And just like that, Rey is pregnant. Or, Rey thinks that she is pregnant.  Kylo leaves on a mission the day she misses her period.  But Rey has never had regular periods, so she doesn't conclude much from that.  But five days later when she still hasn't started, Rey stays up late reading everything she can find on the holonet about early pregnancy symptoms.  And the more she reads, the more she recognizes. 

 

It seems that Snoke has gotten his wish after all.

 

And so Rey lies awake in bed fantasizing about ways to tell Kylo.  On the holonet shows, wives always surprise their husbands with news of a baby in creative, sweet ways.   And then the husband breaks into a grin and gathers his wife in his arms and tells her how happy he is.  Then after some time passes they tell their friends and family.  Someone cuts into a cake to see if it's pink or blue inside.  It's a happy, exciting time full of the promise of the future. 

 

So Rey concocts a plan to surprise Kylo.  At shift end tomorrow, she'll ask Moriah to help her sneak a pregnancy test from the medibay.  Assuming it's positive, when Kylo gets back, she'll order his favorite dinner and give him the news.  He will be happy for certain.  And then he will strut in to tell old Snoke that he has just sired a new Sith.   Kylo will get his dynasty and she will get a baby to love.  This will be the next step they need to bridge their differences, Rey hopes.   For no matter what, she and Kylo will have the best interests of their child at heart.  All the Force stuff and the politics will sort itself out in the end, she knows.   They’ve made it this far, haven’t they?

 

And now, Rey worries that she'll wake up tomorrow and her period will have started and there will be no baby after all.  For suddenly, now that a baby is more than just an abstract concept, Rey finds that she really wants one.   

 

Early that next morning, a groggy still-no-period Rey is on top of a TIE reattaching the canopy when she drops a wrench.  It clatters four meters down to the floor.   "I'll get it," Moriah calls from down below.  But it's no problem--Rey just reaches out her hand and reaches out with the Force.   But the wrench doesn't fly into her grip as expected.

 

"Rey . . ."  It's Moriah again.  "Uhm . . . Rey.  Sorry, I mean Lady Rey . . .  uh . . . I mean Lady Ren . . . "  Something about her friend's wary tone and choice of words gets Rey's attention.   No one addresses Rey formally in the hangar bay, especially not Moriah.

 

Rey frowns and swivels around, calling "Moriah, have you seen that wrench I dropped?"   But Rey’s eyes find the missing wrench.  It's in Kylo's hand.  He is standing behind the TIE.  And flanking him is Milo, the old man who works for Snoke, and two other men she doesn't recognize. 

 

It turns out that there is no private moment of baby news to share with her husband.   No happy surprise to spring on her Sith.   Kylo already knows that she is pregnant--he and his Master have sensed the conception of a new Skywalker through the Force.   Apparently, the baby has created quite a disturbance in the Force.   And now, Kylo is here with some guy called Smath who runs the _Finalizer_ medibay and an obstetrics specialist who has been brought in from Coruscant by order of Snoke. 

 

It's sort of like getting fake married in a First Order conference room in a dirty dress with General Hux looking on.  Or getting Sith married in Kylo's borrowed bathrobe, Rey thinks.  For once again, life with Kylo lacks all the appropriate frills and high romance that other couples get.  Her Sith may be full of romantic ideas of destiny and the Force, but all the big moments of their life together turn out to be rushed and very pragmatic.   It’s disappointing, but what can you do?

 

Moriah guesses the very next day.  And she is thrilled for Rey in the artless, honest way that is completely Moriah. 

 

_You're pregnant, aren't you?_

_Yes.  How did you know?_

_I recognized that big old guy who was here with Ren yesterday. He runs the medibay.  And you don't seem sick or hurt, so why else would your husband show up with the First Order's lead doctor?   Oh, Rey, it’s so exciting!_

_Moriah, it's really early on.  We're not telling anyone yet._

_Yeah, I figured as much.  I won’t spill the beans.  But isn’t this the best news?  Are you thrilled?_

_Yeah.  Yeah, I kinda am._

_Now you will have everything, Rey!  A husband with a steady, important job.  Plus, you’re so pretty and you have the best clothes.  And now a baby!   A baby!  I'm so jealous.  You have the best life, Rey._

 

And something about clueless Moriah's words sticks with Rey.  Because maybe she does have the best life after all.  Things have certainly changed from Jakku.  She's got Kylo who, except for when he has scary Sith eyes, is pretty much perfect.  And, yeah, she's not keen on his war or his Master or the First Order.   But if you put all that to one side, the rest is good.  Plus, Rey likes her work in the hangar bay and she enjoys her education classes.   Does she miss being a Jedi and training with Master Luke?  In a word, no.  Because marriage to Kylo has only convinced Rey of how much she would have missed out on as a Jedi.  Life without attachment doesn't seem like much of a life at all to Rey.   Never will she go back to the loneliness of the past. 

 

The baby is what finally enables Rey put Luke Skywalker and the Resistance behind her for good.   The abrupt break with her Jedi Master had hurt.   Kylo had understood her predicament far better than Rey had expected, and he is surprisingly sensitive on the topic.   A vision for the future is the best remedy for a painful past, he keeps telling her. And he is right, at least for himself.  Little by little, Rey comes to realize that her husband's zeal for the First Order is in part a means for him to channel the private hurts and political missteps he attributes to his own family. The First Order is his chance to rule the galaxy, but it is also his means to renounce all his family has fought for.   Through his war, Kylo rejects everything about the people who had rejected him.   Rey knows that Kylo is probably hoping that she too will adopt the First Order as her future.  But instead, Rey endeavors to forget her past by focusing on the baby as her future.  Nesting feels very natural right now.   Soon she will have a baby to love, and her baby will love her back.  No one has ever loved Rey.  Her husband might want a little Sith to groom, but Rey wants love.

 

Kylo quickly becomes a controlling Sith where Rey and the baby are concerned.   The doctors tell Rey that she is slightly underweight and that's no surprise.  But Kylo takes this diagnosis as his cue to micromanage her diet. He forbids Rey to eat her favorite rations for dinner and he keeps pushing food on her.  But by the next month, Rey has lost a few pounds rather than gained them.  She has been a little nauseous and plus she’s so tired that she would rather grab a quick nap after her shift than eat lunch.   The baby is developing fine but the doctors again encourage her to eat more.  Rey agrees to try but she’s never had a big appetite.  

 

No one tells Rey that Kylo will be receiving a full briefing on her appointment.  So she is taken by surprise when Kylo bursts into Stormtrooper U that afternoon to drag her out and sit her down before a giant meal back in his quarters.  He’s a typical overbearing and dictatorial Sith as he commands her to eat more.  To sleep more.  To stay off her feet.  To not lift heavy objects.  To not overwork herself in the hangar bay.  He even starts to hover.  Appearing unannounced in person to check on her when he is onboard his flagship.    It’s annoying, but it’s also sort of sweet.  It’s nice to be fussed over.  Rey has never been fussed over before.

 

It's not all about the magical-Force-baby-on-the-way either.  It's about her.  Suddenly, it's as if her pregnancy has become Kylo's excuse to take care of her.  Perhaps he felt he couldn’t be this protective of his Jedi counterpart who had been his even match on the Starkiller.  But those reservations fall away as he starts to dote on her.   The little gifts keep coming and now he’s in near constant contact with Rey.  She always knows where he is and how to contact him just in case anything goes wrong.   Yes, some of his messages read more like war dispatches.  But mostly his notes are for her:  what is she doing, how is she feeling, what’s the gossip today from Moriah and on and on.   The distance that used to characterize Kylo’s frequent absences fades away. 

 

Her pregnancy reopens Kylo’s concerns about her security.  He worries that once the pregnancy becomes common knowledge, the Resistance will target Rey.  My mother and uncle may try to steal you to get the child, he warns her.  The child is a potential ally and they will feel entitled to act because of the blood relation.  Rey thinks this to be a ridiculous worry.  But his concern leads Kylo to propose that Rey have an honor guard of stormtroopers at all times.  But ultimately, Rey prevails and Kylo drops the issue.  He can’t argue with the logic that a squad of stormtroopers is not going to stop Luke Skywalker.  They compromise and Rey agrees to wear a tracker on her body at all times.  And in addition to her lightsaber, she now wears a blaster as well. 

 

While she and Kylo talk a lot about the baby, it’s mostly about how her pregnancy is progressing.  It stays very clinical until they learn the sex of the child.   The doctors could have told them this news right away, but Kylo had wanted to wait to sense it himself in the Force.  And one day when the child is sufficiently developed, he does.  Somehow the knowledge that they are having a boy makes the baby more real as a person.  And suddenly they start discussing the meaning of the baby.  For themselves and for their future.  Once those conversations begin, it’s like the floodgates open as each lays bare the hurts of the past.   There is so much they both want to do differently for their son.

 

One night she and Kylo are cuddled in bed together when his hand reaches down to caress her small baby bump.  "Rey, I promise I will never let him down,” Kylo says out of the blue.

 

And Rey can’t help but solemnly agree.  “I don’t want us to repeat the mistakes of our own parents."

 

“That will never happen, Rey.  I promise you.  This child will grow up with us.”  Kylo's voice has a righteous edge now, and she knows that he is reliving his own past disappointments. "Whatever the future brings, you and I will remain together for him. We will never be too busy for him. We will be patient as he learns. Forgiving of his mistakes.  Understanding of his frustrations.  He may struggle, but we will refuse to give up on him." Kylo sighs and looks away now, lost in a long moment of bitter reverie. His voice is a hoarse promise. "I will never give up on him the way they gave up on me."

 

“Oh, Kylo,” Rey reaches to pull him closer.  It’s so hard to reach him when he gets lost in these bleak moods.   How might the galaxy be different today had shy young Ben Solo been happier?  How had his family gone so horribly wrong with him?  The quiet intensity of Kylo’s bitterness chills her.  Right now, in the moment, Rey would be willing to do anything to erase the pain in her husband's eyes.

 

Tonight, Kylo must be in a mood to talk, for he confesses softly, "I don't know where I would be now if my master had not found me.  Probably dead."  Abruptly, Kylo sits up and looks down at her with miserable resolve.  “He will need a teacher, Rey.  I will help him understand his Darkness.  I won’t fault him for it or make him suppress who he is.  I won’t teach him self-hate through the Force.”

 

Rey nods.  From her small glimpse into the Dark Side, she knows to be wary of its power.  And if their son takes after Kylo, then he will need his father’s guidance. 

 

“He will be born of the Dark and of the Light."  She can hear the pride in Kylo's words. "He will be unstoppable in the Force, Rey.  Nothing like him will ever have existed.”  Kylo warms to his theme now and Rey can tell that this is something her husband has thought about a great deal.  “Our son will be the prince of the First Order. He will be the next generation of Darth Vader's legacy.  And, one day, he and I will rule the galaxy together as father and son."

 

Of course, Kylo thinks of their baby in terms of an heir.  With all their power in the Force united together in a child.   Rey imagines herself rocking a baby and he imagines a dynasty for his future empire.  It’s eerily like Kylo’s own parents must have envisioned years ago.  Only they were hoping for a Jedi to lead the New Republic.   And they ended up with a Sith intent on destroying it all.    

 

Rey swallows hard.  Because maybe they are already repeating the mistakes of their parents, she thinks.  So she asks gently, “What if he doesn’t want it?  Like you didn’t want to be a Jedi?  Like I didn’t want to be a Jedi?”

 

“He will want it, Rey.  We won’t make him want it.  He will discover it for himself in time.  You can choose not to be Jedi, Rey.  But you can’t choose not to be Sith.  Darkness demands it.”  Kylo smiles down at her to reassure.  “Don’t worry.  My Master and I will be there to help him.  He will not do this alone.”

 

Rey is less concerned about the Force than Kylo is.  She lived nineteen years without the Force and never missed it.  But she had missed other things.  Important things.  And that’s what matters most to her.  “I just want us to love him no matter what.  With no strings attached.  No conditions, no expectations.  I want us to love him in all the ways that we were not loved, Kylo.”  It hurts to say this aloud and Rey feels her eyes fill with unshed tears.  “Children need love,” she whispers.   

 

Kylo holds her gaze as he nods his complete agreement.  “Everyone needs love, Rey.  Not just children.  But yes, we will let him be who he is.  Rey, he will never want for anything.  I promise you that our son will have everything he needs and more.  Not just love.  He will have every advantage you never had on Jakku.” 

 

Yes, Rey is counting on that.  “We can do this together, right?” she asks, searching his face for reassurance.  “You're sure that we can do this?”  However grand her husband's ambitions for their son might be, Kylo’s intentions are right.  He wants for his son a life better than his own.  And Rey will support him fully in that goal.

 

“Yes.”  Again, Kylo smiles down at her.  “And we will do this well, Rey.  You will see.”

 

She reaches up to stroke his cheek and smiles back at him. "I want our family will be happy.  I know we can’t be normal, but we can still be happy."

 

"Happy," he repeats, nodding. "Yes . . . happy." Kylo places a gentle kiss on her forehead and settles back down beside her. "Thank you for my son, Rey.  I know that you were scared of this.  But this child is the greatest gift you could ever give me.  This will begin to make things right."

* * *

 

Kylo is moody and brooding on the shuttle ride back to the _Finalizer_.  Today’s raid had netted few live prisoners.  Then, the interrogations of those prisoners had not proven especially useful.  This means that the Resistance will continue to elude him.  Lately, they have been striking from a hidden base to harass the main First Order hyperspace lanes.   It has succeeded in disrupting supply lines and diverting resources to protect procurement transports.  Kylo would much rather those TIE squadrons be deployed on the battlefield than flying escort to cargo ships.  But he can’t risk pulling them back until the Resistance base is found and destroyed.  As usual, he thinks, his terrorist mother is good at hit-and-run missions designed to maximize chaos.  But she avoids directly engaging her enemy head on.

 

The rest of his knights are in the back sleeping or watching pod-racing reruns.  So Kylo looks up in surprise when Nestor Ren appears and sinks into the chair opposite him.   Nestor doesn’t say anything.  His second-in-command knows that if he hangs out long enough, Kylo will start talking.   And he does. 

 

_Rey is pregnant._

_Hey, that's great!  Er . . . it is great, isn't it?_

_Yeah, it's great._

_You guys didn't waste any time, did you?   Have you even been married six months?_

_It’ll be nine next week._

_Is that why we're stopping by Grandpa's house on the way back?  To tell him the good news?_

_Snoke already knows.  Nestor, one of these days he's going to be in my head and see you call him that.  And then it will be blue lightning for you._

_Yeah, but I’d live.  Hux brags about surviving the lightning after the Starkiller--did you know that?_

_Clearly Snoke didn't give him enough._

_Brendol's not so bad, Kylo.  Once you get past the snark.  And the entourage.  That entourage is fucking annoying.  So  . . .  tell me Rey wasn't pregnant when you uh . . . you uh . . ._

_Spit it out, Nestor._

_When you beat the shit out of her._

_Is that what everyone thinks?_

_You know how stories get around about you, Kylo.  Anyway, I'm sure it wasn't nearly as bad as everyone says.  Right?   Okay, don't answer that._

_It wasn't my best moment._

_Look, I've been married almost ten years.  I get it. There's been plenty of times I have been mad enough to throw a punch at Cesi.  But you don't actually get to do that.  Not if you want to stay married anyway._

_Nestor--_

_And you definitely can't hit a pregnant woman.  That's just wrong, Kylo.  Even for a Sith._

_Are you done with the lecture?_

_Yeah, I'm done.  Did you listen?_

_Yeah._

_So why are we stopping by Grandpa's house?_

_To tell him it's a boy._

_A boy?  You lucky dog!  Shit, I'm jealous.  I've got a house full of girls back home._

_Yeah . . . it's a boy.  I’m going to have a son._

_Look, you love them either way but a boy is something special for a man.  I keep trying to convince Cesi to have a fourth so we can try again for a boy.  She's not going for it though._

_I don't know.  My family has a lot of father-son issues.  I don’t want to repeat all that._

_So, you didn't like your dad.  That doesn't mean you yourself can't be a good dad, Kylo._

_I killed my father._

_Oh._

_He deserved it.  But my grandfather was essentially killed by his son.   And my grandfather did not deserve it.  He was only trying to help his kid and he got killed for it._

_What did they argue over?_

_The Force._

_That is fucked up.  Well . . . look, Grandpa's your real dad in every way that matters.  Just ask his advice.   He will help you._

 

And that’s what Kylo is counting on.  Because in order for the cycle of Skywalkers killing Skywalkers to end, this next generation needs to be on the same side as he and Snoke.  He, his son and his Master all Skywalkers, all Sith, and all with allegiances and goals similarly aligned. 

 

Old Snoke must sense his concerns because he observes straight off, “You are not here to discuss the war.”

 

“No, Master.”

 

The Quasimodo Sith nods thoughtfully and settles back on his throne. “Tell me about the child then.  Things are progressing well?”

 

“Yes.  The child is a son, my Master.”

 

This provokes a slow, sly smile.  “Good.  Good,” the Muun practically purrs out his approval.  “It is as I had hoped.  We will welcome a new Skywalker prince.”    His Master’s eyes narrow as he warns, “This child may succeed in drawing the Jedi back into the fray.  If the Jedi cannot redeem you, he may seek to control the child.  Thinking that this boy will replace the Padawan you stole from under his nose.  Yes,” he muses, “Skywalker may want one last stand.”

 

“Bring it on,” Kylo practically growls. 

 

And his Master concurs.  “Indeed.”  Then he turns his attention to Rey.   “Your lady is well, I assume?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Indulge her.  Keep her happy,” Snoke instructs.  “We do not need her running back to the Resistance.  They would leap at the chance to take the child from us.  They would feel entitled to the boy and convinced that they are saving him.” 

 

“Rey would never do that.”  Kylo is certain of this.  Whatever her current politics might be, his survivor wife is not about to go running back to Luke Skywalker.  Not after his uncle held a saber to her neck.   Rey is no fool.

 

“Do not be too certain. Women get irrational at times like this.”

 

“Yes, Master.  But Rey would never do that.  She knows better than to do that.” 

 

Snoke smirks openly at this loyal show of spousal support.  “My own pregnant wife ran to the Jedi for sanctuary,” he reveals.   “Her foolishness cost her the Force and robbed me of my own biological Sith son.  So, I speak with the wisdom of experience, Apprentice.  Women get irrational in this condition.” 

 

“Yes, my Master.” 

 

"My own wife’s stupidity was just the beginning, unfortunately.   For my son in the Force was taken from me as well.  Reared by the Jedi, as was my grandson.  It has taken three generations for my family to find its way back to me.  My son Vader was a Sith, but a virtual stranger to me.  And my grandson is such a disappointment.  You, my boy, are the first of your line with the vision and courage to come home to me.    Forever will I be grateful for that.”

 

Kylo feels his cheeks flush.  His Master rarely gives praise. 

 

“Our challenge is to ensure that the newest Skywalker remains ours.  Children in our family have not always followed in their father’s footsteps.   And this boy will be a child of the Light and the Dark, sired by a Sith Apprentice with a Jedi Padawan.  We must take care to ensure that the boy will be Sith.  That he has sufficient Darkness, as a Skywalker should.”

 

“Yes, Master.”  Always, Darth Plagueis knows his deepest desires and fears.  Today is no different.  “I want to protect my son from the Light.”  This is as much an admission as a request.  For Kylo wants to spare his child the nagging call to the Light that he himself struggles with.  He doesn’t want his boy torn apart by conflicts and self-doubts.  Kylo Ren wants his son to live free of the pain of that struggle.  To be the first Skywalker born Sith, raised Sith, and content to be Sith.   This next generation will get it right, Kylo fervently hopes.  If he can do one thing for his son, this will be it—to give his boy certainty about his place in the Force. 

 

Wise old Darth Plagueis understands this keenly too.  “Never fear, my boy.  I will help to ensure that the child is a fitting legacy and not an enemy.  I do not wish to lose the boy as Vader lost my grandson.”

 

“But how, Master?”

 

“All things are possible in the Force, Apprentice.   When the time comes, you will bring Lady Ren to me and I will awaken the child to Darkness.”


	21. Chapter 21

Kylo walks in the bedroom and catches Rey looking at her profile in the bathroom mirror as slowly she smooths her nightgown over her belly.   She has a small quiet smile on her face and it takes his breath away.  For there is something ethereal about that smile.  That is the look of love, he decides.  And it's beautiful.    The ancient trope of Madonna and child no longer seems cliché to him now that Kylo has seen it in real life.   Here is the family she has always wanted and he didn't know he needed.   And it’s so improbable that it must be destiny.

Rey purses her lips a moment and then looks up.  "Do I look bigger to you?"

Now, how does he answer that question?  Is that a 'do I look fat' question or an 'I am proud to be pregnant' question?  Kylo settles for kissing her instead.  "You look perfect."

"You're back late," she turns to smile at him. Rey reaches up to unbutton his surcoat and ease it off his tired shoulders.  He loves it when she undresses him at the end of the day.  It's part wife, part mother, part lover.  And it’s pure comfort. 

He sits down heavily on the bed and starts kicking off his boots.   "We dropped Nestor off at Coruscant on the way back.  It cost us an extra hour.  Did you eat dinner?"

"Yes.  Did you?"

"I ate on the shuttle."

Now she's standing in front of Kylo as she unbuttons his tunic at the shoulder.  He can't help it. His hands automatically find her waist and reach around to caress the child she carries.  His son.  Kylo leans in impulsively to kiss her belly and to savor the feel of his child in the Force.

"How's he doing?" he asks.  They still don't have a name picked out.

"Kicking, I think.  I just started feeling big kicks this week.”  Rey peels his tunic off his shoulders and crosses the room to lay it and the surcoat over a chair.  "I think I saw him today in a vision.  Or maybe it was a dream.  I’m not sure.  I took a nap before class today and that’s when it happened." Rey is grinning as she turns back to him. "Our son looks just like you." She leans back against the chair, watching him finish undressing.  "He was practicing with my lightsaber."

"Just like me?"  That piques his interest.   Kylo has imagined many things about his son's future, but he hasn't concerned himself with what the boy will look like.

"Yes. It was just like seeing you, only as a child.  At first, I wondered if I were seeing your past and not our son's future.  But then I saw the saber hilt and recognized that it was the one Snoke gave me."

"Tell me more."

"No," Rey beckons him over with a smile. "Come.  Get in my head and I'll show you more."

This, he cannot resist.   Kylo crosses to stand before her and places his hands on her face.  Rey blinks once and he is in. Their mental connection has become effortless from frequent use, and her mind is a familiar place for him.  He sees her vision now as clearly as she had—a boy with dark eyes and shaggy dark hair.  Lanky, like himself, with an angular face. The boy is alone practicing with Rey's lightsaber and a remote.

"He does look like me."  Kylo is pleased at this. "A lot like me."

"Watch him. It's not so much how he looks, but how he moves that reminds me so strongly of you. He has your grace."

"Who's training this kid?  He has lousy footwork."

Rey laughs. "He gets that from me.  And he's ten?   Maybe eleven?   There's plenty of time for you to teach him his skills."

"And look at that swing—it’s from the elbow and not from the shoulder.  There’s no power behind it at all,” Kylo complains.  “But you’re right--he does look like me," Kylo repeats softly as he concentrates to study the boy closer. The boy's hair keeps falling in his eyes as he moves.  He is dressed simply in a worn and faded tunic and pants and boots that have seen better days.  That is odd.  Their son doesn’t look like the heir to the First Order.  He looks very ordinary.  Shabby, even.   Suddenly, the boy shuts off the sword and calls the remote to his hand with the Force and stuffs it furtively in his tunic.  The boy looks around warily.  Like he is afraid to be caught doing what he’s doing.  "Is there more?"

"No, that's it. But isn't he wonderful?"

Kylo breaks their connection and slants Rey a glance.  "He needs a name.  Have you thought more about a name?" Choosing a name for their son is no small task, since one day the boy will rule.  Rey is little help in the matter.   She likes most every name, while he prefers to be more discerning.

"You name him," Rey yawns as she pulls back the covers and crawls into bed.   "Anything you wish.  But no Sith names. You are not naming our boy Darth Vader Jr."

"It's a family name," Kylo protests with a mischievous smile as he slides into bed beside her. "But you are right," he reflects in all seriousness. "It would be too much pressure for the boy.  There can only be one Darth Vader."

"You know that's not what I meant," Rey pokes at him playfully with her elbow.

"But it’s true.  And besides, our kid will need to earn his Sith title just like I will.  How about calling him Kylo?"

"If you end up ruling the galaxy, you’re already going to cast a long shadow over our boy," she reasons slowly.  “But if that’s what you want, it’s fine by me.”

"Yeah,” he muses.  “I suppose it's like Darth Vader.  There can only be one Kylo Ren."  She chuckles at this and he pulls her close.  This time, he has been a week away to war.   It might have been longer but Hux's new strategy had evolved into wholesale slaughter, and Kylo had grown bored.   Massacre does not require his talents.  That is a job for stormtroopers.   "I wonder what it will be like for a boy to grow up on a star destroyer."

"A lot nicer than growing up in a downed AT-AT on Jakku," Rey points out.  "And your son will be treated like a prince here."

"He will be a prince," Kylo corrects her. "Still, this is not an ideal place for a baby," he observes. "We are at war."

"That's nothing new." Rey yawns again.   The baby makes her perpetually tired.  He wishes she would cut back to only a few days a week in the hangar bay.  Rey could use more rest.  She gives a little shrug and reminds him that "The galaxy has been at war on and off since the Old Republic."

He considers this, then sits up and stretches out his hand. "That reminds me. I have something to show you." A small electronic gadget flies across the room from his surcoat pocket and into his open palm. "Here," he hands it to Rey. "I watched it again today and she reminded me of you."

"What is it?" Rey turns it over in her palm.  Her fingers trace over ornate scrollwork.   "It’s pretty.  And it’s old." Rey depresses a button and the gadget produces a moment of static.  Then a hologram message appears.

It is a beautiful young woman dressed in pale blue satin. The woman's shoulders are bare but dripping with ornate beading, and her hair is a mass of intricate brown ringlets.  It looks like she is standing in a bedroom or someplace private.  Her smile beams out at the viewer.

_Ani, I have news. The Queen knows and she has agreed that I can continue to serve in the Senate. I did not reveal who you are. I only told her that I am married to the father of my child, and that there is no cause for embarrassment to the Royal House from my pregnancy.  I didn’t tell her it was twins.  The Queen was very gracious. She said that in light of my service to Naboo she would respect my privacy and not ask any further questions and that in her mind the matter is closed._

_Isn't that wonderful?  I'm so relieved, Ani.  So relieved_.   

_Chancellor Palpatine intervened for us, I'm sure. He very much wants me to remain in the Senate as his supporter. Ani, we will find a way. I know we will. We will find a way to raise our family together._   _This will work out in the end somehow.  We just need to be patient._

The woman stops speaking and half-turns to look over her shoulder, as if fearing she will be overheard. When her body turns, it is clear that she is heavily pregnant.

_I have to go now, Ani. I love you. I will be waiting for you.  Oh, and think about Luke for the boy’s name.  I like Luke.  But I can’t decide between Bail or Luke._

Then the image freezes and the recording ends.

“Luke.”  Rey says the name aloud.  She is silent for a long moment.  Then she asks, "Who is she?  She's beautiful."

"Padme Amidala Naberrie Skywalker."

"Skywalker?" Rey echoes, raising her eyebrows and turning to look at him.

"She is Lady Vader.  My grandmother. She was a Senator of the Old Republic and the one-time Queen of Naboo.  And for years, she was the secret wife of Anakin Skywalker."

"So Darth Vader was Ani to his wife." Rey sits up and turns the holo-projector over in her palm.  She looks over at Kylo. "But I thought Emperor Palpatine was the Senator from Naboo."

Kylo nods, sitting up beside her. "Palpatine was the senior Senator and my grandmother was the junior Senator. They worked together. My grandmother led the movement to oust Chancellor Valorum and to elect Palpatine as Supreme Chancellor. Later, she was part of the Loyalist Committee of the Senate to support Palpatine.  As the Clone Wars ripped apart the Republic, my grandparents built the foundations of the Empire together with Palpatine.  Only my grandmother did not live to see it."

"Do you know what happened to her?" Rey wants to know.  She’s heard the Skywalker family history from Master Luke, but he had been vague on this point.

"She died shortly after my mother and uncle were born. It's not clear how she died. Even Vader never knew. I found files showing that he spent over a year investigating her death." It frustrates Kylo that this part of the Skywalker family history is lost to time.  Kenobi must have known, but he had not shared all of his secrets with his uncle.  And, as far as Kylo is concerned, that just suggests the logical conclusion: that Ben Kenobi had played a part in his grandmother's death.  Since the wily old Jedi had lied about Darth Vader, why wouldn’t he also lie about Lady Vader?

"All Vader learned was that a lone Jedi dumped her body at a mortuary on Naboo and informed her family of her death.  Naboo gave her a state funeral, but none of the media reports explained her cause of death.   There were published rumors that she had been a suicide, but my grandfather clearly didn't believe that."

Kylo glances over to Rey. "I think you know the rest. Vader was led to believe that the children had died with my grandmother. But in reality, the Jedi stole the children away for revenge.  Kenobi took my uncle to the Outer Rim to obscurity to be trained as a Jedi so he could one day kill his father. The Alderaan royal family adopted my mother and the Organas filled her head with Rebellion propaganda.  My mother was raised to hate the Empire and to hate her real father."

Rey depresses a button and the recording plays again.  Kylo watches her watching the recording.  Her interest pleases him. Together they sit in silence, watching it play through to the end.

"She truly loved Vader. It wasn't just words. Look, you can see it in her eyes." Rey is staring at the final image, a frozen snapshot of his long dead grandmother.  "Jedi aren't supposed to marry.  Especially back then.  How long did they hide this?"

"For years. Vader married her in secret at the start of the Clone Wars when he was still a Padawan.  I found the records on Naboo.  He would have been expelled from the Jedi Order if the marriage had been made public." Kylo frowns. "I'm not sure the Jedi ever knew that my grandparents were actually married.  My uncle tells the story as if it were a sordid affair.  As if it were one more transgression against the Jedi Code on the way to the Dark Side." Kylo shakes his head in disdain.  "That's not true. And it's disrespectful to the memory of my grandparents.   They lived a lie for years.   They must have valued the commitment of marriage to take that risk.  They both had a lot to lose."

Rey nods. "People sometimes take great risks for love," she says softly.

"I think Palpatine must have introduced my grandparents. He was a mentor to my grandfather from an early age after the Jedi bought him from slavery.  Snoke had his Apprentice working in public life right in plain view of the Jedi Council.  In those days, the Sith walked freely everywhere in disguise."

"Wait—Vader was a slave?" Rey wants to know.

"Yes." Ren smiles at her reaction. Vader's humble beginnings only serve to make his remarkable achievements that much more impressive. His grandfather had been an exceptional Sith. "When he was about age ten, Anakin Skywalker was sold to a Jedi who passed through Tatooine. That's how he ended up a Jedi."

Rey is still digesting what she had heard. "So Darth Vader rose from slavery to rule the Empire with Palpatine?  Master Luke didn’t tell me that."

"Yes. It was quite a life." Kylo puts an arm around his wife and pulls her closer. He plays the recording a third time. He has watched this recording many times, and every time he wonders at the secret, personal history it reveals. Three people had built the Empire, even if the history books only recognize two. His grandfather's vision had been a joint project with his wife.  One day, he and Rey will do the same with the First Order. Their son will draw her in.  His wife might not be willing to support the First Order now, but when the time is right she will be persuaded to build a future for their son.  It will be easier to convince her once the war is over and the Resistance is no more.

"The Jedi took everything from Vader," he tells Rey ruefully.  It was a terrible revenge that scars his family still today. "Kenobi was my grandfather's best friend. Supposedly, they were like brothers. But Kenobi ruined his body, probably murdered his wife, and stole his children to raise them to hate him. It wasn't supposed to be that way. The Skywalkers were united for a common future in the Empire. Vader wanted to rule with his family at his side, and years later he even offered that to my uncle.   Snoke too approached my uncle on Vader’s behalf.  But instead, my uncle brought down the Empire and destroyed his father's life's work. Kenobi's revenge was complete, and it has plunged the galaxy into chaos for over thirty years."

"Master Luke didn't tell me all of this.  His version is uh . . . different.  And he never told me that Snoke knew Vader."

"Luke Skywalker refuses to admit to our family’s connection to Snoke.  And my uncle is an apologist for the Jedi, of course.  My uncle and my mother don't see the irony of their commitment to rebuilding the Jedi Order. They should hate the Jedi for their actions. The Jedi tore my family apart." Kylo can’t keep the disgust from his voice. "Instead, they named me in honor of Ben Kenobi." He flips off the recording and places the holo-projector on the bedside table. "There is a great deal more to Darth Vader than what is common knowledge."

"How do you know all of this?" Rey wants to know.  “Did Snoke tell you?”

“Yes, some of it.”  Kylo lays back and pulls her down into his arms. "I already knew a lot about Anakin Skywalker from studying the Clone Wars for years.  But when I was sixteen, my Master sent me on a quest to discover all I could about my grandfather. There are thousands of media reports in the Old Republic and Imperial archives.  And Snoke himself kept files and even at times surveillance on Vader.  But twenty years after Vader’s death, few of his personal possessions remained.  I dug up the mask on Endor.  I found this holo-projector hidden in a Sith holocron I found in the castle on Mustafar.  Only a Force-user could open the holocron, so no one knew that it was inside." He strokes Rey's hair absently, remembering well his amazement the first time he had viewed the recording.  It had been an intimate peek into a life and a family history that had been kept from the teenaged Ben Solo his entire life. "It has an internal counter. When I first opened it, it showed that Vader had played it over seven thousand times in almost twenty years. That's almost once a day. Vader must have grieved my grandmother until he died."

"How sad for him to never know the truth of her death," Rey says softly. "Padme," she speaks the name aloud. "Padme Skywalker. That's such a beautiful name. Kylo, if our next child is a girl, let's name her Padme."

"I like that idea." He smiles at her impulsive gesture.  Rey has no idea how much her words have pleased him.  Kylo leans over to give her a long, lingering kiss. "But until then, Rey, you will be my Padme."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Few changes to the original version of this chapter. I have always loved the intimacy of this chapter.


	22. Chapter 22

As together they exit the shuttle at the Leader’s secret stronghold, she and Kylo are back to bickering about the future.  They have been over this before.  

“Kylo, I want us to stay with you on the _Finalizer_.  We’ll be safest there.  We both have enemies and there is a war going on.  I don't want the baby and I to end up like your grandmother and her children."  The recording of the doomed Lady Vader had made an impression on Rey.

Kylo gives the same answer he always gives.  In the same ‘isn’t it obvious?’ tone of voice.   “You are safest here with my Master.  Luke Skywalker isn’t fool enough to go near him again.” 

“But then we will never get to see you--” Rey complains.

"I’ll be here often enough.  Rey, the _Finalizer_ is a warship," Kylo reminds her. "It won't always be removed from the action.   It will take risks and go into battle.   Even a star destroyer is vulnerable.  The old Empire lost plenty of big capital ships through the years."

But Rey isn’t willing to give up on this point.   Living with Kylo’s creepy old Sith Master sounds like a horrible idea to her.  Darth Plagueis is intimidating with his formal manners and grave disposition.  And from what little Rey has seen of his sepulcher bunker, it seems more like a tomb than a home.  It definitely doesn’t strike her as a place for a baby. 

"I don’t understand why the baby changes anything, Kylo.  We should be together.  Our son’s fate will be the same as ours.”

“Rey, the first obligation of a Sith to his family is to keep them safe.  And you will be safest with Snoke.”

“I don’t want to separate our family. I thought we said that our son would grow up with both his parents."  This is non-negotiable as far as Rey is concerned.

“It’s just until the war ends—“

“But that could be years, Kylo!”

“Not if I can help it.”  Kylo now wisely changes the topic.  That’s how this discussion always ends:  unresolved.  He glances over at her.  “I think that’s the last time you are going to get into that dress for a while.”

“Does it look bad?”  Rey is suddenly self-conscious as she smooths the taut white fabric stretched over her burgeoning baby bump.  Today, Rey is wearing the dress Leia Organa had given her for the Hosnia memorial.  Perhaps it’s not the most politic choice for an audience with the Supreme Leader, but it is the best fitting garment she owns.  At seven months pregnant, Rey is bursting out of everything.  It’s time to break down and ask Milo for some maternity clothes because even this dress probably won’t fit next week.  “It looks bad, doesn’t it?” she frets.

Kylo leans in so the guards don’t hear him.  “You look beautiful, Rey.  Very beautiful and very pregnant.” 

His words are reassuring.  Pregnancy hasn’t been the best experience for Rey’s fledgling self-image where her looks are concerned.  Other women may glow with pregnancy, but Rey feels she just looks wan and tired.  Her new figure is ungainly and uncomfortable.  She’s all belly now.  If anything, the rest of her has only become skinnier as the months drag on.  Still, a trip to the Supreme Leader is a command performance and Rey has made an effort.  Her hair is in loose, flowing waves and she had the droid put plenty of makeup on her face to hide her pale cheeks and dark circles. 

Sooner than she would like, they are outside Leader Snoke’s audience chamber.  Some visiting dignitary exits and Milo gives her and Kylo the nod that says it’s their turn.  Rey takes a deep breath and steps forward with Kylo.   Time to get this over with. 

“Ah, my Apprentice and his lady.  Welcome.”  This time, Snoke is seated on his throne up high.  Still, he stands as Rey enters the room.  The Old Republic Muun is man with formal old school manners. 

“My Master.”  Kylo steps forward to kneel in the traditional obeisance of a Sith Apprentice. 

Rey remains standing but inclines her head respectfully.  She feels Snoke's eyes travel over her form. Almost as if he is both seeing her and seeing through her.  Rey fights the urge to flinch.  It doesn’t matter that Kylo has told her time and again that his Master won’t hurt her or the baby.  This man makes her nervous. “Supreme Leader,” she acknowledges his courtly bow.

He smiles indulgently.  “My dear, we know each other better than that, I think.”

“Darth Plagueis,” Rey hastens to correct herself.  Feeling stupid for having made that mistake.  It is a mark of distinction reserved solely to Force-users to address Snoke by his Sith name.   

“That’s better.”  He waves a hand in Kylo’s direction.  “Arise, Apprentice.”

The Muun settles himself back down in his chair.  "I am pleased about the child.  A son born of the Light and of the Dark, sired by a Sith Apprentice with a Jedi Padawan."  Snoke's voice sounds wickedly pleased.   Again, Rey's every instinct is to turn and run. "Once more, the Dark Side will welcome a Skywalker prince.  How grateful we are for this gift, my lady."  Snoke favors Rey with a genuine smile.

Rey just nods. She does not want to prolong this interview.

And perhaps Snoke senses her impatience because he gets right to the point.  "Lady Ren, you are wondering why you are here.  I wish to express my gratitude to you in person.  And I wish to feel the child in the Force.  Long have I been interested in creation.  For to create life is to create the Force, to make it grow.  And you, my lady, are creating life."   The gargoyle Muun looks approvingly down upon her.  “That is foremost what women do. They create families and they hold them together.  How lucky we are to have you in our family.  My Apprentice has chosen wisely.”

The old Sith sits forward in his chair now. "I have been manipulating midichlorians since before Kylo Ren's grandfather was born.  I know all there is to know about how the Force creates life.  Today, I shall help you."  He beckons her forward.  “Come.  Let me feel this child in the Force.”

Rey nods but hesitates. 

“Do not be afraid,” Snoke encourages her.  “Come.  Such a disturbance this boy made in the Force to announce his advent.  It was an annunciation like no other.  For unto us a child is born, unto us a Sith son is given.  Your boy, my dear, is something very special.”

And so dutifully, Rey walks forward to climb the steps of the dais.  “Come,” Snoke beckons her closer still.  And now Rey is standing directly before him.  The Muun is so tall that even when seated he and Rey are practically eye to eye.  And now, Rey gets a good look up close at this man’s ruined face.  She’s not squeamish.  You can’t be squeamish and grow up exploring wrecks full of mummified corpses on Jakku.  Darth Plagueis reminds Rey of those fallen long-ago soldiers.   She is struck for a moment by how truly monstrous this man appears.  For oddly enough, after just a few minutes with this Sith, Rey finds herself forgetting his appearance altogether.  Maybe it’s because Snoke’s presence and personality are so forceful.  Or maybe it’s a consequence of his awesome power.  But the Muun seems to transcend his fragile, damaged appearance.

He reaches spindly fingered hands toward her belly.  His touch is covetous.  “Pregnancy is such a lovely time for a woman,” he observes.  “My Jedi wife was never more ravishing than when she was swollen up with a child from the seed of her Sith.  It was visible proof that she was mine.”   Snoke favors Rey with a sly smile.  “She didn’t see it that way, of course.  But it was pure pleasure just to look upon her.”

And now the Sith’s hands caress her belly in a way that is far too intimate.   Rey is glad that her back is to Kylo so that he cannot witness this.   For his Master’s touch is more like a husband than a grandfather.  “Yes,” the Muun practically growls from deep in his throat.  “Apprentice, your son is strong.  So ssstrong in the Force.  A powerful Sith he will become.”

Rey shifts her weight uncomfortably.  She steps back and Darth Plagueis releases her.  Perhaps seeing her unease, the old Sith is kindly as he seeks to reassure.  "Do not be frightened.   I will not harm your child.   Do not resist me."

Rey is confused.   She isn't exactly sure what she is resisting.  Or what Snoke is doing.   Never trust a Sith, Rey remembers Master Luke’s words.  So she glances over her shoulder at Kylo now.  Her husband nods his encouragement to Rey.

Snoke holds out his hand and Rey steps forward to accept it.  Then the old Muun seats her on his lap, one arm gathering her close and the other stroking her belly.  And, oh, this feels so strange.  Rey closes her eyes and her breath catches.  “Yes,” the Sith Master croons his whisper into her ear. "Let the Force flow through you.  Feel its power.”

She can feel the Force.  It reminds Rey of being in Kylo’s head when he had yellow eyes.  It’s almost rapturous, it’s so disorienting.  But also strangely empowering.   Rey feels bold and wild and strong in the moment.  "Good.  Goooood.  Do not fear the Dark Side," Snoke intones for her ear alone. "You were awakened to the Light.   Now you will be awakened to Darkness.    Feel its power tipping the balance within."  Rey is panting now, sweating with her head thrown back, eyes closed and back arched as the Muun Sith keeps stroking her belly.  “Oh, you are beautiful,” he whispers.  “Few things are more beautiful than a woman willingly corrupted.  Darkness is a choice, my dear.  Glory in it.”    

Rey shoots a panicked glance over her shoulder at Kylo.  But he just looks on with a poker face.

“How beguiling you are, my lady.  Oh, the things that my Apprentice must do to you.”  The Muun’s eyes are pure feral yellow as they lock onto hers.  Here is the apex predator of the galaxy, the eternal Sith Master who eclipses all who have come before.  Even Luke Skywalker fears this man.  So the half-trained wayward Padawan Rey of Jakku is no match for his Dark magic.   “H-Help,” is the only word she gasps out before Rey fades away.

* * *

 

Kylo watches in silence as his Master cradles the unconscious Rey in his arms.  It is a bizarre Pietá tableau, where instead of the mother cradling a god of Light, here a Dark god cradles a young mother.  To a casual observer, it would appear an embrace.   But Kylo knows better.  He can feel the pressure in his ears that comes from his Master summoning his full power.   He can see writ on the old Muun’s brow the evidence of his deep concentration.  Slowly, methodically, Darth Plagueis is baptizing his unborn son in Darkness. 

This is a favor of great importance, Kylo knows, and it is evidence of his Master’s true regard for his Skywalker family in the Force.  For Darth Plagueis to use his own power to bolster the Darkness of this boy, a potential rival, is unprecedented.   For the Sith are by nature competitive.  And so this gift of Dark power to his progeny is humbling to Kylo. 

He is surprised that his Master is allowing him to witness this.  For the old Muun zealously guards his greatest secrets in the Force.  Never once has Kylo seen Snoke resurrect anyone, though he knows it has been done.   Never once has he seen Snoke extend his own life or Milo’s life, though both men exist far beyond their natural lifecycle.  And never once has Kylo seen his Master conjure life anew from the Force, though his own grandfather was conceived out of Snoke’s Dark power.  These are Darth Plagueis’ secrets to the essence of existence:  the power to create life, to prolong life, and to resurrect life.  They are the unprecedented achievements in the Force that elevate his Master beyond a mere legendary Sith lord to the one true god of Darkness. 

It is a great honor to be a student of this man, Kylo knows.  And though a lesser Sith might have elevated Kylo to Dark lord status long before now, Kylo is content to wait to meet the high standards of the exacting Darth Plagueis.  For when Kylo receives the title Darth, it will mean more.    Hopefully, it will mean that he is as strong as Darth Vader.

When it is over, the Muun appears spent.  But pleased nonetheless. 

"This was necessary," Snoke informs him quietly. "Your lady is an excellent vessel for your son.  Strong she is with the Force.  Stronger in some ways than you, Kylo Ren."  The old Sith pauses to let these words sink in. "You were right to bring her to me, for we cannot take the risk that the Light from her will overwhelm the Dark from you.   And there is also the chance that the child could inherit Light from you as well.  That risk is alleviated now.  She and the child have been awakened to Darkness.  In the long run, it will ease the path for your son to be Sith.  He will have less conflict than you do, my boy, less Light."

“Good,” Kylo approves wholeheartedly.  He wants his son to struggle less than he does.  To be more content with his path in life and in the Force. “Thank you, Master.” 

“You shall have the Sith dynasty you seek.  And likely you will have your Sith lady now as well.”

This last part comes as a surprise.  But it is not unwelcome news.  "How much Darkness did you give her?" Kylo asks.

His Master meets his eye with a warning look.  “Not as much as you might want for her.  We must be careful.   One must experience the Dark Side wisely, Apprentice.  Slowly, you mature into Darkness.   Yes, I know that you crave it.   All Sith crave power.  You are not the first of my Apprentices who would rush headlong into Darkness.   I value you far too much to allow that, my boy.”  The Muun cocks his head to consider the peacefully sleeping Rey now huddled at the foot of his throne.  He pauses a moment before he continues with his lesson.   “Too much Darkness too soon can lead to madness.  The mind and the heart must accept and embrace the Dark Side, or it can overwhelm you.  Darkness is always a choice.  But its power is too intense for some."

These last words alarm Kylo.  "Is it too intense for Rey?" He needs to know this.

Snoke waves away this concern. "Doubtful.   She is delicate in her current condition.   But strong with the Force.   And she is remarkably resilient.  Her mind will sort it out in time and she will come to accept the Darkness within her.   You must teach her to manage it.  And you must be patient with her.” 

“Yes, Master.”  This he looks forward to.  For Kylo has been wanting to teach Rey the ways of the shadow Force since the day they met.  And now, Rey needs a teacher.  Finally, Kylo gets his wish. 

“It has been many years since the Sith have had a Dark Lady,” Darth Plagueis muses.  “They are rare.  I look forward to our newest Sith princess.  One day she could become very powerful in her own right, if we allow it.   We shall see.   In the meantime, the Darkness will draw her to us."

His Master sits back now and considers Kylo a long moment.  Then Snoke flashes his ruined smile. "You have impressed me today, Apprentice.   I am impressed to see how trusting she is."  This is rare praise from his Master.  Kylo feels himself flush.  "You have stolen Skywalker's Padawan, made her your own and convinced her to trust you.   Such a wily Sith you shall be, Kylo Ren.  Well done, my Apprentice, well done."

Kylo nods and hastens to express his gratitude.  “Thank you, Master, for all that you have done for me and for my son.”

“I do it for us, Apprentice.  For our family.  So that the Skywalkers will endure and rule as I intended from the beginning with your grandfather.”  Darth Plagueis looks him in the eye now.  “Apprentice, you will learn that sacrifice is part of being a parent.  It is why the experience is so maturing.”

“Yes, Master.”

Kylo collects Rey in his arms and takes her back to the shuttle.  Only once she is comfortable and they are close to the _Finalizer_ does Kylo wake her in the Force.  He stands over her to make certain that he is the first thing she sees.  He does not want to alarm her.

“Where am I?” Rey asks, sitting up.

“We’re on the shuttle.  We should be back at the ship in about half an hour.  You’ve been sleeping for a few hours now.”

“What happened with Snoke?”

“It all went well.  He is pleased about the child.  He spent a long time with you and the child in the Force.  It was very tiring for you, Rey.  That’s why you fell asleep.”

“The last thing I remember was sitting in his lap . . .” 

And that reminds Kylo.  He did not relish seeing his Master's hands all over his wife as the big Muun had whispered in her ear.  Kylo is a possessive Sith and he doesn't want to see anyone covet what is his.  But he's glad that he did.  It makes it easier to give in to Rey’s request.  It would be best, Kylo suspects, if Darth Plagueis had more distance from his wife.  And keeping Rey close will make it easier for Kylo to teach her Darkness.  Kylo wants to be the one to teach her, not his Master.

"I have decided that you will stay with me on the _Finalizer_."

"You've changed your mind?"

"Yes.  You're right, Rey.  We should be together.  And you might need my help soon.”

Rey beams at him.  "Thank you, Kylo."  

He smiles back.  And then he chooses his words carefully.  “My Master tells me that the son you are carrying will be a powerful Sith, Rey.  The boy is very Dark.  You will need my help if that Darkness starts to affect you.”

“Oh.  What does that mean?”

“It means that I will help you.  And everything will be fine.”

“Oh.”

Kylo stays with Rey a full week afterwards to watch over her.   She’s irritable a lot, but otherwise fine.  He chalks it up to her hormones, her physical discomfort and her frustration with having to cut back her hours in the hangar bay.  Repair work involves constant climbing, bending, lifting and squeezing into tight places and none of that is very comfortable for Rey right now.  Kylo knows that she enjoys the challenge of her work and the social interaction, so perhaps that’s what is making her so grumpy.   

She improves when a box from Coruscant arrives with a few dresses that will fit her ever growing figure.  Milo has come through on short notice yet again.  It reassures Kylo to see Rey smile as she dons the flowing, empire waisted gowns to model for him.  There is even a light cape to be worn over the dresses to shield her belly from prying eyes.  This had been his special request for Milo.  For Rey has complained that she feels more conspicuous than ever amid his troops.   They used to look at her, Rey moans, but now they just look at her belly.  But this cape is perfect, she decides.  And as she stands in her red maternity dress coyly peeking from beneath the hood of her new black cape embroidered black on black with the symbol of the First Order, Kylo tells her that she looks like his lady.   She’s wearing his colors, caped and hooded like a Sith, and pregnant with his powerful son.  All in all, it’s perfect.

Kylo arranges to have Lieutenant Mitaka conduct Rey on a daily tour of the ship.   For an hour each morning, Lady Ren visits the engine room or the stormtrooper barracks or the swimming pool or wherever she chooses.  It’s intended to be a diversion but it’s also informative.  And it gives Rey a chance to wander his flagship and to meet people.  Kylo also arranges for her mechanic friend Moriah to have an hour off twice a week to visit Rey.  Perhaps a girlfriend to chat with about baby stuff will bring a smile to Rey’s face.  He knows how much his Rey fears being lonely.  He doesn’t want her sitting in his quarters for hours on end alone. 

Things seem just fine when Kylo leaves on his next mission.   Rey is curled up on the couch shopping for baby gear on the holonet.  Now that he has agreed that she will remain on the _Finalizer_ , Rey has finally agreed to pick out nursey gear.  It’s a necessary task and a good project to keep her occupied, Kylo thinks.  So far, Rey shows no signs of struggling with Darkness.   His Master is right yet again, Kylo realizes.  His Rey is resilient.  Nothing can beat her.

Still, he orders Lieutenant Mitaka to check on Rey twice daily now.  Just to be on the safe side.


	23. Chapter 23

Kylo is on his way back to the _Finalizer_ when he gets the second of his twice daily updates on Rey from Lieutenant Mitaka. 

"Well?"

"Uh . . . everything is under control.  Situation normal.  We’re fine.  We’re all fine here now, thank you.  How are you?"  Mitaka is especially nervous and that in itself is a clue.

"Anything else?"

"Lady Ren is uh . . .”

"Yes?"

"Sir, she's making marks on the wall.  Lots of marks."

And that news is the first clue that something is wrong.   

The marks start on one wall of the main living area and spread to another.  One by one they line up in neat rows of tally marks painstakingly scratched in.  Hundreds of them.  One for every day that Rey has lived with him on his flagship.  

“What is this?” he asks in a deliberately casual tone as he arrives and removes his helmet and gloves.

Rey looks sheepish.  “I couldn’t sleep last night and I remembered that I had forgotten to mark the days here.  So I . . . uh I got started.”

Oookay.  Kylo remembers from her memories the thousands of scratch marks Rey had made on the wall of her desert AT-AT home.   It had been a very visible representation of her abandonment.   “You did this on Jakku,” he says quietly.  

“Yes.”

“Because you wanted to keep track of how long it had been.”

“Yes.”

“Do you think of living here with me as the same as being alone on Jakku?” Kylo asks.  Even he can hear the hurt tone to his voice.

Rey frowns and bites her lip.  She puts down the screwdriver she is using to make the marks.  “No.  No, I don’t, Kylo.  Of course, I don’t.”

“Good.  Then there is no need for these marks?” he suggests.

She agrees.  And she seems relieved to do so. 

Maintenance arrives immediately to replace and repaint the wall panels.  Just like they had replaced and repainted the wall panel in the bedroom that he had destroyed months ago with his sword.  And like his tantrum with his lightsaber, Kylo figures that this is behind them and there’s no need to speak of it again.   He stomps off to the bridge to needle Hux about the latest leads on finding the Resistance base.  Rey goes off to her Stormtrooper U classes.  They both move on.

But Kylo decides to overnight on the _Finalizer_ just to be with Rey a bit longer.   She’s happy at dinner and full of plans for the baby.  They still can’t decide on a name.  Then they watch a silly holovid movie snuggled up on the couch together before going to bed.  Everything is fine, he thinks.  There’s no need for concern.   Maybe Rey had just needed some attention and company.   His Master had told him that pregnant women can be a little irrational.  Nestor had said much the same thing.  And now, Kylo has seen it for himself. 

But then Kylo wakes in the night to the sound of scratching.  Instantly, he knows what's going on.  Sure enough, Rey stands in her nightgown purposefully marking the wall.  She looks up guiltily as he walks in.  Kylo stares a long moment at the shiny tear tracks half-dried on her face.  Rey looks lost.  Defeated even.

“I’m sorry.  I can't help it,” she confesses.  Rey takes a deep, ragged breath and marks another tally on the wall before she speaks again.  “I had the dream again tonight.  He is alone, Kylo.  Our boy will be alone.  And that--that just hurts . . . ”

“What dream?”  Kylo doesn't understand.   He looks from the tally marks on the wall to his wife's bleak face.  "Are you saying that our son will be living on Jakku someday?"    

Rey shakes her head miserably.  “No, but he might as well be.  Because he is alone."

“That makes no sense.”  There’s no chance his kid will ever be alone.  He has two parents, an immortal Sith Master great-great-grandfather, and there are six other Knights of Ren who have sworn their forever fealty to the Sith and to their family.   Plus, his boy lives among thousands of people here on the _Finalizer_ and there are billions of loyal First Order supporters across the galaxy.   However this war ends, the list of people who will be available to help his boy is wide and deep.  "Rey, he will not be alone.  You have nothing to worry about.”

Rey is indignant at this answer.  She scowls at him and for a moment her eyes seem to flash yellow.  But it’s late, the room is dim and Kylo isn’t sure.  "He will!  I saw it!" she shrieks.  And now his wife looks like she’s near hysterics. 

"Okay, Rey,” he placates her, stepping forward to take his wife in his arms.  She gratefully melts into his embrace, laying her head on his shoulder.  “Show me the dream,” he urges.  “Help me understand what you are feeling."

And she does.  Rey opens the connection to her mind and he sees it all as she does.  The details of Rey’s dream start a bit fuzzy but they sharpen over time.

_The boy is five or six years old and he is angry.   Tears stream down his face as he screams out his rage.  This is more than a passing tantrum from an overtired, high strung child.   This boy is inconsolable as he sustains a fever pitch of outraged grief for hours.   For he is bereft of the only person he loves.  The only person who can understand him.  The only person who understands the Force.  She is gone and it feels like his world is ending._

_"I will kill him!  When I grow up, I will kill him!  I will kill him for this and I will like it!"_

_T_ _he adults around the boy all avert their eyes as they huddle and whisper what to do.  Glancing over to make sure he doesn’t notice.  But they’re wrong, he does._

_The boy is ten, maybe eleven, and he is scared.  Sweat runs down his face as he races to elude the pack of bigger, older boys who chase him.   But he is caught . . . again.  The first punch bloodies his lip. The second punch knocks out a tooth.   But before the third punch lands, he summons the Force.  The boy is righteous now as he enjoys his violence._

_"_ _Oh, shit!  Guys, his eyes are yellow.  Let's go before he-- Hey, stop!  Stop!   He can't breathe!  You're choking him!  You're gonna kill him!  Stop!  STOP!"_

_His tormentors exchange glances as warily they back away.  They think he doesn't hear the slurs they call him.  The think he's too young to understand their innuendo.  But they are wrong, he does._

_The boy is fifteen, almost sixteen, and he is vengeful.  Raindrops splash his face and drip down from his unkept hair as he huddles in a doorway for shelter.  He is homeless and seeking the one person he blames for all of his misery.  But the boy can't decide if he should kill him or ask for help.  Because right now, the boy really needs help._

_“I should kill him.  I hate him and he deserves to die.  For what he has done to me and to so many others.  I know what I have to do but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it.”_

_Passersby shake their heads at the sight of the muttering vagrant so near the palace. He must be high on spice or death sticks, they decide.  Right now, that boy probably has no idea who he is or where he is.   But they are wrong, he does._

Reliving the dream has Rey even more agitated.  She breaks from both his physical and mental grip.  “You see??  He is alone, Kylo!  Our son is alone!”

“Yeah, I saw.”  The dream is disturbing.  She’s right about that, Kylo thinks.  There is a lot here to digest, but of course Rey fixates on what concerns her the most.  That the boy is alone.  It is Rey’s ultimate fear for herself and for her son.  “It’s just a bad dream, Rey,” he rationalizes it away.  It might be a bad dream.  Or it might be a vision of the future.  But the future is always in motion, so this is but one version of the future.   And it's the future years from now so many things have yet to occur that will influence it.  “It’s just a bad dream,” he repeats and this time it is to comfort himself.

“I can't stop thinking about this,” Rey whispers.  “Three times now I have dreamt this . . . “

Something about her muttered words cuts through and insight rushes up to Kylo.  The dream she replays in her mind over and over again, the repetitiveness of the tally marks and her compulsive need to make them.  Suddenly, Kylo recognizes what he is seeing.  The unrelenting fear that traps you.  The obsessions that soothe but stress too.  The need to act out and to destroy, even if it’s only a wall. 

This is Darkness.

“It’s okay, I understand.”  Kylo reaches now to pull Rey close.  He wipes at her tears with his thumb.  “I understand.”  He knows better than anyone what Rey feels like right now.  And he knows just what she needs.  Acceptance.  Understanding.  Release.  This is the guidance he had desperately needed as a child but never received.   But he is determined to give it to Rey now.  And one day, he will give it to his Sith son too.  For this is the generation of Skywalkers who will be Sith and will be content with it.

“Go ahead and mark the wall, Rey.  If it makes you happy, go ahead.  Don't fight it.  Let it out.” 

She nods and he releases her.  Tentatively, she picks up her fallen screwdriver.  Rey is still uncertain and looking a bit ashamed.  She finds his eyes and Kylo smiles and nods his reassurance.  “Do what you need to do, Rey.”  And then she gets back to work on her marks.

Now, Kylo can't sleep either so he stalks off to meditate with his Vader mask a bit.  That always helps.  Maybe he will suggest it to Rey tomorrow.  Vader is her family too now.   And perhaps his grandfather’s exploits can be an inspiration to her in Darkness too. 

But if a week after his Master’s awesome Dark power had washed over Rey this is the worst it’s going to be, then this is no big deal.   Some tears, a recurring dream, and some marks on the wall.  Whatever.  It’s manageable.  And the marks are sort of charming in a way.  There’s one for every day of their married life together.  It’s like seeing their past written on the wall.

* * *

 

Six days later, Kylo is back at the _Finalizer_.   As he stomps up to the entrance to his quarters, the assembled troopers fall back, revealing a body in their midst.  It’s Lieutenant Mitaka.  Kylo turns to the officer in charge.  “Report.”

"He's dead, Sir.  Broken neck.  He was choked."

Choked Vader-style.   Kylo smiles grimly behind his mask.  Of course, his Rey would be a fast learner at Darkness like she had once been a prodigy of the Light.  Kylo nods to the major and steps over the body of the hapless Lieutenant Mitaka. "Any others?" he asks.

"There's a trooper still inside on the floor.  She got him with her sword, Sir.  Then she pushed the rest out with her Jedi magic and shut the door."

So, they had ambushed her.  Or, at least, that’s how Rey must have perceived it.  Kylo won’t try that same tactic.  He turns to the lead officer.  "Stay outside.  Keep your men back.  I will handle this."

"Sir, she locked the door from the inside. We're tracking down the override codes now. It will just be a few min--"

"I don't need codes." Kylo waves his hand and the door to his quarters slides open.  He steps inside.

The main living area has a trooper writhing on the ground in pain.  He is missing an arm that lies feet away still clutching a live blaster.  Kylo ignores the trooper as he ducks past two blaster bolts frozen suspended in the air and slowly walks into the adjacent bedroom.   Shattered glass crunches beneath his feet.

He pauses a moment to take in the scene.  The large bathroom mirror appears to have exploded into the bedroom, sending jagged shards everywhere. Rey is standing before what little is left of the mirror looking down.  Her back is to him but her sword is ignited and held in classic Jedi ready position.  Rey is tense and ready to continue the fight.  

Anxiety screams out to him from her mind.  There is a wild defensiveness to her Force imprint.   

“Rey.  It’s okay.  I’m here.”

He sees that she has twisted her hair back into the trio of tight buns he remembers from their first meeting.   It’s a little girl’s hairstyle that looks ridiculous on a grown woman.  Even more so with the greasy mechanic’s coveralls she wears.  The uniform is stretched uncomfortably tight across her belly but hangs loose everywhere else.  Rey has ripped the garment off at the knees and the shoulders.  It looks like she has wrapped the torn fabric remnants up and down her arms.    

His wife has reverted to the desert scavenger she once was.  No wonder Mitaka had become alarmed and called for help from the medics and security.   The unlucky lieutenant had only known the elegant Lady Ren of the First Order.  He did not know her past.

“Rey, I’m here,” Kylo repeats.  “You are safe.  Stay here and I’ll get rid of them.”

He stalks out of the bedroom and back to the entrance.  “Major,” he growls at the officer standing just outside the doorway. "Explain."

"The lieutenant found her in the trashed room looking uh . . . out of control.  He was worried she might hurt herself so he called for help.  She was choking him when we arrived, Sir.  With her Jedi magic.  She was raving about how she didn’t belong here and she wanted to go home.   She kept saying that she wanted to go to someplace brighter or lighter—it didn’t make sense.  The medics were going to tranquilize her but no one could get close enough because she would throw them with her magic.  And then she pulled her sword.”

“Who gave the order to shoot at my pregnant wife?”  Kylo growls.

“I did.  They are stun bolts, Sir.  After she took down two men, we thought it wise to—"

Kylo waves a hand and the frozen blaster bolts behind him explode harmlessly against the nearest wall, silencing the officer mid-sentence.   Kylo outstretches his hand and a blaster flies into it from the clutches of a stormtrooper standing nearby.  He pauses to adjust it from stun to kill.  Then he fires two shots into the major’s chest.  A disgusted Kylo turns to stalk back into his quarters and puts the fallen trooper out of his misery with a shot to the head. 

"No one points a weapon at my wife,” the Sith decrees.  “Not for any reason.  Not at any time.”  Kylo tosses the borrowed weapon back to its owner.  Then he motions the troopers to the body on the floor still in his quarters. "Get him out of here.  All of him.  The arm too."  He waits impatiently for the men to comply.  Then, with a wave of his hand, the door slides shut and locks.   Kylo stalks back into the bedroom.

“We’re alone,” he announces to Rey.  And then he waits.

"The lieutenant—Mitaka--he--," Rey stutters out her words through trembling lips.   She is still turned away from him, brandishing her sword and looking down. "He was trying to help me.  I think he thought that he was helping me.  But he couldn’t help me.  The medics can’t help me.  Only you can help me now." Rey turns off her sword and turns to face him.  And as she lifts her eyes to his, Kylo understands everything.  Why she had destroyed the mirror, why she had taken down two of his men, why lightyears away he had sensed her extreme distress through the Force.

Yes, it is as he had feared.  Rey's eyes are yellow.  Sickly, Sith yellow.

"Oh, Rey," he yanks off his helmet and tosses it to the floor. He opens his arms and she flies into them. With her belly so large in her eighth month, she is an ungainly fit against him.  But still, nothing feels more right than this woman in his arms.

"Help me . . . please help me." Rey is pleading to him with a panicked desperation that radiates out through the Force.  She clutches at him as though afraid he will leave her. "You must teach me—I need a teacher!  Help me, Kylo, help me!"

"I will, I will," he soothes her.   Rey needs to learn control.  Kylo knows better than anyone how hard it can be to control the turmoil of Darkness.  But it is necessary.  They stand there together long minutes until he can feel Rey calm down.  She needs to be calm before he can teach her.  Slowly, Rey’s manic, frazzled demeanor quiets and her eyes lose their golden tint. 

Finally, she pulls back to look up at him. “Why is this happening?  Is this all from the baby?”

"Come, sit down.  You should sit down."  Kylo’s eyes travel her heavily pregnant form as he evades the question.  The time isn’t right to tell Rey how this has all come about.  Kylo tries to lead her away from the ruined bedroom to the couch, but she shrugs him off.

"I don't want to sit.  I want answers, Kylo.  Is our boy a monster??  Is that why this is happening?  Tell me!"

"I will give you answers.  Now sit."  Rey complies and he settles next to her.  He takes her hand and looks in her eyes.

"Rey, you know that there is Darkness in every person to varying degrees.   We are all a mix of Dark and Light.  The more Darkness a Force-user has, the stronger their pull to the Dark Side.”  She nods her understanding and Kylo continues.  “I had too much Darkness for my uncle to teach me.  I struggled for years to connect to the Force through the Light.  But my connection with the Dark Side was natural.  It was easy.  My uncle saw this early on.  It’s why he had little patience for teaching me.  Because he knew that he could not succeed and he feared to pique my curiosity about the Force.  Ultimately, that's why ended up with my Master.  Snoke was the only person who could teach me."

"What are you saying?  That this is all because I am having a Sith’s baby?”

“Rey, our child is Dark.  Very Dark.  Snoke sensed him strongly in the Force.  That Darkness is in you now too.  You are feeling its pull now.  It can be very strong.”

“So our baby has turned me to the Dark Side?" Rey asks fearfully, her eyes wide.  She puts a hand to her mouth. “Oh, Gods!”

"Rey, no one can turn you to the Dark Side.  Even my Master cannot do that. The Dark Side is a choice.  It’s your choice how you connect to the Force and for what ends.  But even if you do not use the Dark Side, you will need to control the Darkness in you.   If you don't control it, it will grow to control you."

“I don’t understand,” Rey whispers.

"The Dark Side is . . . " Kylo pauses, searching for the right words, "different from the Light. It feels different. It acts different.  The Light Side waits there passively for you to call upon it.  But the Dark Side urges you to use it.  It's aggressive.  And using its power can be . . . addicting.  Once you taste the Dark Side of the Force, you only want more."

In a hoarse whisper, Rey repeats the time-honored teaching of the Jedi.  “Once you start down the Dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny.”

Kylo nods at the truth of her words.  "The Darkness within will grow as you master the Dark Side of the Force. That's how it has been for me. I was born with Light, but over time it has waned.  But it is still there.  And from time to time, I feel its call."

"Rey, there are stories of long dead Jedi who lived between the Light and the Dark.   My uncle does this a little.  He has learned to dip into the Dark Side and then to pull back to the Light.  But I cannot.  Most Force-users cannot.   For the rest of us, it’s an imperfect choice, but we have to choose a side.  Dark or Light.  Jedi or Sith.”  Kylo looks away now, thinking of his own long struggle with the Light.  How grateful he is that his boy will not bear that burden too.  But the cost of that certainty is the burden Rey will now bear.  “Rey, no matter which side you choose, you must contend with the temptation of the other.” 

“So this baby is tempting me to the Dark Side?”

“Yes.  But you can do this.”  He smiles encouragement to Rey.  “You can do this.  You are the strongest, most resilient and adaptable person I have ever met, Rey.  And your power in the Force is enormous.”

“I’m scared.”

“You can do this.”

He stays with her five full days. Together, they spend hours in meditation as he demonstrates his techniques to channel the fury that Darkness can brings.  He shows her how to handle the quick flash of anger that is disproportionate to the provocation, but still will not be denied.  He teaches her how to ramp down the flaring frustration that can trigger her temper to spiral into violence.   Sith embrace emotion, he teaches her.   They unleash its intensity through the Force.   But do it at a time and place of your choosing.   For reckless emotion is a weakness.   Control, she must learn control.

For years, Kylo himself has struggled with emotional control, and the irony of his teaching Rey is not lost on him.  He has worked for many years to hone this skill, but Rey will need to learn it immediately. The secret lies in finding release, he tells her.  Keep control while you can and then choose when and where to vent the Darkness.  It must be vented, he warns her, for you cannot allow Darkness to turn inward.  It will build until it overwhelms you in self-destruction.  For the Dark Side is dangerous.  Not just to others, but to yourself.  Consume you, it will. 

In time, you will better understand the rush of strong feelings in the Force, he assures Rey.   Experience has taught him how to anticipate and then satisfy his own appetites. When he feels desire, he needs to possess.   When he wants to control, he needs to plot.   When he feels aggressive, he needs to dominate. When he feels anger, he needs to hurt.   She too will learn her own methods to cope, Kylo promises.  And he will be by her side to help.

But I don’t want to hurt people, Rey maintains.  We can see how it goes, he tells her, but you may not have a choice.   And then Kylo gives her a matter of fact explanation of the bloodlust of the Dark Side.  He explains that he needs to make war, to kill, to dominate from time to time because violence is the price of his power.  Now, Rey too, may need this every so often.  Darkness requires Dark deeds. To kill is the most satisfying Dark act, but it usually isn't necessary.

Rey looks truly horrified now.  He’s scaring her but he keeps going because she needs to know this.  Your power in the Dark Side will grow, but only if you use it, Kylo reveals.  Dark power feeds on itself.  The more you use it, the more you want to use it and the more Dark acts it requires.  This in turn will increase your power. The Dark Side has its own special skills, he promises.  He will teach her when she is ready.  But first, Rey will have to unlearn all of the false limitations on the Force that Skywalker has taught her.  Only then will Kylo introduce her to the mysteries of the Sith.

Rey listens to him with wide eyes.  She is silent and, at times, visibly shaken. Watching her later, Kylo can tell that she is piecing together how his life is shaped by his need to manage the Darkness.  He had never intended to hide this from her, but the Dark Side is a difficult thing to put into words.  It is a relief now to explain it at long last.  But it is a lot for Rey to absorb at once.

The scene of destruction and death at his arrival does have a tempering effect.  Rey had vented the worst of her Darkness and Kylo hopes that he has trained her to cope with what remains.   When he leaves her to return to the battlefront, Rey's eyes are normal again.  For now, at least.

"I think I understand you better now," Rey tells him as they say their goodbyes. "The Dark Side explains a lot of things for me."

"Good." Kylo smiles down at her. “This is who I am, Rey.  I tried for years to fight it and I failed.  So, I have accepted it.    Learn from my mistake, Rey.  Don’t fight the Darkness.  Manage and control it.  And, when you are ready, use it.”

“Kylo—“

"In time, this will get easier.  I promise it will.  We can share this, Rey.  The Dark Side will bring us closer together.  And it will help you relate to our son."  

Rey says nothing.  She just looks at him a long moment, her face unreadable.

Kylo hangs his saber at his waist and grabs his helmet.   He turns to leave. "Don't hesitate to contact me if you need me. I will always help you, Rey," he promises.  He’s poised on the threshold of their quarters when she freezes him with a question.

“Did you know?  Did you know that this would happen?”

Now is his moment to come clean.  He hesitates.  Then falters.  "Rey, you don't know yet how much you want the power of the Dark Side. This is how it should be. You and I bound forever together in Darkness."

“You knew!” Rey accuses.  “You knew that this baby would cause this!  This is why Snoke wanted a child!  This is why you wanted a child!”

“You wanted a family too, Rey,” he reminds her.

“You said I didn’t have to be Sith!” she roars at him as she approaches.  “You never told me that your child would make me Sith!  That our son would be a monster!”  Her eyes flash yellow with the intensity of her emotion.  The sight arrests him.  How beautiful she is in this moment.  “How could you, Kylo?  How could you??”

The wisdom of his Master comes to mind, so Kylo repeats it to Rey.  “All parents sacrifice for their children.  This is your sacrifice as a mother.”

That must have come out sounding smug because she fires back.  “Yeah?  What’s your sacrifice, Kylo?”

Does she not know this?  Kylo blinks at Rey a moment, wondering how much his uncle had taught Rey the ways of the Sith.  “I am the sacrifice, Rey.  Someday, many years from now our boy will strike me down and take my place at my Master’s side.   That is the way of things, it is the way of the Sith.”

Rey gapes open mouthed at him.  “Oh, Gods!” she whispers in disbelief.  “Are you saying that our boy is going to kill you?”

“It is unavoidable, Rey, it is his destiny.  Skywalkers always kill their fathers.  Or, at least, they try.”

Rey stands there, stunned and angry, as he leans in to kiss her cheek.  “Take care of yourself and the baby, Rey.  I will miss you.”


	24. Chapter 24

Kylo keeps hovering. It's getting annoying.   Especially since Rey keeps catching him looking at her strangely.  Sometimes, he looks at her like she's a bomb that's about to blow.  And sometimes it’s with a weird sort of pride.  Rey doesn’t know what to make of it.  But she feels watched.

 

He's doing it again now.

 

Rey catches his eye.  "What?"

 

Kylo just smiles and then looks back at his datapad full of intel reports. 

 

"What??   What are you looking at??"

 

"Nothing." 

 

It's definitely not nothing.  "Stop staring at me."

 

"I like looking at you."   And that would be a sweet response from a doting husband except Rey isn’t buying it.  She's starting to feel paranoid where Kylo is concerned.  Like maybe this Darkness is more than just a side effect of being pregnant with a super Sith son.  Like that this is something he likes and is enjoying.  Because he's way too patient with Rey these days.  And he's constantly talking about the Dark Side and sharing his own experiences.   He can’t stop talking about their future.  Their lives are more intertwined than ever now and Kylo is loving it.  He seems very satisfied and content.

 

But Rey is not. 

 

She’s tired of listening to Kylo mansplain the Dark Side to her.  Rey has had enough Sith oversharing.  It’s stressing her out.   And she doesn't want to know more about her husband’s own misdeeds.  Kylo is far too comfortable explaining his rages and random violence to her.  In general, he has no remorse.   Rey knows that he is Sith and so conventional morality does not enter into his mindset.   But that’s a big difference between them.  Because Rey has remorse.  Terrible remorse. 

 

The nursery stuff Rey picked out has all been delivered.  But even at four weeks from her due date, Rey  keeps putting off opening it.  It all sits in a big pile of boxes stacked in the corner. 

 

"Should we put some of that stuff together tonight?" Kylo asks as he gestures to the pile.  "He could come early, you know.  At this rate, he'll have to sleep in a box."

 

Rey looks over at the boxes with disinterest.  How much stuff does one kid need, she thinks to herself.  Rey had never owned half this many belongings on Jakku.  Suddenly, all the baby gear that was so much fun to pick out seems excessive.  Maybe even burdensome, she thinks sourly.

 

"I do know how to use a wrench," Kylo cajoles.   "Maybe not as well as you do, but I can still put a crib together.  Come on, it will be fun."

 

But Rey puts him off.   Again.  "I'm tired.  Maybe tomorrow."

 

He raises an eyebrow.  "That's what you said last night,” Kylo reminds her.  “But okay, I understand.  Maybe you should have your mechanic friend over tomorrow night and you can do it together.  I'll  schedule a meeting then and you girls can have your fun here alone.  What's her name again?  Mary?  Mora?"

 

"Moriah." 

 

"Yep.  What's new with Moriah these days?  What’s the gossip?"

 

"I don't know.  I haven't seen her."  Rey’s tone is clipped and short, but Kylo doesn’t take the hint that this is not a subject she wants to discuss.

 

"Well, now is your chance.  You two can coo over baby clothes and whatever the rest of this stuff is."

 

Rey just looks away.  "I won't be seeing her again."  Not ever, Rey thinks bitterly.  “We’re not friends anymore, Kylo.”

 

That gets his attention.  “Why not?”

 

"That trooper who was killed here the day with the mirror--the one you shot in the head--he was Moriah's boyfriend."  

 

"Oh.  Fuck."

 

"He was just following orders, Kylo.  He got killed for it."

 

"Fuck."  Now it’s Kylo's turn to look away.  He is defensive. "You cut his arm off before I killed him."

 

"Yeah. I know," Rey admits miserably.  "I can say that I’m sorry over and over again, but I can't ever make something like that right again." 

 

“No, you can’t,” Kylo agrees.  There is an awkward silence for a long moment before Kylo shrugs. "So, we'll do the nursery stuff ourselves.  Mary was beneath you, anyway," he mutters. 

 

"Moriah.  Her name is Moriah.  And she is—was--my friend," Rey retorts.  And she's not sure why she is fighting with Kylo about this.  She feels equally at fault.  The guilt over the trooper’s death and Lieutenant Mitaka’s death had weighed heavily on Rey even before she learned the identity of the trooper.   But now the consequences of her Dark rage are that much worse.   Rey feels terrible about it.   And in a strange way, that is oddly comforting.  Because that’s the big difference between her and Kylo:  Rey has remorse.  A Sith doesn’t have remorse.  Rey may be the worst Padawan ever, but she’s not Sith.  At least, not yet.  She thinks. 

 

“Is this why you’ve stopped working in the hangar bay?”  Kylo asks gently.

 

“Yes.”  Rey can’t go back to her work because she can’t bear to look her friend in the eye.  Or any of her coworkers, for that matter.  The whole ship knows that Lady Ren went crazy one afternoon and three men ended up dead.   It’s embarrassing, horrifying and humiliating all rolled into one. 

 

Kylo wisely changes the subject, but he’s back to his favorite topic:  the baby’s name.  “The more I think about it, the more I still like Kylo for the baby’s name.  But Hego is still a close second.  I like Hego Ren.  That sounds like a Sith.  And Snoke would love it.”

 

“Yeah, okay,” Rey mumbles.  “Whatever you like, Kylo.”  Rey doesn't want to talk about naming Darth Baby anymore.   So she hauls herself awkwardly to her feet and waddles into the bedroom. 

 

The nursery stuff and the baby’s name are symptomatic of the larger problem.  A lot of Rey’s excitement about the baby has faded of late.  More and more, what she feels is resentment.  Burning, nagging, seething resentment.  And that’s just one more thing to feel guilty about.

 

But how else is she supposed to feel about the child who has ruined her life with his Dark Sithness?  Rey knows it's wrong, but she has daydreams of leaving now.  Of giving birth to her son and then walking away.  Abandoning him to Kylo as payback for the Darkness she now feels.  But that lust for revenge only lasts a moment and then Rey is racked with guilt.  For never will she abandon her own child.   Rey herself grew up without a mother.  She would never willingly consign her own son to that fate.  But she thinks about it all the same.

 

Sometimes the fantasy is even Darker and Rey is killing her son.  In a horrifying moment of rage at her predicament, Rey sees herself harming the innocent child who she feels has harmed her.  And it's a weird Medea revenge act against her husband and his Sith Master who have pushed her into motherhood long before she was ready.   Rey would never do such a thing, of course.  For killing her son would make Rey worse than even her own parents who had abandoned her.   But Rey thinks about her murderous fantasy more often than she cares to admit.  And it scares her.

 

Rey decides that this is all Kylo's fault. For kidnapping her repeatedly and maneuvering her into marriage.  For getting her pregnant.  For being a murderous, Dark Side Sith who is her weakness still.  This close to her due date, Rey is not up for sex.  But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t miss it.  Especially when she glances over at her Kylo with his crooked, lopsided smile that is so kissable, his intense angular face that is so compelling, and the fluffy hair she can't keep her hands out of.   First, Kylo seduced her into his bed and now his son’s Darkness is seducing her to the Dark Side.   What is it about these Skywalker Sith men, she thinks.  They are such a treacherous temptation to her.

 

Her old self--her Jakku self--would be dumbstruck by her current life.  Who could have foreseen that she would have the Force?  That she would end up pregnant and married to the chief thug of the First Order?  What’s more, she is Luke Skywalker’s fallen Jedi Padawan who has disappointed so many who put their faith in her.  Day to day, she lives in a style of luxury and leisure that is incongruous with her former life and the military warship she inhabits.  But nonetheless here at the epicenter of the galactic civil war, her life is lonely and hard in ways she would never have thought possible back on Jakku. 

 

If this is destiny, then destiny sucks.

 

And that’s why when Kylo isn’t around, Rey puts her hair back in three buns and wears her makeshift arm wraps with her fancy dress.  It’s also why she has three weeks’ worth of ration kits and water bottles secretly stashed beneath their bed.  The habits of Jakku are comforting because they remind her of the fiercely independent girl she once was before she married a Sith.  More and more, Rey longs for her Jakku days when her primary concerns were food and water.  As vital and as hard as those struggles had been, they were far easier problems to solve than Rey's current dilemmas. 

 

Because she keeps fighting to hold the Darkness at bay, but it feels like a losing battle.  Rey spends way too much mental energy overanalyzing herself these days.  Because Kylo is suffocating her with his constant presence and unending yapping about the Force.  He’s trying to help but it’s making things worse because she’s already obsessed with the Dark Side.  Because the baby will be here in a month and Rey isn’t ready to be a mother yet.  She feels too young for this responsibility and a bit trapped.  Because she is scared to give birth and worried about how to care for an infant.  All the conflicting advice she reads on the holonet is overwhelming.  Because she worries that her Sith son will never love her.  And one big reason she’s having this kid is to be loved.    And when on top of this you add in all the scary dreams and visions about the future that she hides from Kylo, Rey is drowning in worry.

 

She’s crying again now as her anxieties spiral fast into hopelessness.  Kylo says nothing.  He just slides into bed behind her and holds her close.  “It will be okay, Rey.  Don’t fight it.  Let it out.  Did you mark the wall today?  If not, I’ll go mark the wall.”

 

* * *

 

The next morning, Kylo reports the good news that the Resistance base has been found to Snoke’s hologram.  Predictably, his Master is pleased.  It’s time to win this war, the old Muun instructs him.  Tell General Hux to prepare battle plans.

 

And then his Master moves on to talk of the Force.  And there, Kylo finds his opening.

 

“Master, why is it rare to have Lady Sith?” he wants to know.   His Master’s comment has stuck in his mind, needling him.

 

“Historically, women have not made good Sith.  Darth Tyranus tried and failed with one years ago.  She was a disappointment.”  The Muun shrugs as he imparts his centuries of Sith wisdom.  “Women may be the far more emotional sex, but rarely do they have the temperament and fortitude to be Sith.  And women are so easily manipulated." His Master grins wickedly.  "It's part of what makes them delightful."

 

“Does Rey have the temperament to be Sith?”   Kylo knows that Rey has the fortitude.  His woman is fierce, of that there can be no doubt.  Jakku had left its mark in good ways as well as bad.

 

His Master considers a moment.  “Sith are born from different circumstances.  Anger and fear can arise from many experiences.  But yes, certainly Darkness can grow from her background.  Abandoned, starved, impoverished and neglected . . . your lady has suffered greatly in her short years.  And suffering is a time-honored path to the Dark Side.” 

 

“But extreme hardship is a tricky case, Apprentice.  The Light mostly casts its spell amid the wretched refuse of our galaxy.  It burns brightest in all those tired, poor, huddled masses yearning to be free.”  The old Muun cocks his head and sits back on his throne to muse. “There is a certain nobility to their stubborn struggle.  It takes strong willed people to survive amid all that deprivation and hard work.   So when they are committed to the Light, often there is no budging them.  They are an independent lot.  Despite what you may have been told, the proletariat are far less easily led than the bourgeoisie, my boy.”

 

“Like my uncle.”

 

“Precisely.  Although, for women, the larger impediment is that they do not deal with Darkness the same way as men do.   Women do not use their aggressive feelings as readily.  Their first inclination is often to internalize pain rather than to strike out.  They tend to focus their feelings within.  Ultimately, it weakens their resolve, hurts their self-worth, and undercuts their confidence.   Such was the case with Tyranus’ woman.   She was gifted in the Force, but did not amount to much.   In general, Darkness tends to weaken a woman rather than empower her.”

 

This is troubling for Kylo.  “But there were many powerful Jedi women through the years.  Why was that?”

 

“The Jedi were taught to suppress their emotions rather than to embrace them.  And to eschew attachments and children.  Female Jedi did not experience life as ordinary women.  That is the key difference.”  

 

Kylo’s eyes narrow.  He’s suspicious now.  “What are you telling me, Master?”

 

“That if any woman can become Sith, it is yours.  Help your lady to understand her power.  To use her anger instead of hiding it.  Encourage your lady to act out, Apprentice.  It will help.”

* * *

 

Rey returns to their quarters after her afternoon class and finds Kylo there with Nestor Ren.  Both men have a tool in hand as they put the finishing touches on the baby’s new changing table.  The crib is already set up in the corner.

 

“What's this?” she asks, frowning as she eyes the two men.  There is something utterly bizarre about the great warrior Kylo Ren and his right-hand man poking through baby gear on a break between First Order war councils.  Both men look like they’re having a great time, too.

 

“Hello, Rey,” Kylo looks up.  “You remember Nestor, right?  The asshole who made you cry?”  Kylo gestures to his second-in-command and the beefy, thick-necked knight nods at Rey and smiles sheepishly.  “How was class?” Kylo asks.  “What was today's topic?”

 

“Luke Skywalker and the Rebellion,” she answers stiffly. 

 

Kylo snorts.  “Was any of it true?”

 

“Not the Luke Skywalker part.”  Rey doesn't know enough history to know if the Rebellion part was true.  “Why are you doing all this?” she asks.  She’s annoyed at the surprise.  The baby seems more real than ever now that one corner of their living room is ready and waiting to receive the new Sith prince. 

 

“Well, you kept putting it off and I had time between meetings and Nestor was game to help.  So, here we are—instant nursery.  You can check this task off your list.”

 

Rey tries to summon some enthusiasm.  “Yeah, okay.” 

 

“This is cute.”  Nestor Ren digs into an open box and pulls out a teddy bear dressed as a First Order stormtrooper.  “What are you going to call him?  Stormy?”

 

Kylo smirks over at Rey.  “FN-2187, I’m sure.  Gotta start them young, Nestor.  The kid can command the bear.”

 

Nestor laughs easily.  “It won't be long before Grandpa puts a sword in his hand, will it?”

 

“Grandpa?”  Rey is lost at this reference.  Because Han Solo is dead and Rey has no idea who her father is. 

 

“That’s Nestor’s name for Snoke,” Kylo explains as he glares at his friend.  “And one day that disrespect is going to get Nestor killed.”

 

Nestor ignores the gibe and keeps rummaging around.  “Where are the diapers?  All you really need are a crib, some clothes, a few blankets and lots of diapers.”

 

Rey resents this advice for no good reason.  She crosses her arms over her chest.  “Yeah?  How do you know that?” she challenges.

 

“I've got three kids, Lady Ren.  Trust me, our household has been through a lot of diapers.   Cesi handles all that stuff.  She's very organized.”  Nestor glances around at the mess of opened boxes.  “Maybe I should bring Cesi up from Coruscant for an afternoon and she'll get you organized.  She loves stuff like this.” 

 

Kylo seems to think this is a good idea.  He looks to Rey, raises his eyebrows and shakes his head yes to encourage her.  “It might be nice to make a new friend.  Especially one who’s an experienced mother,” he suggests.

 

“Uh . . . “  How does she get out of this, Rey thinks.

 

“Go on, Rey, help a guy out.”  Kylo elbows Nestor hard in the ribs.  These two are clearly having way too much fun. “You’ll get the nursery set up and Nestor will get a conjugal visit out of it.”  The two knights exchange man-to-man glances and Rey wants to roll her eyes.

 

"No, thanks," Rey is firm.  She doesn’t need any more strangers poking through her stuff.  Kylo looks annoyed, like he’s about to argue with her.  But then Rey closes her eyes as another vision comes to her in the Force.  All thoughts of Kylo and Nestor instantly flee her mind. 

 

_The boy is fourteen, maybe fifteen, and he is rejected.  Everyone looks up as he bursts into the humble room and crashes down into the empty seat at the dinner table.  The boy drags a lightsaber out from his tunic and thrusts it away to skitter across the table and crash noisily into a dish of food._

_Well?_

_He said no._

_But you're his family._

_He said no!  The boy roars out his frustration and disappointment as he looks away.   He said I have too much of my father in me._

 

_Yeah.  That's what I was afraid of._

_He won't help me.  He told to me to go find him if I want help._

_You can't do that--_

_I know!_

_What about the visions?  Did you tell him about the visions?_

 

_No. The boy shakes his head as he climbs to his feet.  There wasn't any point in telling him._

_Did he say anything else?_

_He told me not to come back and that . . ._

 

_And that what?_

_And he said that it isn't my fault.  He said this is all his fault.  That I am his responsibility.   A soft sob escapes the boy and he turns away, embarrassed because he's too old to cry.  No one wants me.  The boy storms off._

 

Rey opens her eyes and Kylo is close at her side.  “What did you see?” he demands.  “Tell me.”

 

“Nothing, it was nothing,” Rey lies.

 

“Rey, tell me--I want to know—“

 

Kylo looks and sounds sincere.  And Rey is tired of hiding these visions.  She needs to unburden herself.  “It was awful!” she exclaims, turning away and raising a hand to her face.  “It's always awful!  Every one of them is awful, Kylo!”

 

“What did you see?”  Kylo’s voice is low and intense.

 

“I saw our son again.  He is miserable and alone.   We’ve never in these visions, Kylo.  Never!  I don't want this future for him--things are supposed to be better for him than for us.” 

 

“They will be better, I promise you that.”  Kylo is placating her again and his condescension is frustrating.  But he hasn’t seen all the scary glimpses of the future that Rey has.  He doesn’t know what the future holds.

 

Rey stares resentfully at the crib.  She’s overwrought and trembling now as the raw truth tumbles out her lips.  “I don't want this baby.”

 

Kylo rears back.  “Rey, you don't mean that—“

 

“I do!”  Rey is vehement now.  “I don't want this Sith kid!  I want a happy kid who loves us.  Who we love!  Not some monster filled with Darkness, who fills me with Darkness!”

 

“Rey, stop—“

 

“I don't want this kid!  I don't want your kid!   I don't want any of this!”  Rey is screaming now, bellowing out her fears and frustrations.   She watches as Kylo catches Nestor’s eye and the knight takes the cue to leave. 

 

As soon as the door slides shut, Kylo takes her in his arms.  “This is the Darkness talking, Rey.  That’s all this is.”

 

“Darkness is my future, right?  And it's all this kid's fault!  I hate our kid for this, Kylo!  I hate him!”

 

Kylo sighs heavily, stroking her hair as she dissolves into sobbing tears yet again.  “Rey,” he confesses, “Don’t blame the baby.  It’s not the baby’s fault.  It’s my fault.  I caused this.”

 

Rey pulls back from his embrace.  “What are you saying?” she asks warily.

 

“Rey, I had Snoke awaken you and the baby to Darkness," Kylo says quietly.   She can tell from his solemn tone that this is no small thing.

 

"What does that mean?" she snaps at him impatiently. "I don't speak Sith."

 

Again, his voice is hushed. Her concern deepens. "Snoke gave you and the baby some of his Dark power.  That’s why you feel the pull to the Dark Side now."

 

"He did what?" Rey squeaks.  She still does not fully understand.

 

“My Master gave you both Darkness.”

 

Rey looks aghast.  “Why?  Why did you let him do that?"

 

“Because I want to protect our son from the Light.  I want him to have enough Darkness that he will be content to be Sith.  So he will not struggle with the Light like I do.  Vader lost my uncle to the Light, Rey, and I don’t want to lose our son to the Light too.”

 

“Oh my Gods!”  She gapes at him.  Rey can’t believe what she is hearing.

 

Kylo looks so earnest now, so well intentioned.  “It was for him, Rey.  To help him.  To make things easier for him.  Our son will be Sith someday.  This will ensure it.” 

 

"And what about me?" Rey hisses. "You knew that I didn't want this!"   Rey is panting now and gasping for air as she comprehends how she has been betrayed.  "You had Snoke fill me with Darkness for our son’s sake?   How could you, Kylo?  You said I didn’t have to be Sith, but you lied!  You lied!” she accuses. 

 

Kylo is unrepentant and quietly righteous in his choice. "I know you didn’t want this.  But things have changed now that we have a child.  It's not just about what you want anymore, Rey."

 

Rey stares in disbelief at Kylo for a moment. When she finds her voice, she is indignant.  She explodes in anger. "When has this ever been about what I want?" From the very beginning, she has been manipulated by Kylo and today she feels utterly betrayed. "I ended up married to you as a virtual stranger largely due to your actions. Us being together was what you wanted. You stalked me and you and Hux trapped me.  And then you and Snoke pressured me for a baby.  Everything up until now has been about what you want, Kylo, not what I want!" Bitter words keep tumbling out. "I was supposed to be a Jedi hero trained by Luke Skywalker himself.  Now I'm a pregnant housewife on a First Order star destroyer!"

 

"You had a choice," Kylo reminds her, his voice deceptively calm. "I did not force you." His officers would know to tread carefully at this tone, but Rey does not.  Until lately, she and Kylo have never argued.   But now, it seems their conflicts are surfacing fast.  “You wanted this marriage, do not pretend otherwise. You wanted us."

 

"Don't flatter yourself!" Rey sneers at him, eyes flashing. "You were the only choice at the time, Kylo."

 

"You are dissatisfied?" He raises an eyebrow and gives her a challenging look. "You would rather have been next on my list of dead Jedi?   Snoke would have sent me to kill you if you had stayed with my uncle.   Never forget that, Rey.   I would have been the one to kill you."

 

She isn't impressed. "You couldn't even put a mark on me when we fought, Kylo!   You were the one on your back in the snow.  What makes you think that you could have killed me?"

 

"I wasn't trying to kill you before. And I wouldn't be bleeding out from Chewie's bowcaster next time." Kylo smirks at her and it’s ugly. It reminds her of Hux. "Even if you got past me, do you think that you could kill Snoke?   You can't kill my Master.  Several have tried.  Palpatine tried.  Skywalker tried.  You can't kill him."

 

Kylo’s eyes flash yellow now as his anger rises.   He looms over her and Rey takes an involuntary step back.  "I have never lied to you about who I am and where I am headed.   I am Sith!  And one day I will rule the galaxy with my son at my side!  This is the future you signed up for.  Wife to a Sith, mother to a Sith."  Kylo whirls away to storm across the room.

 

"I didn't sign up for this." Rey is not backing down. "You said I didn't have be on the Dark Side to be with you. But that was lie, wasn't it? You have wanted this all along, haven't you? From the first day I met you, you were offering to teach me Darkness.  What's next?  Are you going to enlist me in the First Order?  How soon do I get my red sword, Kylo?" she sneers.

 

He does not answer her. When he next speaks, Kylo has mastered his temper. He is calm and reasonable and it is very annoying.  "Rey, you are the most resilient person I know.  You will adjust to Darkness.  This is the next step.  We are a family now. Your place is with me, with our son, on the Dark Side.   In time, you will understand this."

 

"I don’t want this!"  She feels hot tears spill over onto her cheeks. "Why didn't you stop him, Kylo? Why?"

 

Kylo reaches to smooth back a stray hair that has fallen from her chignon.   He’s smiling down at her like she’s a confused child who doesn’t understand.  "Rey, this was a gift.  My Master did this for me as a special favor.  He did not have to use his power for me, but he did.  Because he loves me.  He loves the Skywalker family."  

 

Rey disagrees.  “Snoke only loves power.”

 

Kylo does not deny it.  “The Skywalkers are power, Rey.  We are one family, created in Darkness, to rule it all.  Snoke, myself, our son and you too.  All allied together for the same goals.  All happy together.”

 

“No . . . he’s only using you.  You said it yourself.  He will use you as Apprentice until our son takes your place.  Happy families don’t kill each other, Kylo!”

 

“That is the way of the Sith, and we are Sith.”

 

He is so absolutely convinced that Rey gives up arguing.  There’s no point in arguing when Kylo doesn’t think he has done anything wrong.  And that realization hurts her deeply.  She knows she shouldn’t be surprised.  Kylo is a selfish Sith, after all.  What he wants matters most.  But never had Rey expected this.  She had trusted her husband and that had been a foolish mistake.  Master Luke had warned her to never trust a Sith.

 

"I wish I were back on Jakku," Rey is bitter as she speaks her thoughts aloud. "I wish I had never met you, Kylo Ren."  He looks at her sharply, and she knows that she has hurt him.   And that feels good.  Because he has hurt her. 

 

"You don't mean that," Kylo challenges.

 

“Yes, I do,” she tells him coldly.  Rey is done arguing. All she wants now is to be alone. She snaps at Kylo. "Get out!  Go!"

 

He nods slowly and walks to the door, calling his helmet to him with the Force.  As he jams it on, his lightsaber leaps into his hand and ignites.  Rey jumps at the sound and her head jerks in his direction.

 

"What are you doing?"

 

"I'm leaving.  I'm going to go destroy something.  You should probably do the same."

 

And she does.  When Kylo stomps back into their quarters hours later he sees the crib and changing table Rey has hacked to pieces with her lightsaber.  He slips into bed beside her and snuggles up from behind. 

 

“I saw the crib,” he whispers as he stretches an arm about her.  “I’m glad you let it out.  Do you feel better now?

 

“No.”


	25. Chapter 25

"Are you going to get dressed today?"  It's noon when Kylo drops by his quarters to check on Rey.  He finds her still lounging around in her nightgown.  

Rey makes no reply.  She doesn’t even acknowledge that she has heard him.  She stands with her back to the room before the window staring blankly off into space.  Rey does that a lot these days.  She says that she is meditating, but Kylo is skeptical.   She is still so angry with him.   And it isn't the focused, effective rage that had so impressed him in the snowy woods of the Starkiller Base.  This is a needy desperation that screams of weakness and despair. More and more, Rey looks lost.  It worries him.  Things aren't getting better, they are getting worse.  She alternates between sullen brooding and hysterical outbursts.  Kylo has schooled himself not to react.  Rey needs to vent her Darkness and he will give her the acceptance and space to do so.  But it's getting harder because what Rey screams at him usually hurts

Kylo checks on Rey himself now.  And every time he returns, she seems to unravel a little more.   Her inability to handle Snoke's Dark awakening has overtaken their lives

"I want to go with you to your appointment this afternoon," Kylo tells her.  "I'll stop by and we can go together."  He wants to be sure that Rey goes to her appointment.  She had skipped her appointment last week and the stupid medics hadn't bothered to tell him.  

Rey still hasn’t acknowledged him, but Kylo keeps up the one-sided monologue that passes for conversation these days.  "You have about an hour to get dressed.  And take those arm wraps off, will you?” he complains. “This isn't Jakku.  Rey, you are so much more than that desert scavenger girl."

Finally, he provokes a response.  "I want to be who I was before I met you, Kylo Ren."  Rey’s voice drips with resentment.  She still doesn't bother to turn and look at him. "Before you dragged me down into your Darkness.   Jakku was better than this Darkness."

Kylo sighs.  They have rehearsed this argument before many times.  "Rey, you can't go back to being who you were before.   The Dark Side doesn't work like that.   You must accept who you are now and learn to control it." Why is Rey being so stubborn?  She has never been stubborn with him before.   He gestures at her bedraggled appearance.  “Look at yourself—this is not you.”

“No, this Darkness is not me!" Rey whirls to hiss at him.  Her eyes are yellow again.  She can’t keep them normal for long these days. "I did not want this!  You knew that.  But you didn't care."

This bickering is pointless, he thinks.  And it is moot.  Rey needs to focus on the future, not the past.  He tries to keep from sounding impatient. "Stop fighting it.  Accept it.  Your place now is with me, with our son, on the Dark Side.  We are a family, and we should work together for our common future."

"I have tried to accept this," she wails bitterly.  Her face is a mask of frustration.  "I have tried to control this.   But I can't.  This is not me, Kylo!  I am drowning in Darkness." Rey looks so beaten.  So unlike herself.  Even her Force imprint seems diminished to him these days.  It makes him wonder how much Darkness Snoke had actually given her.  Rey seems to be struggling far more than his Master has led him to believe she should be.

Kylo crosses the room to stand before her.  He squeezes her arms and whispers encouragement.  "Rey, let’s take it one step at a time.  Go get dressed, will you?  It will make you feel better."

“Okay,” she tells him softly. That's small progress, but it’s progress.  Kylo follows her into the bedroom.  He watches as she chooses a dress and drags the rumpled nightgown over her head.  Rey looks so pregnant now as she stands in her bra and panties, her belly distended from the rapidly growing life within.  The rest of Rey is slim.  Slimmer than ever, he thinks, and downright bony looking in places.   That too is worrisome.  A pregnant woman should not look this frail.

"I may have to be gone for a few days next week,” he says.  “We have found the new Resistance base.  It's time to end this war.  Do you think you can hold off giving birth until I get back from war?”

"It doesn't work like that," Rey complains.  And, of course, he knows that.  

He smiles over at her. "I want to be here when he's born.  That's all."    Rey will need him, Kylo is certain of that.  Given how things are, Kylo is concerned about how Rey will adjust to motherhood.  He has already spoken to Nestor about getting his wife up here that first week.  Rey is going to need some experienced help and a nanny droid can only do so much.  

"I like that one," Kylo says offhand as Rey drags a clean dress over her head.  "Red looks good on you."  Then he frowns.  Rey still has those silly arm wraps on and she’s putting the dress on over them.   "Here," Kylo intervenes as he crosses the room, "let me help."   Kylo reaches to unwrap one of her arms as she struggles with the fabric of the dress.  But Rey rears back as if stung. "No!" she tells him. And now, he is suspicious.   Kylo holds her wrist fast and starts unwrapping her left arm. And as the fabric unwinds it reveals a trail of deep scratches.  They start on her forearm and travel up past her elbow.  He grabs for her other arm and it looks much the same.

"Oh, Rey."  His heart sinks.  She is harming herself.  

Kylo takes a deep, steadying breath. His wife says nothing.  She just looks down.  Ashamed.

“We’ll put some bacta on that after the appointment,” he tells her quietly, not wanting to make a big deal about it.  Arguing with Rey seems counterproductive lately.   So instead, Kylo helps her with the dress.  The long sleeves cover the marks and he wonders now for how long she has been hiding this from him.  As he zips up the back of her dress, he leans in to whisper in her ear.  "Mark the wall, Rey.  Not yourself."

When he leaves to return to the bridge, Rey is seated as the grooming droid paints her face and does her hair.  It reassures him to see his wife transforming back into Lady Ren.   For more and more, it seems like he is watching Rey fall apart before his very eyes.  She is so diminished in body and spirit.  So vulnerable looking.   He barely recognizes the spunky scavenger who had shot first in the woods and swung hard with his grandfather's saber.    He misses that girl.   She was the girl he married.  Not this vacant eyed, apathetic woman who looks like she is barely holding it together.  

Nestor tells him that it will be fine.  That women are always terrified about a first pregnancy.  That all the change to come can make them fearful and insecure.   Don't worry, he tells Kylo, it will all be fine.  Ordinarily, that advice would be reassuring, but Nestor doesn't know the half of it.  The doctors also have assured him that some depression is a normal side effect of pregnancy hormones.  But the doctors too don’t know the extent of what’s going on.   Only Kylo understands the consequences of Darkness.  How it makes you feel, what it makes you think, what it urges you to do.  And so he is trying his best to help.  But he can’t shake the feeling that he is failing her.

 

* * *

 

Rey has never once left the _Finalizer_.   Does Kylo Ren's wife have the clout to commandeer a shuttle from the hangar bay?  Rey is about to find out.

She is dressed to the nines and wearing the black cloak Kylo had bought her to shield her growing belly from curious glances.  Rey has the hood pulled up and forward to hide her yellow eyes.   She has noticed that the crew gets very creeped out by her yellow eyes.  But if she intimidates people today, then perhaps it will aid in her escape.  For that’s what this is:  an escape.

No one points a weapon at my wife, Kylo had decreed. Rey fervently hopes that this message has been relayed around the entire ship by now.  Because if this goes badly, there might be shooting.  But Rey knows how to freeze blaster bolts in the Force and she has her saber with her so everything will go fine.  She takes a deep breath and reminds herself that she is Rey of Jakku, the ultimate survivor.  And she is Rey, the Jedi Padawan trained by Luke Skywalker himself.  She can do this.  She has to do this.

Five command shuttles are kept prepped and ready at all times in the hangar bay. If she can get on a ship, she can get away. Rey knows that Kylo won’t disable or destroy a ship with her on it.    And from her work in the hangar bay, Rey knows the codes to skirt the tractor beam.  She plans to take the shuttle closest to the air lock and immediately jump out of the system.  Hopefully, she will be gone before anyone notices.

She will flee to Master Luke.  If she can find him.  Her old Jedi master will know how to cleanse her of this Darkness.  For hadn't Luke Skywalker turned his Sith father Darth Vader back to the Light?  Kylo might not believe his uncle’s version of events, but Rey does.  Right now, she has to.  And Kylo had also once said that Luke Skywalker can pull himself back from the Dark Side.  That is the help Rey needs.  Time is running out, for every day it is worse.  Rey cannot control the Darkness within and she feels it consuming her.  Despite all his efforts, Kylo can’t help her.  Luke Skywalker is her only option left.

As she approaches her chosen shuttle, she hears her name.  It’s Kylo’s voice.   Instantly, Rey knows that she has been caught. Her heart sinks.  Kylo is the only person onboard with both the authority and the ability to stop her.  There will be no sneaking away now.  There will be an argument and maybe even a fight.  But bring it on because Rey is determined.   Self-preservation has always been her strong suit.

Kylo strides towards her.    "Where are you going?" he demands as he falls into step beside her.

Rey feels her heart pounding in her chest.  "I thought you were on the bridge."

"Where are you going?"

"What makes you think that I am going anywhere?"

"Because the Force warned me. The Force always warns me when you need help. Tell me where you are going."

She keeps her voice low and does not break stride. "I am leaving the First Order."  She and Kylo have already attracted second glances in the busy hangar bay. They are a noteworthy sight, for Kylo Ren and Lady Ren very rarely appear anywhere together.  This will be a very public spot for a confrontation. "I am drowning in Darkness.  It is in me.  It is in our son.  It surrounds me on this ship. I will not stay here."

"You cannot leave me." His voice too is calm, but she feels the edge to his words. Through the Force, it feels like a warning. "I won't let you leave me, Rey. You can never leave me."

She has hurt him again, Rey realizes.  She pauses. They are in public, so he is wearing his mask and she cannot meet his eyes. "I have to leave you," she says softly. "For my sake and for the baby."   Then she resumes walking, setting her eyes on her chosen shuttle.

Kylo keeps pace beside her. "Leaving the First Order is not an option. And it's not the answer. There is nowhere that you can go to run away from the Darkness within."

His words are no surprise.  And Rey is not persuaded. "I’m not running away from the Darkness.  I am running to the Light.  To Master Luke.  There is a difference."

Kylo abruptly catches her arm and forces her to stop.  Whirling Rey around, he holds her arm painfully tight as he pulls her to him.   Rey’s face is inches from his mask.  His voice is harsh. "Luke Skywalker was prepared to kill you before, Rey.  What do you think he will do when you arrive to him with yellow eyes and belly full with my child?"

Rey recognizes the truth of his words. Still, this is a risk she is prepared to take. She has no better option. She is betting that Master Luke will show her mercy due to the innocent child she carries and that at worst he will turn her away.

"Maybe you should have let him kill me," she hisses back at Kylo. "It would have been quick and clean. Not this-- this—"

What can she call her existence now?  How can she explain the extreme anxiety that cripples her psyche?  Her mind is overflowing with frightening urges to hurt herself, with violent fantasies that crowd her dreams, and with surging anger that is triggered by the most minor of annoyances?  If the Dark Side is supposed to bring power, then why does Rey feel so weak and helpless? Why is she constantly on the verge of either rage or tears?   One obsessive thought occupies her mind constantly now: will her son be born with yellow Sith eyes?   Will her child too be cursed with this Darkness?  She would rather the child never be born, than be born Sith.

She wrenches her shoulder back and he releases her. "I am drowning in Darkness here!"  Rey is railing at him now.   Her voice betrays all of her desperation.   All concerns for a pleasant public façade have fallen away and their argument is an ugly scene. "I cannot control it!   I have tried and I cannot!" Rey turns and keeps walking. They are almost at the shuttle ramp.

This is a tired argument by now, and her husband gives his usual pat responses. "You must control it. This is done, Rey, and there is no undoing it. Stop fighting and accept the Dark Side. There is no other way."

His words do not help her.  Can’t he see how overwhelmed she is?  And how angry?  She is so angry at Kylo.  For he has betrayed her so cruelly. 

"I never wanted this!" Again, her voice sounds like a hiss to her ears. "You had no right to do this!   You said I didn't have to be Sith to be with you. Why, why did you and Snoke do this to me?"  She has been a fool all along to trust in Kylo.  Master Luke had warned her:  never trust a Sith.

They reach the shuttle and Rey turns to face her husband. "I will not live like this! I cannot live like this!" Rey can hear her voice rising in pitch and in volume. She sounds hysterical even to her own ears. Their confrontation is attracting significant attention now. "If you care about this child, if you care about me, you will let me go, Kylo Ren."

"No.  Not if you are running to the Jedi.  You are going to stay with me and I will help you control this." He is placating her again. Like she is an out of control child. He reaches out to brush back the hood of her cloak and to cup her cheek. His voice is calm and reasonable and absolutely enraging to her ears. "Rey, Skywalker will only murder you both.  I cannot lose you.  This is suicide."

Anger gives Rey focus. With the slightest concentration in the Force, she pushes Kylo into the nearest shuttle landing strut.  The push is only a foot or two, but the push is hard.  She wants his attention. "You are not listening to me! I am done trying to control this. I am leaving."

Kylo is not deterred. As she begins to scramble up the shuttle ramp, he yanks her down.  Off-balance and ungainly in her ninth month, Rey stumbles and Kylo catches her before she falls. His touch is rough but his words are soft. "Come, let's discuss this in private. Not here. Let me help you."

But Rey is determined to get on the shuttle.  There’s won’t be a second chance at this, she knows.  Again with the Force she pushes Kylo away. Her lightsaber flies into her hand to ignite.  Rey holds the blue blade before her and begins backing towards the shuttle ramp.  If she has to, Rey will fight her way onto the shuttle.  She has to do this for herself and for her baby.  This is her one and only chance to get away.

She sees Kylo’s eyes widen and in a split second his saber too is lit in his hand. But Kylo doesn’t want to fight.  He whirls to hack his blade at the shuttle ramp itself.  In three swings, the ramp is severed from the ship and crashes to the hangar bay floor.  The entrance to the shuttle is at least 10 feet above the floor without the ramp.

Rey looks about judging the distance to the next nearest shuttle. She cannot outrun Kylo, not in her current state.  It will have to be this shuttle. She will have to find a way to get onboard.

"Don't try it," Kylo warns her. "You can't jump that, even with the Force.  You don't have the balance. Not at nine months pregnant." Kylo deactivates his saber. "Disengage, Rey. You're too clumsy to fight right now. You will only hurt yourself."

“I will hurt myself,” she repeats his words aloud.  “I will only hurt myself.”  He nods at her, looking relieved that his warning has gotten through to her.  It has, for Rey is thoroughly distracted by his words.  “I will hurt myself,” she repeats again.  Rey deactivates her saber and instantly it flies into her husband's outstretched hand.  Rey does not care. She is backing up now.  Backing towards the tool cart the hangar maintenance crew always stages near each parked shuttle.  Rey knows every tool cart in the _Finalizer_ hangar bay, and she knows that this one will have what she needs. “I will only hurt myself . . . hurt myself,” she repeats aloud once more.   A vibroblade jumps from the tool cart into Rey's outstretched hand.  Hurt myself . . . hurt myself.  The words echo through her mind now like a mantra.  Yes, there is another way out of her misery. The impulse is strong and seductive. Kylo has been urging her to give in to the Dark Side for weeks now. Not to fight it anymore. And so Rey gives in.

She manages only one good deep slash at her left wrist. Kylo’s reflexes are lightning fast, and he catches her arm just as the blade is an inch from plunging into her neck.  Wrenching it from her hand, he throws it down. Rey lets loose a cry of frustration, her face a mask of pain. Blood is pouring from her wrist to puddle on the floor.

"Stop!" Kylo commands, his hands gripping her upper arms as he shakes her roughly. "This is not the solution!"

"It is!" her voice cracks with emotion. "I will not live like this!  I would rather starve in the desert than live like this!”

She is fighting him now with all of her ebbing strength.  She is bleeding everywhere.  “No, Rey, no!” he bellows.

But she won’t back down.  “I refuse to be Sith!” she rails at him, heedless of all who can hear.  “I refuse!  I refuse!”  

Through the Force, she feels his frustration.  And his fear.  Deep, gnawing, growing fear for her and for their child. With a snarl and a wave of his hand, Kylo tries to blank her consciousness with the Force.  But she anticipates him and resists with her own power.  But she cannot sustain her defense longer than a few seconds.  As everything fades to black and her yellow eyes close, Rey manages one last gasp.  “I hate you.”

* * *

 

Kylo does not wait for the medics to stitch her up.   He sets off down the hall to destroy the nearest instrument panel.  It does little to take the edge off his emotions, so when he returns to overhear a medic refer to his wife as a suicide, Kylo ignites his sword and executes him on the spot.  The point is taken, and thereafter Rey's injury is termed an accident.  His wife works as a mechanic and this incident had been a slip with a common tool.   Nothing more.

Things are much worse now, he knows.   This is what Kylo has been fearing since he discovered the marks on her arms last week.  Rey has found the violent release that the Dark Side demands, only she has turned the violence on herself.  Rey will try again.   He knows that the Darkness will urge her to try again.  And she will find a time and a place when he will not be there to stop her.  One day soon, Kylo will drop by their quarters and find Rey dead in a pool of blood.  She will get her death wish and their unborn son will die with her.   Because the Darkness she cannot control will consume her in the end.  

It is a horrifying thought.

He had been so close to having achieved it all: Rey as his wife, a strong Sith son as his legacy, and the galaxy ruled by the soon-to-be victorious First Order.   But now, he fears, the only thing left to him will be his war.

He doesn’t blame Rey.  She had never wanted this Darkness, and so she had been ill-prepared to control it.  The Dark Side is a choice, a bargain in blood for power.  For everyone but Rey, who is its unwilling victim.  Kylo glances over at his sedated wife and swallows hard.  This is what he has done to his Rey of Light.  This is the evil he has wrought.  This is the consequence of his hubris.  This is the tragedy of his own making. 

In a matter of weeks, his confident, competent wife has descended into hysterical self-destruction.  She is a shadow of her former self and he is to blame. For he had stood by watching with approval as Snoke had filled her with Darkness.  It had been a mark of favor for his Master to fulfill his wish for a Sith dynasty.  He should have been more careful what he wished for, Kylo knows with the stinging clarity of hindsight.  Rey had agreed to marry him and to bear his child but that had not been enough for him.  He had wanted more.  He's a Sith and he always wants more.  And this time, Kylo had wanted too much. 

Rey is out of immediate danger now and her wrist is bandaged.  The flesh wound itself is superficial and will completely heal in time.   But with awful certainty, Kylo knows that his wife is beyond the help of medical science now.  Her attempt today finally has convinced Kylo that he cannot help her.  And, sadly, it reveals to him that Rey has given up trying to help herself.  The doctors will never have the reasons to explain it, but Kylo knows he is losing her. 

He could take her to his Master, but that feels wrong.  For it is Darkness, after all, that is the cause of her struggle. 

No, the answer is the Light.  Rey had been seeking the Light, and Kylo will find a way to give it to her.  He owes this to her.  This might be the only unselfish act Kylo Ren has ever done, and for so many reasons it terrifies him even to contemplate it.  But as he stares down at Rey, a plan forms in his mind.   Luke Skywalker is not the answer.  But maybe Leia Organa is.  And Kylo knows just where to find his estranged mother now that the hidden Resistance base has been discovered.

Rey’s vacant yellow eyes stare past him, but he has jumped into her mind so he knows that Rey hears his words. "Rey, I will do what you ask.  I will take you to the Light.  But you must hold on.  Hold on for me and for our son.  You must not give up."  She is fuzzy from drugs and does not respond.  Frustrated, Kylo shakes her shoulders, trying to provoke a response from his dead-eyed wife.  Since she has regained consciousness, Rey has been in a dazed stupor.  Her Sith eyes are open but unseeing.  "Can you do that for me?  Answer me!" An alarmed looking medic is moving towards him now.  Kylo Force-pushes the medic against the nearest wall.   Kylo shakes Rey harder still and her head flops back and forth. "Answer me!" he hollers at her aloud and through the Force.

"Yes," comes her soft whisper in his mind.  It is faint, but he hears it.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, geez, I had forgotten how sad this is. Admittedly, I'm probably a lot closer to these story characters than anyone else, but it made me cry to edit this chapter. So grab your tissues. 
> 
> I guess the best explanation I have is that this ending is the closest that any of my fics comes to a moralizing type ending. Usually, my bad guys get away with their schemes--sort of. Not so this time.

Kylo stands at the top of his shuttle ramp and takes a deep breath.  He’s probably about to get killed.  The agreement for a peaceful meeting is a lie and this will be an ambush.  It has to be a trap, for Kylo has no other explanation for why Leia Organa has let him land.  In her position, Kylo would never have agreed to this folly.  But if he dies today, then maybe it is fitting punishment for his many crimes.  And for Rey.

 It is dim but Kylo can still make out the shape of the Resistance matriarch standing not far from the bottom of the ramp.  She is alone as he had requested.  

"Mother."

Leia Organa makes no reply.  She just crosses her arms over her chest.  Kylo remembers that body language and he knows it isn’t a good sign.  But Kylo has no alternative.

She walks to the bottom of the ramp and into the light.  He has his helmet off so they eye one another for a long moment in silence.  Finally, Leia Organa speaks.  “I see you know where we are.  How long until the rest of the First Order arrives?”

“It’s just us now,” he says gruffly.  "Come."  Kylo motions her inside.  He leads her to where Rey lays sprawled on a bench in a puddle of black velvet.

"Rey," his mother breathes her name and quickly kneels beside the unconscious woman. "Is she hurt?"

“Yes,” he says simply.  “She is hurt in ways I cannot fix.”   Rey has remained in a trance-like state since slitting her wrist. The doctors have no explanation, but Kylo understands.  It is as if her mind has shut down because it is unwilling to endure any further Darkness.  Rey has shut herself off from everything, including him.

“Oh, Rey.”

"I need your help, Mother.  She needs your help."

His mother searches to find Rey's hand buried in the folds of fabric. The movement jostles her black cloak and it falls aside to reveal the red dress beneath. The silk is stretched tight over his wife's hugely swollen belly. Leia Organa freezes for a moment. Then she turns back to him with accusing eyes.

Kylo is instantly defensive.  "It was freely done. She is my wife. She wanted this child." He can’t tell whether his mother believes him or not.  But he knows that she disapproves.

Turning back to Rey, his mother rests a hand on her forehead. Rey stirs briefly and opens her eyes. Golden, yellow Sith eyes. His mother gasps at the sight, then turns again to look at him.  She is repulsed. 

"What's wrong with her?"

Kylo doesn’t want to explain. Has his mother never seen Sith eyes before?  Does she not know what they mean?  Vader's eyes had been hidden behind his mask.  But had his mother never actually met Emperor Palpatine?

"What's wrong with her?" she asks again, impatient with his silence.

Kylo steps forward to pull Rey's other hand gently from between the folds of her dress. It is bandaged at the wrist from the slash she gave herself.  Kylo silently turns up her palm so his mother can see the sutures from the deep suicide wound. "She will try and hurt herself again, Mother.  You must keep her safe for the sake of the child.  Protect her from herself."

"What have you done to her?" His mother's voice is steely now. Every inch the general. "What's wrong with her?"

Kylo works hard to make his voice flat and emotionless. To state the facts as if he does not care.  To keep control of his emotions.  He must keep control of his emotions.  "She has gone mad. The Dark Side has driven her to madness."

“M-Madness?  His mother does not hide her outrage.  She stands to face him.   As petite as she is, his mother is formidable when angry. "You mean that you--YOU have driven this girl to madness?"

His mother’s outrage transports him back decades in the past and once more Kylo is the young boy who has been called to account before his deeply disappointed mother.   He sputters out the truth. "I betrayed her. I thought that I was helping the child, but I was wrong . . . I was terribly wrong. . .   I did not protect her from Snoke and I did not protect her from myself.”  His words tumble out in a torrent of anxious fear.  “Listen to me, Mother.  She won't live long enough to birth the child unless I send her away.  She will be consumed by Darkness if she stays with me and the First Order.  Will you take her?  Please—say that you will take her."

Leia Organa half turns to gaze down at Rey's pitiful figure. His mother's face softens.

"You have to take her—you have to help her!” he begs.  “She's carrying your grandson, Mother."

His mother sighs and for a moment Kylo sees how old she has become since he had last seen her with his uncle a year ago.  Leia Organa sounds and looks so weary.   After a long moment of decision, she relents. "Yes, I will take her."

Then the veteran general crosses her arms and gives him a measuring look. "Ben, the only reason I agreed to meet with you tonight was because you owe me an explanation. I need to hear this from you. Tell me the truth, Ben. Why did you kill your father?"

Kylo doesn’t want to talk about Han Solo.  He’s already barely holding himself together as is.  His emotional control feels like it is fraying with each passing moment.  But Kylo takes a deep breath.  He can get through this for Rey.  Mother and son lock eyes for a tense moment.  Then Kylo looks away as he mutters the truth. "It was a test. I had to prove myself worthy to Snoke for more training."

"You killed your father to impress Snoke?" Her shock radiates through the Force.

"Yes."

"And Rey?  Is she also a test?

He does not answer.

"Tell me, Ben—is there anything or anyone you will not sacrifice for the Dark Side?"

Again, he does not answer.  His mother is looking at him now with deep loathing.  With ultimate contempt and disappointment.   “When will you learn that it’s all lies, Ben?  The Dark Side is all lies.  In the end, it only brings tragedy.”

Kylo will not be baited into that topic.  He’s here to help Rey not to listen to another lecture about the Light.  So instead, he tells her, "The baby is due in a week's time.  It's a boy.  He is healthy."

His mother frowns but nods.

"There's more.   Rey is . . . Rey has no will to live, Mother." He pauses, again working hard to look and sound emotionless.  To maintain his fragile control.  If he allows himself to feel now, he will explode. The rage and pain that is boiling inside him will be laid bare.  And then his mother will see his full Dark Side self and she will not help him. _So_ Kylo masters his emotions and forces himself to look at his mother.  All the while wishing that his Rey could have mastered this necessary control.

"I think she hangs on only for the child's sake. Once our son is born, she will die. I have foreseen it." Over and over since yesterday, in Force visions that haunt him, he has watched his Padme die as he hears a baby's cry. In a week's time, his wife will be dead and his son lost to him as well. 

“She’s dying?”  Leia Organa’s eyes widen.  "And the child?"

"He will survive. Take him. Take him and raise him, Mother. Please." Kylo can’t meet his mother's gaze any longer. He looks away.  He has never felt so ashamed. His voice drops to a near whisper. "Please . . . keep him far, far away from me.  For his sake."  Kylo’s voice cracks now at this latest betrayal.  For he had promised Rey that he would not separate their little family, and now he is breaking that promise.  Yet again, he is letting his Rey down.  This would have been his wife’s worst fear come true: her child abandoned by its father and orphaned by its mother.  Her child alone, as she had been.

Gods, it hurts that he has to do this.  But he’s doing it for his son.  To keep him safe.

"I destroyed her, Mother," Kylo confesses, still looking away. "I didn't mean to, but I did it anyway.  And I’m worried that I might destroy him too." In the moment, Kylo’s mask of indifference slips and his horror at abandoning his only son is revealed.  He feels a tear trickle out.

"Are you sure?" his mother ventures softly, "Ben, are you sure you don't want the child?"

“Want him?” Kylo echoes in a sob.  “Yes, I want him!  But I don't trust myself with him.”  In a flash of insight, Kylo knows that the real risk to his boy isn't him, it is Snoke. "Snoke will only take him from me and use him to control me." And Kylo knows his Master will train his boy to kill him and to replace him. That is the way of the Sith _._ "Take him, Mother.  It is for the best."

General Leia nods. Then, Rey stirs again and her yellow Sith eyes roll back unfocused.  This galvanizes his mother into action. "Let's get her inside.  Can you carry her?"

This is the mother Kylo recalls from childhood. Pragmatic, capable and in command. As a child, she had seemed very remote to him, perpetually issuing impatient instructions and surrounded by aides. But at this moment, Kylo is very grateful to have been born to this woman.   After all he has done to hurt his mother, she is still willing to help him.  Is she doing this for him?  Or for Rey?  Or for her grandson? It doesn’t matter. She is willing to help.  And for that, he is grateful.

Gathering Rey in his arms, Kylo follows his mother out of the shuttle.   A small crowd of armed onlookers has gathered at the sight of the First Order shuttle parked amid the Resistance fleet.  No doubt there are snipers he doesn’t see.  Do the Resistance rank and file recognize their enemy without his mask?  Some clearly do, for the uniform of a Knight of Ren is distinctive.  Others wonder about him.  Or wonder about the unconscious woman he carries who is dressed like a queen in the red and black of the First Order. 

They are inside the Resistance base now.   Kylo feels many eyes on him, some curious, some angry, some frightened.  He ignores them, following his mother to a makeshift medical unit.  He lays Rey down gently on an empty medical bed.

Old Ackbar moves to stand next to his mother. Others he recognizes in the Resistance—the senior staff and Rebellion veterans who know who Kylo is and know who he is to Leia Organa—begin to drift to her side protectively.  No one draws a weapon. But several have their hands resting on their sidearms.

There will be no further private moments alone.  Kylo knows that he needs to finish this and leave before someone shoots him.

"Here." He produces Rey's lightsaber and hands it to his mother. "Give it to the boy when he is old enough.  She would want him to have it."

His mother accepts the sword and Kylo stares at the weapon in her hand.  He wonders whether his child will grow to hate him the way Kylo himself had hated Han Solo.   Will his own son one day stab him through the heart with this lightsaber?  If he does, he will be justified, Kylo thinks. 

And will his son ever understand the truth of his family, he wonders.  Probably not.  Truth is a point of view among the Skywalkers and his boy will never get the chance to hear his father’s version of events.  In surrendering his son to his mother now, he is forever losing the child in body and spirit.  Now another Skywalker boy will be raised to hate and fear his father.  And, quite possibly, to one day kill his father.  And not as a Sith ascends by killing a Sith.  But maybe as a Jedi claiming justice.   For now the cycle of dysfunction and patricide Kylo had so hoped to avoid is put in motion once again. 

He takes a deep breath.  He has done what he has come to do.  But looking down at Rey, it is hard to leave her.  Kylo hesitates.

She is the most precious thing in the universe to him, and he is giving her away to his enemies. This is his wife. The competent and creative mechanic who can rebuild a hyperdrive all on her own. The Jedi princess who marked his face with a lightsaber and then married him a year later.  The queen of his First Order flagship who turned heads in her wake and intimidated General Hux.  She is his everything.  She is his Padme.

He has failed her. That knowledge cuts deep. Rey did not deserve this treatment. Rey had deserved far better than Kylo Ren.

He can feel involuntary tears rolling down his cheeks. Closing his eyes, he struggles to channel his pain. To maintain control.  He will control this pain for as long as he can manage, then he will let it explode.

"Ben?" His mother is watching him closely. The whole room is watching him closely. Watching him cry. Kylo Ren will not show his face to the First Order, yet here he stands unmasked and in tears before the Resistance.  This is a private moment laid bare before his enemies.  But still, he is not prepared to leave her.  Not yet.

He tries one last time to get through to his Padme, using all of his skill.  Cradling Rey’s face in his hands, he reaches out with his mind.  Their once effortless mental connection has waned little by little as Rey has unraveled before his eyes.  Her mind in madness is a blank void to him.  It is as if Rey is dead yet living still.

He speaks to her aloud and through the Force. "Rey . . . hear me . . . hear me."  After a moment, her eyes flutter open. Yellow Sith eyes. With the intensity of his concentration in the Force, Kylo knows that his eyes are now as yellow as hers.  He had wanted Rey for his Sith lady, and he had gotten his wish. But at a terrible price.

"Rey." She blinks at him.  He thinks that he senses recognition in her mind. "Rey, don't leave me. . . please . . . I love you, Rey . . . I love you."  The words come out before he can stop them.  And they are true.  He loves her.  And now he is losing her.  It is too late to tell her this.  Rey’s eyes fall closed once more and the moment is gone.

Love was all Rey had ever wanted.  Kylo had known that, and he had used it as a strategy to win his lonely scavenger girl. She had been with him for himself alone. For the care and attention he could give her that no one else had. Not for the power of the First Order or the Dark Side. Not for his position or for his future. Just for him. For his love. And it is too late now to give it to her.

Once he had told Rey that he wanted everything from her. How he regrets those words. For Kylo has gotten his wish, and he has taken everything from her.  But he too is bereft, for in this moment Kylo is certain that he has lost everything too.

He bends to kiss her one last time on the lips. Gently, he slips her gold wedding band from her finger. He needs something meaningful of Rey to have for his own. He rests a hand on her swollen belly, feeling through the Force the vibrant growing life within her. The son conceived in love but steeped in Darkness.  The son he will not raise and might never know.  The heir to the First Order, abandoned today to the Resistance.

Then, he steps back.

His voice is strangely calm to his ears, and completely at odds with the tears streaming freely down his face. "Name him Ben, Mother. Ben Solo.  Rey would approve."

Leia Organa looks shocked at this announcement, but she nods her agreement.  “Alright, Ben.”

"Thank you." Kylo turns to walk away. He resists the urge to look back one last time.

He needs to get out of here fast.  The Darkness is surging in him and he knows that he will lose control soon. He needs to vent this hurt, to soothe this pain, to feel this loss.  Violence.   Kylo needs violence. And he knows exactly who he plans to kill.

* * *

 

  He finds General Hux on the bridge. His lightsaber is lit even before Kylo enters the room.  As he advances on his redheaded nemesis, the general orders, “Stand down, Ren!”

Kylo ignores him and raises his sword.  “This is for her!” he snarls.  “This is for Rey!  For insulting her and for leaking pictures of her to the Resistance.”

Hux crosses his arms and smirks.  “I had those pictures taken.  But I didn’t send them.  The Supreme Leader sent them.  Go complain to him.”

Snoke sent them.  Yes, of course his Master had sent them.   Even Rey had recognized that had been a Sith thing to do.  But this changes nothing as far as Kylo is concerned.  His lust to kill must be abated.  So, with one spinning swing he cuts Hux down. He hacks the First Order general to pieces before the stunned faces of his crew. This is what Lord Vader would have done.  His Sith grandfather would never have tolerated a backstabbing, insolent commander.  Kylo Ren refuses to do so any longer.

He feels the rush of power as the Dark Side flows through him, sharpening his senses and numbing his pain. This death is satisfying.  Standing over what is left of Hux, Kylo’s only regret is that the general had not suffered more.

Slowly, Kylo turns around. The busy bridge is hushed and no one moves. Every eye is on him now, on his secret face revealed.  Seeing his yellow Sith eyes and the tearstains. In his bloodlust to kill, Kylo had forgotten to replace his helmet.  Other than Hux, very few in the First Order have ever seen him without it. But now he stands unmasked before his officer elite. This is as it should be, he decides in the moment.   Kylo will not wear the mask again. For if he can humble himself before the Resistance for his dying wife, there is no circumstance in which he cannot stand revealed to lead his own men.  And every time he catches the flash of his reflection in one of the many screens that litter the bridge, he will see the slashing scar and think of her.

"First Officer Phelps!" Hux's second in command scurries from across the bridge to stand before him and execute a shaky salute.   Kylo extinguishes his lightsaber. "You are in command now, General Phelps."

“Yes, Sir.”

“Cancel the attack on the Resistance base.  We will delay.”

“Delay, sir?”

“DELAY!” Kylo roars.  He needs to delay long enough that the Resistance has time to evacuate to another location.  So that when the First Order eventually arrives, there will be no Resistance fighters left to be found and killed.  And no baby son of his to be killed in the crossfire.  He will let this war drag on to spare his son.

* * *

 

"A powerful Sith you have become.  How proud I am of you, my boy." The ruined face of Darth Plagueis gives a semblance of a smile.  Truly, his Master is well pleased with his Apprentice. "Henceforth, you shall be known as Darth Ren." Snoke beckons to him stand. "Arise, Lord Ren."

Sith, I am a full Sith, Kylo thinks.  Snoke's esteem should be thrilling, but Kylo can muster only the smallest of nods. "Thank you, my Master. I am grateful for your teaching." At long last, Kylo has achieved his goal.  But it has cost him. First his father, then his wife and his son. This should be a moment of triumph, but instead Kylo feels numb.

Snoke knows that he grieves. And Snoke does not fault him for it.   Instead, his Master speaks of his own lost wife.  “Loving Lady Plagueis was the greatest experience of my life.  In life, she was the greatest support and comfort a man could have. In death, she is the greatest loss, the deepest pain.  And so she makes me a better Sith even now today, Apprentice.  For I cannot look back upon my beloved without hurting for her.   And that hurt serves to focus my power.”  The old Muun nods sagely.  “Such an exemplary wife was my Shan.” 

The old Sith can be surprisingly sensitive at times. This is one of those times.  "All that you have endured, all the sacrifices that you have made, are preparation.  Gain power from your pain and perspective from your loss."

"Yes, my Master."   Kylo strives to sound like he understands and agrees.  But the only lesson Kylo has discerned from his experience is not to love.   A Sith should not love, he decides.  That is where he had gone wrong. His Master had warned him of sentiment.  But it had crept in anyway. Had Rey loved him in return? He will never know. Her last words to him spoke of hate and not of love. 

Not for the first time, Kylo wonders whether Snoke had seen his love and filled his wife with Darkness as punishment for his weakness.  And he wonders too whether the solitary old Muun had been jealous of his love and resentful of his Apprentice’s happiness.

"These lessons are hard, Lord Ren.  But they are best learned before you lead, when the consequences are purely personal.  For the missteps of a leader can have ramifications on a grand scale. Witness how one brief moment of sentiment from Lord Vader brought down an empire and killed two Sith."

Kylo nods. He has heard the story of Darth Vader's single, epic failure many, many times. The loss of Rey and his own son makes Kylo reconsider it anew.  For Darth Vader too had lost his beloved wife and abandoned a son. And over twenty years later, his notorious Sith grandfather had brought down an empire to save that son. A child he barely knew. Decades later the galaxy still has not recovered from that folly.

Is that how it will be for himself? Will he one day face the choice that Vader faced? And will his choice scar the galaxy for decades? Or will it merely scar his own wounded heart further?

"Do not despair, Lord Ren,” his wise Master counsels.  “You shall have your Sith dynasty. The cycle repeats itself. Your child lives. He will return to you in time. He will seek you out, as Skywalker once came to Lord Vader. But your son will have the courage to make the brave choice to lead. I have foreseen it. In time, you will get your wish. You will rule the galaxy together as father and son." His old Master settles in his chair, a satisfied look on his face. "Patience, Lord Ren.  In due time, once more the Sith will rule the galaxy."

"Yes, Master."

* * *

 

It happens in the deep of night. The baby comes early. It is not yet a full week's time.

The tickle of the Force in the back of his mind wakes Kylo.  Instantly, he knows what is happening. Wide awake, he stretches out his mind clear across the galaxy for the connection he knows so well. For his Rey whom he has loved and lost.   Kylo uses every ounce of concentration on this, his special skill in the Force.  There it is.  Soft and fuzzy.  And then it is gone.  She slips away.  

His wife is dead.  Kylo repeats those words to himself as he walks to stare stone-faced at the marks on the wall.  One for every day they were together.

The Force had awoken him in time.  The Force has always been with he and Rey.  But that was not enough in the end.

The Dark Side is not a lie, as his uncle contends.  Its power is real and its promises are true.  But they are not the whole truth.  Yes, once you start down the Dark path forever will it dominate your destiny.  But, as it turns out, it will dominate the destiny of those closest to you as well.   In his descent into Darkness, Darth Vader had lost his Padme and his children.  And now his grandson Darth Ren has lost his Rey and his son. 

Too late, Kylo realizes that he has gone places where his Rey could not, or maybe would not, follow.  In forcing his wife to be what he wanted, he had lost her entirely.  And Rey has taken with her what little remains of the Light in him.   For today is the last day that Kylo Ren will be called to the Light. 

This, Kylo suspects, is the experience his Master had intended all along.  First the love, then the loss and the sacrifice.  Plus, the added benefit of a child.  Ruefully, Kylo knows that it is Rey who has matured him into a full Sith.  Rey is why his Master now calls him Darth Ren. 

Did he make Rey happy?  Kylo thinks so.  For a brief time.  Rey had made him happy too.  And in the years to come, Kylo will look back upon his short marriage as the best time of his life.  No one will know that, of course.  For the rest of the First Order just assumes that the pregnant Lady Ren was a suicide.  But rumors persist for years that she and her child were murdered by her husband in a fit of rage. 

Somewhere out there a child has been born to him.  Guilt over his son gnaws at Kylo.  For yet again, another Skywalker prince has been orphaned by circumstance and ambition.   His uncle will surely recoil from his boy.  But hopefully, his grandmother will love him.  Kylo had named his son Ben Solo in hopes that his mother might be moved to love him.  That she might find in her grandson a second chance to raise her son.

And one day, curious about his birthright, that boy will come looking for him.  Maybe he will even come to kill him.  His son will need to be taught the ways of the Force.   Ben Solo will need a teacher _._   Like his mother and his father before him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Revised father-son reunion epilogue to come, as well as updated story notes


	27. Epilogue

His Master had foreseen this meeting before the boy had even been born. And so Kylo Ren has long known that one day it would come to pass.   But for the past month, he has looked forward to this moment with a mix of deep dread and breathless anticipation. The long wait is finally over.  His son is here. Now.

At Kylo’s side, Nestor Ren speaks up with a familiarity that only he can use.  “I’ll be outside.  You should be alone for this.  But I will stay if you think you might need me to intervene.”  His old friend gives Kylo a warning look.  “He’s a teenager.  That means he’s stupid.  Don’t kill him just because he pisses you off, Kylo.  Kids do that.  A lot.”

The Emperor nods at this blunt advice but doesn’t look at his old friend.  Kylo can’t tear his eyes away from the approaching stormtrooper squad and their young captive.  The Emperor beckons them forward into his presence.  A pair of troopers shove the boy down hard on his knees.   Then the squad leader approaches to display the prisoner's weapons.   Kylo waves away the lethal looking snub blaster.  But he feels his heart skip a beat as he reaches to accept the lightsaber of his long dead wife.   

As his fingers curl around it, a wave of memories threatens to rise to his consciousness. With an expertise born of long practice, Kylo pushes them away and buries them deep. He will remain focused on the present for this interview.  Maybe the future. But not the past.

"Leave us," Kylo tells Nestor.  Then he dismisses the guards.   Kylo wants no witnesses to this interview.   Its outcome is too uncertain and too important.  And the conversation is likely to get very raw.

When they are alone, Kylo turns his attention back to the boy who kneels slumped at his feet. The boy's Force imprint blazes outward unchecked, showering Kylo with a jumbled multitude of hopes and fears.  Even untrained, this boy is strong, oh so strong in the Force.  Like Rey had been.  Kylo concentrates a moment to feel his young, raw power.  Yes, this boy could be very powerful.  How his Master will relish this boy’s power. 

Very slowly, Kylo begins to circle the boy, seeing the flowing black hair that matches his own now touched with silver at the temples.   Kylo's heavy booted footsteps are the only sound in the room. The boy holds perfectly still. He is holding his breath.

With a wave of Kylo’s hand, the binders that encircle the boy's wrists clatter to the ground. The boy looks up for the first time and holds his gaze. It is like looking in a mirror back thirty years.  Kylo stands transfixed for a moment. Then he approaches, reaches a hand down and hauls the boy to his feet.

"Welcome home."  

There is no response.  The boy just eyes him warily.

Kylo measures himself against his son standing upright, noting that he himself still has several inches advantage. But at fifteen, his boy has several more years to grow.  There is a hint of stubble on the boy's cheeks but his face still has the open eagerness of youth.  And while his shoulders tug at his rumpled and dirty school uniform, they look far too broad for his skinny frame. This boy has a long way to go before he will look like a man.

"Do you know who I am?" The boy's voice has an edge to it, and Kylo dampens a smile at this teenaged bravado.   Normally, no one dares to address the Emperor in that tone. 

But Kylo ignores it.  "Yes, I know who you are," he replies easily.  Kylo can’t help but smirk now as he drawls, “This is the point when I tell you ‘I am your father.’”

“You’re not my father!” the boy snaps.  “You are nothing to me.”

Kylo ignores this too.  He inspects the boy closely for a moment. Seeing the pale, angular face. The long, straight nose and full lips.  “You look just like me,” he says softly.  And somehow that’s disappointing.  For Kylo sees nothing of Rey in his son.  But something is off.   Kylo considers a moment, then he steps closer. "Show me your eyes.  Show me what you are hiding."

The boy looks down and blinks several times. Then he looks up to lock eyes with Kylo.  Yellow Sith eyes stare back into yellow Sith eyes.  This, then, is how his son resembles his mother.  Kylo feels a frisson of pride at this reveal and he stands there a moment entranced by the hate and the nascent power glaring back at him.  Behold all that Darkness, Kylo thinks.  As he had hoped, his boy had been born to be Sith.

"I thought so," Kylo nods in satisfaction. "Do not disguise your eyes.  Do not deny who you are.  It only leads to suffering."

Then he steps back.  He is still holding her lightsaber. How familiar it looks to him even after all these years. Kylo mostly remembers it bouncing at her hip as she walked or laying on the table beside their bed.  Always, the saber was with her.  He had insisted on this for her safety.

Kylo ignites the sword and the boy flinches at the sound.   Seeing this jittery unease, Kylo walks apart a bit, testing the saber in his hand with a few wide swings. It casts an eerie blue glow and it hums with its movement.   There is nothing quite like the sound of a lightsaber. 

"It is a beautiful blade," Kylo remarks offhand. He feels the boy's eyes following him closely. "Perfectly balanced, with just the right heft.  It has a flawless crystal.  See how cleanly it focuses the energy for the blade." Kylo swings a few infinity spins, noting that the boy is impressed.  Then he deactivates the sword and hands it back. "If I were Darth Vader, I would have cut your hand off just now,” he informs the boy dryly.  “That is how my grandfather greeted his prodigal son.” Kylo glances sideways at his son.  “Do you know how to use that sword?" he asks.

"Not well," the boy mutters sullenly.

Of course, not. There has been no one to teach him. "You will learn."

Kylo climbs the steps back to the dais and sits down. "What did the Resistance tell you of me?" he probes. Kylo is curious to know this, to know how much the Resistance has poisoned his long lost son to him.

The boy hesitates, as if uncertain how truthful to be.   After a moment, he speaks. "My grandmother told me that you are a Sith lord. That you are on the Dark Side. That years ago you murdered Skywalker's young Jedi students and then murdered my grandfather too." The boy pauses a moment before asking, "Is that true?"  The mix of confused hope and uncertainty in his voice is sobering.  This child does not know the truth from lies, like his father before him at this same age.

Kylo merely nods.  "Yes.  Anything else?"

"No.  But I read the holonet."

"Have you met the Jedi Skywalker?" Kylo is especially curious about this answer. Old Uncle Luke is still alive out there somewhere, every so often sending out random ripples through the Force to evidence his continued existence. Luke Skywalker had ceased to be relevant decades ago. But still, the Last Jedi hangs on in obscure exile.

"Twice. My grandmother brought me to him when I was little.   And then I found him again last year.  He refuses to teach me. He says that he will not train another Sith."

Kylo nods, for this sounds just like his uncle talking.  Of course, Luke Skywalker would want nothing to do with the son of Kylo Ren.  "Do you know what it means to be a Sith?" Kylo probes further.

"Not really," the boy admits. He looks away, adding, "No one ever talks about it. No one ever talks about you."

"The Dark Side is strong in our family.  I have it, my grandfather had it, his father has it, and even my uncle has it.  You have that power too.  In time and with training, you will learn to use it." Kylo flashes an encouraging smile.   "Now, tell me who raised you after your grandmother died?"

"Died?"  The boy raises an eyebrow and shoots him a challenging look.  It is a simple expression, but it is unsettling in its familiarity. How alike we are, Kylo realizes.  His boy scowls at him.  "Do you mean after the First Order assassinated General Organa, your own mother?"

Kylo considers this response and the anger and the hurt that it reveals. So, his mother had loved her grandson in spite of it all. That is as Kylo had hoped.  He keeps his voice patient as he replies. "I was trying to end a decades old war. Your grandmother never knew when to give up. Compromise was not in her nature. And your grandmother had plenty of blood on her own hands." Kylo pauses to let this sink in. "Are you going to answer my question?"

"I was raised by my Uncle Finn.  He and his partner took in war orphans.  I was one of them.  One of several."

"You have no uncle. Your mother was an orphan and I am an only child."

"Finn was a friend to the family.  He was a stormtrooper turned Resistance fighter who knew my grandparents and my mother."

"Finn . . .  " A long-forgotten memory flashes up at Kylo. "Do you mean FN-2187?"

"Yes, that was his stormtrooper number. But he defected from the First Order before I was born. He was a hero to the Resistance.  He helped blow up your Starkiller."

Kylo sits back in his chair at this news, smiling slightly as he appreciates the irony. "So, a notorious traitor to the First Order raised my son. I suppose that is poetic justice for FN-2187.  I nearly killed him once.  Well, twice actually.   Apparently, I should have."

The boy's yellow eyes flash up to connect with his. It is another challenging look, full of seething belligerence. "Uncle Finn would have killed you had you met again. He would have killed you for what you did to my grandparents and my mother."

Here, then, is the source of his son's poison: Uncle Finn. "Was this Uncle Finn good to you?" Kylo wants to know.

The boy looks away and his cheeks color. This is something new and unexpected.  Kylo recognizes shame.  The boy's mind is completely unguarded, and even without penetrating his consciousness, Kylo catches a fleeting memory of a heated argument that had ended badly.

"Well?"

"Better than I deserved," the boy mutters, unwilling to meet his eyes.

"Well then, I'm glad I didn't kill him after all." Again, Kylo catches that same fleeting memory. It is a dark skinned man absolutely enraged at his son and severing ties to him. "Tell me," Kylo leans forward in his chair and stares hard at the boy.   Easily seeing into his thoughts.  "Did Uncle Finn throw you out?"

The boy makes no reply but his cheeks flame and he shifts his stance.

"You have been living on the streets for a month now working up the nerve to come here." The boy glances at him warily. "Yes, I know.   I recognized you in the Force the moment you arrived,” Kylo confirms.  “But what I don't know is why.  Why is my fifteen-year-old son cheating at sabaac in Coruscant's worst slum casinos to survive?  Why are you not at home with the hero Uncle Finn?"

Again, the boy makes no reply.

Ren waives his hand impatiently. "Confess your sins, son. There is nothing you can say that will shock me.  I too have yellow eyes."

The boy nods and takes a deep breath. He begins to sputter out words. "My uncle and his partner Poe took in other orphans.  There are five of us in all.  Three are girls.  The oldest is twelve. She . . . I . . ." His voice falters.

"Yes?"

"I kissed her."  The boy’s face flushes.

"Just a kiss?"

"Yes . . . but Uncle Finn didn't see it that way."

"Why not?"

"Because when she started fighting me, I . . . I broke her arm." The boy's cheeks are flaming bright red now. "I didn't mean to hurt her. Uncle Finn thought I was going to . . . I was never going to . . . "  His voice trails off.

"Yes, you were going to." Kylo speaks his words slowly, without judgment. "And you would have, if you'd thought that you could get away with it. Do not deny it. This girl was raised with you?  She was like a sister to you?"

"Yes."

"And that did not stop you?"

"No. " The boy hangs his head now and Kylo fights the urge to smile at this contrition. His son must still be quite innocent to display such sincere guilt.  But those Sith eyes reveal to Kylo all that his son is capable of. The boy needs his guidance, that is clear. A Sith-eyed confused and angry teenaged Skywalker is not something to be ignored.

"I was once a fifteen-year-old boy. I remember that curiosity.  It is natural.  We will find you better ways to channel that energy and an outlet for your aggression.  We can even find you a girl."   No one has helped the boy deal with his Darkness.  That’s not a surprise, but it is a problem.  His son cannot help his nature, and to fight against it is unwise.  Kylo will make certain that his son does not end up like his wife.

"Ben." The boy's head jerks up at the sound of his given name spoken for the first time.   Kylo’s voice is kind and again without judgement. "Being violent with women is a poor strategy.  It will get you temporary gratification, but it rarely gets you the experience you want.  Or a repeat invitation. It's best to beguile a woman, not to beat her.  Remember that." 

The younger man nods slowly and Kylo returns to his questioning. "So after Uncle Finn threw you out, you had no place to go so you decided to seek me out?  Is that correct?"

The boy nods.  "Uncle Finn said that if I was going to act like you, then I belonged with you."  The look the boy gives Kylo is pure resentment.  Kylo can’t tell if that resentment is directed at himself, at Uncle Finn, or at both of them. "All my life, people have been warning me about you.  So I stowed away on a freighter and made my way here.  To see for myself."

"You were curious." Kylo understands. "When I was your age, the man hanging over my head was your great-grandfather.  Darth Vader was the man whose legacy everyone feared in me.  He was the Sith my family only spoke about out of earshot in hushed tones.  He was the forbidden mystery they wanted me to ignore." Kylo gives his son a long searching look. "Tell me, Ben," he asks plainly. "Am I your Darth Vader?"

Yellow eyes flash back at him. The question has hit a raw nerve.  Kylo can feel all his son's frustration and anger and secret longing pouring out through the Force. "Yes," the boy practically hisses at him.

“Very well, then.”  Again, Kylo understands completely.   "When I was about your age, my Master sent me on a quest to learn about Darth Vader.  To discover all that had been hidden and to understand why they had hid it. It was illuminating. In that year, I learned more about myself and my family than I had thought possible. But it was also frustrating because so little of the truth remained. You, Ben, are more fortunate.  I have been here awaiting you for years.  You may simply ask me what is truth."

"And will you tell me the truth?"  The boy looks skeptical.  Kylo can sense how hungry his boy is for the truth, but how fearful too.  And also, how uncertain and confused he is about what he has been told so far.  It occurs to Kylo that his boy is as curious about him as he is curious about his boy.  That is a good place for them to start.

"Sith never lie. Let that be your first lesson. Sith never lie. We don't have to." Kylo shoots him a sideways glance. "That means I will never lie to you. And that you, Ben, can never lie to me. Do you understand?"

"Yes.”

“I will know if you lie,” Kylo warns him.

 “Is it my turn to ask the questions now?"

Kylo smiles at this cheeky assertiveness. He likes it.  It reminds him of Rey. "Go ahead.  Ask away."  Kylo waves his hand permissively.

"Why did you abandon me?"

There it is, the ultimate question.  Kylo has known that this question would be coming, but his son's blunt demand for an explanation suddenly catches him unprepared.  And to hear the words spoken aloud with such undisguised hurt causes guilt to envelope Kylo.

The naked, raw pain of rejection stares back at him from his half-grown son's eyes. It screams at him through the Force.  It transports Kylo back decades in the past and now Kylo is the fifteen-year-old boy and Skywalker is throwing him out of the Jedi Academy and telling his deeply disappointed parents that he has neither the discipline nor the talent to be a Jedi.  You blew yet another opportunity and now you'll never amount to anything, his father had told him, and Han Solo had meant it.  How it had stung to be judged a failure by a man who was little more than a glorified criminal himself.

Yes, Kylo understands rejection.   Rejection had led him to retaliate by rejecting everything about his family and what they stood for.  It had led him to his Master, to Darth Vader, to the Dark Side, to the First Order, and ultimately to his Second Empire.

But in this case, rejection is more likely to drive his son away. This time voluntarily as payback.   This Kylo judges to be a real risk.  For his boy hates him, sort of.  And his boy wants to hurt him.  Yes, no doubt Ben Solo would gladly walk away from his father just like he himself was once abandoned. 

So Kylo chooses his words carefully. "At the time, I thought it was for the best.  But I have regretted it, Ben. This is not how I envisioned your childhood would be. Your mother and I planned to raise you together as a family. You were to be the prince of the First Order.  We wanted you to be happy and to be loved.  But circumstances occurred and that was not possible."

"And you never thought to come for me?" Another raw question, filled with hurt.

"I lost track of you after your grandmother died--" 

"Was killed."

"--and the war ended.  I had planned to come for you, but you disappeared in the aftermath."  This is true.  When the remnants of the Resistance were driven underground, the intelligence on his son had all but dried up.   At the time, Kylo had been busy setting up his new government.  He had preferred to focus on the promise of the future and not the pain of the past.  So the five year old Ben Solo had not been a priority.  The intermittent reports he has received in the ensuring years have been sketchy at best.  So Kylo has had to trust in the Force to one day send the youngest Skywalker home to his family.

"You didn't look too hard," the boy accuses, his voice cold.  "We lived on a Core planet, I used my real name, and I look exactly like you except for that scar. Your secret police can find random pockets of Resistance in the Outer Rim, but you couldn't find me?  You didn't try!"

"As I said, Ben, I regret my decision."

"So do I," the boy hisses at him. He looks away and repeats to himself, "So do I."

Kylo knows that he needs to reclaim control of the conversation. It is slipping away fast. "Look at me, Ben," he commands. The boy raises a sullen face to look up at him.   Kylo sees reflected there all the unfocused angst and the confused anger of his boyhood self.  It moves him. "I was wrong to give you to your grandmother. I know that now, but I did not know that then.   At the time, I thought that I was making the best decision for your sake.  You were supposed to grow up happier than I did."

The boy says nothing. He stands there glaring at Kylo.  So Kylo gives his next words as much weight as he can through his voice and through the Force.  Willing his boy to at least try to understand. "I am not asking you to forgive me. I am only asking you to accept that I cannot change the past.  Believe me, Ben, if I could change the past, I would."  Kylo looks away.  Suddenly, he’s blinking fast as he feels his composure begin to slip. He fights it for a moment.  Then masters himself.  "There is so, so much about the past that I would change. But I cannot. In time, you will have to accept that."

The boy does not react. He just stands there stone-faced while his Force imprint rages silently around them both.

After a long moment, Kylo asks, "Is there anything else that you want to know?"

"I want to know about my mother."

Kylo shifts uncomfortably in his chair. This is not a topic he wishes to discuss.  "Perhaps another time." His son is far too angry now to listen to him explain Rey.  Or to try to explain Rey.  And doing so will only make matters worse.

But his son will not be put off. His words lash out, pouring forth in a crescendo of accusation. "Uncle Finn told me that you seduced her because she was a Jedi.  That you used her for her body and for her power and corrupted her with evil.  When you grew tired of her, you discarded her.  You dumped her back at the Resistance pregnant, alone and suicidal." Ben stops to take a breath. "Is that true?" he demands.

"Not entirely."  Kylo does not elaborate. "Let us not speak of your mother now. That is a topic for another day. We will discuss it when we are more at ease with one another." His boy is not ready to hear about Rey.   And Kylo knows that he is not ready yet to confess to his son.  Now is not the time for this conversation. 

But the boy presses on undeterred. His voice is urgent now. "I dream of her! At least I think it's her. She's standing before a cracked mirror wearing a red dress and she tells me to never trust a Sith. That's all she says: 'Never trust a Sith.'  And then one of your stormtroopers bursts in the room to shoot at her."

“You see her in the Force?”  Kylo blinks in surprise.  For never once in fifteen long years has Kylo ever succeeded in communing with Rey through the Force.  He feels a rush of jealousy for this.  And he doesn’t want to know more.  Instinctively, Kylo knows he won’t want to hear more.  "I do not wish to speak of your mother," he rasps, trying again to shut down this conversation.

But his son boldly steps forward, almost to the foot of the dais.  And his right hand comes up to punctuate his words. It is still holding her lightsaber.   Kylo can’t take his eyes off her lightsaber.  "In the dream, she's warning me! She's warning me about you. That's why I waited a month to come here. I had the courage the first day to come and face you! But the dreams kept coming. Night and day I saw her. Warning me away from you. Until today, when I decided that I would come and see for myself who you are and why everyone I have ever known hates you. Including my dead mother!"

“She hates me?” Kylo whispers aloud, cringing.  Yes, of course, she does.  These were her last words spoken to him.  The image of yellow-eyed Rey bleeding and hopeless as she gave voice to her Darkness is forever burned in his brain. 

“Yes,” his son confirms with a note of triumph.   “She hates you.  She doesn’t say it, but I can sense it.”

The words hang in the air for a moment before Kylo abruptly stands to push past his son and stalk down into the room. He keeps his back to Ben as he fights to master his emotions, his shoulders heaving with the effort. Control has always been his weakness. And even after fifteen long years, no topic tests his control like bitter memories of Rey and fantasies of what might have been.   Kylo winces as he feels the sudden crack of Force lightning flare out from his fingertips to streak both directions in the air across the room. This is the raw elemental power of the Dark Side that intense emotion provokes from Kylo Ren. All his own pain is now focused through the Force and searching for a victim.  As always, his hurt makes him yearn to hurt another. But he does not want to hurt Ben.  Today has revealed that Kylo had hurt his son enough for a lifetime already.  But he has to vent all this long buried emotion.   And so he casts lighting for his release.

From behind, he hears his son's voice. It is calm and composed now. And it rings true. "Your Force tricks don't impress me. I'm not afraid of you, Kylo Ren."

"I know," he replies without turning. He lowers his hands back down. "You mother never feared me either. Instead, she trusted me. That was her mistake, Ben. And that is why she warns you now through the Force. She fears that I will betray you the way I once betrayed her." Kylo turns slowly to regard the son who is an angry stranger to him. "I loved your mother. She was everything to me." The words are both a declaration and an apology of sorts.

Ben looks skeptical, as if fearing he is being manipulated. "I didn't think a Sith could love."

"I could back then.  I loved her deeply. I was young and not yet a full Sith. I was still learning my place in the galaxy. And she—she . . . ." His voice trails off and Kylo looks away.  Speaking of Rey aloud is somehow much more difficult than thinking about her. He can feel the tingling in his hands as small flashes of blue fire streak outwards, betraying his emotional distress barely kept in check.  Kylo takes a deep breath before he continues. "When she died, your mother took with her all of the Light that was left in me.  And . . . I also lost you." He blinks a few times and then he locks eyes with his now bewildered looking son. "Do not ask me to love you, Ben Solo. I don't think I can. But I can teach you. You need a teacher."

His son takes a step backwards.  He shakes his head no.  His voice is cold.  "I hate you.  I don't want anything from you!”

Kylo knows enough now to expect this response. The son will reject the father who had rejected him. It is a natural defense, and it was familiar one to Kylo.   “You need a teacher, Ben.  Much more than you know.  Darkness is dangerous.  It consumed your mother.  I don’t want it to do the same for you.”

“I don’t want anything to do with you!  I only came today to see for myself who you are. I'm leaving now."

But Kylo insists.  "Stay, Ben. We're not done yet."

"I'm not staying.  I don't want anything from you!" His son is defiant as only a reckless teenager can be.  But he makes no move for the door.

"Why not?” Kylo demands an explanation.  “Don't you feel I owe you something?  I am your father."

"I don’t want a father!  I don't want anything from you," the boy repeats.  But still, he makes no move for the door.

The boy’s words are spoken firmly, but Kylo knows that they are a lie. They both know the words are a lie. Underneath all his son's anger is a longing to know his father. It feeds the curiosity that had led Ben to him today, against his better judgement and against Rey's haunting visions.  The moment his son had snuck onto the palace grounds with his rudimentary Jedi mind-trick, the decision had been made.  Ben will stay.  Kylo just needs to say the right words to make it happen.

“I can help you.  You need help, Ben.”

“I’m fine,” the boy mutters.  “I’ll be fine.”

“I want to help you—“

“No, you want to use me!  My grandmother warned me.  So did Luke Skywalker.  They said you would try to use me—“

“I only want to know you,” Kylo says quietly.  “The rest is negotiable.”

Slowly, he begins to circle the boy who stands rooted on the spot and trapped in indecision. "You are homeless with nowhere to go. Why not stay with me?" The boy starts to object, but Kylo raises a hand to silence him. "The galaxy is your birthright," he intones, still pacing. "If you want to rule, then stay with me." The boy's eyes are following him closely now.  Kylo has his full attention. "I can teach you the ways of the Force. I will guide you to your full power. If you stay with me." The boy's mind is racing with possibilities at these words. Kylo starts warming to his theme. "I can help you understand Darkness. Teach you how to embrace it, how to control it, how to use it. If you stay with me." Kylo has come full circle by now and he stops to stand directly before his son. "I can give you everything you could ever want. But you must stay with me."

"You cannot love me," the boy blurts out. Then he colors with embarrassment at this raw admission.

"No, I cannot love you," Kylo admits with equal candor. "But I can provide some very satisfactory substitutes to love."

"And I could never trust you," the boy again speaks his thoughts aloud. "You said that was my mother's mistake—to trust you."

"Yes," Kylo acknowledges. "If you can accept that I will not love you, then I can accept that you will not trust me." He thinks for a moment how to characterize this in a way his son will understand. "If you wish, Ben, we can live as allies and not as father and son." This could be the ideal situation, Kylo realizes, for he doubts he knows how to be a father anyway. Not at this late date. "Stay with me," he urges. "I want you to stay with me. On your own terms. If you cannot be my son, then be my ally." And in time, Kylo plots, his boy will be his apprentice.   He and his Master will see to that. 

Kylo can sense through the Force the boy's temptation. This, then, is how he will persuade. His orphaned boy needs desperately to feel wanted by the father who had rejected him. Ben needs to be valued. He needs to be loved.  Just like Rey had.  At his core, this boy who looks like his clone is, in fact, all his mother. That realization comforts Kylo.  Maybe he can love his son after all.

"Will you stay?" Kylo raises his eyebrows expectantly.

The boy remains silent, eyeing him.

"Please, Ben. I want you to stay.  I want you to be my son."

And that is what his boy needs to hear.   His son shrugs with outward nonchalance, although the Force betrays all of his nervous excitement. "For now. I guess." The boy cannot bring himself to refuse, and his pride will not let him not fully accept.   But it is sufficient. Darkness is a choice and it should not be rushed.  Kylo has learned that lesson the hard way.

"Good." Kylo smiles. It is a genuine smile. His relief shows. "Tomorrow I will take you to meet my Master."

"Your Master? I thought Snoke was dead."

"Supreme Leader Snoke is dead," Kylo confirms. "But he still lives on. You can't kill old Darth Plagueis. Several fools have tried. He will outlive us both, Ben. Come," he motions the boy towards the exit. When they are almost to the door, Kylo pauses as a thought occurs to him.

"When your mother appears to you, what color are her eyes?" he asks suddenly.

"I don't know. Brown maybe. Or green? Something like that." The question clearly strikes Ben as odd. "I never really focused on it."

"Brown or green?" Kylo smiles. Again his relief shows. "Good. I'm glad."


	28. Story Notes

 

Thank you for reading! 

Originally, I conceived of this story as a gothic romance inspired by Wuthering Heights, with Kylo and Rey as the Heathcliff and Cathy of a galaxy far, far away.  I wanted to write a story of obsessive, destructive love.   Love is really the entire focus of this fic: how much we need it, what happens to us if we lack it, what we will do for it, what it feels like when we lose it, how it changes us to lose it.  I wanted to tell a love story that was cohesive and believable, with true emotional resonance.   At the end of the story, I want my readers to feel a sense of loss along with Kylo Ren.  I also hope that readers find some solace in the Epilogue when father and son do end up together at long last.

I had lots of reasons for rewriting this fic a year after its original publication.  The most important reason was that I never felt like this fic achieved the characters or the story arc I set out to write.

First, on the characters.  My original version of Rey was just too passive and accepting.  Ultimately, she seemed a bit out of character.  I had this idea that she was so needy for attention that she would accept bad treatment from Kylo in exchange for it.  That idea—that Rey could be a strong and capable survivor but also have horribly low self-esteem morphed into the Rey of _Fulcrum_.  But it didn’t really work here.  This time around, Rey is more her usual self and she’s making more of her own choices in her relationship with Kylo.

Kylo is different in the rewrite too.  I wanted him to be a bit crazier, more of a Jekyl-and-Hyde dichotomy of good and bad.  He really is a man ‘torn apart’ as he says in _Force Awakens_.  There is good in him, but slowly over time we know the bad will overtake it.  So when we seem him in the Epilogue, he is indeed a very Dark Sith.  But, I like to think, not all Dark.  For I do envision that Kylo will come to love his son like he came to love Rey.

The concepts of Dark and Light in this fic are different than in my other stories.  Ultimately, I decided that the Dark Side is not some disease you catch from Snoke with all its quasi original sin overtones for poor Ben Solo.  But it is necessary for the plot of this fic.  A lot of what motivated the depiction of Darkness here was my desire to explain why Kylo has his tantrums and rages.  It’s funny in the movie when Kylo Ren destroys things with his lightsaber. But in my story there is a reason for those acts besides pure childishness.  I had this idea that when you are consumed in Darkness, you lose a lot of awareness of anything other than yourself and your feelings.  All your inhibitions fall away because in the end the Dark Side is selfish.  That’s why Kylo goes berserk now and then.  It also helps to explain how Anakin in Ep.3 might end up choking his beloved Padme.  Anakin, like Kylo, gets lost in his dark rage and does something tragic that deeply hurts the woman he loves the most.  Kylo, like his grandfather, acts similarly and when he is in the throes of a Dark rage, he also hurts Rey.  Both men are truly remorseful in the aftermath, I think. 

This fic is a tragedy not just because of Rey's death but because Kylo's misplaced reverence for Dark Side causes it.  He gets everything he wants in the end:  Rey as his Sith wife full of Darkness.  But it's a disaster because it kills her.   He loses everything while thinking he's getting what he wants.  Kylo has some naiveté in this fic, like Anakin in Ep. 3—both men ultimately are manipulated by the Sith.   But for the most part, Kylo is really quite good intentioned where Rey is concerned.  Far more so than Snoke in this tale, who from the beginning I think sees Rey as a way to get a new Skywalker and to mature his Apprentice into Darkness.   The tragedy is threefold:  Kylo who destroys what he loves and ends up alone, Rey who is betrayed into Darkness, and their abandoned son who is ultimately adrift and isolated by the Dark gift he does not know how to handle.   

Kylo’s tale is the same tragic story arc as Anakin in Ep. 3 who thinks he will save his wife by embracing the Dark Side.  But in the end, he loses his Padme and loses most everything else.  One of the reasons I wanted to revisit this story was to make this theme more apparent.  I think everyone understood that Rey played the Padme role in this fic (that is hammered home again and again when Kylo calls Rey his Padme).  But I don't think that the parallels between Kylo and Anakin were as apparent.  The pain of Rey’s memory will haunt Kylo all his days.  Like Padme for Vader, Rey is the one true regret of Kylo’s life choices.  This theme makes _You Need a Teacher_ the closest I come to writing a morality tale.

The story was always intended to end with Rey’s death and I had no intention of changing the basic plot in this rewrite.  I did want to amp up the fluff of the love story but also amp up the horror of it.  There is a real Rosemary’s Baby element to this story.  In the end, Rey is very much preyed upon by Kylo.  He wouldn’t see it that way, of course, but it’s true.  Kylo loves Rey and in doing so he kills her. 

I have written quite a few Sith stories in the past year and they are all dark tales to varying degrees.  A lot of readers saw _Fulcrum/Fulcrum Part Two_ as the darkest of the bunch (it’s certainly the most brutal version of Kylo), but it has always been my private view that _You Need a Teacher_ is by far the most bleak story.  Here are two people with incredible power and damaged, neglected hearts trying to connect across a war.  Of course, it’s going to end badly.  And the victims include not only themselves, but the son neither of them gets to raise.    Their son finds his father in the Epilogue and I hope that’s a bittersweet and ambiguous moment.  You want father and son to find one another because Kylo is probably in the best position of anyone to help poor Ben.  But you know that the cycle of Skywalker drama has begun all over again.  And that’s something Kylo never wanted but can’t seem to be able to prevent.   This concept of the Skywalker mess as a cycle is a prominent theme in my Reylo story _Immune to the Light,_ and it was very much on my mind during this rewrite. 

When I begin to craft a story, I start with a basic set-up in mind and I envision a turning point of conflict.  And then I work backwards and forwards from that plot point.  Here, the turning point is the showdown between Kylo-Rey-Luke and Leia.  I loved the idea of our would-be lovers getting found out and then Luke Skywalker being shamed by Kylo into letting Rey go.

I also love a good Skywalker family brawl. There is at least one (sometimes several!) in every one of my stories. The outcomes and the participants change but the drama is all the same. I think my favorite Skywalker fight is in _Fulcrum Part Two_ when Kylo loses it watching Snoke resurrect his dead wife Shan. And, well, the consequences of that blow-up are ugly. But by far the most intense Skywalker brawl is Kylo versus Leia towards the end of _Fulcrum_. I wrote that chapter from Kylo's perspective initially but then decided to only show it in memories/flashbacks because it was just too vicious and harsh to see it unfold real-time. It was too dark, even for Fulcrum.  But still, _Fulcrum Chapter 31_ is my favorite writing of that story; I adoring my anti-heroes achingly vulnerable in the arms of their beloved.  Sadly, that sort of scene never fit into this story’s plot.

I also love it when hero Kylo gets to make a dashing entrance to save our girl.   The showdown between Kylo-Rey-Luke and Leia in this fic became the origin of the Kylo-Luke showdown towards the end of _Fulcrum_ with Kylo leaping down from his shuttle to freeze an entire battlefield worth of blaster bolts around Rey.  I feel as though we see a lot of pissed off, bumbling Kylo in _Force Awakens_. So I like to write a commanding badass Kylo now and then who swoops in to save the day. I mean, wouldn't you go running headlong into this guy's arms at the end?  Don’t get me wrong—I’m all for strong women who can save themselves.  But every once and awhile, you have to let the hero be the hero. 

The revised version of this story has references here and there to Snoke’s Jedi wife.  For those who are interested, the tale of the unsuspecting Old Republic era Jedi girl meeting Darth Plagueis at a picnic is told in _Fifth Wife_.  Snoke is a remote figure in this tale--he's not the ladykiller smug wine-loving Sith of my other tales.  In this story, he’s more of a plot device than a character.

 This fic has a lot less of the extemporizing on politics and other stuff that shows up in my other fics.  It's a straightforward love story.  This was intentional—I wanted to focus on the characters’ motivations and choices primarily and less on the context of their relationship.  The war is a distant backdrop for this story, unlike my other fics (esp. _Fulcrum_ ) where the war itself is a bit of a protagonist. 

Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa both appear in this story mostly to move the plot forward. I am a long-time Princess Leia fan, and I view her as the moral center to the Star Wars universe.   My Kylo Ren is disappointed by his mother, but doesn’t hate her the way he hated his father Han Solo. In the end, he turns to his mother for help because don’t we all want our mother to make it alright?

The Luke Skywalker of _Force Awakens_ is very much an enigma to me, but I tried to give his character a sense of loss and anger from what has transpired. At least in ROTJ, Luke shows some dark tendencies so I extrapolated that to suggest that he too has struggled with darkness at times.  I think that makes him a more interesting character too.

Thanks again for reading.  I hope you enjoyed this and it was worth the investment of your time. 


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